“My roommate in college was a party-girl. So, yes. More often than I care to remember,” I dryly noted.
The awkwardness departed the room as Lauren laughed and by the time Jared came back from checking the bedroom and getting his stuff from the bathroom, one couldn’t even tell that a part of me was dying inside.
Lauren sobered when she saw Jared. “You ready to get this show on the road?”
He nodded grimly. “I suppose so.”
“Well then let’s get out of here. April, take the rest of this week off to get some rest. I’ll see you bright and early Monday morning to give you all the details of your new, full-time job.” She winked at the end, obviously pleased that I had handled this task as well as I did.
Or, as well as she thought I did.
My eyes flickered to Jared, but his expression was unreadable. Lauren strutted out of the kitchen while Jared lingered, as unsure of what to say as I was.
“Thanks for letting me stay here. And for giving up your bed for me.”
“No problem,” I said, forcing a smile. “It’s been... interesting, to put it mildly.”
Jared nodded, but his mouth stayed in a fine line. I swallowed hard when I saw his eyes darting all over my face and I was desperate to know what he was looking for.
He offered me a hand and it felt so inappropriately formal that I almost didn’t take it. But I was entirely aware of Lauren’s eyes on my back, so I placed my hand in his and choked back a gasp when I felt his thumb tenderly brush over the back.
“Let me know if you ever want tickets. I can get you great seats,” he said softly, a smile finally cracking through the stoic look.
“Will do.”
Our hands fell apart and he stepped away, not looking back as he made his way to the door. Lauren followed close behind, turning to waggle her fingers at me in a wave before closing the door and leaving me completely alone.
The silence was thicker than ever. The lack of Jared’s presence already felt like something important was missing and for the first time since I moved into my apartment, I felt truly and utterly alone.
Tears began to gather in my eyes and I swiftly locked the front door before rushing to take refuge in the bathroom. I flicked the light switch and turned to grab a tissue, freezing in my tracks when I glanced at the mirror.
While Jared had been getting his razor, he apparently had also used the opportunity to ruin a tube of my lipstick in order to leave me a message.
I miss you already, kitten.
“I miss you, too,” I whispered to my own reflection, letting the tears fall freely as I trailed my fingers over the words.
26
Jared
Five weeks later...
“Moore! Get your head in the game, son!”
I growled in frustration and shoved away the urge to pull out my mouth guard and yell back at coach. Lee was at my side after the sack and reached a hand out, helping me to my feet.
“You good, man?”
I nodded, refusing to take out the guard and answer, in fear of screaming at coach.
Being back in training was a blessing and a curse. A blessing because football was my life and I loved playing, regardless of whether it was an actual game, or just practice with my team.
A curse because I’d been significantly off my game for the past few weeks, in more ways than one. And while I’d been doing everything I could to ignore the reason why and get back into the swing of things, there was no hiding it on the field.
But the only person who had the faintest clue what was going on with me was Lee. Not that I’d given him any details.
I tried to move back into position so we could run through the play again, but Lee gripped both sides of my helmet and stopped me.
He leaned in close and pointedly said, “You can’t be out here thinking about that girl and focus properly. You got to leave that shit off the field, man.”
I spit out the guard and ground out, “I’m fucking trying. Just get back in line and make the catch.”
Lee scoffed and shook his head, but followed my direction. We attempted the play again—but just as my eyes spotted Lee break free and I pulled my arm back to pass—fucking Harrison sacked me from the right. The ball dropped out of my hold and one of the other’s on the mock-defending team picked it up, running it into the end zone with ease.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Moore! Get over here!”
Mega-fuck.
I let out a resigned sigh and pulled my helmet off, jogging over to my coach as he called out for the other guys to team up with the assistant coach for the time being.
When he crooked a finger and led me off the field, I knew his concerns were serious. It’d been a long while since I’d been scolded for anything game-related.
In the locker room, he gestured for me to take a seat on the bench. I raised a brow and declined, leaning back against the lockers instead and waiting for him to say what was on his mind.
“Listen up, son. I thought for sure that after the heat from the cheerleader debacle died down, you’d be right back to your normal self. But maybe I wasn’t thinking enough about your… feelings. You need to talk about anything?”
My face twisted up and I directed my best ‘what-the-fuck’ look at him. When he just shrugged, I slowly said, “No thanks, coach. I’m good.”
He let out a sigh of relief. “Good, because I’m not the one to ask for life advice. Just figured I’d offer.”
“Thanks?”
“But you need to speak to someone,” he added, holding up a finger when I started to protest. “Something’s going on with you. Remember when you said you’d make me proud when you got us to the playoffs? Well if you play during the season like you have during practice—we ain’t getting there.”
Ouch. It was clear he intended the words to hurt and they certainly hit my pride. I nodded, more to myself than to him, and solemnly said, “I’ll get myself back to normal before the season starts, I promise. This is just a glitch.”
“I sure fucking hope so. Now come on,” he said, before giving me a pat on the back and directing me back toward the field. “You owe me some laps.”
