Linx clutched the phone so tightly in his hand, he thought it would break while his heart thundered in his chest with such intensity, he knew he was on the verge of suffering from heart palpitations. “Promise me you won’t get involved. Please…I need to know you are going to be kept safe—”
“—you know I can’t make that kind of vow to you, Lennon.” Trista sighed out loud. “You weren’t there. You didn’t see people die right in front of your face and this is your club—our club—and I have to do my part.”
“You don’t owe the Saints shit.” Linx walked over to a quiet corner. “Baby, if anything happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to live…if what happened to Keri happened to you…”
“This is why I didn’t want to be involved, Linx. I don’t do half measures, and you know that so why are you acting like this is news to you? I didn’t want to be an old lady because I know what lurks in my heart of darkness. I can’t hang around and be a virtual Club brat without the lifestyle affecting me and how I feel about the world and retribution.”
She paused and her voice changed until she spoke so softly, he could barely hear her. “I love you so much, and I would do anything you would ask of me but…this is your Club and I can’t just stand around and not do shit. That’s not me. You knew what you were doin’ when you patched in and I knew what I was gettin’ into when I became an old lady. Stay safe, don’t worry about me and get your ass back here as soon as motherfuckin’ possible. I love you.”
“Love you too,” he choked out before the call ended.
Linx walked to the wall and braced his hand against it until the tears fell from his eyes. He hadn’t cried since he was a teen but the wetness left a trail all the way to his jaws. All he could think about was Trista shot, raped, murdered by one of those White Knight pricks and then he would go fucking medieval on their asses. Fuck his career, and fuck everything else. This was his woman’s life on the line and no one would ever tear them apart.
A hand rested on his shoulder and he threw it off as he whipped around in a throng of fury.
“Take it easy, bro.” Trey held up his hands in defeat. “I know what you’re going through and we’re leaving…now. You think I want to bury my sister too? She’ll do her part and that’s what scares the fuck outta me ‘cause no one can control her. She’s gonna do what she wants and there’s nothin’ you or I can say or do to change her mind.”
“Has she always been this fuckin’ stubborn?”
“Since she was born. The little bitch wanted to back out before the doctor threatened a Caesarean and all the sudden, she was in position to be born. She is one of the most stubborn people in the world but she lives like she loves—fuckin’ hard.” Trey stared at him with haunted hazel-green eyes. “Man, she’s so fuckin’ in love with you, no one would ever be able to separate you two. She can take care of herself and we just have to sit here and take it and hope she’s all right.”
Linx wiped the tears from his face. “That’s what I hate so fuckin’ much. She’s there—we’re here—and there is fuck all we can do about it.”
“Except get back to Birch Tree as soon as possible.”
They both stared at one another and an extremely tense moment was broken with nervous laughter from them both. If they weren’t such bad asses, they would have both been crying instead.
Chapter Thirteen
I PACED BACK and forth in my room as soon as I ended the call to Linx.
I needed to hear his voice before I changed myself forever and even now, he was still the only person on my mind.
The nine millimeter—my weapon of choice—sat on the bed. I picked it up and ejected the magazine. It was full; I slammed it back into place and pulled the head back to chamber a round. I had two extra empty magazine clips. The bed was littered with “cop killers”—hollow-point bullets that went through body armor and inflicted the most damage because they disintegrated and couldn’t be removed. They weren’t meant to maim, they were meant to kill.
I began to load the clips with the bullets and slid one in each back pocket.
The day after the shooting, everyone was mostly in shock except for the few of us who were mad as hell and sought nothing but the need for revenge against the WKs. Cillian didn’t want me to go and neither did Gisela. It didn’t matter what they fucking wanted because I’d gone straight to the horse’s mouth and sought his permission. Dizzy was such a fucking wreck, he’d said yes right away and promised me if I didn’t come back alive, he would drag me out of Hell himself.
This wasn’t some half-baked, hackneyed mission that hadn’t been planned out. We knew exactly what we were going to do and when we were going to strike. I pitied the fool who got in my way tonight because it wouldn’t end well for them at all. I could take a bullet—or two—but I would go down with my gun blazing.
I’d dressed the part. A pair of indigo boot cut jeans that were sculpted against my body but I could still move and still run paired with a black tank top and a half sweatshirt that ended mid-torso. It was officially nearing winter and cold as hell here in Birch Creek. We’d already had several days of flurries and the weather didn’t seem like it would improve much.
None of us were stupid—least of all Cillian, Gisela, Bookie or I—and we knew how lucky we were to have made it out of O’Branaughs not only alive but without a scratch on us. It’d cost me a favorite pair of jeans and a kick ass band t-shirt but I’d burned my clothes as soon as we got back to the compound and never looked back. I could never wear those clothes again, not knowing what I knew and feeling what I felt.
