"Maybe," he said, "it's because you get so squirrely every time we end up at your place." He frowned. "Assuming that is your place."
"Squirrely?"
"Yeah. Like you're hiding something, and I want to know what."
I made a scoffing sound. "I'm hiding something? Well, that's rich. Wanna know what I don't get?" I blurted out. "Why you didn't invite me to your birthday party."
Of all the things I could've said to him, that one surprised me. Until this moment, I didn't quite realize how much the omission had hurt. But it had. And the hurt had been burrowing deeper ever with every passing minute until it was rotting somewhere in my gut, along with the other stuff that I dared not mention.
His voice was soft. "You think I didn't want you there?"
"Of course you didn't want me there," I said. "If you had wanted me there, you'd have actually, oh I don't know, invited me."
"Let me ask you something," he said. "If I'd asked, would you have come?"
The question lingered in the open air as Chucky darted after a blue jay, barking like an idiot when it flew off its low-hanging branch. Watching, I thought about Lawton's question. Would have I come? Not if I'd known Brittney would be there, that's for sure.
"I don’t know," I admitted.
"Yeah?" His voice was hard. "I thought so."
"But you invited Brittney," I said.
"And you know this, how?"
"Does it matter?" I asked. "So you did invite her?"
He shrugged. "Yeah, she was part of some general invitation. It was no big deal."
"Sure," I said. "No big deal."
"So that's what you're mad about?" He sounded almost relieved. And for some reason, that only made me more irritated.
I glanced over to give him a dirty look. "I'm not mad," I said. "Alright?"
With his free hand, he rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't get you, Chloe."
"There's nothing to get," I said. "I'm a pretty simple person."
"You?" He stopped walking to laugh in my face. "Simple?" He shook his head. "No. You're a lot of things, but simple isn't one of them."
"You want it simple?" I held up my index finger. "Okay one simple question. Did you, or did you not, sleep with Brittney last night?"
His face froze. "What do you mean?"
I rolled my eyes. "Oh c'mon, let's not embarrass either of us by pretending you don’t know exactly what I’m asking."
His lips were clamped into a thin line, and I couldn’t help but notice he wasn't quite meeting my eyes. My stomach clenched.
He blew out a breath. "What do you want me to say?"
"The truth." I could handle it. Probably.
"Alright." He glanced down at his shoes. "Yes."
Chapter 31
In spite of my brave thoughts, the admission felt like a kick to the gut. I closed my eyes as images of Lawton with Brittney flashed through my brain. Somehow, each image was worse than the last, but somehow, I was powerless to stop them.
When I opened my eyes, Lawton was looking at me with an anguished expression. "Chloe," he began.
"What about her friend? Amber?" I said. "You sleep with her too?"
He pushed a hand through his hair.
"Well?" I said.
He looked away. "Yeah. Well, she was there. I don't really want to get into it."
Slowly, I shook my head. I guess it wasn't a surprise. Not really. But somehow, I was hoping for another explanation, a misunderstanding, whatever. God, I was such an idiot.
Lawton's voice broke into my thoughts. "There. You happy now?"
"Thrilled," I said.
"Chloe," he said, reaching for my hand.
I yanked it away. "Well, that's really special," I said. "So here, you sleep with another girl – no, make that two other girls – what, an hour ago before I show up? And then, you get all hot and heavy with me like I was the first girl you'd seen in forever?" I shook my head. "It's messed up, you know that? Nice people don't do that."
His jaw tightened. "Yeah, well, haven't you heard? I'm not a nice person."
I looked down at my feet. "I don't believe that."
"If you say so."
Chucky was tugging at the leash, straining to move forward, and trying to tug Lawton with him. I started walking again, my head down, my thoughts cloudy. We didn't speak as we walked at an unsteady pace, passing one house, and then another.
I wouldn’t even call them houses. They were mansions, every one of them. They were all so impressive that I suddenly felt more out of place than normal. Sure, I looked like I belonged here, but I didn't. Not in any sense of the word. And probably, I didn't belong with Lawton either, not that he'd actually offered.