Fucking wonderful.
Once practice was over and I had showered off the sweat and changed into normal clothes, I immediately sought out Lee. I wasn’t looking forward to this conversation, but I knew coach was right. I needed to talk this out with someone and Lee was the only person I trusted enough to give me solid advice and not spread it around the team.
“Hey,” I called out, catching him just as he was closing his locker. “You want to grab a drink or something?”
He raised an eyebrow and smirked, like he knew this was coming. “Only if you’re buying.”
“I’ll buy if you drive.”
“Done.”
The walk to Lee’s car was silent, same with the ride to the nearby bar where the members of the team usually hung out. I really wasn’t in the mood to drink—especially not after what had happened in New York—but I figured it would be safer than going back to his place and having Marline jumping in on the conversation.
That sounded about as appealing as a lobotomy.
I nodded at the teammates we passed on our way to a table in the back, then slid into the booth and waited for Lee to take the other side. After he ordered a beer and the waitress walked away, he leaned over the table and clasped his hands together.
“Tell me about the girl.”
Oh, where to even begin.
I opted to begin with an explanation of who she was and how we met, keeping the details of our time together as minimal as possible without avoiding any of the major issues.
When I got to the part about when my emotions came into play and how I naturally decided to fuck my feelings away, Lee outright cackled. I frowned at him from across the table, muttering a dismissive thanks to the waitress who brought our drinks over.
“What’s so fucking funny?” I growled.
Lee ca
lmed himself and took a swig of his beer, still chuckling while shaking his head. “You, man. You seriously thought that having sex with a girl you had feelings for would make them go away?”
My frown turned into an outright scowl. “Well maybe not when you phrase it like that. But it wasn’t—”
“Stop, stop. This is fucking priceless. Jared... I love you, man, but you’re such a dumbass. Have you even tried to call her?”
“I don’t have her number,” I muttered miserably.
The only time her number had popped across my screen was when I was fleeing from her apartment for a bar. I had deleted the call log before turning my phone off and hadn’t remembered to ask for it before I left.
Hell, I hadn’t even gotten a chance to ask.
Fucking Lauren.
“But she works for your publicist. Just ask for the number.”
I hesitated, knowing that he wouldn’t really get the gist of why I couldn’t do that unless I admitted the full story to him.
“See, that’s the thing. If I ask for April’s number, Lauren’s going to think something happened between us.”
“And this is a problem because...?”
“Because Lauren’s fired every employee who’s ever slept with me,” I dryly admitted, still pissed that it had been happening without my knowledge. “She has a no-sleeping-with-the-clients rule that I didn’t know about until April told me.”
Lee’s eyes went wide with surprise. “But she still slept with you?”
“Only because I swore I’d keep it between her and I. Her internship turning into a full-time job was riding on her ability to keep me in check while also not sleeping with me.” I paused for a bit of dramatic effect, raising my glass of water in mock-cheers. “So here’s to Lauren for putting me in this fucked up position. If I go after her—I’ll get her fired and she’ll hate me. If I leave her alone—”
I stopped abruptly, lowering the glass back to the table. I had started off the toast as a joke, but it really wasn’t funny anymore.
“What? What happens if you leave her alone?”
“She gets to keep her job and I get stuck thinking about her every fucking second of my life and wondering how it could’ve turned out if things had been different.”
The silence was thick and Lee sadly shook his head before bringing the beer to his lips and gulping it down.
“You think I’m a pussy?” I asked, wishing he would tell me what he thought about what I’d told him instead of just staring at me with a pensive frown.
“If you start saying shit like that around the locker room—someone’s going to say that. But, me? Nah. I don’t think so,” he said, raising his glass and tipping it my way with a knowing look in his eyes. “I think you’re in love.”
He finished his beer and waved to grab the attention of the waitress while I sat frozen, thinking about what Lee said and the look of understanding in his eyes.
“I think you might be right.”
He looked surprised by my admission, but didn’t comment. When the waitress finally came over, I ordered a bottle of the hard stuff and two glasses.
“I thought you didn’t drink during the season.”
“It’s not the season yet,” I pointed out as I dug into my pocket for my wallet. “And I’ll be damned if I’m going home to my empty bed sober after a revelation like that.”
Lee pulled his lower lip into his mouth and made a noise of discontent right before he said, “Marline’s going to be pissed if I go home drunk. I’m not saying I’m going to let you drink alone, but I need you to answer one question for me first. Make it worth the trouble I’m gonna get in.”
“Fire away.”
“Seriously, Jared. What are you going to do about this?”
I rolled my eyes and looked away. “What can I do? She told me multiple times that her career is the most important thing in her life. I can’t risk fucking that up for her when I don’t even have reason to believe that she feels the same way.”
“Wow,” Lee breathed out in disbelief. “Look at you, all grown up and shit. I knew it’d happen eventually.”
“Shut the fuck up,” I muttered, but I didn’t have the energy to muster up any bite to put behind the words.
