“I— It doesn’t matter what I want.”
“How can it not matter?” How could everything they’d shared over the past few days—the time they’d spent talking and laughing, the time she’d spent falling in love—suddenly not matter? “Did I do something wrong?”
The confusion on Nick’s face answered her question before he did. “No. No, it’s not you. You didn’t do anything.”
So was that it? The old “it’s not you, it’s me” speech? Fighting the sting of tears, she said, “I just don’t understand.”
“It’s...Carol.”
That wasn’t the answer she expected. “Your ex-wife?”
“She called this morning. She knows about us.”
Darcy swallowed hard, but the lump that formed at his words remained lodged firmly in her throat. She knows about us...
“I didn’t realize our relationship was supposed to be a secret.” Something to be hidden away, out of sight, a dirty little secret like one her father had kept from his real family all these years—the daughter he never acknowledged.
“It’s not.”
“Then what difference does it make if she knows?”
“You’re the first woman I’ve...dated since the divorce.”
At another time, Darcy might have been happy to hear she was the first woman Nick had let back into his life. But not now. Not when the words sounded almost like an accusation. “Is she upset that we’re together? Is that what this is about?”
“Carol doesn’t get upset. She seems to think that since I’m so busy with my new girlfriend, I won’t mind if she takes Maddie to Paris for the rest of the year.”
“What?”
After listening to Nick repeat the details from the phone call—Carol’s job offer and insistence that Maddie make the decision about whether to move with her to Paris—Darcy asked, “Are you going to talk to Maddie about going?”
“There’s no reason to talk to her because there’s no way I’m letting her go to France for four months!”
“Not for four months. But what about fall break? She’s already scheduled to see Carol then, right?”
“In San Francisco. Not Paris!” He flung out an arm, the back of his hand overturning his mug. He swore as the hot coffee splashed over his hand. His anger creeping away as quickly as it had reared its head, he gave another sigh. “Look, maybe with all the moving around you do, this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but to me it is.”
Darcy paused before slowly stating, “No, I think I get it.” And she was starting to see more than she wanted to.
All the moving around you do. Present tense, as if her move to Clearville was temporary. As if their relationship was nothing more than temporary.
A dishtowel hung over the oven handle and they reached for it at the same time, their fingers brushing against cool cotton and warm skin—hers dry and soft, his damp and slightly rough. Darcy quickly dropped her hand and stepped out of Nick’s way.
Throwing in the towel, she thought inanely because it was happening again.
She’d become a liability, a danger to his future, and like Aaron, Nick was cutting his losses and tossing her aside. But she had to try one more time to make him see what they had was worth fighting for and that their feelings for each other made them stronger, not weaker.
“You should talk to Maddie about Paris, Nick. She loves you, and Clearville is her home. Just...tell her how you feel.”
She looked into his dark eyes, reading all the doubt and uncertainty in his tortured gaze, and wondered if he could see all the hope and hurt that was surely written in hers.
I love you, Nick, and my home and my heart are with you now. Tell me you feel something.
But he kept silent, and Darcy could see he’d made up his mind. About Maddie. About them.
“Not every woman you love is going to leave you, Nick.”
But when he didn’t look at her, when he didn’t ask her not to leave, that was exactly what Darcy did. Turning, she walked out of the kitchen, the sunlight that had seemed so welcoming only moments before now casting a painful glare. “You can let yourself out, Nick. We both know you already know the way.”
Chapter Thirteen
“I can’t believe you’re not going to Darcy’s grand opening,” Sophia said as she stormed inside the house the minute Nick opened his front door. “After helping get the place ready, being there for Darcy the whole way, you’re going to bail on her now?”
Nick closed the door behind his sister with a little more force than necessary. Never in all his life had he bailed on someone he loved.
And he loved Darcy.
The realization stole over him once more, draining away his anger and leaving behind only the empty ache of loss. He’d never planned on falling in love again, not after the mistakes he’d made with Carol. But at least his failed marriage had given him Maddie. How could he take the risk of following his heart now when this time it could cost him his daughter?
“Don’t you think I want to go?” he demanded of his little sister. “Don’t you think I want to be there for Darcy?”
“Then why aren’t you coming with us?”
He’d agreed, reluctantly, to let Maddie go with Sophia to the celebration, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be with Darcy, knowing they couldn’t be together.
Dogging his heels as he stalked into the kitchen, Sophia asked, “What’s going on, Nick?”
Opening the refrigerator, he bent down to grab two bottles of water. When he straightened, he nearly bumped into his sister, who was standing between the refrigerator and the granite island, blocking his path out of the kitchen. She’d always been on the small side while growing up and she was still petite, especially compared to the Pirelli men and her future husband. But with her arms crossed over her growing belly and her dark eyes flashing, Sophia made it clear she wasn’t going anywhere until she had the answers she was looking for.
Nick didn’t know how or when their roles had changed—from Sophia being the bratty little sister and him being the older, wiser brother to Sophia now having the answers while he floundered somewhat cluelessly. And while he might not like it, he could use whatever help he could get.
