She didn’t smile at his joke. “You were gone the whole night.”
“So I was. But I’m home, now.”
“You haven’t even shaved.”
He blinked at her before rubbing at his stubbled jaw with a measure of self-consciousness. “I don’t know what that has to do with anything.”
“It’s got to do with everything. Were you out whoring last night?”
“What kind of a question is that?”
“I wanted to get it out of the way. I saw you at Bokta’s.”
“So you told Mother.”
She cleared her throat. “He has whores, you know.”
“I…I didn’t.”
“You have to get some ale first and then put your empty mug down and ask for them. How could you not know? Every young man with coin around these parts…”
“I told you. I didn’t. Is that so hard to believe?”
“So what were you doing there?”
Luc paused for a moment, rubbing the back of his head. “Drowning out my sorrows, obviously. I failed the exam, Ceri. More than that—because I’m Gorenten, they’ll never pass me. I didn’t know how to tell you all.”
“Oh,” she said, her cheeks growing red.
“And then when I was there, Michell got into a fight,” he continued. “He’s dead.”
“I know. Someone came down this morning to tell his parents. They’ve caught one of the culprits, but there’s another still somewhere in town. Did you—did you see everything? They said it happened in Bokta’s tavern, too.”
He looked down and mumbled something that sounded like a no.
“Lucky,” she said. “Look at me. You—this isn’t like you.” He felt Ceri’s hand on his arm. “You’ve never been like this before. It’s strange.”
“I saw Michell die right in front of me, Ceri.” He shook his head. “I can’t explain it. I keep thinking about what I did—”
“What you did? How is this your fault?”
“If I hadn’t been there that day, if I hadn’t gotten it into my head to do that damn test—”
“You would’ve still been there! With Alun! You would’ve never let him go on his own! And if you did? Maybe he’ll be dead. Michell seemed intent on crushing his brains right then and there. You’ve got to stop this, Luc.”
“It’s just that…it’s never been this complicated before, Ceri. I’ve never had to think about my life before. Not like this. I took the damned test because I thought the coin would help us through the winter, but I didn’t think anyone would think much of it. It was always Alun—Alun, the scholar, Alun the builder now. But there, my father goes around calling me General Luc, and then you go and try to join, too. Why did you even do that?”
“Can’t I have my reasons?”
“I’ve never had to think this far ahead before,” Luc said.
“Never?”
“Never.”
She started laughing.
“I know,” Luc said, a little irritated. He whistled. “I know it sounds pathetic. I know nothing happens around here. And it’s never really bothered me. There’s too much to do around the farm, and Da’s always needed the help, especially since he hurt himself last winter. But by Agartes’ balls—the moment you all started hoping I could do this, that I could make something for myself, I started wanting it, too, and I don’t…” He took a deep breath. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“What do you mean? They’ll forgive you. Your father will understand.”
“And then what? I’m supposed to go back to my life, just like that? Alun goes off to his studies, and you head off to Tilarthan, and…we don’t even have goats anymore, and…it’s not even what I did that’s the problem. It’s who I am. What I am. What I’ve always been. Shit, my father—”
Ceri stood up on tiptoe and kissed him.
Shock coursed through Luc’s veins. For a moment, he forgot everything against the warmth of her lips and the softness of her skin. He had never kissed a girl before, and Ceri was not…unpleasant. But then just as quickly, he remembered his brother, how Alun had been hoping to start courting Ceri once he’d been in Skellcilan for a year or so, and he pulled away.
“Shit,” Luc whispered.
She looked confused. “What’s wrong?”
“Shit,” he repeated. He ran one hand through his hair and turned away from her. After a moment, he jumped off the fence where he’d been sitting and slowly made his way down the road.
“I’m sorry,” she said, catching up to him. “I shouldn’t have. If you weren’t ready…”
“It’s Alun,” Luc gasped. “You know he’s in love with you, right?”
“Well, yes. It’s always been pretty obvious.”