“Maybe I could conveniently get her invited to the wedding,” he mused. “I’ll look her up and invite her to a Wolfpack wedding. You said she’s a fan, right?”
His idea was extremely tempting, but I couldn’t take it. I wouldn’t. April hadn’t seemed to be anywhere near as affected by the reminder of me leaving soon as I had been and that was enough for me to feel like she wasn’t invested. The possibility of getting her fired for no reason and causing her to hate me left a foul taste in my mouth.
“I’ll get over her,” I said confidentially, ignoring the voice in the back of my head that disagreed. “I will. Like you said: I just need to keep it off the field and get us to playoffs.”
“Amen. I’ll drink to that.”
Shortly after, we cracked open the bottle and invited over the other teammates at the bar to help us polish it off. By the time Lee dropped me back at my place, I was at that blissful point of drunk where I felt next to nothing, and I plopped down face-first on the mattress and promptly passed out.
27
April
“Where’s my coffee? April?”
Lauren shouted my name and I dropped the files I was trying to organize, rushing down the hall and cursing Mike’s name under my breath. He was the one she assigned to get her coffee most mornings, but he apparently felt himself above that duty and had left me to do it. Again.
“April!”
“I’m pouring it now!” I yelled, hoping my voice was loud enough to carry to her office without sounding as irritated as I felt.
Becoming a full-time of Lauren’s was a sobering experience. I was under the assumption that I had it bad as an intern... but I had been so very wrong.
It was almost like Lauren treated her interns in a way that would reel them in and make them want to stay, only to treat them like shit once they started getting paid.
Okay, so maybe that was an exaggeration. All I knew was that those few days she’d given me off after Jared left to rest were definitely needed, because I hadn’t had a moment to stop and breathe since then.
“Here you go,” I said as I handed the cup across her desk. “And Bruce Myers is still holding for you on line two.”
“Bruce who?”
“The Wolfpack coach. Jared’s coach.”
Her eyes lit up with realization and she said, “I’ll take that. You go ahead and take your lunch break then drop by Morrison’s to pick up my outfit for next week. And I need—Where the hell is Mike? Find Mike.”
Before I could open my mouth to protest, she lifted the phone of the cradle and smoothly said, “This is Lauren.”
A wave of the hand was the only dismissal I needed. I spun on my heel and marched out to complete my first task—finding Mike.
It was easy enough considering I nearly barreled into him on my way to the fridge to grab my lunch. He scoffed and jumped back, giving me an annoyed eye roll as he said, “Watch it!”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Where the fuck have you been? You were the one who was supposed to get Lauren’s coffee this morning.”
“Calm down. I was taking a call.”
“While you’re on the clock?” I hissed, angered beyond belief that he acted so cavalier about letting me pick up his slack.
Mike chuckled. “Yeah. And? Jesus, you need to get fucking laid or something. Get someone to pull that stick out of your ass.”
I silently seethed at his back as he bent down to pull a bottle of water from the fridge, imagining how funny it’d be if I slammed the door closed on him. When he stood up and looked back, he grinned at the sight of my scowl.
“Ohhh, I know that look. That time of the month, huh? Well you just take it easy, sweetheart,” he said with a condescending tone as he patted my shoulder. “I’ll go see Lauren now. Just
chill out and grab a Midol.”
Must... not... kill... coworker.
The thought of Mike’s untimely death was cut short when he abruptly departed, leaving me alone in the break room. I mumbled to myself about his rudeness while I gathered my purse and headed for the elevator, coming to a sudden stop when something popped into my head.
I pressed the button to call the elevator while I dug my phone out of my back pocket and scrolled through the calendar with a frown.
In all the excitement of my job becoming full-time, combined with how ridiculously stressing it was... I somehow had forgotten the date. It’d been five weeks since Jared left and returned to his old life.
With a growing sense of dread, the date entered in my phone confirmed that it’d been nearly seven weeks since my last period.
No, no, no, no, no.
Appetite lost, I rushed down to get Lauren’s outfit before heading to the nearest drugstore and pulling four different brands of pregnancy tests off the shelf. The clerk gave me a weird look but having never been in this position before, I needed the extra certainty.
While I rushed back to the office to use my lunch break in the bathroom peeing on sticks, all I could think was: Please be negative, please be negative, please be negative.
Nearly a gallon of water and four sticks later, any hope I had of a false positive died along with my desire to eat. I was sitting in the stall with my head buried in my hands, staring down at the sticks on the floor. All four confirmed the same damn thing.
Pregnant. I’m pregnant with Jared Moore’s baby.
How the hell had this happened? I was on the pill and while I could admit that I didn’t always take it at the same time every day like I was supposed to, Jared had also used a condom every time we were together. I thought hard about each time we had had sex, trying not to dwell on the feelings that the memories drug up.
One in particular snagged my attention—the time he’d fucked me on the sink before carrying me into the shower. There wasn’t anything particularly odd about that time, but I could still remember the frown on his face as he wrestled off the condom. Like something was... off.
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