Coping Skills (Players of Marycliff University Book 5)

by Jerica MacMillan

  Damn. You’d think a football helmet would do a better job of protecting against that.

  “The helmet only helps with the exterior trauma. Without the helmet you’d probably have cleat marks in your forehead or something. But it doesn’t stop concussions.”

  He slowly turned his head to look down at Elena, who’d answered his thought. “Did I say that out loud?”

  Her face lightened for a split second, a brief smile crossing her lips. “Yeah. You did.”

  “How do you know so much about helmets and concussions?”

  Her lips pressed together again, and she wrapped her arm through his, tugging him toward the stairs leading to his apartment. “After my dad’s accident this summer, I started reading a lot about traumatic brain injuries. I follow a few different organizations that provide support and research for TBI survivors and their families.”

  He nodded, but regretted it as soon as he did so, the floaty feeling now combining with a sickening spinning sensation. He had to stop walking for a second and wait for that to pass before continuing. “Okay. That makes sense. But what does that have to do with concussions?”

  A dry, humorless chuckle escaped her lips. “Sweetie, concussions are traumatic brain injuries. Milder than what happened to my dad, sure, but still TBIs. My brother likes to play baseball, and then you and I started spending time together, so I read about sports injuries. I can’t help it. It’s my own form of self-torture, indulging my psychologically masochistic streak by reading about all the ways the people I love can get their heads bashed in and permanently damaged.”

  This time when he stopped, halfway up the stairs, it was to get her to look at him and clarify some points. He knew he wasn’t operating at full abilities, but it sounded like she might’ve said she loved him. “Wait, what?”

  Tugging on his arm, she shook her head. “Let’s get inside. You need to rest. We’ll talk about all this later when you’re not dopey and concussed.”

  He allowed her to get him moving again, but didn’t ignore the fact that she avoided meeting his eyes. At the very least he’d wait to push it until they got inside. Having the I love you conversation on the stairs to his apartment didn’t seem like the best place for it now that his slow brain had time to think about it.

  Once inside, Coop closed the door behind them, turning the deadbolt and heading to his room. Elena stopped and looked at the door, which seemed strange to Daniel, but then she led him to his room, and he didn’t care about why she might stare at their front door. Pushing him down on the bed, she bent to untie his shoes. He might be out of it, but not enough that that didn’t seem wrong to him.

  “S’okay. I can do it.” They were only tied normally, not double-knotted like they were when he played, since he’d had to take them off at the hospital. Toeing them off once they were untied, he stood, stripping off his jersey and dropping his hands to the lace-up fly on his pants.

  “Um, I think I’ll just go.”

  Daniel’s eyes focused on Elena, who was backing toward his bedroom door. “What? Why?”

  Her eyes ran over his body before settling on his face again. “You’re hurt and you need to rest. You obviously don’t need any help from me. So, I’ll just have Hannah come get me so you can go to bed.”

  “Stay.”

  Her eyes dropped to his open fly, and tracked him as he pushed his football pants down, revealing the padded compression shorts he wore underneath. But her expression gave nothing away. “I really should go.”

  “I need to take a shower. At least stay until I’m out. You can tuck me in.” He tried for a charming smile, but worried it came out goofier than he wanted.

  Whatever the case, it seemed to work. The corners of her mouth turned up ever so slightly, and she nodded. “Okay. Go take your shower. I’ll stay until you’re done.”

  “You could come help. I might need someone to keep an eye on me. Traumatic brain injury and all.”

  He regretted the words when he saw her wince. She shook her head. “They wouldn’t have let you leave the hospital if you were so bad off that you needed supervision in the shower. Go. I promise I’ll be here when you get back.”

  The fact that she felt the need to promise worried him a little. He hadn’t expected her to want to leave, and had assumed her protests that she should go were more for show than from an actual desire to leave. But the promise made it sound like she really did want to leave. So it was with a frown on his face that he slid past her to get to the bathroom.

  Once he was in the shower, his worries washed away along with the dried sweat and leftover grime from the game. The trainers had hustled him to the hospital once they’d determined that he had a concussion, not letting him change out of his uniform, barely letting him get his shoulder pads off in the locker room before he left. Plus, he’d heard enough stories of people getting nasty infections in the hospital that taking a shower after spending time there sounded like a great idea.

  But he didn’t take too long, giving himself a quick scrub down from head to toe, regretting bending over as soon as he did it, and more when he stood back up. The floaty, dizzy feeling hadn’t gotten any better, and the altitude change only made it worse. He held onto the wall of the shower while he waited for the worst of the dizziness to pass, then turned off the water and toweled off quickly. His bed was calling. In high school when he’d gotten a concussion, they’d made him stay up all night. That had been awful. Thankfully, this doctor had said he should sleep as much as he wanted to and avoid stimulation for a few days to give himself time to feel better.

  With the towel wrapped around his hips, he crossed the small bit of space that served as a hallway to get to his bedroom. Elena sat on his bed, hunched in on herself, staring at her phone.

  When he walked in, she straightened, then stood. “How are you feeling?”

  He tilted his hand back and forth in a so-so gesture, avoiding moving his head more than absolutely necessary. “Better with a shower. But more tired. I smell better at least.”

