Meanwhile, I could see, over Anyan’s shoulder, Gus standing just inside the front door. His bald little head gleamed, but not as brightly as the porch light shining off his Coke-bottle glasses.
“Do you have any milk?” the stone spirit asked, absolutely oblivious to the fact that he’d just ruined a moment that had promised railing sex. “I’m very thirsty,” he concluded, as if ordering from a waiter at a restaurant.
“Um… milk. Yes, I believe I do have milk. In the fridge,” Anyan replied, remarkably cordial for someone who’d just been cock-blocked by Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.
Instead of helping himself, as Anyan had implied, Gus just continued to stand there. Staring.
Anyan sighed and turned to face me. I shrugged my shoulders.
“Go help your guest,” I said, running my index finger over that wide mouth.
“Want my shirt?” he asked, nipping gently at my finger.
“I’m pretty sure I could do a naked cancan and Gus would be none the wiser.”
“You’re probably right,” he said, with a sigh. “I’ll get him his milk then.”
“And then tuck him back into bed on your couch?” I asked, really wanting to know if there was any chance of getting our rumpy-pumpy back on tonight.
“And then tuck him back into bed on my couch,” Anyan said. Meaning, Not unless we kill and eat the stone spirit.
“Damn,” I said.
“Damn,” he agreed.
“Well, I will see you tomorrow, then.” My voice was heavy with disappointment, and I thought my libido might shrivel up and die at the horror of not getting laid that night. “And I’ll also see you tomorrow night?” I asked, hoping to give my poor, tortured sex drive something to live for.
“Unless the sky falls down, I plan on shagging you silly as soon as possible.”
I giggled. “I like that. I’ll write it in my calendar.”
“Put some hearts around it. So I know you’re not just using me for sex,” was Anyan’s only response. Then—to my utmost pleasure—the barghest gave me the softest, sweetest kiss on my lips before he turned around to attend to Gus.
Who exhibited not the slightest awareness I was hanging out, half naked, on Anyan’s railing. Bless.
CHAPTER TEN
Looks like a rock to me,” I said, as I kicked my boot against Gus’s boulder. In the bright morning light, Gus’s glade was lovely. Quiet and peaceful, when it wasn’t being attacked by Alfar purists, the boulder dominated the small open space surrounded by trees.
“Stop kicking it. It’s like his girlfriend, or something,” Iris chided, pulling me away by the elbow.
“It’s a rock,” I reminded her.
“Don’t judge. I’m schtupping a goat and you seem to be falling for Man’s Best Friend.”
I frowned, turning to where Anyan and Caleb were deep in conversation, also trying to figure out what secrets the huge hunk of stone in front of us could reveal. The four of us were trying to figure out where, and how, Gus’s rock could contain some kind of magical lock. Meanwhile, Nell and Trill were off, partly trying to track down Phaedra, but mostly working sentry duty to make sure the Alfar couldn’t enter our turf again.
“It is sort of humiliating,” I admitted to Iris about Anyan’s other identity. “I mean, he is a really big dog. But why a dog? Why can’t he be something more respectable… like a wolf. I could say, quite proudly, ‘I’m shagging a werewolf!’ Instead, I’ll say, ‘Yes, he’s a dog… but a great big dog! Really huge! And fierce! And he wubs it when you scratch his belly,’ ” I concluded, gently scratching at Iris’s tummy as I did so.
She laughed, wiggling away from my tickles. “Oooo, so you’re shagging, are you?”
I winced, realizing what I’d said too late. “Not exactly. But we’ve done our best. We keep getting interrupted… invading evil, and all.”
“It happens,” she said drily, carefully trying not to put too much emphasis on her words. I’d realized quite quickly that Iris didn’t want to dwell on what had happened to her. Yeah, it was an elephant in the room, but she wanted us all to act as normal as we could about that elephant. For her sake, we tried.
We both clammed up, giving the men a totally not talking about either of you stare as they walked in our direction and then past us to examine the other side of the rock.
“I gotta say, you and Caleb are pretty adorable together,” I whispered, once the coast was clear.
