Aimee heard shuffling feet, but before they reached the door, they stopped. “The crew will want to be there.”
Reece immediately replied, “No. The men should not be wasting the little bit of shore leave they have watching me resolve a personal problem.”
Collins snorted. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Captain.”
“I did not recall asking for your opinion,” came Reece’s quick, clipped retort.
Collins said nothing further as he knew it would be a waste of time. When it came to most things, there was not a man he admired more than his captain, but when it came to love, the man could not see clearly. On one hand, Reece was opening himself up to a chance for happiness, but in the other, he was shoving it away. Collins feared the latter was going to win. He did not want Reece to be unhappy, but then if he was not wise enough to thank the heavens for finding someone who truly loved him, then maybe misery was what he deserved.
Collins turned and opened the door. What he saw wrenched his heart. Aimee was slouched down on the wall, crying. He knew without asking that she had overheard the captain. And while Collins knew deep down the captain did not mean what he said, it was clear Aimee did not have that same conviction.
Kneeling down, Collins whispered, “Can you stand, my lady? Perhaps you should go somewhere private.”
Aimee nodded, but when he was about to push open the door to the chief mate’s cabin, which had been given to her for the rest of the voyage, she refused. “I need air,” she whispered and moved up on the deck and into the night air.
Collins was unsure what to do and decided to follow her, for his gut said she should not be alone. “He didn’t mean it, my lady. The captain’s just scared. All men are when it comes to getting married.”
Aimee wiped one eye and then the other. “Is that why you are not? Married, I mean.”
Collins scoffed and leaned his elbows on the rail, looking out at the moonlit waves. “You tell me where there’s another lady like you in the world and I’ll snatch her up in a heartbeat.”
Aimee knew that Collins was just being kind. She appreciated it, but that did not change what she had heard. “Your captain does not feel that way.”
Collins shook his head. “You’re wrong. I doubt the captain even knows just how much he wants to marry you. He just doesn’t want his crew—or even me—to know it. He’s afraid that love will make him look weak or foolish, or in his case both, because he loves you so much it frightens him. You will see in time.”
Aimee swallowed and jutted out her chin. “No, I won’t.”
Since the age of six, she had dreamed of marrying Reece Hamilton, and as a girl she had vowed to say yes only to him. But that pledge had been based on the belief that love—not a damaged reputation—would be the foundation of their marriage. The idea that she and Reece would marry as a result of her sneaking aboard the Sea Emerald had definitely been in the back of her mind, but not that he would feel forced into it. Marriage under these circumstances was inconceivable.
Despite her firm belief in what she and Reece felt for each other, love was not the only ingredient needed for a happy marriage. One also needed to have integrity.
It did not matter how much Reece actually loved her or if she knew it without his ever admitting it aloud. If he refused to acknowledge his feelings, at least to himself, then it did not matter whether he actually loved her or not. Reece would always believe that circumstances—not love—forced them to marry. And that was unacceptable. Reece might believe they had to marry, but Aimee knew otherwise. Shredded reputation or not, she would always have the support of her family and friends.
The simple tone of resolve in Aimee’s voice was one that Collins had become familiar with in the past few weeks and his mind searched for an appropriate response. But before he could furnish one, Aimee reached over and touched his arm to get his attention.
“Mr. Collins, when we reach Savannah, I may have need for some assistance. Would it be too much to ask for more of your help?”
Collins listened as she quickly detailed what she wanted and why. His mind searched for a valid argument against her reasoning, but, in the end, he heard himself agreeing to aid her in the simple request. He would not have been able to live with himself as a man or as a friend otherwise.
At a loss, Collins stood and watched Aimee as she turned to disappear down the companionway. Once they reached Savannah, the past few days of peace would be over. And if the crew thought their captain a surly man before, they had not seen anything yet.
