"I would have a word with you, Tempus," Zalbar announced, swallowing his anger.
"It's your prerogative," the other replied without looking up.
Razkuli shifted his feet, but a look from his friend stilled him.
"l have had a complaint entered against you," Zalbar continued. "A complaint which has been confirmed by numerous witnesses. I felt it only fair to hear your side of the story before I went to Kadakithis with it."
At the mention of the prince's name, Tempus raised his head and ceased his filing. "And the nature of the complaint?" he asked darkly.
"It is said you're committing wanton murder during your off-duty hours."
"Oh, that. It's not wanton. I only hunt hawk-masks."
Zalbar had been prepared for many possible responses to his accusations: angry denial, a mad dash for freedom, a demand for proof or witnesses. This easy admission, however, caught him totally off-balance. "You . . . you admit your guilt?" he managed at last, surprise robbing him of his composure.
"Certainly. I'm only surprised anyone has bothered to complain. No one should miss the killers I've taken . . . least of all you."
"Well, it's true I hold no love for Jubal, or his sell-swords," Zalbar admitted, "but, there are still due processes of law to be followed. If you want to see them brought to justice you should have . . ."
"Justice?" Tempus laughed. "Justice has nothing to do with it."
"Then why hunt them?"
"For practice," Tempus informed them, studying his serrated sword once more. "An unexercised sword grows slow. I like to keep a hand in whenever possible and supposedly the sell-swords Jubal hires are the best in town—though, to tell the truth, if the ones I've faced are any example, he's being cheated."
"That's all?" Razkuli burst out, unable to contain himself any longer. "That's all the reason you need to disgrace your uniform?"
Zalbar held up a warning hand, but Tempus only, laughed at the two of them.
"That's right, Zalbar, better keep a leash on your dog there. If you can't stop his yapping, I'll do it for you."
For a moment Zalbar thought he might have to restrain his friend, but Razkuli had passed explosive rage. The swarthy Hell Hound glared at Tempus with a deep, glowering hatred which Zalbar knew could not be dimmed now, with reason or threats. Grappling with his own anger, Zalbar turned, at last, to Tempus.
"Will you be as arrogant when the prince asks you to explain your actions?" he demanded.
"I won't have to." Tempus grinned again. "Kittycat will never call me to task for anything. You got your way on the Street of Red Lanterns, but that was before the prince fully comprehended my position here. He'd even reverse that decision if he hadn't taken a public stance on it."
Zalbar was frozen by anger and frustration as he realized the truth of Tempus' words. "And just what is your position here?"
"If you have to ask," Tempus laughed, "I can't explain. But you must realize that you can't count on the prince to support your charges. Save yourselves a lot of grief by accepting me as someone outside the law's jurisdiction." He rose, sheathed his sword and started to leave, but Zalbar blocked his path.
"You may be right. You may indeed be above the law, but if there is a god—any god—watching, over us now, the time is not far off when your sword will miss and we'll be rid of you. Justice is a natural process. It can't be swayed for long by a prince's whims."
"Don't call upon the gods unless you're ready to accept their interference." Tempus grimaced. "You'd do well to heed that warning from one who knows."
Before Zalbar could react, Razkuli was lunging forward, his slim wrist-dagger darting for Tempus' throat. It was too late for the Hell Hound captain to intervene either physically or verbally, but then Tempus did not seem to require outside help.
Moving with lazy ease, Tempus slapped his left hand over the speeding point, his palm taking the full impact of Razkuli's vengeance. The blade emerged from the back of his hand and blood spurted freely for a moment, but Tempus seemed not to notice. A quick wrench with the already wounded hand and the knife was twisted from Razkuli's grip. Then Tempus' right hand closed like a vise on the throat of his dumbfounded attacker, lifting him, turning him, slamming him against a wall and pinning him there with his toes barely touching the floor.
"Tempus!" Zalbar barked, his friend's danger breaking through the momentary paralysis brought on by the sudden explosion of action.
