Simmer

by Stephanie Rose

  “Sara, something wrong?” Aaron dropped his hand to my forearm and squeezed. I mumbled a no before my eyes darted back to the bar counter in front of me.

  Drew never laughed like that with me. Stiff, older, single parent me. The thought made me want to curl up in a ball and cry. But, how could he? After . . . everything? After all these months of close friendship and the last few weeks of more than friendship? After all the “this is for you . . . I want to make you feel good . . . you’re all mine” bullshit. He couldn’t have been playing me all along, could he? I didn’t know what to think. I should’ve shot off my stool, marched over to where he sat and punched the cheating asshole in the stomach. But I was frozen and refused to let him hurt me even more. If he wanted to date around, fine, he could have at it. No skin off my nose. Maybe a broken and devastated heart, but hell if I was going to try to stop him.

  “So, Sara. I’d like to make Valentine’s Day a big deal this year. My dad never put much thought into it, but maybe you could help me think of some his and hers dishes or something. He doesn’t get that people eat that shit up and guys look to score extra points to . . . you know.”

  “Score?” I huffed before motioning to the bartender for a second beer. I wouldn’t go past two drinks, but I needed something to dull the pain and humiliation. Not that two beers would do it, but maybe it would calm me down enough to quell the shaking in my hands. Even my breaths were uneven and jumpy. Maybe Drew would score tonight. So much for him being honorable and patient. He was getting it from somewhere else already. No wonder he wasn’t in a rush to have sex with me. My nose burned as I took my first sip of the second bottle, but I sucked in a sharp breath to ward it off. No. I wouldn’t cry. Whatever I’d thought we had was all an illusion.

  “I think that could be cool. We could all talk about it tomorrow night, maybe brainstorm a little.” My voice was dry and dull as I forced all the emotion I was feeling deep inside. My gut twisted, and bile threatened to rise in my throat, but I wouldn’t let it show. Pissed off, bitchy Sara could cover this up. She always did.

  But she wasn’t in love before.

  You can’t be in love with someone you don’t know. And I didn’t know Drew. Not like I thought. My breathing accelerated for a moment as I pretended to be interested in what Aaron was saying.

  “So, what do you think?” When my eyes met his, he sat closer to me than when we first sat down. I inched to the other side of the stool in an attempt to put some distance between us.

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Well, what if you stayed later tomorrow and just you and I could work on the menu. You have the restaurant experience they don’t.”

  “I was a waitress,” I scoffed. “I’m sure most of them have been waiters or waitresses at some point. Is that a dig at me being older than they all are?”

  “No, no.” He waved his hand back and forth before rubbing his forehead. “I’m not doing a great job of this. I’d like to spend time with you. Alone. I think we could be good together.” He leaned closer, brushing my hair off my shoulder. Now, I was nauseous for a whole other reason. My shoulder stiffened, hoping he’d get the hint, but it was no use. So much for ignoring this until it went away on its own. Fuck, this was all I needed tonight.

  I searched the bar for Valerie, but she vacated her seat at some point around the time my love life imploded and was fluttering around the bar making small talk. We were all alone. Great.

  “You’re stunning. I noticed you from the moment you walked in back in August. What do you say, Sara? Want to give me a shot?”

  “Yeah, Sara. What do you say?” A gruff, but familiar voice behind me answered Aaron before I could.

  My head swiveled to Drew’s furious glare. What fucking nerve. After what I’d just witnessed, the anger radiating off him didn’t make any sense, and I didn’t understand the sneer curling his lips. I returned his angry glower for a moment before turning my attention to my other problem.

  “I say no, Aaron. I don’t date people I work with, especially not my manager. And . . . I don’t think of you that way. I’m sorry.” It was already out in the open so if I was fucked at work, there was nothing I could do about it. I needed to extinguish any hope he had of him being more than the man who signed my check and forms for school. “I need this job and don’t want it to be awkward. But no. A hard, non-negotiable no.” Aaron’s face fell, but he nodded, looking between Drew and me with narrowed eyes. He probably assumed I had something going on with the leering man behind me—hell, so did I—but I didn’t correct him otherwise. He seemed like an overall nice guy, and I prayed that wouldn’t change when I went back to work tomorrow.

