by A. Zavarelli
“I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Matt.”
I smiled at the blush on her cheeks. “Of course not.”
“Hey, Brighton.” He gave me a hug as he sauntered inside. “Nice to see you again. I can see the baby’s getting bigger.”
“It is.” I smiled and patted my bump.
“Well, I don’t know about you ladies, but I’m starving.”
“C’mon, grab a plate,” Nicole urged. “You’re eating for two now.”
***
We were sitting on the sofa watching TV, and I couldn’t help but notice that Matt and Nicole were getting closer and closer as the evening went on.
He’d wrapped his arm around her twenty minutes ago, and now they were even holding hands. It was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen, but at the same time, it was making the emptiness in my chest ache.
I was about to excuse myself to bed when the doorbell rang again, and I shot Nicole a questioning glance. “Are you expecting anyone else tonight?”
“No.” She frowned.
I padded towards the door and looked through the keyhole, glimpsing a woman dressed in a nurse’s uniform.
I opened the door a crack and returned her cheerful smile. “Can I help you?”
“Are you Miss Valentine?” she asked.
“Uh… yeah?”
“My name is Emma Charles. I’m here to be your nurse.” She said it in a way that I’m sure sounded perfectly reasonable, but I just stared at her in confusion.
“Excuse me?”
“Do you mind if I come in?” she gestured towards the apartment. “Mr. Bennett sent me.”
“Okay, sure. Sorry.”
She came in with a medical bag and took a seat as she started to explain. Matt and Nicole joined me in the kitchen and listened in.
“Mr. Bennett has hired me to be your round the clock nurse and baby consultant. I’m here to help you with whatever you need, whether it’s assisting with meal preparation, cleaning, or any medical emergencies that should arise.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I protested.
“I’m really not.” She frowned. “I’m highly qualified for this job, Miss Valentine. If you’d like me to provide credentials…”
“I’m sure that you are,” I said apologetically. “But the thing is, I don’t need a nurse or a consultant.”
“But I’ve already been paid,” she argued. “A lot of money. Mr. Bennett wants to ensure you and his baby have the very best care. I’m here to help you.”
She said it as though I didn’t understand what her role was, but it was perfectly clear. Ryland had hired someone to wait on me hand and foot. Again, another gesture that I’m sure seemed perfectly logical to him.
I decided to try for another tactic, one that wouldn’t hurt her feelings.
“Look, I really appreciate your offer of services. But as you can see, the apartment is already quite full, and there’s really not room…”
“I can sleep anywhere,” she volunteered. “A sofa will do. And once Mr. Bennett has finished up the arrangements for the new apartment, I’ll have my own room…”
New apartment? I glanced at Nicole, and she shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe it’s not such a bad idea,” she said. “You could use a little help, Brighton. You’ve been really busy with the charity stuff lately, and you look tired all the time.”
“Really, Nicole?” I squeaked.
Matt chuckled and pulled her to his side. “If you aren’t happy with the arrangement, Brighton, maybe you should take it up with Ryland?”
“Oh he’d like that, wouldn’t he?” I grumbled.
The poor nurse looked like she had no idea what she’d gotten herself into.
“Why don’t you relax and dish yourself up a plate of food,” I told her. “I’m going to speak to Mr. Bennett myself.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Brighton
I fully expected to hold onto my anger and give Ryland a piece of my mind when I stormed into his apartment. But as I walked through each room, I came up empty.
I padded back through the living room, wondering if he could still possibly be at work. It was late though, and I doubted I’d be able to get into the building. Then another thought occurred to me. One that had been bouncing around in my head for a while.
I wondered if he’d found someone else since he’d given up on me. If he was out with her at that very moment. My heart stuttered, and my stomach churned.
No, he wouldn’t do that. Ryland always told me he’d waited five years for me. There was no way he could just move on so quickly. But as fast as he’d gone cold, I really didn’t know where his feelings were at. Just when I thought about giving up and walking out the door, something out on the balcony caught my eye.
I turned around and examined his profile in the moonlight as he stared out at the skyline. All of my irritation deflated when I saw him sitting there in the cold, looking more lost and alone than I’d ever seen him. I drew closer to him, unable to keep my head and heart from wanting the same thing. I pushed open the glass door, but he didn’t hear me. His skin looked ice cold, and his eyes were empty.
“Ryland?”
He turned at the sound of my voice, and something flared to life in his eyes as his gaze travelled over my face. He took a step closer on instinct, but then stopped short.
“Brighton? Are you okay?”
His eyes travelled down to my belly as I nodded, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets in an effort to control himself. I could tell he wanted to touch me, and honestly, I wanted him to touch me too. We were so close, but so far away.
“The nurse…” I stammered.
“Please.” He took another step. “Just give me this one concession. That’s all I’m asking.”
I shook my head. “It isn’t what I want.”