Next to me, Lawton abruptly stopped moving. He turned to face me. Again, he reached out his free hand. When I didn't move away, his fingers closed around mine as Chucky bounded around his legs.
"Listen," he said. "The Brittney thing. Yeah, I see why you're mad. It's messed up. I know that. But she and I, yeah, and Amber too, we see it for what it is."
"Which is?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said.
"No, tell me."
"No," he said. "I mean literally, it's nothing."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
His voice was soft as he said, "They aren't you, Chloe." His gaze was intense as he continued. "If I'd had any idea you were coming over, any at all, I'd have made everyone leave. Shit, I did make everyone leave. The only person I wanted there was you. Don't you get that?"
My head was pounding, and so was my heart. "I don't know what to think." I gave him a hard look. "Is that how you operate? Just go from girl to girl, doing whatever with them until the next one shows up?"
His face froze, almost like he'd been slapped. But he didn't look away. "I didn't know you were showing up."
He was totally missing the point. "But even if I hadn't –" I shook my head, not sure where to begin.
"Alright, take Brittney," he said, his voice earnest. "You think I'm using her? Is that it?"
I bit my lip, considering my response. I loathed Brittney. But yeah, if I were being honest, I guess I did think he was using her. "A little," I muttered.
"Fine, I'm not gonna argue. But let me ask you something. How about Brittney? You think she's using me?"
I cleared my throat. "You mean, like for sex?"
He made a scoffing sound. "You think it's just about sex?" He opened his arms to encompass the neighborhood, the houses, all the grandeur that surrounded us. His tone grew mocking. "For this, to hang out here, to be seen with someone who's supposedly famous. To go to the hottest clubs and get inside without a wait. To get her ass kissed by people who don't know any better, and to feel good about herself for nothing more than taking off her clothes."
Well, that was an image I didn't need. "I don't want to hear this," I said.
His gaze bored into mine. "But you asked, so you're gonna," he said. "With girls like Brittney, it's never just sex, but that doesn't mean it's anything good."
From the look on his face, it was pretty obvious what he thought of the picture he'd just painted. "Yeah, well," I said, "I guess it's none of my business."
"Yes. It is," he said. "Because I want to make it your business."
Chucky whined, straining at the leash to keep moving. I felt like whining too.
"And I want to tell you something," Lawton continued. "Fame, even as minor as mine, isn't all it's cracked up to be. People meet me, and they think they've got something to prove. Half the world kisses my ass, and the other half wants to take me down a peg, prove they're tough or whatever."
He shook his head. "You know, a couple weeks ago, two guys jumped me outside this restaurant? Right here in Rochester Hills? Un-fucking-believable."
I felt myself grow still. I knew exactly what he was talking about. That fight outside the diner. I'd seen it firsthand.
"Why'd they do that?" I asked. "You mean just for the fun of it?"
He raised his hand in a dismissive ges
ture. "Bad example. Those guys, I actually knew. But most of the time, it's just some dumb-ass thinking to get a rep by taking mine down. I used to actually fight those idiots, beat 'em within an inch of their lives just so they'd leave me the fuck alone. But they never did. They just kept coming back for more. The whole thing got to be such a nuisance that I stopped doing it."
"What do you mean stopped doing it?"
"If someone wants to fight me," he said, "I just let 'em fight. Hit 'em when they come close, but mostly, just let them run themselves out. If it weren't so pathetic, it'd be fuckin' hilarious."
"You swear a lot," I muttered – not that I was in any position to talk. But I was working on that.
He ran a hand through his hair. "Oh shit." He looked heavenward. "Sorry. I guess I'm kind of worked up." His voice grew ragged. "I don't want to lose you."
I stared at him, utterly confused. "But you never had me."
"I know." His voice was soft. "And that's the problem."
Looking at him, my heart ached. He wasn't anything like the guy I'd envisioned. He was tough, but not cruel. If the number of party guests was any indicator, he wasn't hurting for companions. Still, he seemed alone in ways I'd probably never understand.