  Drew’s eyes seared into the back of my neck, but I forced myself not to turn around. I reached into my purse and threw a twenty dollar bill I really couldn’t afford to waste on the counter, but my frazzled state of mind prevented me from caring. “I’m going to call it a night. See you tomorrow.” I waved at Valerie at the other end of the bar, chatting up the bartender and having a blast. I’d never felt older or more beaten.

  I rose from my seat and made my way over to the door, still not acknowledging Drew standing there. I bolted right past him and out of the bar, rushing to my car through the slush covered parking lot, not bothering to acknowledge that he was trailing me.

  “You can’t work there anymore.”

  I froze, turning to gape at Drew and seeing red. His jaw ticked as he stalked over to me. “I don’t want you within ten feet of that douchebag.”

  “I can’t . . .” My eyes grew saucer wide, incredulous at this guy attempting to order me around like some caveman after what I’d seen him doing tonight. I massaged my throbbing temples before I continued. “First of all, that’s my job and my internship. I can’t quit in the middle of my last semester. He isn’t the first manager to hit on me, so I know how to deal with it. And second, it’s none of your goddamn business!”

  “None of my goddamn business?” he yelled before he grabbed my wrist as I again attempted to get into the car. “My girl working for a guy who thinks they’d be good together isn’t my business? Not that you mentioned me when you blew him off,” Drew spat before he let go of my arm.

  “Why should I? You were having such a nice night with some blonde bitch draped over your lap. I saw you, laughing and having a grand ol’ fucking time. What an idiot I’ve been.” I muttered, more to myself than him.

  Drew exhaled slowly as his shoulders relaxed. “That’s what this is about? Sara, nothing is going on. Sam is an old friend of ours. I’ve mentioned her to you before.”

  “I don’t straddle old friends of mine in a bar. Drew, just leave me alone.” Our eyes locked, and the heartbreak I’d been stifling for the past fifteen minutes bubbled to the surface. “How could you do this? Why did you make me believe . . . ?”

  “She called us tonight to come out and celebrate her getting engaged. There was never anything going on with us—ever. Trust me when I say I’m not her type.”

  His mouth curved in a little smile, and I lost it. I hit his chest once, then again until I reneged what little control I had left and pounded his torso until he caught my hands.

  “What the hell does that even mean? You expect me to believe that? Let me go!”

  “Sara, stop!” He wrapped his hand around both my wrists like a handcuff, and as much as I twisted and kicked, I couldn’t get out of his hold.

  “Sam is getting married next week. To a woman. She prides herself on being a gold star lesbian and never being with a man. Ever. She was on Brian and Carlos’s lap earlier tonight, too. She’s playful but harmless. We aren’t turning her anytime soon.”

  I relaxed my wrists and he let them go.

  “Sam is the womanizing friend who Carlos said he couldn’t keep up with?” I raked my hand through my hair and fell back against my car door.

  Drew exhaled before he answered with a slow nod. All this time I’d assumed Sam was a guy.

  “She still shouldn’t be on top of you,
lesbian or not.”

  Jesus, what was happening to me? I was losing my mind, that’s what. Instead of infuriated and heartbroken, I was humiliated.

  “Noted, and I’m sorry, Sara. Instead of assuming the worst, why didn’t you approach me, try to kick Sam’s ass, something?” His face softened into a frown. “Why did you just run?”

  I pulled at the roots of my hair before lifting my eyes.

  “I hate that you turned me into this. Made me that girl, the insecure idiot that jumps to the wrong conclusion like a bad fucking sitcom. I never needed anyone before I met you. I hate that you made me need you so much.” I shook my head and scoffed, so pissed at myself for being such a damn fool. “This isn’t me. Falling in love made me stupid.”