“Yeah,” she said and smiled, her eyes glowing gently as she hunkered close when the satyr and the barghest teamed up their magic and began blasting the rock with various probes. “He was totally unexpected. I sort of wondered if I’d ever feel like this again. Then, with what happened, I was pretty sure I never wanted to feel anything again. Till out of the blue Caleb showed up. And it was… it was like everything became new again.”
“Wow. That’s amazing,” I said, and she nodded, a small smile gracing her lips.
“And he’s hung like a yak,” I heard myself adding, much to my own horror.
“That helps, too,” she giggled, wrapping an arm around me. “Should we go see what the boys are up to?”
I nodded, and we strolled over to Anyan and Caleb, who were doing something that felt like trying to crack the boulder in two.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Iris hollered, racing over and standing up on her toes to flick both idiots in their earlobes. “What do you think you’re doing? That’s Gus’s rock. Think about his feelings if you turned it into playground pebbles.”
Both men stopped, looking at each other guiltily. Caleb shifted on his haunches, his hooves clomping nervously, and I wondered what it was like sleeping next to him. Talk about cold feet.
“So, no destroying the rock, yes?” Iris demanded. Both men nodded their heads, sheepishly.
“Good,” Iris continued. “So, what have you big dicks discovered?” We all looked at her, a bit shocked.
“Dick as in detectives, duh,” she said, rolling her eyes. Iris acted so young, and so contemporary, that is was easy to forget she’d been alive when people could still say “dick”—either for “Richard” or for “detectives”—without giggling. “What’s up with this rock?”
“Um, well, we’ve tried to strip it of any glamours, in case something’s written on it, but there don’t seem to be any. We’ve tried to probe it, to see if there’s something inside, but it seems solid,” Caleb replied.
“You tried to crack it in half, because you’re asshats,” I added, helpfully. Anyan used his power to poke me in the belly, and I oofed in response before strengthening the shields I’d let go weak around my friends.
“It seems to be just that: a rock. Nothing carved on it, nothing in it. It’s not giving off any power of its own, except some residual Gus juice,” Anyan concluded, causing both Iris and me to shudder at that last image.
“So, it’s a rock,” I said, before going poetic. “And not a lock.”
“Yes. It appears that way,” Caleb answered me, his voice dissatisfied.
We all backed up a step to stare at it. There had to be something here, or Phaedra wouldn’t have risked her best people. Unless Phaedra wasn’t the diversion…
Maybe Phaedra’s entourage was the diversion, I thought, my brain thrilling at my genius. But right before I could speak, Iris beat me to the chase.
“So, like, have y’all tried under the rock?”
We all blinked at her, as my purported genius flew out of my ear to join all the other vapid ideas floating about the air above our heads.
“I mean, maybe there’s something under it. Maybe they weren’t trying to do anything to the actual rock besides move it,” my succubus friend clarified, as we all shook our heads at our own obtuseness.
“Of course,” Caleb breathed. “Iris, what a great idea.”
Iris flushed almost purple, her eyes shining. I don’t think I’d ever seen her look so pleased with a compliment, and I knew she had entire volumes of poetry written to her beauty by enraptured humans and supernaturals alike.
<
br /> “Never thought to look under the rock,” Anyan said, obviously feeling sheepish.
“It’s my fault,” I said. “I was sure they were trying to steal it. I never thought they might be trying to move it.”
“Well, we can’t be sure I’m right till we get it up and over,” Iris reminded us. “You don’t think Gus will care if we move it, do you?”
“We can put it back. He’ll be none the wiser,” Anyan said, as I felt him rev up his magical engines. Caleb added his own strength to Anyan’s, and as they were both earth elementals, their power was uniquely suited to moving stones around. That said, it was a massive stone, heavy enough to give the strongest single-elemental (or double-elemental, in Anyan’s case) trouble.
So I wove my power through theirs. They’d been trying to lift and carry the stone with their magic, which was silly. We didn’t have to move it to Eastport. We just needed a peek underneath.