“Then you shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why not? Alun’s a kid, Luc. There’s nothing between us. I’m talking about you—about us. About what you feel. Can’t you make a decision that doesn’t involve your family for once?”
He had both of his hands in the back of his head, now. He turned to her with a look of disbelief. “And what decision would you have me make?”
“Come with me to Tilarthan. There’ll be work for you there.”
“Run off with you?”
She looked at him, breathless. “Well, yes. Would that be so bad?”
“You heard what I just said about Alun, right?”
“Don’t you feel the same way about me, Luc?”
“I don’t know, Ceri.”
“You kissed me back.”
He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. “They’re all I have. I’m a foundling, Ceri. An orphan. My true parents died in that shipwreck. Without my family, I’d be nothing. If my father hadn’t rescued me…even Mother, she didn’t even have to take me in, not when she had her own son to take care of. She could’ve forced Da to leave me in an orphanage in Port Bluetree. Is this how I’m supposed to repay them, Ceri?”
“I wasn’t aware your life was something you owed people. Stop being ridiculous, Luc. If you want me to talk to Alun—”
“What about me?” Alun asked, coming around the bend of the road with one hand on his cane. His face was bright. He looks like that every time he sees me, Luc realized, his chest tightening. He realized Ceri’s hands were still on him. He pried them away, but it was too late. The smile left Alun’s face, replaced quickly by a puzzled frown.
“What’s happening here?”
Chapter Five
Tumbled bricks suddenly felt like an inadequate image. A storm, Luc found himself thinking. He was in the eye of an Agartes-damned storm.
Luc could count on one hand the number of times he had seen Alun’s face transform with anger towards him before. Just one hand, because when all was said and done, he knew his brother worshipped him about as much as Luc doted on him in return. It had been one of the unspoken truths of their relationship—that not being brother by blood had not affected the strength of their bond. Luc never envied how much Kasia preferred her flesh and blood son, and Alun never seemed to mind that Jak spent most of his days out doing chores with the able-bodied Luc. And the few times they had fought, Luc had been able to appease his brother quickly enough. He still remembered sliding paper-wrapped treats through the crack in the door of Grandma’s room, where Alun would lock himself in, humming a little tune with every flick of his fingers. And he could recall Alun unlocking the door, face all red, small hands clutching at his offering like his life depended on it.
This time, Luc realized something very quickly—that no amount of candied plums or paper cranes would soothe this one. The change in Alun’s expression felt like a blow. Whatever Luc said would sound like an excuse. He swallowed.
“Lucky failed the exam,” Ceri said with a soft sigh. “I was asking him to come with me to Tilarthan. Perhaps he can find work there. They treat Gorenten a lot better in the big cities.”
“And why,” Alun said, his eyes never leaving Luc, “would he do that?”
“Alun…”
�
��I’m asking him, Ceri,” Alun hissed.
“I haven’t agreed to it, Alun,” Luc blurted out.
Alun leaned against his crane and rubbed his eyes. “Can we start from the beginning? Why are you even asking him? What are you doing back here, whispering around with Ceri when we’ve been looking for you all morning?”
“Alun—”
“Lucky’s been in a bad spot, Alun,” Ceri said. “Leave him alone. Michell’s dead and Luc thinks it’s his fault, and I was just telling him…”
“Why do you even care?” Alun asked.
“You know I care about your brother,” she murmured in a way that left little doubt as to what she really meant.
Alun looked horrified she would even say that. “No. No, I don’t. I never…what—”
“Ceri,” Luc broke in. “Please. Alun and I need to be alone.”
She swallowed before drifting away, though not without giving him one last look. “Shit,” Luc murmured.
“Shit?” Alun cried. “That’s the best you can say?”
“Can we talk about this at home?” Luc asked. “You’re shaking. Let me—” He reached out to help him the way he’s done thousands of times before.
