Hope.
She’d tried to keep it under control. Ever since she’d finally found the courage to return to the cottage that had been the only real home she’d ever known because it had been time she faced the memories. Time to accept that she’d lost her only family and that she had to find a way to move forward properly from her grief. To embrace life and every wonderful thing it had to offer and to dream of a happy future.
It had been time to sort through her mother’s things and keep only those that would be precious mementos.
She’d grown up in that tiny house with two women. Her mother and her grandmother. Strong women who’d protected her from the disapproval of an entire village. Women who had loved her enough to make her believe that the shameful circumstances of her birth didn’t matter. That she was a gift to the world simply because she existed.
Maybe it had been a bad choice to make the visit so close to Christmastime, when the huge tree was lit up in the village square and the shops had long since decorated their windows with fairy-lights and sparkling tinsel. The sadness that this would be her first Christmas with no family to share it with had been the undercurrent threatening to wash away the new direction she was searching for, and finding that envelope that had provided the information about who her father was had given that undercurrent the strength of an ocean rip.
Had given her that hope that had exploded into something huge the moment she’d walked into this room and seen that portrait. She had been ready to love this man—her unknown father.
She’d still had a family member. Someone who’d been denied any connection with the women who had raised her but with a connection to herself that had to mean something. She was a part of this stranger.
His daughter.
It felt quite possible she had loved him already. And now she had lost him before she’d even had the chance to meet him. She would never know if there were parts of her personality she might have inherited from that side of her gene pool. Like that rebellious streak maybe. Or the unusual gurgle of her laughter that always turned heads. Her brown eyes?
Yes. Even behind the shards of broken glass clinging to the frame of that portrait and the mist of the champagne spray, Alice could see that her father’s eyes were as dark as her own.
He looked so happy. Confident and victorious. And there was no denying how good looking André Laurent had been. Despite the disparaging reaction of the silent man beside her, Alice just knew that her mother had been in love and had had her heart broken. Why else had she never tried to find another relationship?
She would never even discover whether André remembered her mother. If she had, at least, been conceived in love on both sides.
Yes. That hope of finding something that could grow into a new but precious version of family was gone. It was dead and had to be buried. Like her father had been only this morning.
Her breath hitched and—to her horror—Alice felt the trickle of tears escaping.
And then she heard a heavy sigh.
‘Je suis désolé. I’m sorry.’ Julien’s voice had a very different timbre than she had heard so far. Softer. Genuine? Whatever it was, it made his accent even more appealing. ‘I should not have done that.’
Alice swallowed the lump in her throat. The fear had gone. This man wasn’t violent by nature. He had just been pushed beyond the limits of what anyone could bear. She knew what moments of despair like that could feel like.
‘It’s okay,’ she said, in barely more than a whisper. ‘I understand. I’m very sorry for your loss.’
The response was a grunt that signalled it was not a subject that he intended to discuss any further.
Alice was still holding the photograph of her parents. It was time to put it back in the envelope, along with the clippings that had supplied the name missing from her birth certificate. She slipped the envelope into the side pocket of her backpack and zipped it up. Then she picked up the straps to put it back on.
‘Where are you going?’
Alice shrugged. ‘I’ll find somewhere. It doesn’t matter.’
Julien moved so that he was between her and the door. ‘You can’t go out there. You can’t talk to those reporters. They would have a—what do you call it? A...paddock day with a story like this.’
There was a faint quirk of amusement to be found in the near miss of translation. ‘A field day.’ She shook her head. ‘I won’t talk to anyone.’
‘They’ll find out.’ Julien’s headshake was far sharper than her own had been. ‘They’ll discover who you are and start asking questions. Who else knows about this...claim of yours?’
Alice was silent. What did it matter if he didn’t believe her? Nobody else knew anything more than what had been impossible to hide. That her mother had gone to work for a summer in the south of France. That she had come home alone and pregnant.
‘Do you have any idea what the Laurent estate is worth?’ Julien’s gaze flicked over her from head to foot, taking in her simple, forest-green jumper, her high-street jeans and the well-worn ankle boots. The backpack that dangled from her hands. ‘No... I don’t suppose you do.’
He was rubbing his forehead with his hand. Pressing his temples with long, artistic fingers that made Alice wonder what he did for a living, which was preferable to feeling put down by her appearance. Was he a surgeon, perhaps, or a musician? The black clothes and the long hair fitted more with a career in music. She could almost see him holding an electric guitar—rocking it out in front of a crowd of adoring fans...
‘I need to get advice.’ Julien sounded decisive now. ‘Luckily, I have my solicitor here in the house with me. And I expect a DNA test will soon sort this out.’
‘There’s no point now.’
‘Pardon?’
‘I came here to meet my father. If he’d needed that kind of proof I wouldn’t hesitate but it’s...too late now. It doesn’t matter because I’m never going to meet him, am I?’
‘But don’t you want to know?’
