by Pace, Pepper
“Antsy?” Lance asked.
He nodded. “We’re a…physical bunch. We’d be out in the field twenty-four seven if we could. Some have wives and such and I’m sure that part is hard, but we look forward to actual engagement.” Christopher glanced at Ashleigh. “I do enjoy my time in the subbasement but others start going stir crazy.”
“It’s dangerous,” Kendra said, “but thankfully we have guys like you that put yourselves out there for our country.” Ashleigh’s brow furrowed.
Their food came and they ate and made easy conversation, mostly centered around Christopher which kept him actively involved. He liked Ashleigh’s friends. He didn’t like that every single person in the restaurant stared at them, or whispered about them. He was happy that the rest of them ignored it. And as he talked easily with Ashleigh’s friends he realized that he had no reason to be nervous. They were like her; good people.
When they returned to work he knew that all of the cameras were on them. He shook Lance and Kendra’s hands and promised that he’d join them again some time. Ashleigh lingered with him in the lobby.
“Thanks for coming with us.”
“Thanks for inviting me.” They looked at each other and Christopher decided that he would just ask her. He would ask her on a date.
“Ashleigh,”
“Yes?”
The words froze in throat at the look of curiosity on her face. “I…better get back. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow, Christopher.”
He nodded and headed for the elevators, cursing himself for being such a chicken. What if he lost her friendship because he wanted more? He didn’t want to do that. Ashleigh watched him walk away.
~***~
The ride down to Corbin Kentucky was quiet. It was just him, Mom and Dad. His father had suffered a stroke a few years back and often times became confused. He had his lucid moments though and thankfully today was one of them.
His brothers and sisters had decided to meet at Uncle Rays and he wasn’t looking forward to the sad circumstances for a family reunion. He’d just been to Cobb Hill a few weeks before but every time he drove through the winding mountain roads he felt a sick since of loss and as well as joy at the memories of his childhood here.
He pulled up in front of Uncle Ray’s A-frame house and let Mom and Dad out while he drove a ways down the road in order to park. It seemed that everybody on the mountain was gathered at the little house. Picnic tables had been set out along with folding chairs.
Several of his nieces and nephews ran up to him greeting him with hugs. They wanted to play football but he told them they’d get dirty. They headed away looking dejected and he called out that he’d race them down to the spring once he said his hellos. Then their faces brightened and he remembered when he was a kid and they had gatherings like this and it seemed like the most tedious thing in the world. Most of them didn’t know Aunt Lonnie and the youngest ones had never even met her.
He sighed and shook hands and gave kisses to people he hadn’t seen in years. His brothers and sisters came up and asked how Dad was doing and he discussed work for a bit and then he sought out Uncle Ray to give his condolences.
Ray was in the house and rocking in an old chair surrounded by some of his adult children. On his way into the room Christopher shook hands with everyone and received good natured ribbings about his size. Uncle Ray’s face broke into a huge smile and he stood and gave him a hug. He was so thin now. Back when he was a kid, Ray used to be the one that towered over him, now it was the other way around and the man seemed so frail. It made Christopher sad, yet his uncle didn’t appear sad at his own loss.
“Pull up a chair.” Someone found Christopher a stool and he sat down in it next to his uncle. “You still in the Marines?”
“Yes, sir. I’m in it for life.”
“Hmmm. Life planned out at the age of…how old are you?”
“Twenty-five.”
“Twenty-five….I had three kids by the time I was twenty-five.” He squinted at Christopher. “You ain’t got any kids do you?”
Christopher blushed. “No, sir.”
“And why is that?” He asked with a serious frown. “You ain’t using that scar as an excuse?” He said while gesturing in the general direction of Christopher’s face. The younger man’s expression darkened. Excuse? And it wasn’t just a scar, for Christ sakes! His face was deformed!
“I wasn’t the prettiest man around but I still got a beauty in your Aunt Lonnie.”
Knowing that it was the saddest day of his Uncle’s life, Christopher bit his tongue. But he wanted to lash out and tell him that he had no idea what it was like to live in his face. Not the prettiest man around? How about living with the skull and face of an albino gorilla!
“Pretty men have women that drop into their laps. But men like us have to make it work for us.”
Us.
He cut his eyes at his Uncle. Uncle Ray wasn’t the best looking in the world but he’d hardly thought of that in all his life. He was just Uncle Ray. Now Christopher looked at the man that was almost as tall as him, body bent and stopped now with age. He had a nose like a squash. But he also had a smile that lit up the room and he smiled easily…even today.
Christopher allowed his anger to drift away as he listened to his Uncle speak. The older man’s eyes looked distant and a soft smile appeared on his thin lips. “Lonnie used to go with a boy that ended up playing pro baseball. I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Maybe not to some, but to me she was an Angel.”