"Don't worry, Captain," Tempus responded in a calm voice. "If you would be so kind?"
He extended his bloody hand toward Zalbar and the tall Hell Hound gingerly withdrew the dagger from the awful wound. As the knife came clear, the clotting ooze of blood erupted into a steady stream. Tempus studied the scarlet cascade with distaste, then thrust his hand against Razkuli's face.
"Lick it, dog," he ordered. "Lick it clean, and be thankful I don't make you lick the floor as well!"
Helpless and fighting for each breath, the pinned man hesitated only a moment before extending his tongue in a feeble effort to comply with the demand. Quickly impatient, Tempus wiped his hand in a bloody smear across Razkuli's face and mouth, then he examined his wound again.
As Zalbar watched, horrified, the seepage from the wound slowed from flow to trickle and finally to a slow ooze—all in the matter of seconds.
Apparently satisfied with the healing process, Tempus turned dark eyes to his captain. "Every dog gets one bite—but the next time your pet crosses me, I'll take him down and neither you nor the prince will be able to stop me."
With that he wrenched Razkuli from the wall and dashed him to the floor at Zalbar's feet. With both Hell Hounds held motionless by his brutality, he strode from the room without a backward glance.
The suddenness and intensity of the exchange had shocked even Zalbar's battlefield reflexes into immobility, but with Tempus' departure, control flooded back into his limbs as if he had been released from a spell. Kneeling beside his friend, he hoisted Razkuli into a sitting position to aid his labored breathing.
"Don't try to talk," he ordered, reaching to wipe the blood smear from Razkuli's face, but the grasping man jerked his head back and forth, refusing both the order and the help.
Gathering his legs under him, the short Hell Hound surged to his feet and retained the upright position, though he had to cling to the wall for support. For several moments, his head sagged weakly as he drew breath in long ragged gasps, then he lifted his gaze to meet Zalbar's.
"I must kill him. I cannot . . . live in the same world and . . . breathe the same air with one who . . . shamed me so . . . and still call myself a man."
For a moment, Razkuli swayed as if speaking had drained him of all energy, then he carefully lowered himself onto a bench, propping his back against the wall.
"I must kill him," he repeated, his voice steadying. "Even if it means fighting you."
"You won't have to fight me, my friend," Zalbar sat beside him, "instead accept me as a partner. Tempus must be stopped, and I fear it will take both of us to do it. Even then we may not be enough."
The swarthy Hell Hound nodded in slow agreement. "Perhaps if we acquired one of those hellish weapons that have been causing so much trouble in the Maze?" he suggested.
"I'd rather bed a viper. From the reports I've heard they cause more havoc for the wielder than for the victim. No, the plan I have in mind is of an entirely different nature."
The bright flowers danced gaily in the breeze as Zalbar finished his lunch. Razkuli was not guarding his back today: that individual was back at the barracks enjoying a much earned rest after their night's labors. Though he shared his friend's fatigue, Zalbar indulged himself with this last pleasure before retiring.
"You sent for me, Hell Hound?"
Zalbar didn't need to turn his head to identify his visitor. He had been watching him from the corner of his eyes throughout his dusty approach.
"Sit down, Jubal," he instructed. "I thought you'd like to hear about my investigations."
"It's about time," the slaver grumbled, sinking to the ground. "It's been a week—I was starting to doubt the seriousness of your pledge. Now, tell me why you couldn't find the killer."
The Hell Hound ignored the sneer in Jubal's voice. "Tempus is the killer, just as you said," he answered casually.
"You've confirmed it? When is he being brought to trial?"
Before Zalbar could answer a terrible scream broke the calm afternoon. The Hell Hound remained unmoved, but Jubal spun toward the sound. "What was that?" he demanded.
"That," Zalbar explained, "is the noise a man makes when Kurd goes looking for knowledge."
"But I thought . . . I swear to you, this is not my doing!"
"Don't worry about it, Jubal." The Hell Hound smiled and waited for the slaver to sit down again. "You were asking about Tempus' trial?"