Did she? Maybe it would be better to find out that André Laurent wasn’t her father, however remote that possibility was, because then she could walk away knowing that she hadn’t lost something that had been real and so close to being within her grasp.
And if he was, she wouldn’t be haunted by knowing that her father was still out there in the world somewhere but impossible to find. She knew in her heart that she was right but there was something to be said for having written confirmation of some things, wasn’t there?
So Alice shrugged. ‘I guess so.’
‘Come with me.’ Julien opened the door. ‘I do not want to be in this room a second longer.’
With what was probably going to be her last glance at her father’s portrait, Alice followed him out of the office. She expected to traverse the length of the enormous room again but, instead, Julien stayed at this end of the house and threw open the glass doors to the conservatory. He waited for her to enter, his face expressionless. Perhaps the effort of keeping that anger under control left no room for anything else.
Even a hint of a smile would do.
The memory of that soft tone in his voice when he’d apologised was fading. Oddly, Alice wanted to hear it again. Or to see something that would suggest it had been genuine. That she was correct in thinking that she’d caught a glimpse of the real person buried under this grim exterior. A person she had, for an instant of time, felt a connection with.
But his tone was just as empty as his face. All that was left was the accent that still tickled her ears and made her feel as if there was a secret smile hovering just over her lips, like a butterfly waiting to alight.
‘Have a seat,’ he said. ‘Are you hungry? I can ask the housekeeper to provide something for you.’
‘No. Thank you. I had lunch not long ago.’
‘As you wish. I sho
uldn’t be too long. Please, wait here.’
She didn’t really have a choice, did she? She could walk out of the house but those security guards wouldn’t open the gates without getting permission and even if it was given, she would then face the media pack and...and she’d always been hopeless at lying.
Probably thanks to her father’s genes, Alice had failed to receive more than the blue eyes that every member of the McMillan clad had had. She had been quietly thankful that she had escaped the flaming red hair that ran through generations of her mother’s family. It hadn’t been banished entirely, but her version was a rich auburn instead of orange. It was a shame she’d missed the olive skin that had been evident in that portrait of her father, though. She had pale, Scottish skin—inclined to freckle with any sunshine and turn a bright red when she blushed.
Which was what she always did if she tried to tell a lie.
Walking between the cool green fronds of huge, exotic ferns in tall terracotta urns, Alice headed for a cane couch with soft-looking, cream upholstery. Unbidden, a memory surfaced that provoked a poignant smile.
She had been about four years old and she’d done something bad. What had it been? Oh, yes... She’d been rebellious even then and she had gone to play somewhere she hadn’t been allowed to go alone—behind the hen house and down by the creek. Knowing that the mud on her shoes would reveal her sin, she had taken them off and hidden them under a bush. When the query had come about their whereabouts, tiny Alice had given innocence her best shot and she’d said she didn’t know where her shoes were. The fairies must have taken them.
Her mother and her grandmother had simply looked at each other.
‘She’s blushing, Jeannie. She’s no’ telling the truth.’
‘Aye...’
And then the two women who’d ruled her universe had turned their gazes on Alice. She’d never forgotten what that silence felt like as they’d waited for her to confess. The guilt and the shame of it. They’d never had to wait that long again.
Not that she had any intention of confessing to any reporters but Julien was probably right. They already knew her name because they’d been right there when she’d introduced herself to the security guard. It wouldn’t take long for them to chase down a story and if she was confronted by leading questions, her skin would betray her.
She could feel a prickle of heat in her neck, just thinking about having to lie.
At least she was safe here. The world outside those gates could be as far away as her home as she sat here in this quiet space amongst the greenery, looking out over the reflection of palm trees on the swimming pool. Her gaze was automatically drawn further—to where the water fell over the end and made it look as if the cruise ship in the distance was sharing the same patch of ocean.
And then Alice felt a shiver dance down her spine. The atmosphere had changed as noticeably as if a cool breeze had blown through the room. She didn’t have to turn her head to know that Julien had returned.
Maybe she didn’t feel so safe in here after all.
* * *
She was sitting on one of the couches, looking out at the view.
Julien could only see her profile but it made him realise he hadn’t really looked at her until now. Or rather he’d looked at her as simply another issue that had to be dealt with on one of the darkest days of his life.
Now he could see her as media fodder and wouldn’t they have a feast? This Alice McMillan was tiny. A few inches over five feet perhaps and slim enough to wear children’s clothing. That bag she was carrying looked like an accessory to a school uniform.
And there was no denying how pretty she was. That tumble of richly coloured, wavy hair... Given how unpretentious the rest of her clothing was and the fact that her nails weren’t even painted, it was highly likely the colour was natural and it all added up to a brand of woman that Julien had no idea how to handle due to an almost complete lack of experience. Even his own sister had morphed into one of the polished beauties that every man wanted to be seen with. Did other men always have that nagging doubt about how genuine they really were?
