“I want my pills,” she mumbled.
Yep. She’d decided she came up lacking and wanted to ease the turbulent emotions pinging through her mind. Having seen how dependent other musicians came to the false calm of these types of pills, there was no way I was letting Mila have one now. “Not a good idea.”
“I didn’t ask you if you thought I should have one. I said I wanted the bottle. I need one.”
“You’re recovering from an addiction,” I said. We’d gone post-coital bliss into a full-blown argument in less than five minutes. If I didn’t feel so alive, I’d be angry at how quickly I’d messed up.
“That’s your opinion,” Mila gritted.
Anxiety drove her now, told her to pull away from me. Not happening. I rolled over, caging her in my arms. I pressed a kiss to her shoulder, the one with the scars. She tried to push me away, her cheeks flushing enough for me to know she was sensitive about the area. I kissed her again, working my way down to her breast. She hissed a breath. I lapped the space between those beautiful globes.
She clutched me tighter, her body heating as I laved her nipple. I moved to the other side. She made those sweet sounds in the back of her throat. I rested my body between her legs and molded my hands to her hips, thumbs brushing over the sensitive skin on her ribs.
I kissed a path down to her navel, delving my tongue into the small indentation there before tugging at her piercing. She moaned, her head falling back to expose the length of her smooth throat. I levered up, pressing kisses to her jawline, to her throat, running my lips over her collarbone. I savored the valley between her breasts again before heading lower.
Mila vibrated under me, her body so primed for my loving she couldn’t remain still. Her nails scored my shoulders and she palmed my back. Her hips tilted up to meet mine, restless, needy.
I planned to give her everything she needed. I drifted down to kiss her hip bones, the tops of her thighs, her pretty knees. I trailed my lips up the inside of her soft, smooth legs. She gasped as I hit an erogenous zone.
I pressed a kiss to her lower lips and she stiffened, then immediately melted against me. Her legs splayed open as I continued to kiss her, pressing in deeper to taste more of her.
God, she tasted sweet. I wanted to do this all night.
Sleeping with Mila meant waking with her. Which meant hot morning sex, something I hadn’t partaken of in way too long. Much positive to be said for hot morning sex with Mila.
Now we were in the shower, soaping each other’s bodies, lingering on our favorite places, peaking together.
I cupped her breast, loving how it filled my hand, as I slid from her body.
Bloody damn hell. No condom.
“Are you on the pill?” I asked.
Mila froze and shook her head. “No.” I watched her teeth come out to sink into her lip. She leaned back and rinsed the conditioner from her hair. When she met my gaze again, hers darkened. “It’s okay. The likelihood of me getting pregnant again is very low.”
I pulled her close to me, needing to share in this moment. I ached for her. For us.
“Can you tell me why?”
“The way I miscarried. The doctor performed a D-and-C afterward, to clean out all the leftover tissue from the placenta, but the trauma . . . There’s scar tissue in my uterus.”
I held her as she shuddered against me. “Should I be worried about catching something? Too late now that we’ve gone bare, I know.”
“You’re the only woman I’ve slept since I was last tested.” I hoped she didn’t ask when that was—she really wouldn’t like the answer. “We do it on the reg.”
Her shoulders stiffened and she eased from my grasp. Once again, she wasn’t ready to hear about my list of previous partners. Not that I could blame her. The idea of Mila sharing her body, let alone her passion, with someone else made me want to break things.
She opened the shower door and grabbed a towel, wiping the water from her face before wrapping it around her head.
I couldn’t tell her I’d never been so affected by a woman before—never reached such levels of pleasure—without Mila feeling like I compared her to them. Complete mood killer. I sighed as I reached for the knobs to turn off the spray. I weighed my choices.
“I’d be thrilled to have a child with you. You know that, right?”
“The baby wouldn’t replace Kyle.”
Anger started a slow burn in my gut. “Never said a new bub would. Or could. What I meant was I’d like to be a father.”
