by Lauren Wood
“Right here if that is the only place.” David started looking for a way out and I was looking for a reason to stay.
“Come on. Let’s go upstairs where we will have some privacy.”
His hand outstretched and before I knew what I was doing, I was placing my hand in his. I needed a few moments of madness and David was the one to give it to me.
Chapter 2
David
“I can’t believe you even remember her. What is wrong with you?”
I couldn’t believe it either. I don’t know why that woman was on my mind so much, but it was impossible to say that she wasn’t or to pretend that I didn’t think about her every time I was with someone else. It was not an easy thing to have going on in my brain and I started to wonder if this was the beginning of insanity.
“Don’t you think that if I knew what it was that was wrong with me, that I would change it? I am sick of talking about her, thinking about her. Every night almost, I wake up in the middle of it, dreaming about her. It is always the same.”
Craig just kind of looked at me like maybe I had lost it. It wouldn’t be the first time that I had wondered the same thing. Maybe I was going over the deep end and I just didn’t even know it yet. Was this the deep end? It didn’t feel like it was normal and it hadn’t mattered how many women I had underneath me, it was Carol’s face that I hoped to see when I looked down. It never is though and the frustration of not having what I want had set me on edge.
“Man you got it bad. It has been six months. It is time for you to get it together. I know that this girl got in your head, but everyone is worried about you. I am worried about you.”
“Are you getting soft on me Craig?”
“No, but I don’t know what to do with you. It seems like everyone in the gang is losing their mind and now you. I didn’t think you would ever be like this, yet here you are.”
Here I was. I didn’t know where I was, but I did know that it was getting to be too much. What was it about her that had driven me to this? I didn’t think I would ever know.
“It isn’t that bad. I think I just need to smash it again. I didn’t get enough the first time.”
Craig just kind of shook his head with a faraway grin on his face. “What the hell are you laughing at?”
“Nothing, I have been there. There is always this one girl that you won’t be able to stop thinking about. They do some kind of voodoo, I swear.”
I liked the idea of having something to blame my emotions on. I didn’t know what else it could be. I had never cared about a girl passed a night or two and now it had been too long to think that this was just a fluke. I remembered her so well for a reason. I didn’t know what that reason was, but I knew that it all had happened for a reason. I just knew that I had to see her again.
“I don’t know about all of that, but the damn woman did something.”
“Just drink some more beer and eventually you will forget about her.”
“That or I will pass out.”
He shrugged and asked me what the difference was. Either was I was going to stop thinking of the woman that was the bane of my existence. It didn’t take long for him to be right and I was feeling better pretty quickly. I spotted a girl from across the room and the first thing that I noticed was that she was a redhead. I was now attracted to them full stop and I moved towards her at a slow pace. If I couldn’t have the real thing, maybe it was better to have an alternative. It was better than nothing.
***
Waking up the next morning with a pounding headache, my heart skipped a beat when I saw the strands of red hair that were on my arm. My dreams were of Carol, as they always were and I woke the woman up to give her a kiss. For a few moments there, I was convinced that it was Carol. When Maggie turned over and smiled at me, my heart sunk and I remembered the night before. I remembered picking her up at the bar and taking her home. I had seen Maggie around before. She was one of those girls that hung around when one of the gang wanted her. I didn’t need anyone to point her out. I had seen her with almost everyone in the gang. Everyone knew what she was in the bar for. It was only last night that I took her up on the open offer. She wasn’t as satisfying as I would have hoped her to be.
I didn’t say much to her and instead of getting some more of her delectable tongue I got up and started to get dressed. I already knew that being with her was a mistake, one that I didn’t want to repeat.
“Where are you going so early David? I was hoping that we could do that thing again that we did last night.”
I was sure that she was talking about sex and though she had been better than I had thought she would be, there was a big part of me that knew that it was never going to be the same. How could I have sex that was good and not great, when I knew that there was more out there? How could I not desperately crave the way I had felt with Carol in my arms? It didn’t make sense and the more I thought about it, the bitterer I became.
“I have work to do.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that the shop was open today. I thought Carlos had decided on closing it on Sundays?”
“It’s not. I think Carlos has a job for me and as slow as it has been at the shop, I didn’t think it would be out of the question to take on some more work.”
Why was I explaining myself to her? I got up and instead of saying anything more, I got into the shower and tried to rinse away all of the bad effects that were going on in my head. “I am going to take a shower Maggie. I will drop you off if you need a ride when I get out.”
“When will I see you again?”
I stopped with the question and wished that it was a bit clearer what was going on. She wasn’t going to hear from me again. I thought that she was a woman that wasn’t expecting anything out of our relationship. Maybe I was wrong…
“I don’t know Maggie. I will give you a call.”
“But you don’t have my number.”
She had me there and I should have taken it, but I didn’t like feeling obligated. I wasn’t going to call her so it was most likely better for me just to tell her the truth. She was the one that had seduced me. I was just there for the fall down.