"That's right," the black man agreed, though visibly shaken.
"He'll never come to trial."
"Because of that?" Jubal pointed to the house. "I can stop. . . ."
"Will you be quiet and listen! The court will never see Tempus because the prince protects him. That's why I hadn't investigated him before your complaint!"
"Royal protection!" the slaver spat. "So he's free to hunt my people still."
"Not exactly." Zalbar indulged in an extravagant yawn.
"But you said. . . ."
"I said I'd deal with him, and in your words ‘it's done.' Tempus won't be reporting for duty today . . . or ever."
Jubal started to ask something, but another scream drowned out his words. Surging to his feet he glared at Kurd's house. "I'm going to find out where that slave came from, and when I do. . . ."
"It came from me, and if you value your people you won't insist on his release."
The slaver turned to gape at the seated Hell Hound. "You mean. . . ."
"Tempus," Zalbar nodded. "Kurd told me of a drug he used to subdue his slaves, so I got some from Stulwig and put it in my comrade's krrf. He almost woke up when we branded him . . . but Kurd was willing to accept my little peace offering with no questions asked. We even cut out his tongue as an extra measure of friendship."
Another scream came—a low animal moan which lingered in the air as the two men listened.
"I couldn't ask for a more fitting revenge," Jubal said at last, extending his hand. "He'll be a long time dying."
"If he dies at all," Zalbar commented, accepting the handshake. "He heals very fast, you know."
With that the two men parted company, mindless of the shrieks that followed them.
The Capture
Robert Lynn Asprin
to COMCON from AE449 subject MISSOBJ priority III
have arrived position System ST883-P4 . . . as expected inhabitants have failed to quarantine regular pick-up area . . . have
detected surface vessel . . . no detectable support or defense in immediate area . . . request permission to proceed with capture . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
proceed with mission as ordered . . . handle with care . . . they are an easily excited species . . . good luck . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject MISSPROG priority III
target vessel in our possession . . . no incident interference . . . SPECNOTE . . . capture performed while vess-occ still awake after delay . . . reported sleep patterns not in evidence . . . no sign of alarm . . . request permission to delay indoctrination until further examination has been completed . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject MISSPROG priority II
vess-occ not following anticipated behavior patterns . . . repeat . . . not normal . . . request permission to alter indoctrination . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
explain . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject REQEXP priority II
prog of indoc . . . Q1 DO ANY OF YOU READ SCIENCE FICTION? . . . Expected answer . . . vague bewilderment . . . Actual Answer . . . snickers and growls . . . Q2 WOULD YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE BEEN CAPTURED BY AN ALIEN VESSEL? . . . Expected . . . disbelief and terror . . . Actual . . . cheers, hugging and kissing . . . indoc cancelled pending further instruction from COMCON . . . repeat . . . abnormal behavior . . . repeat . . . request permission to alter indoctrination procedure . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
permission granted . . . do not return COLLPT until investigation complete . . . repeat . . . hold position until normality is observed or explanation for abnormality has been found . . . advise COMCON of prog . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject INVPROG priority III
vess-occ claim to be normal physically, abnormal mentally . . . MEDREP confirms . . . EXCEP . . . one MALESUBJ . . . claims to be a Gremlin . . . other vess-occ concur . . . no rec on Com Files of RELIG, SOC, NAT, or RACE group known as Gremlins . . . please scan Mstr File and inform . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
GREMLIN file under LEG . . . small, red-faced, mischievous, non-existent beings . . . repeat . . . non-existent . . . so inform MALESUBJ . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject GREMLIN priority III
have informed MALESUBJ . . . claims he does not exist either . . . other vess-occ concur . . . please advise . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
Gremlins do not exist . . . therefore he does not exist . . . ignore him . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject INFOREQ priority II