He rubbed the back of his neck and blew out a breath. He was heartbroken, but he didn’t understand. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t find the words. My pride and my heart were at war, and things with Ryland were never like this before. He usually took whatever it was he wanted, without question. And that included me.
But now there were so many different emotions between us. Emotions I didn’t even know how to deal with. This man before me was not the same man who’d blackmailed me ten months ago. He was not the same man who’d tried to kill my brother, or who had funded Norma’s addictions. This man was a broken, empty shell… and it was breaking me to see him this way. But he still wouldn’t let go of his anger over me hiding this from him. He seemed to be in the habit of taking his pain and twisting it into anger. And I didn’t know how to get through to him.
“Nicole said you’ve been tired,” he remarked. “I’m just trying to help, Brighton. In the only way that I can.”
It wasn’t the only way he could help, but again I was too proud to admit that.
“The nurse said something about a new apartment?” I asked. “What was she talking about?”
“That apartment isn’t going to work,” he said. “I think we both know that. I have a couple other places I’m looking into. I was going to text you and ask if you’d come look at them with me tomorrow.”
The way he said it was so business-like again, I hated it. But I nodded anyway.
“Please just give Emma a chance,” he continued. “Let her take some of your stress away, Brighton. It isn’t good for the baby.”
I frowned because I knew he was right. And when he put it that way, it sounded selfish of me not to take him up on it. Most women would probably kill to have what he was offering while they were pregnant.
“Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll give her a chance.”
“Thank you.”
Silence fell between us, and it was awkward. Things had never been this way before. I didn’t know what to say or how to act anymore. So I turned to go.
“I’ve been doing some reading,” Ryland said. “I think you’re supposed to start feeling some movement soon.”
I nodded b
ecause I’d read the same thing in my baby book.
“Have you?” he asked. He looked worried like he was missing out on something.
“Not yet.” I smiled. “But I’ll tell you when I do, I promise.”
“Okay,” he agreed. “And I made you an appointment for next week to have an ultrasound, so we can go together. I think you’re due for one.”
I bit my lip and nodded. No way was I going to tell him that I already had an appointment in my old neighborhood. Besides, I wanted him to be there with me.
“Thank you.”
He cleared his throat and tore his eyes away. “Anyway, it’s late. So I guess you should probably get some rest.”
“Yeah.”
I walked towards the door solemnly.
“I’ll have Ted pick you up at noon tomorrow.”
“Okay, Ryland.”
“Goodnight, Brighton.”
“Goodnight.”
***
“So?” Ryland arched a brow at me expectantly as my eyes wandered over the apartment once more.
It was a luxury loft that took up the entire top floor of an apartment building. Complete with a bay view and all the comforts that anyone could ever want. And the real kicker? It had been divided into two living spaces. There was very little in the way of privacy, with only a sliding partition that extended between the lounge areas. Ryland had calmly explained that he would have one side, and I’d have the other.
“You want to raise our baby here?” I clarified. “In this sterile apartment?”
He looked miffed, but I didn’t care. Technically there was nothing wrong with the apartment, but the realization that he was committing to us being separated for the next eighteen years upset me. I knew it was ridiculous. This was what I told him I wanted. And now I was completely contradicting that. I wanted to blame it on the hormones, but I couldn’t even do that.
“What’s wrong with this one, Brighton?”
There was an edge of frustration to his voice, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be here another moment.
“You can’t possibly think this would work,” I fumed. “What’s going to happen when you start dating again Ryland? You’re just going to bring your girlfriend back to the apartment while I’m sitting in the next room with your baby.”
He tore his eyes away from me and stared out the window. “It would never be like that.”
“You say that now,” I continued. “But you can’t possibly know that. You’re not going to be single forever.”
I didn’t know why I was pushing this. I was making myself crazy, but I wanted to hear his response. To see if the final nail had already been wedged into our coffin. If we were really over.
Ryland didn’t answer, and that was answer enough.
“What do you want from me?” he asked. “I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
“I don’t want anything,” I said weakly. “I just want to go home. I’m tired.”
It was a lie, but I knew Ryland wouldn’t argue with me on this point. Unfair? Yes. But I needed to get out of this apartment and everything it represented.
“Okay,” he agreed. “I’ll keep looking. Ted will take you home.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Brighton
Ryland and I sat in uncomfortable silence in the doctor’s waiting room. The place looked expensive, and I had no doubt he’d probably paid a fortune for me to come here. The other mothers-to-be were dressed in designer clothes and heels and were no doubt highly prominent figures of society.
On the drive over, Ryland informed me that Dr. Maria was the best of the best. Reportedly, an OB/GYN to the stars- and now, little old me too.
He’d really been going out of his way to help me in whatever way he could, and I did appreciate that, regardless of how strained things were between us. He’d been reading a lot, and over the last week, he’d started to send me text messages of little things that surprised him or freaked him out. Like facts he’d picked up in the books on food cravings. It was kind of adorable that he was so interested, and it was a bittersweet feeling for me. He was going to make a great father.