Was that why he put up with his dick of a friend? No, I reminded myself. Not his friend. His brother. Not that Lawton had bothered to tell me.
That was another problem. The guy had violated my privacy. He'd also broken a few laws, probably more than I knew of. He was entirely unrepentant. Was he still at Lawton's house? And if so, was he there to stay?
And what was their little side venture, anyway? The guy was trouble. But that wasn't the worst of it. For whatever reason, he absolutely hated me.
At least the feeling was mutual.
"What about Bishop?" I asked.
"What about him?"
"Is he there to stay? Or just passing through?"
Lawton stiffened. "Why do you ask?"
"Just curious."
His voice was quiet. "No."
"No, what?"
"No," Lawton said. "He's not just passing through."
"Oh."
"He doesn't live with me," Lawton said, "but when he's in town –" He shrugged, letting the sentence trail off.
"I see." And I did. The guy was there to stay. What did I expect? It was his brother, after all.
"Does it matter?" Lawton asked.
"No," I said, not entirely sure I was telling the truth. But I did know one thing. You learned a lot about someone by the company they kept. And the company Lawton kept wasn't that great, starting with Brittney and ending with some intrusive jerk who needed a serious ass-kicking.
"Look," Lawton said, "yeah, Bishop can be a dick sometimes. Come to think of it, he's been a dick for five, six years now. Long story. But you don’t know him like I do. If you did, you'd like him. Hard as that is to believe."
I didn't believe it for one minute, but it was no use arguing. "We're getting off track," I said. "You never answered my question."
"Which one?"
"Why didn't you invite me to your party? And I want the truth, even if you think it's something I don't want to hear."
"Alright," he said. "I figured you'd bring someone."
"What?"
"Yeah." His voice was quiet. "And I didn't want to see it, still don't want to see it."
"Someone?" I said. "Like a date?"
"Date, boyfriend, whatever."
I stared at him. "I don't have a boyfriend. And the only person I've been dating is, well –" I shrugged. "No one. Not really." I'd almost said I was dating Lawton. Obviously, that wasn't quite the case.
"Uh-huh," Lawton said.
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"I don't know what I'm calling you." He glanced away. "You know what? Just forget it."
"Forget it?" I said. "Is that what you want?"
"Yeah," he said, "that's why I'm hanging outside your place like some kind of idiot."
"I don't get it." I shook my head. "Until last night, I thought we were just friends. I didn't realize you even thought of me that way."
He gave me a dubious look. "You're kidding, right?"
I gave it some thought. I wasn't stupid. I'd seen signs of his interest. But for all I knew, he treated every girl that way. "I don't know," I admitted.
"Do you know how many times, walking with you, I've wanted to reach out and touch you?" he said. "Wanted to see you look at me the way I feel like looking at you? So yeah, I could've invited you to the party, but then, I'd have wondered who you'd show up with. Because I knew if you brought him –" He shook his head. "It wouldn't end good."
"For the last time," I said, "there is no him."
"Then who do you live with?" he asked.
I didn't answer.
His jaw tightened. "Some guy?" He said "some guy" like it was a dirty word.
"I don’t live with anyone," I said. "Not really."
"Is he out of town or something?"
I felt myself still. The answer was complicated. I didn't want to lie to him. But stubbornly, maybe stupidly, I couldn't simply dismiss my confidentiality agreement with the Parkers. Lawton's brother had already broken into their house once, and I wasn't eager for a repeat performance.
Would the guy really break in a second time? The odds were infinitely greater if he knew the owners were out of town. And what was their side venture? If it was some sort of robbery ring, I'd be incredibly negligent to advertise the fact I was just some house-sitter posing as something more.
In spite of Lawton's oh-so-pretty words, I knew very little about him. And what I did know was a mixed bag at best. I was falling for him. I was falling for him hard. And the way he talked, he might feel the same way. But that's all it was. Talk. For all I knew, he'd told Brittney the same things just before he got her naked too.