A flutter hit me in the nether region and although I knew it was too early to tell, I just felt like Linx had hit the bull’s eye that night. A baby grew inside of me and if I had to do this for him or her then I would. No one would ever know because we’d sworn each other to secrecy. Dizzy promised the extent of my involvement would never get back to either my brother or my hubby and I was cool with that.
As far as they were concerned, I would be a driver and nothing else. Cillian, another hard-ass in the club by the name of Cricket and Naomi would all be along for the ride. It was a small crew but we were the best shooters.
Cricket had hooked up us with a dope ride—a stolen Cadillac Escalade he had managed to “borrow” from some vacation home in Pine Bluff. It was absolutely necessary the crime could never be traced back to the club and we were vigilant, to the point of having an extra pair of license plates just in case.
There was a knock at the door and I yelled, “Come in.”
Cillian entered and although he was usually one of the more playful brothers, his eyes shined arctic blue and his expression was one of quiet fury. Furrowed brows, his mouth set and a jaw that clenched every now and then. He looked me up and down; I realized I was still holding the gun and I set it down on the bed after making sure the safety was on.
“Are you here to talk me out of it?” My voice was soft, that of a young woman because I would do anything—outside of sexual favors; those were saved for Linx only—to make sure I was included on this mission. I could have been killed and I’d already lost my family. No way would anyone get that close to snuffing my life out again when I had Linx, two step-children and a child on the way to protect.
“Nope, not my style.” He sat on the bed and patted a spot next to him. I sat down, albeit reluctantly, and tried not to fidget or show just how angry I truly was at that moment.
“I know you’re ready for this because I have seen that very look in your eyes. Only the last time I saw it, I was seventeen years old and living in Belfast. It was my first kill and I had the look of murder in my eyes. I wanted the pain to go away and I was willing to do whatever it took to make it happen. I snuffed out my first human life when I was still a teenager and…no matter what you see in the movies, unless you’re a sociopath, it never gets easier.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Gisela is completely against this but at the same time, she knows it has to be done so we’re cool on that front.
Did you get a chance to call Lennon?”
“Yeah and he was about to go out of his mind. I didn’t tell him how I would be involved but I did tell him I was goin’ along. He begged, pleaded for me to stay at the compound but this is the very reason why I didn’t want to be an old lady, Cillian. I’m no good with shades of gray. Life to me is black and white…always has been ‘cause bein’ at the Club, worshippin’ my older brother, a part of me wanted in but a bigger part of me just wanted to get the hell out of here and never look back.”
“Or maybe it was a certain man you were runnin’ from and not the life itself?”
I smiled at him then and punched his shoulder half-heartedly. “Yeah, that too. I couldn’t imagine myself as Clooney’s old lady and when everything went down with my parents, all I could truly think about was how I had to make some decisions in my life and he couldn’t be a part of them. Maybe I knew something wasn’t right about him but I ignored it. Leaving him was the best decision I ever made and I will never regret it.”
Cillian gripped my hand closest to him and squeezed. “This wasn’t your decision and every time I look at you, I feel like you were dragged here against your will. I don’t think you should come tonight. I don’t want to face down your old man if something happens to you because I’ve got a strong feeling Linx would self-destruct without you. If you’re having any second thoughts about this changin’ you—cuz God knows it will and not in a good way either—don’t do it.”
He let go of my hand and leaned over to kiss me against the side of my forehead. “None of us want to see that spark die in your eyes. You’re so innocent and yet you’re worldly too but knowin’ too much about the ugly shit that happens is overrated. Ignorance is truly bliss and if I can spare you tonight, I will. I don’t want you to see it, Trista. I don’t want you to lose not one ounce of that precious innocence, you feel me?”
“Yeah, I feel you.” The tears had started again and though I wanted to wipe them away savagely, I couldn’t. “However, Cillian, the child is gone. I haven’t been innocent or carefree since I was fifteen years old. It was the first time I really noticed I was becoming a woman and a prospect tried to rape me. Trey walked into the room just in the nick of time and he had no hesitation, didn’t even think about what he was doing. He just grabbed his gun and pulled the trigger. He killed a man in front of me and if I had any innocence left, it was gone after that moment on that particular day.”
“What can I say? Cox men have tempers from hell.” He slid an arm around my shoulders and squeezed. “Just know that…you’re family now, even if this isn’t the kind of family you want. Linx is related to us by blood and we always protect our own. Don’t make a move tonight without my say-so. I want no part in making him a widower, you got that?”
I nodded my head without looking up. He stood and walked over to the dresser and grabbed a few Kleenex, turned and handed them to me. “Now, you dry those beautiful eyes of yours and put on your big girl panties. You’re an amazing, intelligent and extremely mature woman for your age. I expect tears from you every now and then but on a whole, I’m not good with women balling their eyes out. It’s disturbing. Maybe because I don’t ever remember my mother crying except for when she had her miscarriages between Jaden and me, and again between Misty and the twins.”
