by A. Zavarelli
“I’ll never be like you,” I snarled. “You’re a goddamned drunk and a drug addict, Norma. When are you going to get your shit together? It’s only been forty-six years. Isn’t that enough time to figure it out?”
I knew it was coming. I’d felt the weight of it plenty of times in my younger days. It still shocked me when her palm collided against the side of my cheek. But I wasn’t a little girl anymore, and I didn’t have to put up with this. To hell with what I’d promised Brayden, and to hell with her.
When I looked back up at the regret in her wrinkled face, I did feel sympathy for her. That was the way of an addict. They would lash out at the only people who could ever possibly love them, then feed their self-hatred with more of their chosen vice. It was a vicious cycle, one I doubted Norma-Jean would ever be able to break.
I didn’t need to punish her any more than she was already punishing herself. I simply needed to walk away. So that’s what I did.
But when I turned, I saw Ryland striding towards me. And by the set of his jaw, I was guessing he’d seen the whole interaction. His neck was corded, and his eyes flared with hatred as he stalked towards my mother.
I had to admit, it scared me a little. I’d never seen him so unhinged. So filled with rage. And I had to stop him before he did whatever that rage was telling him to.
I stepped into his path and pushed against his chest, feeling the weight of the muscle heaving with each ragged breath. He didn’t take his eyes off Norma-Jean, and I could sense the volatility growing with each passing moment.
“Ryland?” I grabbed his face and tilted it down towards mine so he could see me. “Hey, I’m okay. We’re okay. Let’s just get out of here.”
“What the hell are you doing with him, Brighton?” My mother’s voice accused from behind me.
How she even knew who Ryland Bennett was I couldn’t say. She’d probably seen him in a magazine and locked him up tight in her mental category of rich bastards she’d hate until the day she died.
“Leave, Norma,” I grated. “Please. You’ve done enough here today. Just go home.”
There was a beat of silence in which I made sure to hold Ryland’s gaze. There was still a storm raging in his eyes, but whatever I was doing appeared to be helping, at least a little. Norma-Jean was still grumbling behind me but stopped the moment he spoke.
“If you ever touch her again, I will kill you myself.”
Everything around me went quiet, and I tried to see his menacing words for what they were. An empty threat. Norma didn’t respond well to threats, and I braced myself for her to come back with something equally nasty.
But instead, all I heard was the receding of her heels as they carried her away. I was officially dumbfounded.
Ryland pulled me into his arms and closed his eyes as he kissed my stinging cheek.
“Nobody hurts you like that,” he murmured. “Ever.”
“You do sometimes,” I reminded him in an effort to ease the tension.
“That’s different.” He grunted.
“Why?”
“Because you like it.”
I smiled and shook my head, and Ryland even smiled a little too.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I whispered against him. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to be here,” he said. “For you. But then I saw what she did—”
His rage was returning, so I tried to calm him.
“I can imagine how it must have looked to you,” I said. “But she’s an addict. And she is still my mother.”
He looked like he wanted to argue but thought better of it. Instead, he kissed me on the forehead and took me by the hand as he led me through the parking lot.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Home,” he stated firmly. “As far away from this place as we can get.”
Chapter Twenty
The overwhelming exhaustion from my emotions had allowed me to sleep on the plane, but once we were back in Ryland’s house on Belvedere Island, I was wide awake.
He’d gone downstairs to order something for dinner while I paced back and forth across his bedroom. The idea of Brayden going back to prison was gnawing at me. I still had a little over three months of our agreement before Ryland would keep up his end of the bargain. But I couldn’t accept that. I needed to find a way to make him agree to speed up the process.
My brain worked overtime as I tried to come up with a solution. I could lay down the gauntlet and threaten Ryland with an ultimatum. Either he did this, or I walked away. But that wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to walk away from him anymore, and that was the problem.
“I know what you’re thinking.” His voice carried from the doorway.
I walked up to him in three short steps and clung to his jacket as if it were my salvation.
“Please, Ryland,” I begged through bleary eyes. “There has to be a way. I’ll do anything, anything you want. You name it. I’ll finish out the six months, I swear I will… please. If you care about me at all…”
“I don’t care about you.”
He looked horrified by the idea, and I felt equally so by his reply.
My hands fell from his shirt, and I stumbled backwards as I stared up at the unfamiliar coldness in his eyes. I hadn’t seen it before. I hadn’t been able to see it. But this was it, this man standing before me. This was the emotionless monster who’d kept my brother in prison for all these years. The man who had taken my virginity and been inside of me more times than I could count, and who now proclaimed to feel nothing for me. This was who I’d been dealing with all along.
My legs trembled as I made a beeline for the door. He didn’t try to stop me.
Tears tracked down my face as I bolted into the street and looked around at this place I didn’t recognize. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and called the only person I could think of.
***
When Matt pulled up in his truck, I stared at him in confusion as I climbed inside.
“What are you doing here?”
“Nicole called me,” he said. “She doesn’t like to come out here.”
“Oh.” I gave him a weak smile. “Well, thanks for coming to get me.”