“Let me, guys,” I said, interrupting their attempts to lift it out of the way. “Just funnel your power through me…”
And they did, the odd feel of their earth magic making my spine tingle. I couldn’t do much with their power besides channel it, but that’s all I needed.
I created a wedge with my own power, directing it toward the base of Gus’s rock. Then I rammed it home with Anyan and Caleb’s power. Exerting more pressure as I widened my wedge, the boulder began to shift, slowly. By then, the boys realized what I was doing and the three of us poured our magic into upsetting the boulder. Finally, it wobbled, began to tip, and then it slowly toppled to its side.
“I was right!” Iris exclaimed, as if not quite believing it herself.
And she was. For lurking underneath Gus’s boulder was a hole, just about wide across for the biggest of us to get through. Where it went, nobody knew. But I was pretty sure we were about to find out.
“It’s like something from Zelda,” Anyan said and frowned. I know I felt a bit weak from all the magic we’d poured into moving the rock. I’m sure he did, too. Only difference was, I could already feel him pulling strength from the ground he stood on. I was going to have to wait for a swim to recharge.
We all gathered around the hole, peering down into the darkness.
“We should call Nell and Trill,” Caleb intoned. “They’ll want to be here.”
“Tell them to bring ropes,” Anyan said in agreement.
“Lucy,” Iris said, giggling. “We got some spelunking to do!”
I sighed. That should have been my line.
“Careful, Jane. Not too fast… let out a little more rope… there you go… I got you,” Anyan coached, until I felt his hand on my hips.
It was dark in the cave, despite the mage light Anyan had already set aflame. He didn’t want to go too crazy with the magic until we knew what was down in the cave. A lot of supernatural alarms were set only to magic, so as not to blow up random passing humans or animals. This also explained why Anyan and I had gone down the hard way, instead of apparating. Who knew what was waiting for us under Gus’s rock? But if it was something old and powerful, as Blondie and Anyan suggested, it might not take kindly to a display of powerful magic.
Iris, Caleb, Nell, and Trill all peered down at us from above, waiting to get the all clear for Nell to apparate them in.
I created my own mage light, keeping it weak. Anyan claimed his own tiny light, and together we started reconnoitering. But not before we set one last weak light by the rope for us to follow if we got lost.
“Let’s see what we have here,” Anyan said, pacing forward. I followed him, about a step behind, guarding our backs but also giving my sight a chance to adjust to the darkness. I guess my underwater-strong eyesight was better than Anyan’s because after a few moments I could see just about everything the little cave offered. And when I did, I gasped.
“What?” Anyan asked sharply, no doubt afraid I’d hurt myself or had heard something dangerous.
“The room, it’s… it’s…” I peered around carefully, making sure that I was really seeing what I thought. “It’s beautiful,” I said, going ahead and beefing up my mage lights as I lit a few more to float over my head.
Light spilled through the cavern, reflecting on the multitude of crystals stuck in the earth walls. That light bounced, reflected, and refracted, creating a chaotic rainbow that danced along the floors, ceiling, walls, and our own flesh.
“Whoa,” Anyan breathed, stepping next to me and taking my hand. It felt good to see this with him, both of us enjoying the beauty. And the feel of his big hand clasping mine just made it that much better.
“I think we can tell the others to come down now,” I said. He only nodded, so I went ahead and walked back to our rope, regretting that I’d had to let go of the barghest’s hand to do so.
“It’s safe!” I called up, and a few seconds later I heard various poofs as my friends were apparated nearby. Then I heard an almost simultaneous gasp as each of them took in the beauty of the room.
“So pretty,” Iris breathed, walking toward a wall to touch one of the crystals. Caleb and I followed her. As her fingertips met the crystal, it sang a sweet song, causing the both of us to jump toward her.
But the note faded, and no harm was done to anyone. I heard us all let out the breaths we’d been holding, as one.
“Do they all do that?” Iris asked, reaching for another crystal. And it sang, as well, at the touch of her fingers, although this note was lower.