can Gremlins draw . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
Gremlins do not exist . . . do not use Trans Gear for Unauth Messg . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject PROCREQ priority III
Gremlin is drawing mural on wall of CAPRM . . . requests more Cobalt Blue . . . please advise . . . ET
to AE449 COMCON
what is Gremlin drawing . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject REQUINFO priority III
Gremlins do not exist . . . do not use Trans Gear for Unauth Messg . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
report INVPROG IMMEDIATELY . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject INVPROG prog III
can't you take a joke . . . INVPROG is
PRIORITY I PRIORITY I
SECURITY HAS BEEN BREACHED
MALESUBJ II HAS JUST ENTERED TRANS ROOM
ET
to AE449 from COMCON
report at once . . . what is your condition . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject CONDREP priority II
situation in hand . . . no apparent danger . . . MALESUBJ II claims he was looking for more Scotch . . . was informed adequate supplies of same on hand in CAPRM for adjustment . . . claims supplies were inadequate and have been depleted . . . was informed to req another bottle from the case if his first one was empty . . . claims case is empty . . . repeats claim of inadequate supplies . . . further claims we have lousy security . . . please advise . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
confirm MALESUBJ II's claim of poor security . . . investigate at once . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject SECINV priority II
SecOff claims guards were seduced from post by FEMSUBJS . . . will be disciplined as soon as they are found . . . Gremlin is missing . . . FEMSUBJ I claims this is normal . . . others confirm . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
Gremlins do not exist . . . find him at once . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject CLARF priority II
please repeat . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
cancel last order . . . are any other SUBJS missing . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject SUBJCNT priority II
yes and not . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
clarify . . . repeat . . . clarify . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject SUBJCNT priority II
SUBJS are not in CAPRM . . . they are all over the ship . . . locations are known . . . except gremlin . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
Gremlins do no
t exist . . . how are locations known . . . do you expect unified escape attempt . . . request further info-bkgnd on SUBJS . . . they are displaying abnormal behavior . . . ET
to COMCON from AE449 subject SUBJINFO priority III
do not anticipated unified escape attempt . . . location of SUBJS known because they are driving the crew nuts . . . may encounter morale problem with crew . . . SUBJS are deluging them with questions about ship equip . . . many are laughing openly at the answers . . . claim that we are
very inferior as superior beings go . . . SUBJBKGND . . . it seems that all vess-occ are Science Fiction writers, editors, artists, or fans . . . ET
to AE449 from COMCON
WHY WAS THIS INFORMATION NOT FORWARDED AT ONCE . . . VESS-OCC MAY BE EXTREMELY VALUABLE . . . ARTISANS AND SCHOLARS ARE A RARE CATCH . . . ALL FURTHER COMMUNICATIONS ARE TO BE HELD DIRECTLY WITH CENTCOM . . . ET
to CENTCOM from AE449 subject SUPTRANS priority II
SUBJS exhibit extreme willingness to cooperate . . . supply list follows . . . TWO CASES SCOTCH . . . SIX LBS COFFEE . . . EIGHTEEN CARTONS OF CIGARETTES . . . ONE TIN OF ASPIRIN . . . TWENTY REAMS OF PAPER . . . ANY AND ALL TECH MANUALS OF OUR SPACECRAFT . . . also we would request a tube of Cobalt Blue to use as bait in our attempts to locate Gremlin . . . ET
to AE449 from CENTCOM
Gremlins do not exist . . . therefore no need for Cobalt Blue . . . also reject request for Tech Manuals . . . let's not be stupid about our cooperation . . . all other requests granted . . . order is being assembled . . . ET
to CENTCOM from AE449 subject SUBJCO-OP priority II
MALESUBJ II has offered to re-organize our Military System . . . requests we return HMPLNT to pick up friend of his to assist in project . . . ET
to AE449 from CENTCOM
clarification requested . . . if friends are regular military suspect plot . . . ET
to CENTCOM from AE449 subject CLARIF priority II
have inquired MALESUBJ II as to nature of his friends . . . gives assurance they are as irregular as they come . . . ET
MYTH-Interpretations: The Worlds of Robert Asprin Page 23