by J. H. Croix
She twirled that lock of hair around her finger again and bit her lip. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. “The thing is, I don’t want Kyle to hold the honors anymore, but I don’t want to try to date. I hate dating.” She almost spit the word out, and Aidan bit back his smile. Her eyes held his, uncertainty blinking behind the brave veneer of hers. “I thought maybe we could…” She stopped, her face flushing.
He stared at her and tried to make sense of what she was saying. If it was what he thought, he might lose his hold on sanity, which was difficult enough to cling to whenever Becca was near. “Maybe we could…?”
Still flushing, she took another gulp of wine. “How do I say this?” she muttered to herself. She looked over at him, and he felt as if her eyes had ahold of his heart. “I don’t want Kyle to be the last man I was with anymore. I thought maybe if you wanted to kiss me, and I wanted to kiss you, then maybe you might want something more. You probably think I’m crazy, but…” Her words ran out, and she kept twirling her hair.
He kept staring at her, his mind racing. If he understood, Becca, the woman he’d fantasized about for years, was flat out asking him to do a lot more than kiss her. There was absolutely no way he could say no. Yet, a part of him was torn. He didn’t want to simply be the man who became the newest memory for Becca. Beyond desire, he wanted her—in every way. He’d loved her from afar and kept his distance and had resigned himself he may wait forever. So, he’d have to play his cards very, very carefully. Much as he didn’t know if he had the discipline to do it, he might have to persuade Becca to delay her request.
Becca started to stand. “Okay, obviously you think I’m out of my mind and you’re too polite to say so. I’ll just…”
He reached over and wrapped his hand around her wrist. Her eyes slammed into his, wide and vulnerable. “I don’t think you’re out of your mind.”
She slowly sat back down. He didn’t release her wrist, but eased his grip. He could feel the beat of her pulse under the soft skin and stroked his thumb across it. “An ass like that shouldn’t be the last man who touched you. Thing is, I think it might be best if we take this slow.”
Her pulse leapt under his thumb. Her blue eyes were bright and tinged with anticipation. Her cheeks were flushed. Watching her was like watching clouds pass. One moment, her eyes were open, the next they were shuttered. She was quiet for so long, Aidan started to get worried. Suddenly, she shook her head, her eyes determined. “I can’t go slow. If we’re going to do this, we have to just do it.”
Chapter 5
Becca watched Aidan while the soft brush of his thumb across the pulse in her wrist sent heat surging through her. She’d thought about this off and on since it occurred to her that until last night, Kyle had been the last man she kissed. She needed more than a kiss to change that equation. She’d happily sworn off men after what happened with Kyle. She was hurt, mortified and bitter at first. She’d managed to move beyond those feelings to a comfortable acceptance that it was emotionally safer to steer clear of relationships. She didn’t want to put her heart on the line again, but she didn’t want Kyle to remain in her memory as the last man she was intimate with. There was the fact he’d betrayed her horribly, but also that sex with him had been mediocre. She couldn’t say she’d had much more than mediocre because she’d been more focused on studying than having fun during the years when most of her friends were busy dating. She wanted to give herself another memory. Aidan could give her that.
He sat across from her, his blue eyes bright in contrast to his almost-black hair. He was so damn handsome and sexy, he intimidated her. She’d never have had the nerve to make this wild proposal to him if he hadn’t kissed her last night. His kiss and his words after gave her the courage. She’d bet good money he was something else in bed. His kiss alone had left her drenched with need. He appeared to be considering his words. She’d meant what she’d said. If they were going to do this, she couldn’t take it slow. If she did, she’d chicken out and be stuck with Kyle as her last lover. Because she sure as hell wouldn’t have the nerve to ask another man for something like this.
She trusted Aidan—a strange feeling because she didn’t think she trusted any man unless they happened to be related to her and of an entirely platonic connection. Even though, by all accounts, Aidan didn’t do anything other than casual when it came to relationships, she knew him to be nothing other than honest and straightforward. He wouldn’t lie to her, and he wouldn’t lead her on. A small voice in the back of her mind warned her to be careful. She’d already faced the pain of a mortifying betrayal. If she let her heart get involved when it came to Aidan, she feared it would cripple her.