Chapter 24
November 4, 1816
Millie closed the door to her room and immediately slipped off her shoes and clothes, until she was standing in her shift. She then pulled out the pins in her hair and let the dark locks fall loose before climbing into bed. She knew she should comb it, but like the previous two nights, all she wanted to do was crawl under the covers and remind herself that she was safe—no one was after her. If Devlin had not decided to walk her the entire way home, she suspected she might have caved in to her fears and told Sasha that she was returning to her father’s. But Devlin had been there and ensured she was safe. Unfortunately, his presence did not remove the uncomfortable feeling that something evil was lurking over her shoulder, studying her, mapping out her life so it could pounce when the opportunity came.
Millie curled up into a ball and reminded herself of all the reasons to stay and keep hopeful. Most recently, it had been Madame Sasha’s crusty, extremely shy driver, Bernard. He rarely spoke to anyone, so when he had waited in the hallway just outside her room in order to ask her to join him for lunch in his room, Millie had agreed, despite it being very improper. For Bernard to conquer his nerves enough to ask such a thing, it had to be important.
All throughout their meal, he had asked question after question about Sasha. What Millie knew of her past, what she liked, what made her laugh, what made her sad, until Millie had divulged all the information that she had about her friend. It became clear Sasha’s mysterious past was not just unknown to Millie but to all who lived in the house. Seeing Bernard’s frustration, Millie explained that a man did not need to know all a woman’s secrets to win her heart, he just needed to show a willingness to learn them.
After leaving him with several ideas on the next steps in his pursuit, Millie was stopped by Henry, who specifically asked what she would like to eat for breakfast the next morn. For several seconds, Millie was sure she just gaped at the man before telling him that her favorite dish was his ham and potatoes. It was the truth. While the heavy meal was not what she preferred to eat so early in the day, it was the best thing Henry knew how to prepare.
She and Tommy only saw each other in the morning at breakfast, and they were both so tired they only nodded to each other. Paulie and Susan continued to be aloof, but they at least moved down to make room at the table. Evette was her normal self, never shying away from pointing out when Millie was not acting the proper part.
The one person she could not quite figure out was Stuart. She had paid him to use his contacts and monitor Hembree Grove for any information on Aimee. To date, the servants only knew that runners were still being hired. Millie knew why: Charles was still trying to learn what had happened to his younger sister.
She had tried to push Stuart into learning more, but the boy refused on the grounds that to learn anything more, someone might get fired for divulging information, something of which Stuart refused to be a part. A piece of Millie admired him for it.
The boy was very smart but he also spurned anything that would enable people to see just how intelligent he was. When she realized Stuart read everything he could find, she told him about Jennelle’s favorite booksellers, circulating libraries, and reading rooms. As expected, Stuart had shrugged her off, saying those kinds of places only catered to those with blunt. Instead of arguing with him, Millie had let Bernard know that he might want to take Stuart over to Hatchards off Piccadilly if he ever got the opportunity. Bernard had been quick to
point out that he was too busy for such matters, but the next time she saw Stuart, he had been carrying a new book she highly suspected came from the bookseller she had recommended.
Even work had improved significantly. No longer did every muscle and joint ache for hours after she got home. She was growing physically stronger, and though she would never be able to carry as many mugs as Bessie because of her small hands, she could now maintain a quick pace when things got busy. And things had gotten more active, just as Clive predicted they would.
Even Bessie was nicer. Millie’s guard slowly came down and as it did, she began to see things about her fellow server that she had not before. Most important was just how much Bessie needed every tip she made. Living on her own, she assumed the entire costs of coal, food, and shelter. She had only one dress, and when she washed it on rainy days, it was not quite dry when she arrived to work.
But mostly Millie noticed that Bessie was no longer trying to horde all the best tippers—so as Millie saw her income rise, Bessie’s was going down. Something in Millie’s mind found it incredibly unfair. Plus, she knew it would eventually create problems between her and Bessie again. So this evening, she had done something about it.