  “What did you say?” Drew stepped closer, but I was too ashamed to look him in the eye. To say I’d made a fool out of myself tonight was an understatement.

  “Answer me. What did you say just now?” He clutched my shoulders and squeezed.

  “I said that I assumed the worst and made an ass out of myself. I watched you with her and it made me so angry how easy she could make you laugh, that you looked like you were having more fun with her than you ever did with me. I hated it. It hurt. A lot. This is what happens when I let myself have feelings. Can we just drop this? Please?” I begged.

  “After that. You’re in love with me?”

  “I . . .” I met Drew’s widened eyes and trailed off. “Yes,” I admitted. May as well put it all out there. “And believe it or not, you’re my first. Funny thing to say in your thirties.” I huffed out a laugh. “I have no clue what I’m doing or how to not act like a psycho. Let’s just forget tonight. You go back to your friends and I’ll go home. Pretend you didn’t see me and I’ll do the same. Goodnight, Drew.”

  Drew grabbed the back of my head and crashed his lips to mine. I grunted in protest before I melted into his arms. His hands roamed my body, drifting down my thighs and grabbing my ass to pull me closer. I would never win an argument if he kept kissing me stupid and senseless. There was something in this kiss making it different than our others. It was passionate, but desperate. As if he was holding back all the other times, and now he was letting it all go. I fisted the collar of his T-shirt, dizzy from the intensity and lack of oxygen. I broke the kiss, gasping for air and limp against Drew’s chest. This man made me feel so much it was terrifying.

  “I love you,” he whispered as he rested his forehead against mine. “I love you so much. I even love how pissed off you got tonight.” I shoved his chest as I bit my lip, willing the tears burning my eyelids to stay put. Loving someone and accepting their love in return was something I never thought I’d be able to do. But as much as I’d fought it the past few months, it was impossible not to love Drew. He made me feel loved, protected, and worth it. It was a heady feeling I was still too frightened to fully embrace, but damn it felt wonderful.

  He laughed as his lips found my forehead. “And you know what, you’re my first, too.” The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile. “Now, let’s get out of here. Give me your keys.” He delved his fingers deeper into my hair and pulled so I’d look up. “You’re coming home with me.”

  Sara

  MY KNEE BOBBED as Drew drove my car to his apartment. I didn’t even protest as nerves, excitement, and exhaustion from the last half hour filtered through my system. I thought I’d witnessed Drew cheating right before my boss hit on me, then after a ridiculous misunderstanding on my part, I blurted, “I love you.” It was as if I morphed into someone else tonight, someone without any semblance of control wearing her heart on her sleeve, and that sure as shit wasn’t me. But with Drew, I wasn’t myself. He brought out a side of me I never knew existed—and didn’t know how to handle. I’d always hid my insecurities with snark but being in love was a totally different ball game. I couldn’t hide how I felt or how vulnerable it made me.

  Drew stayed silent the entire ride to his place, throwing a smirk in my direction a couple of times but not saying a word. He pulled into the spot in front of his apartment and palmed my still shaking knee after he shut the engine off.

  “Stop being nervous. It’s me. And I love you. Relax, Gorgeous.” He grabbed my hand and kissed the top of my wrist before opening the driver’s side door and stepping out of the car. I sucked in a breath and opened my door. Drew was the only person on this planet that didn’t make me nervous . . . well, not anymore. When I first started spending time with him, sure, my knee bobbed all over the place then, too. But at some point along the way, he became my calming center. It’s when he wasn’t around that I felt anxious and uneasy. As I followed Drew into his apartment, I did a quick calculation in my head of how long it’d been since I had sex. Almost ten years? Shit. I was a thirty-two-year-old born-again virgin, and Drew was a gorgeous man in the prime of his life. Hairstyles and music were more or less the same the last time he’d had sex.

  He led me into his room, shutting the door and locking it. I plopped down on the bed, peeling my down jacket off but so awkwardly unsure what the hell to do next.