“Brighton Valentine?” the nurse popped her head through the door.
“That’s me.” I stood up, and Ryland followed me down the hall.
She paused to weigh me, and my face flamed in embarrassment as Ryland stood there expectantly.
“Turn around,” I ordered.
“Why?” he frowned. “I need to know these things.”
“No, you don’t,” I snapped. “This isn’t your concern.”
“I want to make sure you’re eating enough, Brighton.”
The nurse gave us an amused grin as she pushed the scales back and forth. “I’ll write it down and let you two decide while you wait.”
She ushered us into an empty room and asked the usual questions. When I told her I was still having occasional bouts of morning sickness, Ryland looked worried. I could already see him making a mental note to google it later, and I hoped the nurse would put him at ease.
“While that isn’t great news, that does sometimes happen,” she assured me. “But let us know if it gets any worse, or to the point that it feels unbearable. Have you been under a lot of stress lately?”
I shifted in my chair, and I could practically feel the tension rolling off of Ryland. “Not really,” I lied.
“That can sometimes cause it too,” she said. “You may be a little more sensitive when pregnant, so stress can induce it.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Alright, Brighton.” She smiled as she stood. “I’m going to have you hop up on the table and lift your shirt up.”
I climbed up on the table, feeling Ryland’s eyes on me as I tugged my shirt up just beneath my breasts. This was the first time he’d seen me like this, and I was a little nervous. I glanced over to find him staring at my belly, and I wanted so badly to know what he was thinking.
“I’m just going to get the technician,” the nurse said. “She’ll be right in.”
“Thank you.”
She left, and Ryland and I looked at each other. He gave me a smile that I was sure he meant to be reassuring, but I could tell he was nervous too.
“We might find out the sex today,” I volunteered.
This earned me a real smile from him. “I’m looking forward to it.”
The door opened, and the technician stepped inside. “Hello, Brighton. How are we doing today?”
“Good,” I answered.
She sat down on her chair and started messing with the equipment while Ryland watched eagerly. I wanted to ask him if he had a preference between a boy or girl, but that seemed silly. I’d be happy with either.
“This is going to be a little cold.” She squeezed the gel onto my tummy and started to move the wand.
The room was quiet for a few moments while she checked some things on the screen, clicking away while she worked. I wasn’t scared, but I could tell Ryland was getting anxious by the way he leaned forward. He was waiting to hear the heartbeat, and it took a while to get to that part from what I understood.
Before I could stop myself, I reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. His eyes found mine, and he seemed to relax a little as he threaded his fingers through mine. It was such a small, simple gesture, but it meant the world to me.
“Baby’s growing very nicely,” the technician said. She fiddled with some more knobs and buttons, and then the sound came through the speakers.
I looked at Ryland through bleary eyes as I heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. He kept running his free hand through his hair, messing it up while he stared at the screen with a dazed expression on his face. It was a mixture of terror and awe, and I doubted he even realized how tight he was gripping my hand.
“Sounds nice and healthy too,” the technician remarked. “Are we wanting to know the sex today?”
I looked at Ryland, and he nodded. “Yes, please.”
<
br /> His voice was hoarse, which surprised me.
“Everything looks great.” The technician finished up and wiped the gel from my tummy. “So I’ll show these to Dr. Maria, and she’ll be in soon to let you know. Just lay back and relax, in case she needs to do an exam.”
I smiled and nodded, and she walked from the room. I didn’t even get a chance to talk it over with Ryland before the doctor came in. They were fast and efficient here. I guess that’s what money bought you.
She went over my chart again and told me everything was progressing normally, which relaxed Ryland a little further. Then we got to the good stuff.
“Okay, so I see a note here that you’d like to know the sex?”
“Yes,” I answered nervously.
Dr. Maria looked up at both of us with a large smile as she pointed at the picture.
“Congratulations mom and dad, it looks like you’re having a little boy.”
“A boy?” I squeaked.
The tears were leaking out of my eyes now, but they were completely happy ones this time. Ryland looked a little pale but flashed me a boyish grin as he processed the news.
Dr. Maria wrapped everything up and said she expected to see me back in a month and to call her should I need anything. Ryland and I both thanked her before she left, finally giving us a minute to digest everything that had just happened.
He stood up and locked the door behind her while I sat up to right my clothing. But before I could, he was back in front of me.
“Wait,” he pleaded.
I paused, leaving my shirt rolled up. He sank to his knees before me and lifted his trembling hands towards my belly, hesitating for the slightest of moments. He expected me to tell him no, but I didn’t. He splayed his hands across my belly and gave it a gentle kiss. It was undoubtedly the sweetest thing he’d ever done.
He pressed his cheek against me and just sat there for a moment, his eyes closed, and his face relaxed. His warmth melted into me and brought on a sharp pang of longing. I missed these intimate moments between us so much. I wanted to reach down and thread my fingers through his dark hair. I wanted things to be good between us again. Without all the bullshit. Was that even possible?