by Lu Hersey
“I’ll stay out here and look after Jackson for you,” I say quickly. I want to be left on my own out here for a minute, even though it’s freezing cold.
Michelle yanks at Jackson’s lead to stop him peeing on a gravestone and grins at me. She’s got a lovely, cheeky little face and her green eyes are sparkling.
“Here you are, Danni.” She hands me Jackson’s lead and I make the effort to smile back at her. She and Dad trudge off along the paved path towards the church. They seem totally comfortable with each other and I feel a slight pang of envy.
I hear them chatting as they get to the big porch at the front of the church, then the clack of the latch on the church door as they go in. I look down at the engraving again. I wish it told me more. I crouch down and trace the inscription with my finger to see what it feels like. The granite is rough and icy cold. I poke the flowers. They’re all floppy and the stems are going slimy. Being here makes me want to cry. But practically everything makes me want to cry at the moment, especially thinking about Mum.
Jackson keeps straining at his lead and whining excitedly.
“What’s he to you then, girl?”
I jump in alarm and look round. I didn’t hear anyone coming. Jackson is wagging his tail and trying to make friends with the man standing behind us. I pull Jackson back but he keeps straining to get closer. I glance up at the man and realize he’s a tramp. The hair under his hat is long and tangled and his clothes are full of holes and worn patches. He looks about Dad’s age and smells of something I can’t quite place. He’s much too close for comfort and I wish he’d go away. If only Jackson would leave him alone.
The man takes a bottle from his pocket and lifts it to his lips. I see from the label it’s sherry. That’s the smell. Like Christmas. He wipes the bottleneck on the sleeve of his mud-caked jacket and offers it to me.
“No thanks. It’s a bit early,” I say politely. I take a step backwards. He looks at me closely for a moment. Jackson won’t stop sniffing and rubbing himself against the man’s trousers, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He’s too busy staring at me. He leans towards me for a better look and I take another step back, yanking at Jackson’s lead.
“Well I’ll be darned. You’re one of ’em, aren’t you? That’s wunnerful.” He looks genuinely moved and tears well up in his eyes. “Thought the line would die out with Mary.”
I’ve no idea what he’s talking about.
“I think you’re confusing me with someone else.”
“You’ve got the eyes. And the lovely fair hair. No need to be afraid of Robert here, I won’t tell no one.”
I feel really uncomfortable.
“I don’t understand, sorry.” I wonder if I should run to the church. Why do people round here keep thinking they recognize me?
“So what’s Joseph Pengelly to you then?”
He’s read the memorial stone before. He must know this graveyard well. Maybe he sleeps here? I can almost feel the cold of the graveyard creeping into my body just thinking about it.
“He was my grandfather. But I never met him.”
“I knew it! You’re a relative of Mary’s!” He tips his bottle in his excitement, and a glug of sherry splats onto the ground.
“No. I definitely don’t know a Mary.”
He doesn’t seem to hear me. “Of course, I’ve gone daft. She must be your mother. I never knew. My, how the time goes…”
This is too weird. I feel a bit sick.
“My mother’s name’s not Mary. It’s Erin.”
“That’s her! Mary Erin! Haven’t seen her in so many years… Well blessed be. How is she?”
My heart starts pounding. He is talking about Mum.
“She’s not well. She’s in Bodmin Hospital.”
I’ve no idea why I told him that. He’s a total stranger.
He looks at me carefully, steadying himself on a gravestone. I notice his eyes are an unusual turquoisey blue, like the sea.
“I’m truly sorry to hear that, girl. You give her Robert’s warmest regards, won’t you?”
There’s no point in telling him my mother doesn’t even recognize me right now.
“Okay,” I mumble.
The man sways slightly. He’s drunk. I should get away from him, but Dad will be out any minute and I want to ask this man what he knows.
“So how do you know Mum?”
“We were friends, way back when. Haven’t seen her since what happened, mind.”