Aidan’s thumb went still. “So, no taking it slow?”
She shook her head firmly, barely able to think straight with the heat of his hand on her wrist a brand searing through her. She was puzzled about his suggestion to take it slow because he seemed all business and all casual when it came to dating. Why she would be any different, she didn’t know.
“Why does it matter to you? You date all the time, and it doesn’t amount to much. I don’t see why I should be any different. We can keep it simple. Just this once.” Her voice almost shook when she spoke. Her nerves were getting the best of her. Do you really think just once will be enough? This is Aidan. Exactly the problem. If I let myself consider more, my heart might get involved. She realized she was having her own internal debate and shook her head.
His blue eyes held hers. She often felt as if he could see right through her, which was most of the reason she tried to keep her distance from him. Well, that and the fact he flustered her and made her want things she shouldn’t. Maybe if she gave herself just once with him, she’d not only replace the memory of her last lover, but she’d get Aidan out of her system.
His thumb set to idly stroking again, and her breath caught. Heat flooded her belly, spiraling outward through her limbs. “Just once?”
She managed a jerky nod.
“What if we want more?” he asked, his gravelly voice sending shivers through her.
Dear God. She was about to melt into a puddle right here and now. She forced herself to focus. She would worry about more if it came to that, but no matter how tempting Aidan was, she didn’t think she’d want more. One time would burn her desire for him out of her system. She’d been perfectly fine without any sex for three years now. One night probably wouldn’t change that. If it did…well, she’d improvise.
She feigned nonchalance, as if she was confident in her reply when she was anything but. “We’ll figure it out.” She didn’t really know how she’d figure it out because if she wanted more, it was more than physical and more than casual. Aidan only did casual, so she couldn’t go getting her heart involved.
He was quiet, his thumb continuing its steady brush back and forth across her pulse. The air around them was heavy with anticipation and desire. He nodded slowly. “Okay, so we try just once. But let’s be clear I’m not promising to hold to that.”
The warning bells in the back of her mind were barely audible over the rush of desire surging through her. She managed another nod.
At that moment, their waiter approached the table. He gestured to their empty plates. Aidan slowly released her wrist and carefully stacked her plate on top of his and handed them to the waiter.
“Interested in the dessert menu?” the waiter asked.
Aidan caught her eyes and arched a brow. She shook her head and took a gulp of wine. With her nerves running high, she realized she’d helped herself to a bit more wine than usual. She rarely enjoyed more than a glass of wine once in a while. After several glasses, she was tipsy, probably the reason she had enough nerve to say aloud what she’d been thinking.
“You can bring the check when you get a chance,” Aidan said to the waiter.
After the young man turned and walked away, Aidan’s eyes landed on her again. She started to lose herself in the blue blur of his gaze, but she shook her head. S
he’d thrown out the craziest idea she’s ever had, and Aidan had agreed to it. Yet, tonight it would have to wait. She was expected at her parents’ house and Aidan at his sister’s home. Much as her body was taut with longing, she would wait.
***
Aidan steered the car and tried to quell the lust pounding through him. Becca had set him on fire inside. His mind considered options. He needed to drop Becca off at her parents’ house. Yet, that didn’t mean he couldn’t have a taste, just a taste, of what could come next with Becca. He canted his eyes to the side when he stopped at a stoplight. She sat quietly, her dark hair tucked behind her ears. She wore her glasses tonight. He happened to prefer her in glasses, but she rarely wore them. They reminded him of the first time he saw her—studious, smart and sexy. The light turned green, and he looked away.
