My mouth opened and I saw the words as they collided between my head and heart.
“I love you.”
That blew Jack away, but not in the sexual way I wanted.
Shit.
Jack’s finger stopped, right on my heart. My heart pounded and I knew he could feel it. I took breaths, attempting to be calm, but they came out shaky, proving even more to Jack just how serious and intense I was for him.
“I’ve been waiting to hear that for years,” Jack said.
Jack rolled to his back and pulled me on top of him. My hands went flat against the bed, the top half of my body hanging over him, and the bottom half of my body against his.
“No,” I said. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Sure you do,” Jack said. “Just follow my lead.”
With that said, Jack reached to get his pants for more protection and he guided me into a world of pleasure that seemed to only get better by the second. And as we finished for the second time that night, he held my throbbing body tight to his body.
And then he whispered in my ear…
“Tessa, I love you.”
14
I hadn’t realized what I had been missing by waiting so long for sex. Then again, my body was spoiled. Spoiled by Jack’s wanting, Jack’s touching, and the way Jack held me while I slept.
Even when I woke up, I was still in his arms, not having moved an inch while sleeping.
I looked down at his hands, connected, keeping me safe. I wondered how many times he had tried to do the same thing. All the years of watching, waiting, never being able to step in and have me. I thought about old boyfriends. He had seen the hugs, kisses, hand holdings. The other stuff too. Everything but actual sex. My gosh, Jack suffered so much for me. Beyond the physical punishments of his destiny, he really did have to watch me grow without the opportunity of stepping in.
I kissed his arm and continued to do so, leading my way up until I had to turn around. When I did I found Jack awake, his blazing eyes staring at me with a romantic fire that melted my body. In all the right places.
“Morning,” I whispered.
“Same to you,” he said. “Sleep well?”
“Of course I did.”
We shared a good morning kiss and then a thought came to me.
Why now?
So I asked it.
“Why now?”
“Why now… what?”
“Why can you be here now?”
Jack unlocked his hands and rolled to his back. He put his hands behind his head. The sheet was just below his chest, leaving my eyes with plenty to gawk at.
“Tessa… don’t.”
I thought about keeping quiet, but my body felt different. I was different. Everything had changed from last night until now. I felt womanly. A master of my body.
“No, I have to know. A week ago, you were… what? A ghost?”
“I told you, I don’t like to be called that.”
“Well, whatever you were, I couldn’t see you. And now you’re here. Touching me. Kissing me. Taking my innocence.”
“You gave it all to me,” Jack said.
“But why? How?”
“Why? Because you wanted it. How? By just being myself. You couldn’t resist me.”
His tone changed. Sexy Jack had become annoyed Jack.
But I still pushed.
“There’s a reason.”
“There’s always a reason,” Jack said. “Life is a reason.”
“Is that part of your songs?”
Jack laughed. He looked at me, his face almost angry. “Why, Tessa, why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you have to know? This is why… why I stayed away.”
“You had the chance before?”
“I don’t know what I had.” Jack sat up in the bed. “I don’t know. There’s always a price to pay. I just couldn’t resist you anymore, okay? After that thing in the café… I wanted to kill him for touching you. So I thought by being here, it would keep everyone else away.”
“So that’s why. To protect me?”
“Of course. That’s what my entire life is about. Protecting you.” He looked at me. “Loving you.”
“And having me,” I added and sat up too.
I let the sheet fall from my chest.
I was still naked.
Whoops.
Jack eyed my body and threw his head back, growling.
“Something wrong?”
“Not at all, except I have to leave.”
“No. Don’t.”
Jack turned and took my face into his hands. “I have to. You have to trust me. Always trust me.”
“I do, Jack.”
“Good. Now go take a shower. Relax. Call Bridget and brag about me. You know you want to.”
“Maybe I will,” I said.
“Not maybe. You will. Now go.”
I smiled at Jack and finally had the confidence to tease him right back. I slid from the bed, taking some of the covers with me. Then I started to walk, letting the covers fall from my body. I stood, fully nude, for a few seconds, with my back towards Jack. I looked over my shoulder and winked at him.
His face was priceless.
I strutted my way from the bedroom to the bathroom.
I ran the water, letting it get extra hot, then started the shower. I thought about the night in the tub and the strange feeling that had come over me. That feeling started all these events, like life was placing blocks in front of me to follow. One by one. Day by day.
I stepped into the shower and let the warmth flood my body. It was hot, but not the same kind of hot I usually bathed in. Then again, for the first time in all that I could remember, I didn’t want the water super hot. I felt alive, finally.
All because of Jack.
Everything about him had something to do with me… and me with him…
I closed my eyes and put my face into the water. I reached for the soap and started to clean myself. I hated the idea of washing Jack off me. His sweat. His tongue. All the sensual memories, heading down the drain in a white, bubbly swirl.
I took a deep breath and felt my nerves relaxing, replaying the night before.