I’m not sure what he means. I want to ask him more questions but suddenly I can’t say anything because I know talking will make me cry. It seems there’s so much about her I don’t know.
“’Course, it was all a long time ago.” He sighs and I catch a waft of sherry. The smell of wet leaves rises from his clothing when he moves.
“Tragedy, it was. Things was never the same after.” He stares at the ground and neither of us says anything for a minute. I guess he’s talking about when her father drowned. I concentrate on not crying. Then he reaches down to stroke Jackson.
“You look so sad, girl. Maybes I can help. Here, take this charm from old Robert, but don’t tell no one. And I won’t tell no one about you.”
He reaches out to hand me a strip of blue material he’s pulled from his jacket pocket. It looks like a piece of old tent canvas, with three knots tied in it. I’m not sure if I should touch it, let alone take it off him.
“Listen well. When things aren’t going too good, untie one of these here knots. The wind’ll change for yer. The last knot, he’s the strongest. That’s for when youse in real trouble.”
“Thanks,” I say. I hesitate for a second, then snatch the thing quickly and shove it in my pocket. It might make him go away. He’s obviously either mad or drunk.
“Folk don’t appreciate the old ways these days.” He grins at me and I notice a few gaps in his teeth. “But I’ve always had a soft spot for your kind. Especially Mary Erin.”
His cheeks go pink. I wonder what he means, but don’t like to ask.
“Maybes see you again, girl.”
It’s all so strange, I don’t know what to say. I just nod and smile. He touches his hand to his battered trilby and turns to go. Jackson strains at the leash, wanting to follow.
I watch him dodge round the gravestones and walk unsteadily out through the lychgate. He doesn’t turn round again. Maybe he needs another bottle of sherry already. I touch the knotted canvas in my pocket and pull it out to have another look. The knots look surprisingly complicated.
It’s only when he’s completely out of sight that it dawns on me. If he knew Mum, he must know where she lived. He probably knows her mother’s name too. How could I be so stupid? I stuff the charm back in my pocket and start to run after him. At that moment, Dad and Michelle come out of the church.
“Won’t be a minute,” I blurt, racing towards the gate. Jackson’s more than happy to run with me. When I get there, the lane is totally empty in both directions.
“Which way did he go, Jackson?”
Jackson looks at me and wags his tail. Stupid bloody dog. Michelle comes running up to us.
“What’s wrong, Danni? Are you okay?”
She looks worried. I ruffle her curly red hair. My little half-sister is great. We don’t know each other that well, seeing as I’ve hardly ever been able to come to Cornwall before, but I think she really likes me. She smiles whenever I look at her and she keeps offering me her sweets.
“It’s nothing, Shell. There was some bloke in the graveyard. I wanted to ask him something.”
“About the memorial?”
“I thought he might know more about it…”
Dad comes ambling over, oblivious to what’s gone on.
“Danni, there’s a notice in the church you might find interesting. Do you want to see it?”
“Yeah maybe,” I mutter, not really listening. I still wish I’d managed to catch up with Robert.
“It’s about the memorial – something about your grandfather.”
“What? What exactly does it say?” Suddenly I’m interested.
“Not much. Take a look – it’s on a church information sheet pinned to a board by the door.”
“Thanks, Dad!” I thrust Jackson’s lead at him and run back to take a look for myself.
The church has a massive arch-shaped oak door and I have to use both hands to turn the circular iron handle and lift the latch. The door creaks loudly as I go in. It swings shut behind me with a bang.
It takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the gloom. The place smells of damp and candlewax. I hear footsteps outside and the door opens again. A shaft of grey light pierces the gloom. It’s Michelle. She points to the information board.
“There it is, Danni. Dad’s right, it really doesn’t say much.”
“Thanks, Shell, you’re a star.” I scan the sheet of information about the church. It’s just a couple of sentences.
Some gravestones in the churchyard are also of interest, including the memorial to Joseph Pengelly, a fisherman from the village here at Ancrows who was lost at sea. Sadly, like so many drowned seamen, his body was never found.