He handed her one of the water bottles before opening and draining half of his own, wishing with each swallow that it was something stronger. Something that would make the next words easier to say. The plastic crackled in his hand as he set the bottle aside. “Carol called. She has a temporary job offer in Paris.”
“Wow, Paris,” Sophia breathed, thoughts of the City of Light bringing a sparkle to her dark eyes.
“You could try not to sound so impressed.”
“Sorry, but it is a big deal. And why would you care if Carol goes to France?”
“She wants Maddie to go with her.”
After filling Sophia in on the conversation, including his ex’s pointed comment about making Darcy her business, Nick added, “I didn’t realize the Clearville grapevine stretched all the way to San Francisco.”
His sister was silent for a moment, that knowing and somewhat pitying look back in her eyes.
“What?” he prodded.
“If you’re looking for the source of the leak, you might want to check with your own daughter. Maddie might not realize you and Darcy are together, but I’m sure she’s talked about all the time you’ve been spending together lately. Carol’s bound to have connected the dots.”
Maddie. Of course. Why hadn’t he thought of that?
“But you think Carol finding out about Darcy has something to do with this?”
“Not the job offer itself, but definitely wanting to take Maddie for four months. That’s longer than all her visitations for the past three years combined! I can’t believe it’s a coincidence.”
“Let’s say you’re right. Maybe your relationship with Darcy pissed Carol off. So what? You and Darcy have a real chance to be happy together. Fight for that chance!”
“But this isn’t just about me and Darcy! I have t
o think about Maddie, too. What happens if I turn our lives upside down, if I stir up this hornet’s nest with Carol, and in the end Darcy walks away? I don’t think I could handle that, Sophia.”
“Let’s talk about Carol first and then we’ll move on to how much of a bonehead you’re being about Darcy. No one is ever going to question how much you love Maddie. Everyone knows how much she means to you—including your ex-wife. Unfortunately, she’s not above using how you feel to get her own way.”
He wasn’t unaware of his ex-wife’s ability to manipulate him. “Carol’s always been good at hitting where it hurts. She knows my love for Maddie is my biggest weakness.”
Setting down her water bottle, Sophia reached out and grabbed his hands. “That’s where you’re wrong, Nick. Where you’ve always been wrong. Love isn’t a weakness. It’s your greatest strength. It’s where you turn when times go bad. What you hold on to when everything else slips away. Not trusting in love...that’s what makes you vulnerable.”
Could Sophia be right? His fear of Maddie changing, of the two of them growing apart, had been a big factor in his decision to try to find the right kind of woman. His criteria for the role scrolled through his thoughts just like they had that first night on his way to Darcy’s house. Someone with Clearville roots who could be a constant, consistent, solid presence.
A woman, he was now ready to admit, who wouldn’t challenge him or excite him or tempt him to risk his heart.
He wasn’t about to share that boneheaded idea with his sister.
“Have you talked to Maddie about going to Paris?” One look at Nick’s expression had Sophia shaking her head. “Of course not. Just like you haven’t bothered to tell Darcy how you feel, either.”
“I don’t know if I can do this, Sophia,” he confessed, sinking onto one of the bar stools at the island. “To try to make a place for Darcy in my life when most days I feel like I barely have a handle on being a single parent.”
“You don’t need to make a place for Darcy, Nick. The spot’s already there, just waiting for her. The question is whether or not you’ll let her in instead of trying to keep her at some safe distance where she doesn’t belong.”
That was exactly what Darcy had accused him of doing, wasn’t it? Keeping her on the edge of his and Maddie’s life. Not truly letting her inside.
Pushing off the stool as if he could leave his thoughts behind so easily, he said, “I’ll go get Maddie. She’s not going to want to miss any of the grand opening.”
Sophia let him leave but not without a final piece of advice. “You’re the one who’s missing out, Nick, and if you let Darcy go, you’re going to regret it.”
With her words following him down the hall, he gave a quick knock on Maddie’s open bedroom door. “Maddie.” He glanced inside in time to see her stuff something beneath her pillow. Ignoring the furtive action, he said, “Your aunt Sophia is here. Are you ready to go?”
She hopped off the bed without meeting his gaze. “Yep. All ready.”
“Okay, but is there something you want to tell me first?”
Maddie chewed on her lower lip for a moment before blurting out, “I think you should come with us! You’ll hurt Darcy’s feelings if you’re not there, and it’s not nice to hurt people’s feelings.”
He blinked, taken aback by his daughter’s unexpected scolding. You’ll hurt Darcy’s feelings....
Too late for that. He’d seen the pain in her gaze yesterday when he hadn’t stopped her from walking away.
Not every woman you love is going to leave....
“That’s not what I meant, Maddie. Do you want to tell me what you’re hiding under your pillow?”
Guilt flickered in her blue eyes as she reached over and pulled out the small crimson-colored sachet. It was one Darcy had given Maddie as a thank-you for the work she had done. As he sank down onto the bed beside Maddie, the spicy scent drifted toward him along with a wealth of memories—of his ex-wife. Carol used to decorate the house with bowls of potpourri. Bits of bark and pinecones that always smelled of cinnamon.