Before they left for the evening, Millie had called Bessie over to one of the far tables and dumped out all her tips. After some persuasion, she convinced Bessie to do the same. And without waiting to see if Bessie would agree, Millie combined the pile and began dividing it in half. As she did so, she explained her reasoning.
“No one would dispute the claim that you are the better server. It would take years for me to discover everything you have learned. Despite that, I’ve noticed that my tips are higher, but you and I both know it is only because of what happened the other night. Soon that memory will fade and my tips will quickly diminish. However, if we combine the money we earn, then who is more successful or why is no longer relevant, because we will both benefit.”
Bessie cocked a brow and said, “Little missy, you use a lot of words to say very little.” But then she had licked her lips, and after a couple of seconds, sat down and helped to divvy up the pile. “This here idea of yours just also might get me to help you more, now won’t it, little missy.”
Millie said nothing and instead just smiled. For the first time, Bessie’s insult held no bite. If anything, it contained a little bit of respect.
Chapter 25
November 6, 1816
Aimee leaned against the rail and watched dockworkers load the colonial goods, rice, and other agricultural products onto a ship while off-loading English manufactured goods and Mediterranean wines. To her right, another large vessel in the narrow harbor began to pull up its anchor in preparation to cast off. The Sea Emerald had moored just a few hours earlier, just as the sun was beginning to rise. Reece had never made it to bed, as he had been up on deck to oversee the tricky navigation up the Savannah River. By the number of voices and footsteps she had heard, most of the men had been up on deck as well, either working at their assigned duties or just eager to be near land again.
Part of her wished she could spend some time in Savannah. The small city was so very different from London. The landscape was much flatter, and incredibly green. Aimee inhaled and closed her eyes, wishing that the heavy burden on her heart would be miraculously lifted. Her mind once again replayed incredible memories of the past couple of weeks with Reece.
Only this morning, he had returned to his cabin to retrieve something, but before leaving, he had walked over and kissed her gently, thinking she was asleep. It was a very loving, instinctive gesture and it had almost been enough to change her mind about leaving. It just proved in another small way that Reece did love her. If he could only admit his feelings, they would have an incredible life together. One that was pleasant during the day and wickedly playful at night. The past week had proven that. But such happiness would not last, not as long as Reece believed as he did.
A successful marriage demanded more than love. It required a deep bond of friendship, which was born from trust, loyalty, and acceptance. Too many of Society’s marriages were based on status, money, or convenience. Husbands and wives were not friends, but acquaintances. Friendship between two people, however, was a mutual bond. It could not be forced. Aimee wanted her marriage to be the same, not just another arranged union based on propriety. What Reece wanted was to be left alone. In his mind, he already was married to the sea and it was enough for him. As a result, Reece was no longer enough for her.
Aimee looked down at the small bag by her feet. Besides the gown she was wearing, she had left all the feminine things Collins had given her neatly folded in his cabin. All that she was taking with her were a few of the drawings and a couple of the figurines the men had whittled for her.
She thought about the letter she had left on the desk in Reece’s cabin and wondered what he would think when he read it. Would he agree with her decision? Be relieved? Would he feel a few pangs of regret? Aimee hoped so. She wanted Reece to know what he was losing. It was doubtful that he would anytime soon, but someday he would be on his ship and on his beloved sea and feel not the peace and joy he did now, but loneliness. And he would know that it was by his choice.
Aimee twitched her lip, wondering if such a yearning made her a smaller person. She wished she could ask Millie and Jennelle their opinion. Not that it would change her decision, but it would help to know that she had their support.
Loud, rapid clomping up a ramp got her attention. Aimee turned to see Mr. Collins as he came over the ship’s gunwale and stepped onto the deck. She waved to him as he sauntered over to her side. They both got a few sour looks from the crew, but no one said anything.
“It’s all in place,” Collins told her. “I’ve spoken to Captain Shay and he assured me that he and his wife would be happy to have you come aboard the Sea Rebel. They leave for London this afternoon.”