Alun struck him with his cane, hard enough to make Luc flinch from the sting. “I can do it myself,” Alun hissed. The coldness in his voice cut even deeper than the blow. Luc numbly stared at his back as he hobbled towards the house, feeling for all the world like the ground had crumbled under him.
He followed Alun in silence. Kasia was waiting for them by the chicken coop, her arms crossed. “Where’s your father?” she asked sharply. “I swear, it’s like you all just decided to disappear on the same day.”
“I left him with Brother Hamis. I think they had things to talk about,” Alun said. “He told us Luc came by this morning. Slinking about like a cat…” He gave Luc a vicious glare.
“Well, you shouldn’t have done that,” Kasia said, unaware of the tension between them. “He’ll be there all day if you let him. I guess I’ll have to go and fetch him now.” She dusted her apron and walked past them to the road.
Luc had been counting on Kasia’s presence to get Alun to calm down. He frowned, watching as Alun limped back into the house and slammed the front door. He tried to gather his thoughts before he followed him.
“The thing that bothers me,” Alun said, as soon as Luc walked inside, “is that you didn’t tell me. That you didn’t think your brother was at least worth the respect. I should’ve known from the start. Has she even talked about going to Tilarthan before? Or joining the king’s army? And then you do it and suddenly it’s her life-long dream?”
“Alun,” Luc said gently. “She’s allowed to make her own decisions, however we might feel about them.”
“And so she chooses you,” he said with a grimace, trying his hardest to keep steady. He wiped his face. “Well, of course you’d be fine with them.”
“I didn’t ask for this.”
He laughed. “Listen to yourself. Like it’s the worst thing in the world, hearing her say those things. She cares for you. And all this time I’ve been dreaming it would be me, that I could get her to look at me the way she’s always looked at you.”
“Agartes, Alun, there’s nothing going on between us.”
“How the hell do you expect me to believe that?” Alun took one step towards him, his cane rattling against the floor. “I shouldn’t have been so stupid. What chance do I have beside you, Luc? Of course she’d choose you. You’re strong, I’m a cripple…”
“You’re smarter. You have a future. By Agartes’ balls, Alun, when she kissed me, I—”
Alun’s eyes widened, and Luc immediately knew it was the wrong thing to say. The anger twisted his face into something that no longer resembled the Alun Luc had known all his life. Alun’s hands curled into fists and Luc got the impression that if he was just a little bit closer, Alun would’ve hit him again.
“There’s nothing between us,” Luc repeated.
“You keep telling yourself that,” Alun croaked out. “You do that, Luc.” He hobbled towards the kitchen and sat down on the bench. Tears streamed down the side of his face as he stared at the stove.
“What do you want me to do about it, Alun?” Luc asked.
Alun didn’t answer.
He swallowed. “I could talk to her. I could—”
“Bad enough that Da likes you better,” Alun murmured.
Luc cringed. “Tell me what to do. I’ll make it right.”
Alun sniffed. “Turn back time. Pass that fucking test so you’ll have to leave. Tell Ceri not to follow you. But I suppose it won’t make a difference, will it? She will, anyway, Agartes be damned. It was always you, all along.” He wiped his face. “I knew it was foolish to hope. That once you were gone to Tilarthan, I’d have all the time in the world to show her…” He fell silent.
And there it was, the source of it all. Between Kasia’s words that morning and Alun’s anger, Luc felt like a ship drifting at sea without a destination. Anchorless and without a port, his whole world now suddenly bore no resemblance to the one he had always known. He bit his lip and stared at his brother, trying hard to place the image of him against yesterday’s memories, against the memories of his entire childhood.
Before Luc knew what was happening, he found himself up in the loft, going through the closet. He found an old leather pack and stuffed it with two woollen shirts, trousers, and an extra pair of socks. He went down again to rummage through the pantry for food, half-hoping that Alun would ask what he was doing and stop him and things would all go back to normal somehow. But his brother was still staring at the stove, as if somehow the answer to their dilemma lay somewhere in the heap of ashes on the floor. Without another word, Luc walked out of the farmhouse.