I didn't want to think so. But I'd be foolish to dismiss it out of hand.
Maybe Bishop was right about one thing at least. Maybe it all came down to my pulse. I had one, so Lawton wanted me, maybe more so because he thought I was off-limits.
"I'm waiting," Lawton said.
I glared at him. "You know, I don't appreciate the interrogation."
He gave me a hard look. "Yeah, that's about what I expected."
Without my even noticing, we'd already made our way back to where we'd started, directly in front of the Parkers'. I glanced at their house. I couldn’t invite him in, and I couldn't stay out here arguing all day.
"I'd better get back inside," I said.
"Yeah," he said. "You do that."
I thrust out my hand toward Chucky's leash, and Lawton gave it to me without comment. Clutching it with a death grip, I turned and stalked back to the house, taking Chucky with me, and refusing to look back.
Chapter 32
I'd been unemployed for only a couple days when I started seriously climbing the walls. The whole dynamic was stupid really. Even before the blowup with Keith, I'd had the past two days off anyway, so it shouldn't have been a big adjustment.
Besides, tomorrow I'd be signing the paperwork for my new job. I wouldn't be starting for a while yet, but at least I had something on the horizon.
Still, I couldn’t stop obsessing over everything. Days off when you actually have a job are a lot different than days off when you're wondering how you're going to pay your bills.
And then there was the thing with Lawton.
I'd gone back to walking Chucky alone, and Chucky didn't seem much happier than I was. I kept telling myself that our falling out was for the best. Except it didn't feel like it was for the best. In the two days since our argument, I'd been replaying the whole thing over and over in my head until I was literally sick of it.
Maybe I should've been more honest with him. Maybe I should've confronted him about that awful conversation between him and Bishop. Maybe I should've demanded to know how he'd magically opened the Parkers' locked front door with no apparent key.
But those were a
lot of maybes, and I had no time machine to take me back, so what did it really matter?
When not walking Chucky, I either slept, read, or worried about money. I still hadn't called Erika to ask for a loan. In fact, I hadn't called Erika, period. I desperately wanted to talk to her, and not because of anything to do with finances.
Mostly, I wanted to tell her about Lawton, and cry on her shoulder.
But I knew that once I started talking, I wouldn't stop until I'd cried her ear off, and she had enough to worry about with mid-terms. Plus, I still hoped that I'd miraculously solve everything before talking to her at all. It would be nice to give her good news for a change.
Sprawled in a recliner in the Parkers' living room, I thought of Lawton. The guy was giving me mental whiplash. I went from missing him to hating him, and then back full-circle.
I'd been sleeping more than normal the last couple days, but I was still exhausted. Probably, I hadn't been sleeping all that well. When my eyelids fluttered shut, and I felt myself drift, I didn't bother to fight it. It had been forever since I'd given in to a nap, as decadent as it sounded.
I drifted off thinking of Lawton and all the things I should've said to him, followed by the things I was wishing I'd done with him. Some of those things were family-friendly. Others, not so much.
When the sound of my cell phone jolted me awake, the house was dark. How long had I slept? It had to be at least a couple of hours.
I fumbled for my phone and answered without looking. "Hello?"
"Listen, your shift started thirty minutes ago. Are you coming in or not?" It was Keith, and he sounded beyond irritated.
"What? Huh?" I stammered, trying to clear the cobwebs from my foggy brain. "I don't have any shifts."
"That's not what the schedule says."
"What are you talking about?" I said. "I don't work there anymore. Remember?"
It was true that I had been scheduled to work tonight, but that was before I'd quit. Or been fired. I still wasn't sure how to classify what had happened.
"All I know," Keith said," is that your shift started at seven, and you're not here. You think it's fair to make the other girls cover for you? Fine. Go ahead, play hooky. But they're drowning out there, so if you can find it in yourself to waltz in here any time soon, I'm sure they'd greatly appreciate it." And then, he disconnected.
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