“I am not really going to call you Maggie. You are nice, cute face and all, but what I am looking for is a little different.”
I could tell that it wasn’t what she wanted to hear and for a moment I worried that she was going to start crying. I couldn’t stand the sight of a woman that was upset, but I ignored the urge to comfort her and I just kind of ignored all of the thoughts that were running through my head.
“Look, I had a great time last night Maggie.”
She looked at me with a little hope that maybe I would change my mind. I didn’t want to though and even though everything I said about her was true, the fact of the matter was that I knew at the end of the day I would never see her again. If I did, it would be a random run-in and it would be awkward.
“Do you want me to take you home?”
Maggie wasn’t ready for the switch of conversations and she just stared at me blankly with her blue eyes. Would it have been different if they were twinkling green like Carol’s? I could still see them in my mind’s eye and I knew that if she would have looked more like Carol, maybe I would have been willing to call her back and to have something more to do with her. But she wasn’t and I didn’t feel any obligation to her.
“No, I think that I have taken up enough of your time.”
I didn’t blame her for being mad and I waited for her to leave before I took a deep breath. I needed to get dressed and go down to see Carlos. He had promised me a job. It wasn’t the money that I needed, but time away from the city and everything about it. I just needed a change. I wasn’t sure for how long, but anything to get me out of here was going to be great. I had to get out of here before I drove myself crazy.
***
“So what do you have for me?”
“I need you to take a road trip for me, take a car down south.”
My ears pe
rked up with the direction, but I tried my best to not let out anymore emotions. He was sick of hearing about Carol too.
“Okay. So what is the car for?”
“I am selling it.”
“Anything extra that I should know about that needs to be delivered?”
Carlos shrugged and nodded his head. “You know we might as well make a trip of it, right?”
I shook my head and agreed. I had a feeling that it was all about the extra cargo and not the car at all. That meant that there was no telling what kind of car it was going to be. My luck it would be some beater that I would have to drive at night because it wasn’t even road worthy. It wouldn’t be the first time that I had to hump a stash in a trashy car. They thought that it made it look less conspicuous, I always thought that it just made it harder to get there on time.
“I got it Carlos. Just tell me where and I will leave today.”
“That ready to go huh?”
I told him that I was ready to get out of Chicago for a while. I was sick of the same sights and I needed something new to get my mind off of everything. Anywhere but here would be good right now.
“I haven’t even told you where you are going yet.”
“It doesn’t matter. I need to get out of here, so anywhere is good.”
Carlos cocked his head to one side, trying to figure out my dilemma. I wasn’t going to say anything, Craig was the exception and the drinking hadn’t helped when it came to loosening my lips. Carlos was different. He was my boss and I didn’t want to look weak in front of him.
“I think you are going to like this place that I am sending you to David.”
He was messing with me, dangling something in my face and I wasn’t sure what it was. What did he have that was so good to give him a grin like that?
“I need you to go down to New Orleans David. Do you think that you can handle it?”
I wasn’t sure that I heard him right, but I was definitely ready to take that road trip. I wouldn’t have to call a number that never got answered anymore. I was more than determined to find Carol while I was down there and I had a feeling that was why Carlos had me going. He must have known that she was from there. I may have mentioned it a time or two, that or Joel was running his mouth to him about it.
“Sounds like a plan Carlos. I will get a bag together and I will leave in a little while.”
He grinned at me and I tried to ignore it, but it was impossible to. What in the world was he thinking?
“What?”
“Nothing, I just thought that you would be a little more excited about going there, that’s all. I mean, isn’t it where that chick is from that you never shut up about?”
He was playing dumb, but he knew. They all knew. When a guy like me started turning down tail, it was time to sit up and take notice.
“Yeah that is where Carol lives.”
“Well take your time coming back. I don’t need you for a while if you want to go and see the sights.”
I knew what he meant and I thanked him without ever saying the words. He was giving me a gift and I was going to take it. I hadn’t had time off in a while to get away when everyone else was in the city. There was a first time for everything after all, but this was new to me.
Leaving Carlos’ house, I was in a bit of a daze. Not sure what I was going to do about everything, I tried to imagine what Carol was going to say when she saw me. Would she remember me as much as I had remembered her? Would she even want to see me?
I hoped so and if not, I still remembered her weakness and I was not above using it to my advantage.
Chapter 3
Carol
“Why are you telling me this Cameron?”
“Because I thought you would like to know that he was looking for you. Joel said he just got into town and there was only one name that he mentioned.”
“I don’t know why.”
My friend snorted at me and I was left to look down. I couldn’t meet her gaze. I wasn’t good at lying to her and this was one of the times that I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“Come on Carol, I think half of the people at the wedding heard the two of you.”
I could feel my face getting hot and it was impossible to look her in the eyes. “You don’t have to say it like that.”