Ray’s kids quietly listened to their Dad speak. Christopher glanced at the floor but he listened just as intently. “Why would she want somebody like me when she can have anybody she wanted? But I knew something that the pretty boy didn’t.” Christopher looked up at his Uncle.
“Women drop into their arms and they don’t have to work for it. They don’t have to learn to be funny, sensitive, a good listener and a good friend. And that’s why we always got the edge.” Uncle Ray focused on Christopher.
“You’ve developed your edge, ain’t you boy?” Uncle Ray smiled. “Never mind me, Christopher.” The old man’s eyes drifted to a picture of Aunt Lonnie and his smile never left his face. Christopher sat with him a while longer and then stood and placed his hand on his Uncle’s thin shoulders before leaving the room.
Christopher jammed his hands into his pockets as he thought about Uncle Ray’s words. It seemed true; about having an edge. But he didn’t think that even with this so-called-edge, he’d be able to get Ashleigh to fall out of love with her ex and in love with him.
Just as he promised, Christopher played with the kids for a while and then it was time for the funeral. They climbed into the car. There were two limos; for Uncle Ray, and his kids and grandkids. They headed to the white church; named that because it was built of wood timbers and whitewashed. The red church was brick and they did things a bit differently; like speaking in tongues. The white church is where they had their family plot. He’d have to visit his brother Walt’s grave after Aunt Lonnie’s funeral. His older brother had died in a car accident at the age of eighteen. Everything was shit back then; losing Walt, moving to Covington where people made him feel like a freak, and not having his best friend Debbie.
His mom was stoic during the funeral service. He held her hand but she didn’t allow one tear to fall from her glistening eyes. He wanted to tell her that it was alright to cry and that he knew that she’d always had to be strong. But instead he just squeezed her hands gently.
They walked the casket to the plot and he took the brunt of the weight. The casket weighed a ton! He thought his cousin Bobby was going to stroke out. After the internment, everyone went back to the church for a fried chicken dinner while his family lingered at Walt’s grave for a while. He stayed even after they all went back inside.
He saw a woman watching him from the church stairs and he sighed and looked away. But then he saw her coming towards him and he took a second look a
t her, finding something familiar…
Debbie Roberts.
She still looked exactly like the fifteen year old girl that had broken his heart so many years ago. She was much too skinny and still had knobby elbows. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a bun but he could still see that curls outlined her face—just the way it did when she was a kid. She looked just as tired and her brown eyes seemed unsure. She smiled slightly.
“Hi Chris.”
“Debbie Roberts.”
“Well, it’s Debbie McMichaels now.”
“McMichaels? You married Keegan McMichaels?”
“No, Derrick.”
Derrick was way older than them. “Oh, congratulations.”
She nodded sheepishly. “Thanks, we have a little boy; Derrick Jr.”
“How old is he?”
“Four.”
He nodded and offered her a slight smile.
“You’re looking really good, Chris.” He shrugged almost imperceptivity. “I hear that you joined the military.”
“Yeah. I joined right out of high school.”
“I—” Debbie rubbed the palms of her hands nervously down her skirt. “I was hoping that I’d catch you. You were up here a few weeks ago but I didn’t get to you in time to say hi.”
“Oh. I didn’t stay too long. It’s a long drive back home. So you stayed on the mountain?”
“I did. As I got older I realized that it wasn’t quite as hideous as I had once thought. Besides I want DJ to be brought up in a place where he can run and play without the city swallowing him up.” She smiled suddenly. “Remember how we used to run all over the mountain? You always said you were going to be a track star but I thought you’d be a football player. You still don’t much care for football?”
“No, it doesn’t do much for me.” All his life he’d heard comments about him and football. People took it for granted that he’d play some type of sport. But he always turned down the offers. It just wasn’t what he wanted to do.
He shifted his weight. “Well, I guess I better head back in-” He said.
“Chris, remember that time you kissed me?”
He hid his grimace. “I recollect that you ran away and stopped hanging out with me.”
She rubbed her neck. “I always wanted to tell you how badly I felt about that. It’s still something that haunts me.”
Crap. She wanted to come to terms with her own sense of guilt. He rubbed his fingers through his short hair, lightly scratching his scalp with his short nails. He was about to make up some statement about the past being in the past when she continued to speak.
“I had the biggest crush on you, Chris. That’s what I’ve wanted to tell you. And I didn’t turn away from you because of your hairlip.” She looked down. “When you kissed me I didn’t know how to deal with it. My mother’s boyfriend used to kiss me and well…I never told anybody. But I wanted to tell you that being friends with you made things better.” Christopher blinked his eyes, his mouth parting. “It gave me a place to go so that I wasn’t at the house and you made me feel safe.”