“No trouble at all,” he replied, pulling back onto the highway. “So I take it things with Mr. Bennett aren’t going too well, huh?”
I couldn’t even muster the energy it took to deny his accusation, so I stared out the window instead.
“Is it that obvious?”
“No,” he admitted. “But Ryland and I go back a ways. He wouldn’t want you to know that, though, so don’t say anything.”
This earned him my attention. “You’re friends with him?”
“Not exactly.” He kept his gaze forward. “I was friends with… well, we had a mutual friend. I’ve known him a long time.”
“What’s with all the secrecy?” I snapped. “Is everything in Ryland’s life this complicated?”
“Yes,” he replied without hesitance. “And Brighton, I know I shouldn’t say anything. I really need this job, and he only gave it to me as a favor, but I think you should be careful with him.”
“Why?” I demanded. “I’m so sick of everyone talking in riddles all the time. Just tell me why, Matt.”
“I can’t.” He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “That’s all I can say.”
“Then why bother saying anything at all?” I argued. “And it’s not like I have a choice in the matter, anyway.”
“Don’t you?” he arched a brow at me in question.
I’d said too much, but did it even matter anymore? “No. I don’t. And that’s all I can say about that.”
Matt’s jaw tightened as he stared at the road before us, a tense quiet settling over the cab. I hated that things were so strained between all the people in my life right now. I was walking a tightrope, desperately trying to keep my balance. But one of these days, I was going to fall off.
“I’m hungry,” I sta
ted. “I haven’t eaten all day.”
Matt looked over at me and grinned, taking his cue from me. “Well, that is one thing I can actually rectify.”
Twenty minutes later, he pulled up to a dive bar. I gave him a curious look, and he laughed and shook his head.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said. “But they have the best burgers in San Fran, I swear.”
I didn’t argue as I climbed out of the truck and followed him inside. The clientele was more in keeping with the type of people I was used to being around anyway. I didn’t belong in Jaguars or Saks Fifth Avenue.
“Hey, sugar!” a cute brunette waitress greeted Matt as he grabbed us a booth. “It’s been a while. What can I get you?”
“Two of the regulars.” He gave her a wolfish grin that had her giggling as she walked away.
“Is that a thing?” I teased him.
“Hey, a man’s got to find some comfort somewhere.”
“I’m not judging,” I smirked. “But she doesn’t seem like your type.”
He shrugged. “And who is?”
“Hmm….” I drummed my fingers across the table and pretended to think it over for a minute. “I don’t know. Nicole, perhaps?”
A dark look passed over his features, and in an instant, his amusement was gone. “Nicole and I… that can never happen.”
The waitress appeared with our food, giving Matt an extra flirtatious smile before she sauntered away.
“That was fast,” I quipped.
“Don’t judge it by the speed.” He picked up his burger and waved it in front of his nose. “Judge it by the taste.”
I laughed as I brought it to my mouth and took a bite. Matt was right, it was the best burger I’d ever had. I finished it in record time and was a little embarrassed when I caught him watching me with a knowing smile.
“Well?”
“You win,” I admitted.
“What was that?” he put his hand to his ear. “I couldn’t quite hear you.”
I rolled my eyes but indulged him. “I said you win.”
“One more time,” he insisted.
“You win!” I reached across the table and slugged his arm.
We both busted into a fit of laughter and forgot the tension of the day, at least for a moment. But as I wiped my eyes and told Matt how much I needed this, a shadow passed over his face. He jerked his chin behind me, and I turned to see Ryland standing there, listening to our conversation.
“Matthew.” He gave him a polite nod, but I didn’t miss the ticking of his jaw muscle as he stepped closer. “What a surprise to find you here.”
Matt looked from Ryland back to me as though he were debating his next words carefully. “We were just finishing up.”
“Good.” Ryland held out his hand for me. “Then you won’t mind if I take Brighton off your hands for the evening.”
“That’s up to Brighton,” Matt said in a low voice.
I stared at Ryland’s outstretched hand and debated the risks of making a spectacle. I didn’t want to go with him, but what choice did I have? Nothing had changed, except that he’d opened my eyes to the person he really was. I didn’t want to care about him, but it was too late for that. The only thing he cared about was the game, and no matter what, I was going to get hurt. But for Brayden, I would let Ryland rip out my heart and set it on fire.
I placed my limp hand in his palm, and he gave me a pained look at the certain misery written all over my face. I tore my eyes away from his, not allowing myself to fall back into that pattern. I wouldn’t let him convince me my emotions meant anything to him. I wouldn’t let myself believe I was anything more than a pawn.
“Thank you, Matt.” I gave him a thin smile.
“Anytime.” He nodded, his gaze meeting Ryland’s with a hint of protectiveness. “I’m always here if you need me.”
Ryland ushered me out the door and into a waiting black sedan parked at the curb. Ted was at the wheel, for which I was grateful because Ryland probably wouldn’t try to speak in front of him.
I stared out the window as we pulled onto the street, and Ryland placed a possessive hand upon my knee. I didn’t fight it, and I tried to ignore the warmth that lingered beneath his palm.