Moments later, he turned onto the road that led to her parents’ home. When he came to a stop in the circular drive, it didn’t look as if they’d stayed awake. The lights were off in the house with only the porch light on. He turned to Becca to find her watching him. In a flash, the air came to life around them, fairly sizzling with heat and electricity. He reached over and slowly removed her glasses, carefully setting them on the dashboard. He was giving her every chance to stop him, even though it took all of his discipline. He could see her pulse fluttering in her neck and feel his own heart pounding heavily.
He stroked his hand into her hair, sliding it through the silky strands to cup her nape. This wouldn’t be the impulsive, unplanned kiss of last night. This would be what he meant. He lifted his other hand and traced her lips, which fell open on a gasp. He didn’t wait any longer and brought his lips to hers. He tried to start slow, oh he tried, but when a soft gasp escaped into his mouth, he fit his mouth to hers and swept his tongue inside. He dove into the warm sweetness of her mouth—stroking, nipping, and licking. She didn’t hold back, meeting him stroke for stroke, her body flexing toward him.
The next few moments were a blur of pure need. After nearly driving himself mad with her mouth, he traced down her neck and into the valley between her breasts. She nipped at his neck and slipped her hands up under his shirt. Too many years of fantasies shoved out of his consciousness left his hold on control tenuous. To feel her hands on his skin, her touch soft and rough at once, to hear her low moans, and to feel the lush curves of her breasts under his touch…he nearly lost it. Somehow, he latched onto a weak thread of control and pulled back.
Becca’s glossy hair was in disarray, rumpled around her shoulders. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, her eyes dark and tinged with wildness. He almost lost what little control he’d regained, but he forced himself to lean back another inch. He gulped in air.
“I, uh, suppose I should get going,” he finally managed to say.
Her hands slowly slid down his chest. She licked her lips and shook her head slightly. “Right.” She shimmied her hips back in the seat and straightened her shirt. Somehow in the next few minutes, he pulled himself back together and cleared the fuzz in his brain.
He walked her to the door, his hand resting in the dip of her waist. The temptation to curl his palm around her lush bottom was strong, but he forced himself to maintain control. She looked up at him when they reached the door. The open, wild look in her eyes had been replaced with her customary guardedness. He couldn’t resist teasing.
“Just once, huh?” he asked with a wink.
She bit her lip, fighting a smile. “We’ll figure it out.”
Chapter 6
Becca let herself into her apartment, the click of the lock echoing against the hardwood floors. Flicking on the lights, she tossed her bag on the couch and sat down beside it with a sigh. Glancing around, she pondered what might be in the refrigerator—likely not much. She tended to live on takeout. Her heart was still pounding from the drive back to Seattle with Aidan. After her bold proposal last night and another mind-blowing kiss, Aidan had appeared at her parents’ home and spent a leisurely lunch with them.
It had all been so much easier to handle the undercurrent of attraction between them before he kissed her. She hoped like hell her parents hadn’t noticed how flustered she was. The only way she could behave half-normally was when she managed to call upon her sarcastic, prickly self. The drive home had started tense, but Aidan kept conversation light and she managed to relax. He didn’t try to kiss her when he dropped her off, which simultaneously relieved and disappointed her.
Now, she was home. Alone. Being alone didn’t usually bother her, but right now, it chafed. She tried to remember the young woman she once was before she became bitter about men. She met Kyle right after she finished law school. She’d been young, energetic and idealistic. She’d thrown herself into work, hoping to change lives. Kyle hadn’t quite swept her off her feet, but she’d been too busy for that. Or so she told herself at the time. He’d been a charming defense attorney. She’d considered it balancing that she was a prosecutor and he a defense attorney. After two years of dating, they got engaged. Then came the afternoon she caught him with Lynne. Betrayal and bitterness settled like a hard knot in her heart. It was all made worse by the fact that the betrayal was on two levels—that of Kyle and her friend.
Becca stood abruptly, snagged her bag off the floor and walked to her bedroom. After a quick shower, she ordered pizza and turned on the television. Most evenings, she worked at home, but tonight she couldn’t focus. After her pizza arrived, she idly nibbled on it while flipping through the channels, eventually settling on a home remodeling show. She rarely let herself think about it, but a tiny corner of her heart wished for something other than evenings alone in her small apartment in downtown Seattle.