She tried to smile but her eyes were too pained for it to look real. “I know I hurt you when I ran off. But I didn’t know how to deal with it. And then your family moved away and I couldn’t ever say I was sorry. But I wanted you to know that…” She swallowed. “the only good memories I have as a kid is when I was with you. And you saved my life Chris; and I mean that literally. And…I’m really sorry for what I did.”
“Debbie…Oh god…why didn’t you tell me? I would have…” His stomach felt like it had dropped to his feet. But anger was slowly blossoming inside of him.
“You were my friend, and that’s what I needed.” She smiled then and this time it touched her eyes. “I remember running with you in the mountains, and getting water from the spring, and lying in the grass looking at the clouds. And those are good memories and I want to thank you.”
He reached out slowly and let out a deep sigh as he pulled her into his arms and hugged her. She clung to him and then pulled back and looked up into his face.
“Did you ever get married, Chris? Did you ever meet a girl?”
He sighed. “No. I was too shy.”
“Nobody but me knew you were shy, Chris.” He watched her quietly. “In school they all thought you were too cool to bother with them. You never looked scared, you just looked like…you didn’t care. It made you very cool.”
He laughed bitterly. “Right.”
“I know you cared, Chris. I’m saying that no one else did.”
He stared at her for a long time and then touched her chin so that she looked him right in the eye. “What ever happened to your mother’s boyfriend?”
“He died a few years back; drunken accident.”
“How long did he hurt you?”
“The funny thing is, Chris; he stopped when I started being friends with you. I believe that he thought I’d tell you.”
“I wish to hell you had.”
She shook her head. “I could hardly even tell myself.”
He hugged her again. “I’m sorry Debbie. I’m sorry that we lost our friendship.”
“Me too, Chris.” She pulled out of his arms and then she quickly stood on her tiptoes and gave him a brief kiss.
“I better get home. But I’m happy I got a chance to see you.” She walked away and then turned and waved.
“Me too, Debbie.” He called. Me too.
~***~
Christopher glanced up nervously when Ashleigh walked into the room. She always came in looking full of energy and ready to tackle the workout without complaints.
“Good morning. I know people always ask stupid things like, ‘How was the funeral.’ But how was the funeral?”
He grinned. “It was actually a very nice funeral as far as those things go. I got to see a lot of family that I hadn’t seen in a long time. And I had a long talk with my Uncle Ray—it was his wife that passed. I also got to see an old friend. How was your weekend?”
She made a face, reached for her thermos and then plopped down across from him to begin her stretching. “Boring.”
He cleared his throat and untwisted the top off his thermos as if in deep thought, or perhaps stalling for time. Finally he just looked at her. “Ashleigh, I was wondering if you might want to have dinner with me…sometime.” There! He’d said it. He felt nervous sweat beads begin to form on his brow.
“Okay.”
Christopher blinked. She said okay? Did she hear him? She just said, okay…
“Okay?”
She nodded and her eyes were bright and big and beautiful. He smiled.
“Okay.” He nodded once and they continued stretching.
When Ashleigh left the gym room she couldn’t wipe the pleased smile from her face. She sighed and entered the office and faced her two friends.
“Christopher and I are going on a date.”
Kendra and Lance exchanged brief looks. “Well it’s about time.” Kendra said.
“It was pretty obvious that you’re crushing on him.” Lance said. “Does this mean that you’ll stop saying ‘Christopher this and Christopher that?’ all damned day?”
Ashleigh’s eyes bugged out. “Crush? You are crazy. I mean…I like him but that is far from a crush…”
Kendra patted her belly and looked miserable. “You were making goo goo eyes at him all during lunch the other day.”
She turned red. “I mean, so what if I am crushing on him a little. Is it a big deal?” She looked expectantly at each of her friend’s; especially Kendra.
Lance rolled his eyes. “As long as it means you’re over DeAngelo then I’m pleased as punch. Besides…he’s got a damn nice body.”
“Hell yeah…” Kendra said. “He is…scary looking with the scars, and I’m not sure what was up with the lump on his head, but it’s obvious that he’s a really nice guy.”
Ashleigh smiled. “I forget about those scars. Well maybe that’s not true...” She began to feel warm. It wasn’
t that she forgot about them, necessarily, but found herself wanting to run her fingertips over them and then her tongue…She gushed and caught Lance scowling at her.
“God, you need a cold shower.”
Kendra stared at her with half narrowed eyes. “You are nasty. I know what you’re thinking.”
Ashleigh shook her head in denial but then ducked her head and hurried to her office in embarrassment.
CHAPTER 6
Christopher took the good natured ribbing because he really had no choice. But at least he had avoided whatever plan they had created in their idle time to get him and Ashleigh together. He ran his reports, did his sweeps and transported the prisoners all with a goofy smile on his face. Was he the cool guy? The idea made him chuckle out loud several times. His shyness scared people away…