“How curious,” Caleb said, reaching his own hand out. As his fingertips brushed against a patch of crystals cropping up from the floor to about waist height, they all sang for him, each a different note.
We all stepped toward a wall and began touching. The room buzzed with sound. We laughed, together, until Anyan shouted.
“Wait!” he said, pointing to the middle of the room as it went quiet but for a faint echo of dying notes. “Look.”
Smack dab in the center of the cavern, right near where our rope still dangled, it looked like something was trying to come up from the soft dirt of the cave floor.
“It’s kind of like the base of a pedestal or something,” Trill said, her oil-slick voice nervous as she tiptoed toward the disturbed floor.
“It’s gotta be the lock,” I said. “Or the crystals are the lock. Something is a lock for sure.”
“Where did it come from?” Iris asked.
“You were touching the crystals and it just… started to come out,” intoned Caleb.
“Like a red rocket?” I conjectured. Anyan gave me the stink eye. He was obviously sensitive about the red rocket issue, being part dog and all.
“Was it the noise that made it come out?” Nell wondered, strumming her hand along a row of crystals. As if to prove her wrong, the small outcropping in the floor retreated back to wherever it had sprung from.
“How bizarre,” I said. Then I had a thought. “Okay, this is totally Goonies, but what if we have to play the right notes?”
“Right notes?” asked Nell. “Like a song?”
“Probably not. Unless you guys see any sheet music anywhere. I’m thinking a resonance… either a scale or a group of one note together.”
Anyan was facing me, but his eyes were closed and his head tilted. It was like he was listening or remembering… or both.
“Yes,” he interrupted. “Right as the ground moved you’d all played a same note… It was sort of like…” And then the barghest sang out a clear, beautiful tone. I had no idea he could sing, leaving me floored.
“Now we have to figure out which crystal plays what,” Iris said, already touching the crystals around her. I was still watching Anyan, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that the man could sing, too, when he nodded sharply.
“That was it. Whatever you just touched…”
Iris reached out a hand again and touched a crystal. It cried out in the glittering cavern, pure and sweet.
“So how do we find out which one to play?” Trill asked. “They’re not exactly marked.”
“It’s the size,” Caleb rumbled. “They’re different notes for different sizes. Iris’s note is… about as long as her forearm.”
We each looked around, using our own forearms, with an inch or two either added or subtracted depending on how long our arms were, until we each found a few crystals that were about right. Then we took turns strumming them, trying to find the ones with exactly the right pitch. Finally, all six of us had found our exact crystals, but we were still unsure of what to do.
“So, should we just all play them?” I asked. Everyone nodded, and we all obediently touched our crystals. They sang out, but nothing happened.
“No, it was a bigger sound than that. Everyone was going nuts right when the floor moved. Lots and lots of sound, played really furiously. We’re gonna have to do more than just touch ’em,” Anyan said.
“Are you trying to get us to stroke our crystals for you, Mr. Barghest?” Iris said, sweetly, and I rejoiced at the sight of her flirting so openly, even if it was with my own man-dog.
“I’ve been trying to get you to stroke my crystal for years, Iris,” Anyan bantered back. “Now let’s all stroke together… On three, two, one…”
And with that we all started strumming away at our crystals. We began by attempting to be decorous: either whacking at or playing the crystal like one would a tether ball or a guitar. But the sound wasn’t quite cacophonous enough, and eventually we all gave up and stood there, openly jerking our crystals in a more than vaguely masturbatory manner. Whoever had invented this lock should get credit for inspiring the Shake Weight.
As the brilliant sound of the note crashed through the cavern, the floor began to shiver exactly where it had earlier. We kept stroking, any embarrassment at our motions quashed by seeing results. So we stroked harder, faster, watching as the floor rose into the shape of a steep pyramid, about three and a half feet tall. Then all the music ceased, and our crystals were dead in our hands.
Ouch, chafing, I thought, letting go of my crystal and stretching out my hand before shaking it a bit. Everyone else was making similar motions. That much stroking is hard on a body, I thought, wondering how Alexander Portnoy had done it.
Eye of the Tempest (Jane True) Page 10