“Then you’ll need to find another woman.”
My olive branch turned into a new battleground where Mila didn’t feel as though she lived up to some standard of womanhood because the choice was ripped from her body. I wrapped my towel around my waist and followed her into her bedroom. “Fine. Then we won’t have kids.”
“You can. I can’t.”
“There are other ways to have children.”
“Not my children.”
“Don’t get your back up.”
“I’m just pointing out my shortcomings now. That way you don’t have to hear them first through the media. Might as well know you’re getting someone so damaged.”
She’d pulled on her panties and bra. I watched her slither into leggings and a long top. I couldn’t wait to pull it off again and run my hands over her soft curves.
“What do you want me to say?” I asked.
“Nothing. There’s nothing you can say.”
She walked back into the bathroom and hung up her towel. She ran her brush through her hair while I tried to figure out how to control the damage from this conversation. Being with Mila was like walking through a minefield. The other side—us, together forever—was worth the risk, but I wasn’t sure we’d both survive to get there intact.
She managed to avoid my arms and open her bedroom door. I strode out behind her, my eyes glued to the back of her head.
“Why can’t we talk about this?” I asked.
Mila’d stopped and I tripped over her. I managed to catch her with one arm around her waist, the other going to my loosened towel. Noelle, Jake, and even Briar and Hayden sat in the large living room, a coffee service and multiple plates with crumbs resting around the space.
“Too bad about the towel,” Noelle said, a twinkle in her eye. “That would have made my morning.”
“Mil!” Alpie cried from her cage. “Hi! Love-oo.”
“G’day,” I said, not quite catching anyone’s eye. I turned and sped into my room, closing the door just shy of a slam.
Bloody fabulous. Mila would be even more upset that others heard our argument. I leaned back against the wood, my fingers gripped tight into the metal of the handle, and fought down the urge to destroy things. I’d just gotten her back, and I sure as shit didn’t plan to let her go again.
“You didn’t answer any of your messages yesterday after the news reported you and Mila were shot at. We were worried,” Jake said.
Kevin walked by and dropped my phone into my hand. I winced at the number of texts and messages from my mum.
“Mum upset?”
“Beside herself, mate. It’s sorted now, though. I let her know you were alive once I showed up here.”
“And that would be?”
Jake rubbed a hand over his tired eyes but glanced down at his watch. “’Bout a half hour ago. I called Hayden to let him know I was in Seattle. He and Briar said they’d meet me here. Noelle was arguing with one of the guards in the lobby, but I remembered her from the show, so I brought her up with me.”
I typed out a message to let Mum know I was sorry for worrying her and to let her know I’d been with Mila.
“Who’s with Mum?”
“Ben.”
I nodded.
Her response: Good. Please call me soon.
I inhaled Mila’s scent as I pulled her into my lap. She relaxed against me, giving over her trust. A sight better than good, this.
“Glad as I am to have you here, Jake, I’m surprised
. Both by you and Hayden.” I dipped my head, “Briar,” I said.
She smiled back, those blue eyes dancing as she watched me squirm. “Hayden’s here on official record label business. They want you out in the spotlight as soon as possible so they can coattail off your new level of fame. You’re even hotter than Hayden was when he left me in Seattle in June.”
“Are you bloody kidding me? I’m not putting any of you at risk so the label can make some more bucks.”
Hayden leaned back, a smug expression on his face. “I knew you were still in there, Ets. Glad to see the real human emerging. Wasn’t a fan of the troll.”
“Piss off,” I said. “You are not doing anything with me. No crowds, no performances, nada.”
“That’s a bit of a struggle, mate. The label’s put it out that we’ll be at the charity event,” Jake said. “The label hired some private firm to watch us and also to prowl through the crowd. I guess even with the huge price tag they’re still expecting to make some serious coin. Harry said something about broadcasting it on pay-per-view. They moved the venue to something bigger and it’s going to live stream for a fee.”