The memory of tears slipping from chocolate-brown eyes that had reminded him of a fawn made him groan inwardly. Imagine how that would go down in a television interview. She would have the whole world on her side.
André Laurent and—by association—his sister and then he himself would be branded as heartless rich people who were uncaring of an impoverished relative. If, of course, her claim was true. And why wouldn’t it be? Given the endless stream of women in that man’s life, the probability of a legacy like this was certainly believable and, according to the legal expert he’d just been speaking to, the implications were enormous. He kept his tone light enough not to reveal the can of worms that was potentially about to be opened, however.
‘The news is good,’ he said. ‘We have made some enquiries and apparently there have been great advances in DNA testing and a result can be found within a matter of a few days. All we need is a simple mouth swab from you. Someone is coming to the house soon, to do what is needed.’
She nodded slowly and then bent her head, a thick curl of her hair falling across her cheek. She pushed it back as she looked up again.
‘But they would have to match it, wouldn’t they? It’s too late to get a sample from my...from André. Monsieur Laurent,’ she added quickly, as though she didn’t have the right to be so familiar.
‘M’sieur.’ Without thinking, Julien corrected her pronunciation to make the ‘n’ silent. She really didn’t know a word of French, did she? Then he shrugged. ‘It seems that there are many items that may suffice. Like his toothbrush. Someone is coming who is an expert. He works with the police.’
‘The police?’ A look of fear made her eyes look huge against that pale skin.
It was like that moment after he’d hurled the paperweight at the image of the man he’d despised so much and he realised he’d scared her enough to make her cry. A shameful thing. He didn’t treat women like that. He didn’t treat anyone like that. This whole disaster was turning him into a person he really didn’t like and this woman was making it that bit harder to sort out the issue that was so personally—and urgently—important. This made her someone he needed to remove from his company at the earliest opportunity so it shouldn’t matter at all how she was feeling.
But it did.
It made him want to reassure her. Comfort her even.
He turned away so he didn’t get trapped in those eyes. He shrugged off the unwelcome sensation that something very private was being accessed. Like his heart? How long had it been since he’d felt the urge to protect a woman? Maybe he’d given up on trying to care after Colette had made it so clear he’d been wasting his time. That he didn’t understand. All those years and, in the end, they had counted for nothing.
‘A coincidence,’ he said, the words coming out more sharply than he might have chosen. ‘This man also runs a private paternity testing company.’ A sigh escaped that had a whisper of defeat about it. The need to reassure was too powerful. ‘You are not being accused of anything.’
Yet, he added silently. But then he made the mistake of looking at her again. No. She wasn’t here to chase five minutes of fame or a share in a vast fortune. There was no mistaking her sincerity. Or her vulnerability. She not only believed that André was her father, it held a huge significance for her. It had to be simply another coincidence that she had arrived with such unfortunate timing.
It could be an hour or more before the DNA expert arrived from Nice with his testing kit and it would be extremely impolite to leave her waiting here alone and it would be imprudent to antagonise her. For everybody’s sake, this matter had to be kept as private as possible.
‘So...’ Julien lowered himself onto a couch facing Alice. ‘You are a teacher?’
‘Yes.’
‘You like children, then?’
‘Of course.’
‘Do you have any of your own?’
That startled her.
‘No... I’m not...um...married.’
‘Neither was your mother.’
Maybe she wasn’t quite as vulnerable as he’d thought. A flash of something like anger crossed her face and her chin lifted.
‘She suffered for that. There are communities where it’s still considered shameful to produce an illegitimate child.’
Julien blinked. If the mother had suffered, it was logical to assume that the child had as well.
‘Why did she go back, then?’
The stare he was receiving made him feel like he’d asked a very stupid question. There was something even more disturbing in that look, however. Pity? Was he missing something fundamental?
‘Brannockburn was her home. She was very young and her heart was broken. She needed her mother.’
A broken heart? Well, she probably hadn’t been the only woman who’d believed that she might be the one to tame André Laurent. He could hardly brand her as a complete fool when his own sister had fallen under the same spell decades later.
‘I’m sorry...’ Her apology was unexpected.
‘What for?’
Alice was twisting a lock of hair in her fingers as she shifted her gaze to the doors that led back into the house. ‘You’ve lost your sister. You must have family here. Your mother perhaps? I’m intruding on a very personal time. I’m sorry. Obviously, I wouldn’t have come if I’d had any idea of what had happened.’
‘My only family was my sister,’ Julien said quietly. ‘And I lost her three months ago. She died in childbirth.’
* * *
A heavy silence fell but Alice didn’t dare look back at him.
Had the baby died as well? Had they both recently lost their only living relatives? Not that there was any real comparison. He’d known his sister and she’d only lost the potential of knowing her father. But she knew what it was like to lose the person who was the emotional touchstone in one’s life. Her mother had seemed far too young to be taken but how old had Julien’s sister been? Probably only in her thirties, as he looked to be himself.
The Baby Who Saved Christmas Page 3