“Well then tell that to someone that doesn’t know what you two did. It was my wedding and I think I heard more about you and him getting it on, then I did about my dress. I had that flown in from Paris, but it is you two that I still get to hear about. Way to go with taking away all of my shine.”
“You know that I didn’t mean to.”
“Were you drunk?”
I would have liked to have said that I was, but I had been far too sober to blame it on that. I had done it because David was everything that I wasn’t looking for. There was a reason that I had picked a man like him. It wouldn’t matter when he left. It did of course, something transpired between us, but the fact of the matter was that we were too different to ever be much of anything.
“No, I wasn’t drunk. He had good game and it was hard to refuse him.”
“Well you did something to him. He is asking for you and you know he is staying in one of the apartments? He is right around the corner from you.”
It was not a conversation that I wanted to have. I didn’t want to see David. Things were going good now and I didn’t want to ruin it.
“I have Steve now. He is good for me.”
Cameron rolled her eyes. “He is not good for you. He is…. I don’t even know what he is, but I know that you are not happy.”
“I am.”
I didn’t sound very convincing and I didn’t blame her for not believing me. I didn’t even believe myself, though I tried to. Steve was the kind of guy that I was supposed to be with. He was the type of man that wanted to get married. We already talked about it, even though we had only been dating a couple of months. That was progress as far as I was concerned.
“Just because it worked out for you, doesn’t mean that I need that kind of guy. Besides, Joel is different. He isn’t really a bad boy. He is softer than most of them. David is just rough.”
Cameron smiled and didn’t say anything for a time. “There is a difference when it comes to Joel. There is a sweetness that had taken me off guard. That is what I had fallen in love with. He looks good in leather too.”
“Well David is no Joel.”
“I met him for a few minutes, he seemed nice enough. You didn’t seem to be too bothered by him at the wedding.”
I thought of what it was he had talked me into doing and while I was completely open to it, I wouldn’t have done it with a man like Steve. He would have never even thought to do something like that. He wouldn’t have gone along with it if I had wanted to. The two men were so different and part of me knew that was why I had picked Steve from work. He was quiet and polite, just the kind of man that I needed.
“He is a mess, trust me. I am going to stay as far away from him as I can. How long is he supposed to be in town?”
Cameron shrugged and told me that she didn’t know. He was supposed to be there doing work and I could just imagine what that actually meant. I hadn’t asked him at the wedding what he did because I knew I didn’t want to know the truth. Whatever it was, I am sure it was illegal.
“Well don’t give him my number and make sure Joel doesn’t either. Do whatever voodoo it is that you do on him, but I don’t want to see him. He is nothing but bad news and I don’t want to ruin a good thing.”
“Okay, I will, but do you really think that Steve is the one? You haven’t even had sex with him yet.”
“That is not by my decision. He is the one that wants to wait. I think that is going to change though. If not, I am going to change it.”
She giggled a little and I knew that she was thinking along the same lines that I was thinking. We had been dating long enough and if I had to go into full seduction mode, I was okay with that. All I knew for sure was that I
didn’t want to wait anymore. The mere mention of David got me feeling a little hot and bothered. It also reminded me how long it had been since we were together. He was the last man I was with and it felt like that needed to change or it was going to mean something.
“Well you go girl. It is about time. Here I was thinking that you really cared about him and that was the reason that you were turning into a nun.”
“No, it is nothing like that. It is just a decision that I decided to make. I needed a break.”
“It has been a drought for you Carol. I don’t know how you aren’t crawling out of your skin.”
I didn’t mention that I was, instead I just gave her a noncommittal noise. I was crawling out of my skin. All I wanted was for Steve to really kiss me and touch me, but he always pulled away and got himself together. I was left in need, wondering if there was something wrong with me. It drove me absolutely crazy.
“I’m fine. It is not that big of a deal. You stop thinking about it after a while.”
“Uh huh.”
Her face told me that I was full of shit and once again, I didn’t blame her. It did matter and bringing up David wasn’t helping anything at all.
***
Getting home that evening, there was a part of me that wanted to call Caroline and get David’s number. I was sure that if I called her, I would get a hold of him and then I would feel better. He had known my body, manipulated it like it was his own and made me feel a way that I had never felt before. There was a strong possibility that I would never feel that way again and the idea of that bothered me.
I didn’t call her though. I wasn’t supposed to want David. It was obvious that he wasn’t the one for me. I am sure he was just trying to get laid. He was in town and he thought that I was easy. That was all it was. Then why did I want to see him so badly, knowing exactly what he was and what he wanted from me? Why was I so tempted to know that he was close?
I tried to ignore the thoughts of our time together. It was hot, hotter than I had ever experienced before and I couldn’t concentrate. I went to bed early that night and didn’t wake up thinking about him. I took that as a win and decided to continue in that manner for the rest of the day.