Was that why Maddie had picked that particular sachet? Because it reminded her of Carol? Nick swallowed. Did Maddie miss her mother that much?
“You know, cinnamon is your mother’s favorite. I remember when our house used to smell just like this.”
“That’s how her condo in San Francisco smells,” Maddie admitted, her voice soft.
“Maddie, I know how much you miss your mother—”
“I do!” she broke in, her blue eyes swimming with tears. “I do miss her!”
The fissure in his heart felt big enough to hold all the water in the Atlantic, but Nick forced himself to nod. He’d always said he would do whatever was best for Maddie. If that meant letting her go, handing her over to Carol and allowing the two of them to move to Paris for the longest four months of his life, then that was what he would have to do. But before he could tell Maddie about her mother’s job offer, the little girl picked up the sachet, squeezing it hard between both hands.
“Mommy says she misses me all the time and she thinks about me every day.”
A hint of desperation in his daughter’s voice cut through Nick’s despair, and he stopped to listen to what Maddie was saying and to the force behind her words. Was this about how much Maddie missed Carol...or about how much Carol missed Maddie?
His daughter’s words sounded all too much like his own conversations with Carol—verbal battles where everything, even missing their daughter, turned into some kind of competition.
His ex excelled at that kind of manipulation, and that she’d try to guilt Maddie into missing her made his blood boil. It took everything he had not to charge out of Maddie’s room, get Carol on the phone and tell her exactly what he thought of the games she was playing. He was that angry, that furious...that scared.
Sophia was right; he’d always seen love as a weakness, something that could be exploited, something that would eventually cause him pain. He was afraid of losing Maddie, of losing Darcy. Afraid, even, that Carol had been right, that the failure of their marriage had been all his fault and that he was destined to make those same mistakes again.
“Maddie, you love your mother and she loves you,” he said, knowing that was true even if Carol didn’t always make the right choices in showing that love. “If some days you miss her, that’s okay. And if other days, you’re busy with friends or school, and you don’t miss her as much, that’s okay, too. And I want you to know you can talk to me about how you’re feeling. Even if you’re sad or angry about how much you miss her. Okay?”
Eyes still downcast, his daughter nodded. “Sometimes... Sometimes I wish—”
Taking a breath, he braced for the words he never wanted to hear, for Maddie’s plea to go live with Carol. Love is your greatest strength. He hoped to God his little sister knew what she was talking about, but it was going to take more strength than he thought he had to let his daughter walk out of his life.
“Sometimes I wish Mommy still lived here.”
“Here? In Clearville?”
She nodded. “That way I wouldn’t miss her and she wouldn’t have to miss me because we could be together.”
“But, Maddie—”
Jumping off the bed, she stuck the sachet back under her pillow. “She lives in San Francisco now. That’s where her home is and her friends and her job...”
As she repeated that list by rote, Nick realized this was a conversation she’d had before—with Carol. And for a split second he actually felt sorry for his ex, realizing it must have been much harder for Carol to turn down Maddie’s request for her to come back home than it ever had been for her to turn down his.
“Actually, sweetheart, there’s something I want to talk to you about.” Waiting until she’d sat back down on the bed beside him, he said, “Your mother has a chance to go work in Paris for the next few months and—” he cleared his throat around the lump lodged there “—she wants you to go with her.”
Her e
yes widening, she exclaimed, “But that’s in, like, another country!”
“Yeah.” He gave a short laugh as if that might somehow release the pressure building inside his chest. “France is another country. But you could stay there with your mom and—”
“No! I don’t want to go. This is my home. Where my friends and my school are. And you and Grandma and Grandpa and—”
As his daughter went on with their list of family members, Nick pulled her into his lap, holding tight and knowing his fears had been for nothing. No matter what the future held, she would always be with him because love would keep them close. “I love you, Maddie.”
“I love you, too, Daddy. Please don’t make me go.”
“Sweetheart, I don’t want you to go anywhere. You know that. But I thought maybe you would want to.” Jiggling her on his lap, he said, “You know how boring it can be around here sometimes.”
“Sometimes,” she admitted, “but not anymore.”
He nodded. “I know you like hanging out with the puppies and helping at Darcy’s store.”
“I do, but I think you like Darcy even more.”
“Me?”
She nodded, her soft, silky hair brushing his chin with the scent of strawberry shampoo. “You laugh a lot when she’s around, and I like it when you’re happy.”
“Yeah, I like that, too. So, you really think I should go to the grand opening?”
Maddie bounced out of his arms, her childish energy making it impossible for her to stay close for long, but that was okay. “You have to come! Darcy will be so excited to see you.”
Wishing he had a fraction of her certainty, he murmured, “I hope you’re right, kiddo.”
* * *
Darcy had expected the grand opening of her store to be bittersweet. To see her mother’s dream come true without being able to share it with her was bound to break her heart a little. And it did. But looking around her crowded boutique as the women of Clearville spritzed and sprayed and tested the perfumes and lotions and makeup she had on display, it wasn’t thoughts of her mother that hit Darcy out of the blue or brought the burn of tears to her eyes.
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