  “Hey, what did I tell you in the car?” Drew whispered as he grabbed my hand and pulled me up to stand. “It’s me. And we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I just want to sleep next to you tonight. So, if you aren’t ready—”

  “I am,” I cut him off as my hands drifted down the soft cotton of his T-shirt. “It’s . . . it’s been a really long time.” I shrugged as my fingers flirted with the hem of his shirt and inched it over the waistband of his jeans. I traced the smooth skin over the hard muscle, and the corners of Drew’s mouth lifted in a carnal smile as I brought the soft cotton higher.

  “How long?” Drew’s voice dipped to a husky rasp as our eyes locked. My fingertips traced over every muscle and ridge, pressing deeper into his smooth skin as I continued to explore. My heart hammered in my chest as the air thinned between us.

  “Nine years. And eleven months. Full decade, Kostas. I hardly remember the last time, to be honest.”

  Drew stepped back and peeled his shirt off, flinging it on the floor behind him. My God, he was breathtaking. I’d glimpsed parts of his hard, muscular body, but I salivated as I took in every detail.

  “Sara,” he whispered, his eyes almost black. “I don’t want to think about you and . . . anyone. Makes me a little crazy.” I licked my parched lips, checking the corner of my mouth for drool.

  His fingers tangled into my hair as he took my mouth in a fierce kiss. The intensity made my knees buckle. It was rough and hot and somehow still sweet. Shivers drifted up the fibers of my spine as he fisted the bottom of my shirt before pulling it over my head. His hooded eyes glossed over my half-naked body, but I wasn’t embarrassed or scared, only impatient we still had clothes on.

  His hands glided over my chest, my nipples puckering at his light touch. He kissed down my shoulders, sliding the bra straps to my elbows before unhooking the back and slipping it down my arms.

  “You are beautiful. So fucking beautiful.” He cupped my breasts on a tortured sigh before dipping his head to suck one of my nipples into his mouth. My body responded by almost collapsing at his feet. “And you have no idea. No clue how amazing you are. I’ve never wanted anyone this much.” Our lips crashed in a searing, breathless kiss. “Tell me to stop,” he murmured, his mouth still moving against mine.

  “No,” the word fell from my lips in a guttural plea. “Please don’t stop.”

  My head was still spinning when he dropped to his knees.

  Drew lifted his head, holding my gaze as he unbuttoned my pants and inched them down my thighs, dragging kisses down my leg with each new inch of exposed flesh. I stepped out of them once they pooled at my feet.

  His tongue dragged down my stomach before his thumbs hooked into my panties and yanked them down, kissing a path down my legs until they were at my ankles. I was so wet, a cool draft chilled the inside of my thighs. Drew hadn’t even been inside me yet, and this was already the best sex of my
life.

  I latched on to Drew’s shoulder in an effort to stay upright, as now I was quivering for a whole different reason. I whimpered when his tongue glided across the damp flesh of my inner thigh, almost where I wanted it. He was the worst kind of tease. He’d get closer and closer, and then back away. My cheeks heated as a sheen of sweat broke out across my skin.

  “Drew, please,” I begged as I bucked my hips against his face.

  He grabbed my leg and hooked it over his shoulder. “Well, you did say please.” He glanced up at me with a half-smile before he buried his head at the apex of my thighs. My knees gave out as his tongue and lips worked me over, sucking then biting my clit while twisting two fingers deep inside me. My mouth fell open in a silent scream as the first wave of tremors hit me. My legs shook around Drew’s face as I came hard, gushing into his mouth and writhing and twisting against his lips.

  “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. So fucking sexy, and so fucking mine,” Drew panted as he stood from the floor and kissed me. His lips and chin were once again soaked with me and I loved it.

  I reached inside the waistband of his jeans and pulled on his hard, pulsating cock. “Inside me. Please,” I pleaded as he laughed against my lips.

  “My pleasure, Gorgeous. Lay back.” He gave me a gentle shove onto the mattress, playful yet possessive. He fished his wallet from his back pocket and threw it onto the bed before kicking off his pants. He pulled out a condom, rolling it on quickly before climbing on top of me.