  Her gaze lingered where his hand gripped the towel around his hips, but she looked sad this time. That was not a look he’d ever seen on her when he was all but naked. Unconcerned about her seeing him all the way naked, he let go of one end of the towel, draping it over his desk chair and rummaging in his drawer for a clean pair of shorts. Pulling them on provoked the room into spinning again, and he sat down heavily on the bed once the elastic hit his hips, his head in his hands.

  Elena made a little sound of distress, her hand landing on his shoulder. “Come on. Get into bed. You need to rest.”

  He started to nod without thinking about it and groaned when that made the dizziness worse again. Tipping onto his side on the bed, he lifted up enough that she could pull the blankets out from under him and cover him up. He opened his eyes to watch her smooth the blanket over his chest, her dark hair falling like a curtain and blocking his view of her face.

  Wrapping his hand around her wrist, he stopped her before she could pull away. He tugged. “Climb in. Stay.”

  She finally looked at him, the same sad look from earlier on her face, her lips compressed again. “You need to rest.”

  “I know. I’ll rest better if you’re with me.”

  A dry chuckle rasped in her throat, but it wasn’t her normal laugh. “Rest isn’t what we normally do in this bed.”

  He tried his charming smile again. “True. But we could make an exception.”

  She shook her head, pulling her wrist out of his grip. “I can’t, Daniel. I really can’t.”

  “Why not?” His thoughts came out of his mouth as soon as they entered his head. “It’s the weekend. You don’t have to get up early for class. You don’t have your car. Coop’s either drinking and playing video games, and therefore can’t drive you, or he’s getting ready to go out drinking somewhere else.”

  Her eyes left his, scanning over the blankets as though looking for the answer there. This wasn’t like her. She usually told him the truth. Stalling
meant she was looking for a believable lie.

  “Elena? What’s wrong?”

  She shook her head again. “I can’t, Daniel.”

  “Can’t what?”

  Her hands covered her face for a moment, a gesture he recognized. She did it when she was forcing back her tears. Usually when she talked about her dad. What was going on? He sat up, reaching out to run his hand over her hip to her lower back, slipping under the sweatshirt she still wore. She’d taken off his jersey while he was in the shower.

  “Elena? Talk to me. What’s going on?”

  “I can’t do this.”

  “Do what?”

  Her hands came away from her eyes and covered her mouth. She shook her head again.

  “Will you stop shaking your head at me? I’m tired, and I don’t know what’s going on.”

  “I’m sorry. You’re right. We’ll talk about this later.”

  “Okay. Good. Now take off your sweatshirt and jeans, and get into bed.”

  She backed away, out of his reach. “I can’t, Daniel. It’s not a good idea.”

  He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Why isn’t it a good idea for my girlfriend to crawl into bed with me? I’m not contagious. I just like holding you. It makes me feel better.”

  A sound like she was in pain came from her, and she pressed a hand to her chest. “You’re killing me, Daniel. Please just let me go. We’ll talk later.”

  “No. What? I don’t get what the problem is.”

  She shook her head, backing toward the door, her hand fumbling behind her for the handle. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t—“ She looked all around, her lips clamped together like she was trying to hold back more words than the ones that had slipped out.

  “Can’t what? Say it already.”

  Whispering, her back pressed to the door, she finally spit it out. “I can’t be with someone who gets head injuries all the time. I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.”

  “What? I don’t—“

  But before he could finish, she’d slipped out the door, closing it behind her. By the time he kicked off the covers and got his bedroom door open, she was gone.

  Coop stood in the living room, his head swiveling between the door and Daniel. “What was that?”

  Running a hand over his face, Daniel started to shake his head, but stopped, leaning his shoulder against the wall. “I don’t know.”

  Coop looked him over. “It sounded like she broke up with you.”

  “Yeah.” He didn’t try to nod this time. He was learning.

  Coop waited a beat, still eyeing him. “Sorry, man.”

  “Yeah.” He stumbled back to bed, pulling the covers up to his shoulders. What the fuck had just happened? He didn’t know, and he didn’t have the energy to deal with it right now. He’d call her later, after he’d slept. Maybe she’d sleep too and see she was overreacting. Because he was still pretty sure she’d said she loved him. And breaking up with him didn’t make any sense if that was true.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Daniel had texted five times and called twice in the week since she’d left his apartment. Elena had responded to the first text with a simple, I’m sorry. It’s over. His response had been simple as well. Why?

  She could feel all his confusion and frustration in that single word, could imagine him saying it like he had that night, his tone all tortured bafflement. She felt like a complete bitch breaking up with him like she had. But she’d been telling the truth when she’d said she couldn’t do it anymore. She really, really couldn’t. Sitting with him in the hospital, waiting to hear back from the doctor, had been the worst form of torture. The memories of sitting with him in the ER mingled with the memories of sitting in the waiting room and in her dad’s hospital room while he was unconscious. Her nightmares had come back. But now it was Daniel lying unconscious in the hospital bed, bandages around his head.