Jake leaned forward. “People are going to pay to hear you sing, and if the telly’s good, maybe get shot.”
“Shut it, Jake,” Hayden said. “No one’s getting shot. This isn’t a game.”
“Just trying to lighten the mood,” Jake said, scowling.
“Jordan’s still out there, still trying to hurt Mila,” I said.
“And you,” she replied.
“The label pulled out its lawyers. They’re making this happen,” Hayden said. “We didn’t get a say.”
I growled. I wanted to stand and pace. Instead, I pulled Mila even tighter to me. When she didn’t take another breath, I loosened my grip.
“How about we have a cuppa?” she said, turning to lay her palm against my cheek. “Some brekkie. Then we can discuss this more.”
“Right. Fine,” I grumbled. I caught Jake’s smirk from the corner of my eye. The little bastard knew I liked Mila taking charge, handling me. I always had.
“I’ll get it for you,” Noelle said. She’d been strangely quiet this whole time but Mila appeared happier for her presence.
Noelle came back in a few minutes later with another coffee set and a pile of pastries. Reluctantly, I let go of Mila, who slid onto the cushion in the same chair, making me inordinately pleased she didn’t try to go to another chair. She leaned forward and prepared us each a coffee, handing me the first mug, with just one sugar. I didn’t know why, but the fact she remembered how I liked my coffee brought a lump to my throat that I worked to swallow down before I could take a sip.
Mila stood and embraced Noelle. “I’m glad to see you,” she said.
“And I’m glad to see you took my advice,” Noelle’s laughing eyes darted to me. Ah, so she’d wanted us back together. Interesting.
“Murphy and I are—”
“Together,” I snapped.
“Always the romantic,” Jake sighed.
“Rack off.”
“And there’s the Ets we all know and love,” Hayden said. “Seriously, mate, we need to do some planning. The logistics of putting this together without Flip are staggering.”
“He stayed in Sydney with Cynthia and the baby,” Jake said.
“Good. I don’t want him to get hurt. I’m supposed to play the venue solo. That’s the deal I cut with Harry,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. I’d talked to him last night on the way back from Hayden and Briar’s, telling him I wanted to be on the stage alone—mainly so I didn’t have to save face with Hayden, who I didn’t think would show.
Mila turned to glare at me. Oh, right, I hadn’t mentioned my hope Jordan wouldn’t be able to resist the free shot—literally—at my head or arse to her. I’d forgotten how to do this sharing-of-lives business.
“But you invited me yesterday,” Hayden said, “And I’ve invited Jake.”
“We’ll have to borrow a drummer,” Jake said. “I’ve talked to Harry about it and he’s got a few options for us to talk over.”
“No,” I said. “I don’t want you there.” That sounded the worst kind of harsh. I tugged at my eyebrow ring. “I mean, I do, but I don’t want you to get hurt. Bloody hell. I can’t let you put yourselves in harm’s way. Jake, you can stay here with Mila. So I know she’s safe.”
“I’m coming with you,” Jake said, his chin thrust out with determination. “No way you get all the limelight.”
“I can’t protect all of you,” I gritted.
“Nor should you have to, big brother,” Jake said, his face falling into serious lines. “We’re all in this because we choose to be.”
“Right,” Hayden said. “We left our band image, hell our relationship with you, a mess for the world to see. It’s time everyone realizes we’re a group. You’re my mate, and I’m there with you— especially through this point in your life.”
Hayden kept his eyes trained on me, and that damn lump in my throat swelled up again. I gulped the rest of my coffee so I could get the words out. “But you could get hurt. Any of you.”
“Staying here at the hotel almost got me killed yesterday,” Mila said. “I don’t see how it’s more dangerous for us to be on the move.”
“You are not coming.”
She blinked up at me, her eyes filled with hurt. “You don’t want me there?”