That’s it. After that it’s just waffle about how many lives are lost at sea along this coast.
But now I know. Mum’s father came from Ancrows. I’m guessing she and her mother must have lived here too. We drove right up the main street to the Chill Out in that big chapel on Saturday night. It’s not a huge place.
We probably drove past Mum’s childhood home without even knowing.
chapter 12
Of course I want to go down into Ancrows immediately, but Dad just wants to get back to the shop.
As we drive along the road heading back to Cararth Crystals, I go over the strange encounter with the homeless man in my head. I realize there’s one thing I can check without having to go anywhere.
“Dad, is it true Mum’s first name is Mary?”
“Yes it is. She never uses it though. Why do you ask?”
“There was a man in the churchyard who asked if I knew Mary. I didn’t even know it was her name.”
Dad clenches the steering wheel.
“What man? I didn’t see anyone – who was he? Why was he talking to you?”
I glare at Dad and don’t bother to answer. What does it matter who the man was? The point is, how come I didn’t know my own mother’s name?
Michelle understands why I’m upset though.
“Maybe your mum just hated her real name and so never told you about it? Isn’t that why people change them? Like if you’re called Smelly or Bottom or something.” She giggles. Smelly is very funny when you’re eight.
I try to smile back. “Yeah, maybe you’re right, Shell.”
“You don’t want to encourage strange men,” mutters Dad.
“You didn’t see him, Dad. Jackson liked him. I think he was okay and he said he knew Mum years ago.”
Naturally I don’t mention the fact he was homeless and smelled of sherry.
“I don’t think you realize how attractive young teenage girls like you are, Danni. Just be careful, that’s all I’m saying.”
I feel my anger melting slightly. Maybe Dad does worry about me after all. And it’s not his fault I didn’t know Mum’s name. Mum should have told me herself. I even asked her once why her bank statements were addressed to M E Lancaster, and she lied to me. She told me it was a mistake and it should be Mrs E Lancaster.
Michelle’s right. She obviously hated the name Mary.
Elliot looks up from the delivery note he’s checking as we come in through the shop door. His eyes light up when he smiles. I smile back. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since Saturday.
“Shop busy?” asks Dad.
“Nah, hardly anyone’s been in. I’ve priced the new incense burners. I’m putting them up here.” He points to a shelf next to the incense display. “What do you think?”
“They look great. Thanks, Elliot. I’ll come down in a minute so you can get off home.”
Dad and Michelle go upstairs to make themselves a hot drink. I linger in the shop a moment. Elliot grins at me.
“Nigel said you were going to look for your grandfather’s memorial this morning. Did you find it?”
“Yep. It was at a church just outside Ancrows.”
“Oh I know it – the little one at the top of the hill?”
“Yes that’s it! And guess what? It turns out he lived in Ancrows – so it’s probably where Mum came from too.”
“Seriously?”
“Think so. As far as we could make out from the notice in the church. It seems likely…”
Elliot’s stopped smiling and he’s staring at me as if he’s suddenly noticed something. I brush my hand over my face self-consciously.
“What is it?”
“Danni, I know it’s a weird thing to ask, but do you look at all like your mum?”
“I suppose so. People keep telling me I do.”
“My mother’s family came from Ancrows too. She moved here to Cararth when she married Dad. But Aunty Bea still lives there.”
Suddenly I make the connection. “You mean my mum and your Aunty Bea might have known each other?”
“Almost certainly, it’s a small place.”
“Wow.” For a moment I let the information sink in.
“I wondered why Aunty Bea was so rude to you the other night. At the time I thought her problem was with Levi. But it was you, wasn’t it? It was like she sort of recognized you.”
I think back to my brief encounter with his aunt.
“Elliot, even if you’re right and she knew Mum before, why take it out on me?”
Elliot’s laugh sounds bitter. “Who can say? Aunty Bea seems to dislike practically everybody.”