“Oh, come on.”
I screamed and jumped, wiping my face to see Jack standing with the shower curtain pulled back.
“What are you doing?” I screamed.
“Peeking,” he said. “But you’re covered in soap. Looks hot though.”
I whimpered and laughed. Then I stepped into the water, letting it hit my body to wash the soap away. It was like stripping for Jack, without needing my hands.
“My gosh, Tessa,” he said, “you are perfection. I’ll be back in a little while.”
“I’ll be waiting for you.”
“Naked?”
“Maybe.”
He smiled and closed the shower curtain.
I collapsed forward to the wall and let out another long breath.
Jack had my heart twisted, and in love.
Jack had… everything.
And that was all I could ever ask for.
15
I finished my shower, dressed, and stood at my messy bed, letting myself get lost in what had happened. The bed looked like a tornado had thrown everything around. I smiled. I couldn’t contain myself as I leaned down and inhaled the leftover smell of our passion. I closed my eyes and wondered if it were possible to get stuck in a moment of time. If it were possible, I would live through the night with Jack over and over, knowing what was going to happen… so I could get better at it. For him.
The day dragged on. The clock ticking sounded like a hammer against the wall. It was like time played a game with me, each second loud enough to remind me that only a second had gone by. I didn’t understand why Jack had to leave, but he didn’t want me to question it so I left it be.
I tried to call Bridget but she didn’t answer.
So I sent her a text.
‘What do you think of Jack?’
/> I left the question lingering in a way that I knew would drive her nuts. She’d be afraid that if Timmy saw the text, he’d get jealous. He probably would but there was no need to worry. Bridget would never cheat on Timmy. Ever. They were attached together forever, that was something I wouldn’t doubt.
It took ten minutes for Bridget to respond to me.
‘What do you think of Jack? hehe’
I fell to my couch, missing Jack. I wrote back to Bridget.
‘He’s okay…’
My phone started ringing a few seconds later.
“Hey Bridget.”
“He’s okay? What does that mean?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I just wanted you to call me.”
“Ugh. I hate you sometimes.”
“I know.”
There was a pause. Bridget wanted to ask me, but she waited. She wanted me to just blurt it out but I wouldn’t.
“Did you have fun last night?” she finally asked.
“I guess you could say that.”
“You’re a whore,” Bridget said, laughing. “You are… you finally did it.”
“No, not it. I did… him.”
“Are you serious? With Jack? He’s so hot. How was it?”
“The first time was good, but the second time was amazing. Wild. And amazing.”
“Two times?”
I smiled even though Bridget couldn’t see me. I nodded too, even though she wasn’t there. My mind flashed images of our night.
“How was your night?” I asked.
“Nothing compared to yours,” Bridget said.
“Sorry to hear that.”
“Well, I stayed over Timmy’s. Finally a night together without Danny lurking or in the way. And his place doesn’t smell like bad pizza.”
“There’s a plus.”
“But back to you… so, Jack, huh? Tell me more about this old friend.”
“I don’t know what there is to tell.”
“Everything,” Bridget cried out. “Seriously. I’ve known you for how long now…? All the guys you’ve met, all the boyfriends you’ve had. Nobody was good enough, not even close enough. But here comes an old friend and in the matter of a couple days, BAM!, he’s all yours.”
“Well… yeah.”
“Did you just give in?”
“Give in? To what?”
“His looks. The time.”
“No, that’s not it. Not at all.”
That wasn’t it, right? I felt very comfortable with Jack but there was so much more. Things were so much deeper than anyone knew or could probably understand.
“Not that it matters,” Bridget said. “I’m just happy to see you enjoying yourself.”
“Yes, that I did do. And plan on it again… and again… and again…”
“Look at you. One night in bed and you’re a sex goddess.”
“Something like that,” I replied. “But it won’t be forever.”
“It won’t?”
I thought about Jack’s scars. His decisions lead to punishments. How long would it last? And how long could it last?
“I’m not sure what his plans are,” I said. “He’s not from around here.”
“Tell him to stay,” Bridget said. “Show him the goods he’ll be missing.”
I laughed. “I wish it were that easy.”
“Maybe it is. You put yourself out there last night, do it again. Only lead with your heart instead of your pants.”
Sweet words from Bridget, surprising to hear from her mouth. Then again, she was a hopeless romantic, sure that the movie kind of romance existed and that she and Timmy were living it out.
But it wasn’t that easy with Jack. It wasn’t a simple, hey Jack, stay with me forever kind of thing. There was still so much I didn’t understand. So much about him and all he had been through and all that he was doing.
Why did he have to be so hot?
Why did he have to be so good in bed?
I had nobody to compare him to, but I didn’t need anyone else. What he gave me last night was enough for my body. For the rest of my life.
“Can’t hurt to try,” Bridget said.
Yes, it can hurt… but I didn’t say that.