  Sometimes she’d dream about her father yelling at her, cussing her out while he was in the hospital. And partway through he’d morph into Daniel, shouting her father’s words in her father’s voice, but it was Daniel’s boyish face with its usual scruff sneering at her.

  She woke from those dreams suppressing her sobs, burying her face in her pillow, gulping down air until she could get herself under control. On those nights, she’d get up and take a shower, then bury herself in homework. Her sleep became sporadic, and she only slept when exhaustion dragged her down, unable to keep her eyes open anymore.

  By the time Thursday rolled around, she barely managed to drag herself to classes, only going because it was the last day before a three-day weekend. Their so-called Fall Break. It made it sound like more than one day without classes, but she wasn’t about to complain. Most students used it as an excuse to go home for a couple of days, and she was no different.

  Her mom had called during the week and asked if she planned on coming home. She had the first two years she’d been at Marycliff. Last year she’d had a debate tournament that weekend, so she hadn’t been able to go home. So it wasn’t an unreasonable question.

  “Yeah, okay. I’ll come home,” had been her answer after long moments of silence where she wrestled with her desire to stay away and her guilt for feeling that way. The guilt won.

  But she waited until Friday morning to leave. She’d told her mom that she needed to rest because she’d had a lot of homework before the break and hadn’t been sleeping much. It was mostly true. She’d done a lot of homework, at least, reading ahead to cover chapters she didn’t need to get through until after Thanksgiving. But she’d needed something to distract her from the pain of breaking up with Daniel, the guilt over not wanting to go home, and keep her awake to avoid her nightmares.

  She actually slept well on Thursday night. She woke up around eight, which was earlier than she would’ve liked, but she wanted to get to her parents’ house by noon. The drive took just over two hours, so she had enough time to pack a bag for the next couple of nights, shower, and eat breakfast before heading out by ten.

  Hannah and Matt were getting up and around while she loaded her duffle bag and backpack into her car. Hannah came out and gave her a quick hug. “Drive safe. Let me know when you get there. And tell your parents I said hi.”

  Elena gave her a tight smile. “Thanks. I’ll tell my mom, at least. I don’t think my dad’ll care much.”

  Pity flashed in Hannah’s eyes, but she covered it when Elena gave her a stern look. “Fine. Tell your mom I said hi, then. And, um.” Hannah paused and looked away, biting her lip, a pink flush coming to her cheeks. “I know going home for the weekend isn’t your idea of a good time, and you’re not doing it because of me, but I appreciate getting some alone time with Matt for a couple days. So thanks.”

  Elena chuckled, the first real chuckle in several days. She hugged Hannah again. “You’re welcome. Enjoy your kinky, spanky sex free-for-all while I’m gone. Just make sure you can still sit on Sunday. You have class and work next week.”

  Hannah’s blush deepened, making Elena laugh more. But Hannah lifted her chin. “Don’t worry. My ass’ll be just fine.”

  Elena laughed again and climbed into her car. “See you in a couple days.”

  Hannah walked over to stand with Matt on the front steps while Elena backed out of the driveway. They both waved at her as she drove away.

  She made good time, even with stopping in Ritzville for a quick rest stop and to break up the monotony of driving through the Scablands. She’d always loved that name for the area. It was so picturesque, and perfectly captured the effects of the rock breaking through the crust of dirt. Basalt? She thought her middle school earth science teacher had told them it was basalt. But that had been so long ago that she wasn’t sure anymore.

  One of the wines at the wine bar she’d gone to with Hannah’s other friends last spring had been from a vineyard called Scabland Wines. Maybe she’d stop by and grab a bottle while she was in Richland. She’d looked it up, and it was a half-hour’s drive south. She co
uld go tomorrow. It’d be a good excuse to get out of the house, and she knew she’d need that.

  Two and a half hours after leaving her house in Spokane, she pulled in front of her parents’ house in Richland. It looked the same as always—white siding with charcoal gray trim and roof and a bonus room above the garage. That had been where she and her brother would hang out with their friends. They’d had their own TV and hand-me-down couches, video game consoles, and a DVD player. The yard looked like it could use mowing, and most of the flowers had died off by this late in October. Leaves were scattered across the grass from the aspen that stood at the edge of the yard. Who would do the cleanup since Tomás was away now too? Could her dad handle it? Or did her mom have to take care of that, too?

  The front door opened as she climbed out of her car, retrieving her bags from the back seat. Her mom stood on the front porch, a smile splitting her face. When Elena walked up, her mom pulled her into a tight hug.

  “Oh, mija. I’m so glad you came. I’ve missed you since you left in August. And you haven’t called as much as you usually do.”

  Guilt stabbed at her, and she was glad her mom still held her, so she didn’t have to look her in the face. “I’m sorry, mamá. It’s been a busy semester.”

  “Claro. Of course. I know.” She pulled back, but still held Elena by the shoulders. “It’s just been a rough few months is all. And you were such a help when you were here this summer. It’s been harder than normal having you gone.”

  Elena had to swallow down the tightness in her throat. She knew her mom had been having a hard time. She’d taken off as much time as she could from school, but had to go back a couple of weeks ago. Which Elena imagined made it more difficult, leaving her dad home by himself while she went to work.