How the hell had I gotten into this position? The man I had least expected any comfort from was coddling me like his kid sister while his real sister was getting banged by my ex-lover, who also happened to be an undercover U.S. Marshall.
I couldn’t wait for this night to be over.
THE DRIVE TO Black Oak was just as nerve wracking as I thought it would be and all I could do to stop myself from having a full out panic attack was pop a Xanax and wait for it to kick in.
The thought occurred to me if I was indeed pregnant, I’d had to start reducing my dosage immediately until I could wean myself off of them without going through the shakes, headaches and nausea-induced vomiting. The latter might not be able to be prevented since my mother had been sick throughout her whole entire pregnancy with me. That’s how she knew I was a girl or at least it was family urban legend. Women in our family only got sick when they were carrying girls; if the pregnancy was easy then it would be a boy.
Why I was thinking about crazy family oriented thoughts, I knew it was because no matter how much the Saints were now my family, the only people I wanted to desperately see again were my brother and my husband.
Trey was tough as nails but he loved as hard as he lived and I could make all the porn jokes in the world about Keri but he’d loved her and if she’d died that night I’d received the menacing call that had started this whole nightmare for me then I would still mourn her. She had never hurt anyone and although her chosen profession was a bit skanky and sleazy, it shouldn’t have cost her the man she loved or, ultimately, her life.
“Kill the lights,” Cillian instructed and I did as I was told.
It wasn’t actually that hard to see since that day, it had begun to snow. All I could think about was we were a little over one month and three weeks away from my birthday, Linx and I were due back in L.A. in less than a week. He had an album to complete, and the new Winter’s Regret LP premiered two weeks before my birthday.
We had to end this tonight or at least bring some sort of reprieve. Enough so Linx and I could leave when we needed to and not feel bad about going back to L.A. and returning to our normal life. That would entail Hollywood parties, concerts and magazine covers; watching the Billboard charts, dealing with Cassidy, and spending time with our little angels, Jimi and Brady.
“Pull over here.” I did as I was told and turned onto a trail I didn’t realize was there until the SUV glided smoothly over the indentations buried under the snow. It was a hard maneuver but I managed to turn around so we could speed out of here without having to worry about me flipping a bitch at the least inopportune time.
“I didn’t even think you knew that saying,” Naomi remarked when I explained what I was doing. “You know it’s older than you and me. Hell, it must be Cillian’s age.”
“Fuck off, Naomi.” Cillian switched the safety off his gun and loaded an extra Steyr AUG onto his shoulder.
Cricket didn’t bother with any semi-automatics; he had a modified Uzi with several clips tucked into the khaki cargo pants he wore and an AK-47 he held like a long-lost lover.
“You know the drill. Stay here. Keep the car running and your eyes and ears open. If it starts to get too loud, you know what to do. Remember to aim for good, tight shots. I don’t want to see you make any mistakes.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Dad.”
“Fuck you very much, Trista. Stay. In. The. Motherfuckin’. Truck. You feelin’ me?”
“Not really but then again, that’s Gisela’s job, not mine.”
“You’re a regular fuckin’ Cheech—where the fuck is Chong?”
“Who?”
Cricket snickered. “He so got you there! Cheech and Chong were famous comedians. However, I forget chicks like you are into douchebags like Bradley Cooper and Ben Stiller.”
“Um, eww.” I shuddered physically. “They are both in their late thirties and forties. They’re almost as old as my dad would have been. That’s just gross.”
“Okay, cut the fuckin’ chit-chat. Let’s go.”
Cillian, Naomi and Cricket got out and closed the door behind them while I sat there. Snow slowly started to blanket the SUV and I checked my cell phone. I barely had a signal yet I still texted my man.
Me: I miss you.
I didn’t expect a message so quickly but there it was in all its splendid glory.
Linx: I miss you so fuckin much and I am so happy I’m on my way back. Can’t wait to be buried balls deep in that gorgeous pussy of yours. xoxo
I wanted to hold him so badly, it was criminal. I truly didn’t expect to miss him as much as I did at that moment but as the pain set into my heart and began to churn in my stomach, I knew I was going to be sick. I
grabbed the keys to the ignition, tossed my phone in the passenger seat and stepped out of the truck.
I didn’t make it more than a few feet in the snow before I spewed everything I’d eaten that day onto the pristine snow that continued to fall around me. I held my ponytail away from my face as I continued to vomit violently.
After I finished emptying the complete contents from my stomach, my mouth tasted like a garbage can with a side of acid, my throat burned, my nose leaked liquid snot, and I felt like crap.
Cillian and Gisela had been right. I shouldn’t have come; I was fucking useless and should have stayed back at the compound.
By the time I heard the sound of someone approaching me, it was too late. I tried to reach the Escalade—my gun was still in the SUV—but I was tackled to the ground by a heavy body and the rank odor of bad breath and body odor assaulted my senses.
In Too Deep (The Lovers Duet) Page 11