I got off the phone with Bridget feeling my excitement starting to dry up. It was like the ground drying, cracking from too much sun and not enough rain. I looked out the window of my living room wondering what Jack was doing. Where he was. If he was protecting me. If he was doing something else.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, focusing on my body. Not feelings, but my actually body. The small soreness of my neck from the accident. The tender places that ached, the places Jack touched and loved the night before. It made me wobbly if I thought about it too much. How much we had done. How he had taken care of me, starting so gently, and growing into a pace that was just so electric.
I needed Jack in my life, probably forever, but at what cost? And at what capacity? The circumstances that brought him to me the first time in my life were almost as tragic as now. We met as broken kids, taking a beating from the world but managed to stay together, giving each other hope to push on. And now he was here again, doing the same. I hadn’t thought about my father for at all because of Jack. I could have died in the accident, thanks to the news of my father. I could have been stuck at Auntie B’s house, recovering, living in the past, in regret, in fear.
But I wasn’t.
I stood in my apartment, feeling strong, because of Jack.
The feelings for him became so overwhelming that I almost wished I was still a virgin just to give it to him again. He deserved love, passion, and lust.
He deserved anything he wanted.
There was no need for punishment, was there?
How could someone be punished for love?
My apartment door opened and I smiled. When it slammed with a hard thud, I jumped. By the time I turned around, Jack was there, right there, his hands gripping my arms. When I looked into his eyes I knew something was wrong.
Very wrong.
“Jack…”
“I’m so sorry, Tessa,” he said. “I shouldn’t have done any of this.”
“Why?”
“Punishment. There’s always a punishment.”
“No.” I shook my head. “No…”
“You’re not supposed to see me,” he said. “That alone is bad. But this… touching, feeling, loving…”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m still here and so are you.”
I reached for Jack’s shirt and pulled it up. I wanted to find the fresh wound and kiss it. Blood and all if need be. I’d do anything for him, and nothing would stop me.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Show me where it is,” I said. “I’ll kiss it. I’ll hurt myself if I have to, to match you.”
“No, Tessa, not that.”
He shook me, forcing me to look back into his eyes. He was angry, hurt, and confused. I didn’t like seeing Jack confused. He was supposed to be the one who had everything figured out.
“Show me,” I said. “Show me what happened then.”
I pulled at his shirt for a second time and he stopped me. “There’s nothing there. That’s not it.”
“Then what is it?”
Jack took my hand and pulled me through the living room towards the bathroom. In there I thought about him staring at me in the shower. That was just a short while ago but it seemed like a lifetime ago.
He turned me to the mirror, forcing me to stare at our reflections.
“Look, Tessa, look,” he said.
“I am looking,” I said. “But at what?”
“The punishment.”
“What…”
“You. You’re the punishment, Tessa.”
I turned around, my hands slipping around Jack’s lower back, pulling him at me. His face went to my neck. He kissed me.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I should have known. But I couldn’t resist you any longer. I didn’t want you
to find someone and fall in love.”
“Jack, what’s happening?”
“The worst case scenario.”
“What does that mean?”
Jack pulled away and looked into my eyes.
“He’s coming for you, Tessa.”
“Who…”
“He’s coming right now, to kill you.”
Then he said it. The two words that made my fear so real. My legs lost all feeling.
“Your father.”
I’ll save you, forever.
1
Somehow between seconds, Jack lifted me and carried me to the couch. There he placed me down and was on one knee, one hand behind my head, the other touching my chest. He felt my heartbeat. He meant nothing sexual, but my body couldn’t help but think of it as a sexual move.
I blinked a few times, trying to come back to reality, but by then, reality meant nothing. It had been broken, shattered, left in pieces all around me.
“I’m so sorry,” Jack said. “I knew this was going to happen. That’s why…”
“He’s coming for me?” I asked.
I thought of Auntie B. Her big colonial house. The baby blue shudders. The pillars on the wrap around porch. It was a house she had custom built from one of her books. Her first book that landed on the bestseller lists across the country, the book that allowed her to afford such a wonderful house. And all I could see then was my father kicking down the front door, looking for me.
“Why?” I asked. “Because of you, Jack?”
“Yes. And no.”
I tried to sit up but my head throbbed. Jack forced me back down. He sighed and hung his head, he looked defeated and guilty. He had let his emotions guide him and now we would both suffer.
“Your father got out of prison, which you know.”
I nodded. I remembered the headline. The accident. The… everything.
“When he got out of prison, I knew something bad was going to happen. I could just feel it running through my body. I knew of it before it happened.”
“How?”
Jack met eyes with me. Stern. Sexy. With a hint of fear.
“I see him every day.”
“Every day? Why?”
“Because he killed me, I can’t help it. I have to face the man who murdered me every single day. It’s part of all this. All that I’m doing. If I move on, travel on, then it’s over. Whatever comes next will start.”
Hurt Like HELL (new adult contemporary romance) Page 15