I feel uneasy. From the way she reacted to me, Aunty Bea must have hated Mum with a vengeance. But why?
I want to talk about it more, but Dad comes back down to the shop with a cup of coffee in one hand and a large box under his other arm. I move to take the coffee before he spills it.
“Thanks, love.” He smiles at me. “While I remember, I’ve promised to take Michelle to a party tomorrow afternoon. Will you be okay staying here?”
“Of course I will, Dad,” I say. But I can’t help thinking how nice it must be to have friends round here. Elliot’s the only person I know, and I’m beginning to really miss my friends in Graymouth. For a moment I feel slightly envious of Michelle.
“Do you think you could help Elliot with some pricing while we’re out? I don’t like to ask, but I’ve got a lot of stock in suddenly.”
My stupid envy vanishes immediately. Dad is actually giving me a perfect reason to spend time alone with Elliot. I even manage a smile.
Levi phones when I’m back upstairs making myself a sandwich.
“Everything okay? How’s your mum?”
My elation at the prospect of being left alone with Elliot vanishes.
“No change. But I found out where she comes from when we went to visit my grandfather’s memorial.”
“So tell me.”
“Ancrows – that village we went to for the Chill Out club.”
Levi is silent for a moment. “Are you sure? That’s a bit weird.”
“Yeah, really. I had no idea she was from round here.”
“Why on earth didn’t she tell you…? I don’t understand. What’s the big deal?”
“Who knows? I don’t understand either. Mum’s never talked about her family. But if she came from round here it might explain why she got so difficult with Dad when he moved to this area. Maybe she didn’t want to see people she knew? Anyway, now I want to find out whether my grandmother is still alive – and if she still lives there.”
“Guess it’s possible. Definitely worth looking since your mum’s been asking for her. And it shouldn’t be too hard to find someone in a small village. Maybe I can help you start looking at the weekend? It means waiting a couple of days, I know, but I can’t come sooner because of minding C
heryl and Syrus while Mum’s at work.”
“That would be great, Levi. Thanks. Dad’s next to useless because of the shop, and he doesn’t like the idea of me asking around Ancrows on my own.”
“Fine. I want to come down and see Sarah again anyway, if it’s okay for me to stay at yours?”
I should have realized Levi would have his own agenda. Still, it would be brilliant if he could help me.
“Just sort out the trains and I’ll get Dad to collect you. Shouldn’t be a problem, even if Michelle’s still here.”
“Ace. I’ll call you back tomorrow. Meanwhile, why not ask Elliot if he can find out anything for you? He lives in the area, so he probably knows a lot of people there.”
“Okay.” I decide not to tell him about my conversation with Elliot earlier. I still feel uneasy about it.
We say goodbye and I put the phone down.
I start thinking about Levi’s suggestion and realize I don’t want to ask Elliot. I try to work out why. It’s not as though I don’t like him, and he’d probably be really helpful. The problem is I’m worried he might ask his Aunty Bea. After all, she does live in Ancrows and she probably knew Mum, so it would be a logical step. But I don’t want that woman to even know I’m looking. I can’t think about her without shuddering.
I’d rather just wait for Levi to come down and help. Dad should be fine about me looking if I’ve got Levi with me. I just wish he could make it sooner.
On Thursday morning, Dad drives me to the hospital to see Mum.
“Can I come in with you, Danni?” asks Michelle.
I’m touched she wants to be with me, but I can’t believe she wants to come inside the hospital.
“It’s horrible in there, Shell. Mum doesn’t really talk or anything. I’m just going to say hello. She won’t even know I’m there.” I already feel depressed at the prospect.
“That’s okay, I don’t mind.”
She obviously means it. She’s being so open and lovely with me, I could cry. I look at Dad. I think he’s pleased Michelle and I are getting closer. I am too. Before staying at Dad’s this week I could probably count the number of times I’ve spent more than an hour with Michelle on one hand.
“If she wants to go with you, Danni, it’s okay with me.”