~~~
The women were both awake when Luc returned to the barn. “We have to get going now if we’re to reach the next village before dusk,” he said before either could open their mouths. “Better pray to your gods that word hasn’t reached that far yet.”
“I don’t believe in gods,” Tasha huffed.
“It’s probably better if we don’t stay in the inns until Blackwood, anyway,” Hana said. “I want to avoid capture for as long as we can.”
Luc didn’t argue. The risk of freezing to death out in the open seemed more tempting than what awaited for him back with his family. He led the mercenaries off to the road and then down to the muddy footpath that cut through the pastures, where there was less chances of them running into an active patrol. Fir and willow trees were planted in between the fields—against that fog, they looked like frost-fringed skeletons.
The wind sent a sharp, icy spray of dead leaves towards them. Luc tightened his cloak around his collar and pulled out a scarf to wrap around his neck. The mercenaries didn’t seem to feel it. Luc took a moment to observe how easily they accepted the prospect of sloshing through the cold mud without a single word of complaint between them. He had lived in these parts for seventeen years, but weeks ago, he would’ve balked at the idea of travelling on foot during the winter. Even being on a horse in this weather sounded cruel.
“What’s waiting for you in Blackwood?” he found himself asking.
They traded glances, and Hana offered what sounded like a cough.
“I’m risking my neck here for you two. You might as well give me something,” he said in a low voice.
Tasha grunted. “Duke Iorwin made a proclamation a few weeks ago. I’m surprised you haven’t heard. I’d assume it was the talk of every tavern from here on out.”
“I…haven’t been to a tavern in weeks,” Luc replied. “At least, not until last night.”
“There’s been attacks on the villages near Blackwood since the start of the winter. Creatures have been coming in and taking children, spiriting them off into the night.”
“That’s nothing new. It was always the price to pay for living so close to the Kag wilderness, isn’t it? And Blackwood is less than a
day’s walk from the edge of that forest.”
Hana cleared her throat. “It’s more than usual. Enough to concern Duke Iorwin. One of the villages lost all their children within a week. They don’t have enough soldiers garrisoned at Blackwood to deal with it, so he’s calling mercenaries in from across the Kag.”
“There was an attack on our goats a few weeks ago…” Luc breathed.
Hana smiled. “You’d speak so openly? While we’re out here?”
“We’re nowhere near those woods.”
“I’ve always assumed you country bumpkins were a suspicious lot,” Hana said. “What was that city they don’t talk about, Tasha? The one up north? Wind—”
Luc turned to her in surprise.
She stopped talking, a smile on her lips. “So you are just as bound by that ridiculous nonsense.”
“It’s not about being a country bumpkin,” he hissed. “That’s different.”
“Oh?”
“There’s magic up there,” Luc said. “Magic that protects us. That city was overrun by creatures from the Kag years ago, but Agartes put a stop to it. It was too late to save the city itself, but they put wards up that draw the creatures away from the rest of us. I don’t…know how it works, exactly, but part of the deal was that the name of the city shouldn’t ever be spoken. It’s why they took it off the maps, too. Speaking the name…weakens the ward.”
Hana laughed. “That’s ridiculous!”
Luc felt his cheeks redden. “That’s just what we were told. I haven’t really thought much about it. But everyone knows you don’t say the name. I don’t think I’ve ever even heard it, now that you mention it. Certainly nothing that says it on the books.”
“Wind—” Hana tried again.
Luc tapped her on the arm. “Don’t!”
Hana laughed. “You’ve got a lot of piss and vinegar for a farmboy, I’ll give you that. You ever think about doing better things with your life?”
“Hana,” Tasha growled.
“What?” Hana asked. “There’s just two of us left. Agartes knows if we’ll even be able to get Treda out of the Crossfingers jail, let alone find Demon again. He’ll have bolted to Forrehs by now, the little fucker.”
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