Aidan kept nudging his way into her thoughts—his sharp, knowing blue eyes, his muscled body, and the feel of his lips on hers. Her body thrummed with desire just thinking about him. She recalled her insane proposal to him and wondered if she could see it through. She desperately wanted to, wanted him, but she didn’t know if she had the nerve. They hadn’t even spoken of it again today. Not once. Though it wasn’t spelled out, she sensed the ball was firmly in her court.
***
Aidan walked downstairs into his offices. His security company was on the outskirts of downtown Seattle. What had started as a small endeavor was now much more. He had a staff of over twenty security agents. Most of his agents were ex-military like him with a few former SEAL team members from his days on active duty. His offices were in a nondescript building that once served as a storage facility. The upper floor of the building was residential. He had his own apartment up there, along with others that were rentals. The outside was plain gray steel with no signage. Aidan quickly walked down the hall and pushed through the doors into the reception area.
“Hello Aidan, how are you this morning?”
He glanced over to the desk and smiled at Jo Morton, his secretary and personal assistant. She was a single mother in her early forties. At a glance, she was tidy, neat and could easily blend into a crowd. On the petite side, she was whip-thin and always dressed in black. At work, it was black slacks, gray blouses and black suit jackets. Off duty, it was black jeans, faded t-shirts and a black leather jacket with boots to match. Jo had a rough and tumble personality that she hid under a polite exterior at work. She was completely reliable, impossible to ruffle, and exactly who Aidan needed to handle his day-to-day support.
“Hey Jo, I’m doing fine this morning. You?”
“Good. Did you get the schedule I emailed last night?”
“Of course. I’ll handle the security at the courthouse this week.”
At Jo’s nod, he continued. “Has George come in yet?”
“Come and gone. He said to tell you Becca Hamilton’s car is at the shop you prefer and should be ready to pick up by the end of this week.”
“That long?”
Jo nodded. “George said they had to order some parts and take care of the body work before it can be cleared for her to drive. Is Becca oka
y?”
Jo knew Becca in passing through Aidan’s friendship with Gage. The moment Jo said her name, Becca flashed in his mind—the hazy look in her eyes when he pulled away from kissing her, the feel of her silky hair through his fingers. Lust jolted through him so hard and fast, his breath caught. Damn. Not the time and place, dude. He forced his attention to Jo and nodded. “Becca’s in much better shape than her car. She said she jammed her shoulder against the door when the car rolled in the ditch, but she didn’t have any injuries. Damn lucky.” He shook his head when he considered that whoever carelessly drove Becca off the road had blithely left the scene. Anger simmered at the thought, but she was safe and that was all that mattered.
Jo nodded. “Good to hear. Speaking of the courthouse, Dale said he wanted me to buzz him when you got here. Ready for him to see you?”
“I’ll go see him. No need to send him my way.”
“I’ll let him know you’re headed his direction,” Jo said as Aidan started to walk past her desk to the door that led into the rest of the lower floor, which was mostly offices, in addition to an in-house gym. Aidan worked out daily with weights and alternated with running, biking and swimming. He wanted his security staff in tip-top shape, so he made it easy for them by offering the gym on site. It was busy morning and evening.
He passed his own office and headed down a short hall to Dale Cooper’s office. As soon as he tapped his knuckles on the door, Dale’s voice filtered through. “Come on in!”
Aidan stepped inside and shut the door before leaning his hip against Dale’s desk. “Jo said you wanted to check in. What’s up?”
Dale finished typing something on his keyboard and swiveled his chair to face Aidan. Dale was an ex-Marine and looked the part. He kept his brown hair close-cropped and dressed in identical clothes daily. In the world of private security, that meant a black suit. His brown eyes were serious when he met Aidan’s gaze. “Right. Remember a while back when we heard about that perp who was threatening attorneys and making life hell for his ex after she didn’t back down from an assault charge?”