The ride was quiet, but my thoughts were loud. It was only when we’d pulled up to my apartment building that I gave him a questioning glance. He didn’t say anything as he ushered me inside and into a waiting elevator the doorman held open for him.
The doors swallowed us up, and the button for the top floor was already lit up as we began our ascent.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
He didn’t take his eyes off the doors. “To my place.”
“Of course you have a place here,” I scoffed. “Why wouldn’t you? It only makes sense that you have an apartment in the same building as me…”
My words were cut short when the elevator pinged, and Ryland dragged me out by the arm. I wanted to slap him, and instinctively I raised my arm.
Quicker than I even knew was possible, he pinned me up against the wall with both wrists dangling above me as he held me with the weight of his body. His breathing was ragged, and his eyes liquid pools of cobalt fire as his lips collided with mine.
I whined in protest for all of two seconds before my body responded to his. This was our ritual. The only way we knew, and the thing we did best. We couldn’t share our lives with each other, so we shared our bodies instead.
His hands were everywhere, ripping and shredding my clothing as he tried to pull it free from my body. It was only then I realized my hands were threading through his hair, tugging as he kissed his way down my neck.
His touch was rough and feral, filled with possession that contradicted his words. I wanted to make sense of it, but in my hormone-fueled lust, I didn’t even care why. I clutched at his shirt, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction when I pulled and buttons scattered all over the floor. Ryland responded in kind by biting the side of my breast. I pulled his shirt down as far as I could get it and raked my nails over his back. He groaned and freed his erection from his pants.
His movements were eager, uncoordinated, unlike him. He couldn’t get inside of me fast enough. When he finally did, he slammed my back against the wall as he gripped my hips in his hands. I was at the mercy of his thrusts in this position, unable to do anything but hold on as he rocked into me with unrestrained power.
“I’m the one who makes you come.” His words were punctuated by thrusts. “Always.”
“Yes,” I whimpered, clutching at his shoulders. “Please, Ryland…”
He clung to me, tasted me, breathed me in like I was his favorite addiction.
“I’m the only one,” he roared. “The only one who gets to be inside of you like this. The only one who ever will.”
More tears spilled from my eyes as I shook my head in vehement denial.
“I hate you!”
He laughed darkly as his thumb found my clit and worked it over in a way that made me buck against him wildly. It was too rough against my sensitive tissue, and yet my body reacted anyway, barreling me into an orgasm I didn’t even see coming.
“Don’t hate me so much now,” he mocked. “Do you?”
I wrapped my hand around his throat and squeezed. He groaned. But I didn’t want him to feel good. I didn’t want him to like what I was doing, so I hauled off and slapped him. Hard.
He froze inside of me, and his eyes raged as they bore into my own. I smiled.
I was punishing myself by pushing him, making him hurt me. But it was the only way I could survive this game.
He pulled me off of him and flipped me around, shoving my head towards the ground as he gripped my ass in his hands. I heard him tug his belt from his jeans before he kicked them away and looped the leather around my throat and pulled.
My back had to arch to accommodate air, and soon I was bent so far backward I was looking into his eyes. The tip of his cock nudged against my ass, and I tried not to let my fear sho
w. The only time he’d ever taken me there before, he helped me warm up. But there would be no warming up this time.
He pushed inside of me, and I bit down so hard I tasted blood, but I didn’t make a sound. The leather bit into the sensitive skin around my throat as he pushed deeper and deeper.
“Is this what you want, baby girl?” he challenged. “You want me to hurt you?”
“I’m not your baby girl,” I rasped.
“You’re my anything I fucking want you to be,” he grunted, sliding all the way to the hilt.
My breath was ragged, and the only thing holding me up now were his hands and the leather. He was depriving me of air, but I refused to be the first to give. I refused to show him weakness.
His palm came down so hard on my ass it made me squeal in shock.
“Tell me you’re mine,” he rasped, rolling his cock around inside of me.
“Never.”
“Goddammit, Brighton.” He slapped my other ass cheek.
Spots filled my vision, and if I didn’t relent soon, I was going to pass out. But I didn’t care. I wanted to win at least one round with him.
“You created this monster,” I croaked.
My eyes fluttered shut, and Ryland tossed away the belt. I dragged in a breath as he carried me to the dining room table and laid me on it.
His body covered mine, and he entered me in one deep thrust as his lips found my neck. I moaned when he licked and bit at me, and it only made his thrusts more savage.
When I opened my eyes, the raw power of his body moving above me was a beautiful thing. He was so strong. So fucking strong. But even now, he wouldn’t really hurt me. Not even when I pushed him.
“Harder,” I encouraged.
He gripped my hips in his hands and thrust harder. So hard I thought I might drown beneath the weight of his thrusts. Right now, he was no longer a man. He was an animal.
“Tell me that you’re mine,” he grunted.
He was getting close. I could hear it in his voice. See it in the strain of his biceps. But he wouldn’t let himself go. Not until I gave him what he wanted. And that was where my weakness lay. Because I always wanted to give him what he wanted.