I shoved my hand through my hair. “That’s not what I said, and it’s not what I meant. Mila, you almost died. He’s tried to kill you twice now. One of these times he just might.”
“But he hasn’t. And if I’m with you, at least I can see what I’d be getting into with the touring and concerts and such. I never did much of that with you before because of my coursework, then my residency.”
“You have patients now that you’re supposed to be seeing,” I said, grasping for something.
She raised her brows. “Someone told my boss I wouldn’t be in this week. Apparently, I have loads of free time. Now, if you don’t want me there, just say it. I’ll figure something out.”
“That’s not it, Mila! Of course I want you.” I huffed out a breath, annoyed to be fighting, baring my soul in front of such a big crowd.
“I’ll come, too,” Briar said.
Hayden jerked beside her, his eyes narrowed.
“I’ll keep Mila company backstage. It’ll be good, as Mila pointed out, for me see more of this touring business.”
“Well, I don’t want to miss the party,” Noelle said. “I mean, I’m not involved with one of the members of the band, but it sounds like fun.”
I wanted to rip out my hair, break something. “Don’t you get that there’s a mad man out there with a gun, shooting at us?” I gritted out.
All the eyes in the room blinked up at me. Hayden stood, walked around the coffee table and laid his hand on my tensed shoulder.
“Of course we do. But we’re your family, and you’re not doing this alone.”
23
Mila
Murphy stood in a single lunge and pulled Hayden into a bear hug. He turned and did the same to Jake. “You’re not allowed to get hurt. No matter what. You’re not allowed.”
“Can I talk to you, Mila?” Noelle asked.
I nodded and started to leave the room. “No,” Murphy said. “Stay where I can see you.” Realizing how harsh that command sounded, he added a soft, “please.”
I nodded, smiling, and moved to the other side of the room. I reached through the bars of the cage and petted Alpie, who cooed in response.
“What’s up.”
“Are you okay?” Noelle asked. “I mean, with all the coverage about your miscarriage and hospitalization? Murphy said you’re dependent on your pills.”
I blinked, surprised to realize I hadn’t thought about my next hit since . . . well, since Murphy made me forget last night, and again this morning.
“It’s early days yet,” I said, feeling out the words, “but I think I’m
going to be fine.”
She blew out a slow breath. “Well, if there’s anything worth getting addicted to in this world, it’s that man. Good Lord, he’s hot, Mil. Especially when he goes all alpha male around you, snarling and snapping at anyone who gets too close.”
I nodded. He was. But being with Murphy meant sharing him with his adoring fans. The ones who stripped naked at shows and no doubt did all kinds of naughty things I’d never considered. I’d only been with three men in my life, and Murphy was my longest relationship by far. In my last lonely year, I’d read a lot of possibilities for sexual play in the erotic romances Noelle kept leaving at my house or sending me via her Kindle. How could I compete with women who not only knew about those kinky options but put them to good use?
“One of your patients came into my ER last night.”
I pulled my mind from its rabbit trail. “Who?”
“Tanya. I happened to be leaving when they admitted her. I helped her get settled in. She said to let you know she’s thinking of you.”
I closed my eyes. Twenty-seven and alone, Tanya struggled with her pregnancy, first with an inability to hold anything in her stomach and now with bleeding. She’d reminded me of me from that initial appointment—her hope warring with fear and boiled down to an essence of determination to do anything she could for her unborn child. For me, that wasn’t enough. I didn’t want Tanya to go through the same hell I’d lived.
“What for?” I asked.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Briar asked. She laid her hand on each of our shoulders, squeezing just enough to let us know she meant her words. I liked her. A lot.
“We’re discussing one of my patients. She’s in the ER.”
“No, they moved her to Labor and Delivery,” Noelle said. “They’re monitoring her.”
“Oh, I’m going to the hospital in a little while. Want me to check on her?”
Hold You Close (Seattle Sound Series Book 3) Page 17