“His wife?” Aimee repeated, caught off guard by the possibility of having female companionship.
Collins bobbed his head. “Aye. Mrs. Shay travels with her husband quite a bit now that their children are fully grown.”
“And the crew doesn’t mind?” Aimee asked, remembering the lecture Reece gave about how a woman could be extremely disruptive to a ship’s order.
Collins let go a short snort. “Wouldn’t matter if they did. The men on the Sea Rebel are just lucky Mrs. Shay is nice, but even if she wasn’t, Captain Shay is not the kind of man I would ever cross. Not even by accident.”
Aimee had not even thought about trying to familiarize herself with a new crew and having to overcome superstitions about having a female aboard. It was nice to know she would not have to.
“And, uh, I might have misled Mrs. Shay a little,” Collins added under his breath.
Aimee’s brows crinkled slightly. “How so?”
Collins’s face turned bright red as the nervousness he was feelingly became glaringly apparent. “I just . . . well, I told her that your clothes were ruined and how you were wearing some things left by um, uh, well, someone else. Mrs. Shay said that you could get a couple of ready-made dresses at Sarah Henderson’s. Her place is off State Street near Greene Square. Mrs. Shay told me to let you know that she will meet you there in about an hour.”
He paused and took in a deep breath, obviously glad to have delivered that message. He then pointed to a hunched-over man and a small girl sitting in a two-wheeled chaise-like cart that was designed more for carrying lightweight goods than people. Collins winced again, his expression one of regret. “I know you are used to traveling better, but I know the man and he owes me a favor. He will get you to the shop safely and without a problem. I’d take you myself, but—”
“No need, Mr. Collins,” Aimee quickly assured him. “The transportation you have procured is more than adequate. Moreover, I appreciate you thinking about such matters, for I had not.” Uncaring about propriety, Aimee reached out and squeezed his forearm. “You have been very kind to me.”
Col
lins scowled. “I wasn’t always kind.”
Aimee let go and gave him a thoughtful smile. “I will only recall your kindness to me, Mr. Collins. You are a good man. I hope the next woman aboard your ship causes you much less grief and far more pleasure,” she added with a wink.
Collins could not help himself and laughed out loud, ease replacing his tension. “Not possible, my lady.”
“And Mr. Hamilton,” Aimee said, realizing it was now her turn to feel awkward, “when he returns . . . you will not have to tell him about my departure or your role. I left a letter in his cabin explaining my reasons for leaving. I presume that he will be relieved, but if not, his anger will be directed toward me. Neither you or any of the men will lose their positions.”
Collins sighed and shook his head. He was not sure how the captain was going to react to the news of her departure, but it was not going to be good. And when he learned of the role his chief mate played, it would be worse. But Collins refused to ever regret helping her. She not only gave the men hope of possibly finding a soul mate, but him too. “My lady, I have no doubt that the captain may make it uncomfortable for a while, but I doubt he’ll be firing the men because he’s in a bad mood.”
Aimee nodded, somewhat relieved to be reassured that Collins did not believe the crew would be penalized once again because of her. “Then all is well and the quicker I leave, the sooner life will return to normal on the Sea Emerald.”
Aimee reached down to pick up the small bag and when she stood back up, she glanced around. Since they had moored, the crew had been very busy and most of the men were not in sight. She was glad, for it would be hard enough walking away from the few she could see. “I already told everyone I could find good-bye. Please tell the rest that I will miss them and that my life is better for having known them.”
Collins gritted his jaw. Her life was better from knowing a bunch of dirty old seamen? He never thought that meeting and spending time with a noblewoman would make him a worthier man, but it had. “No, my lady. I didn’t realize it right away, but you being on board was a good thing. We men . . . well, feel like this—the ship, the sea, each other—that it is the only life we can have. That nary anybody but another old sea dog would ever take a kindness to us, but you did. You gave the men hope that there might be a chance for more.”
A Woman Made For Sin Page 28