She forced a smile. “Well, I’m here now. And Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner.”
The sad smile on her mom’s face made Elena aware of how tired she looked. Her skin looked dull and washed out, like she hadn’t been outside in ages. Dark circles marred the skin under her eyes, and new lines that Elena had never noticed before had appeared in the corners of her mom’s eyes and around her mouth. Like she spent far more time these days squinting and frowning.
“Yes, mija. That’s true. Something else to look forward to, ah? You and your brother both home for the holidays.”
Elena was saved from responding by her mom ushering her into the house and waving her toward her bedroom.
“Go put your things away. I’ll fix you some lunch, and you can say hi to your papi.”
Elena did as her mother said, setting her things in her old bedroom and using the bathroom before making her way to the living room. She stopped behind the couch, noticing that her dad still sat in the same corner he’d taken over after coming home from the hospital. A plate sat next to him, crumbs visible around the crumpled napkin. A glass of lemonade sat on the table next to him. Some sit-com with Tim Allen played on the TV, but her dad didn’t laugh along with the laugh track. He just sat and stared at the lights flickering on the screen, showing no signs of interest or engagement.
She moved into the room, taking a seat in the recliner in the corner across from the couch. “Hola, papi. How are you feeling?” She’d reverted to using the most diminutive form of address while he lay unconscious in the hospital, wanting to feel close to him somehow. It reminded her of when she was a little girl, and he slayed all her dragons. Now, he was becoming one of them.
Maybe she should call him dad. Something she’d only used to talk about him to others. She’d always called him papi or papá to his face. But this man was not the man who’d raised her. He vaguely resembled him—a heavier, angrier version of the man he’d once been. No longer ready with his easy smile or booming laugh. The only booming was when he’d yell in frustration.
His eyes swiveled from the screen to her and back again. “Fine.”
She’d gotten used to his one word answers this summer. She still hated it, though. She swallowed. “That’s good. My drive down was good. Fine. Uneventful.”
He nodded, his eyes never straying from the TV.
She sat in silence, watching the show for a few minutes. This wasn’t something her dad used to watch. It must just be something on—syndicated reruns on one of those channels that plays the same show for hours. So she waited for a commercial break to try to engage him in conversation again. They used to talk all the time. That was part of why she hadn’t called as much this semester. She’d always talked to her mom, but she’d talked to her dad a lot too. He’d encouraged her with her goals and ambitions, her desire to go to law school and become an immigration lawyer. He thought what she was doing was important, and was always happy to talk to her about it for hours.
What would he say if she told him she delayed the LSAT yet again? She hadn’t told anyone that. She’d been scheduled to take them earlier in October, but between continuing to do work for her dad’s clients and spending so much time with Daniel, she hadn’t done much studying. So she’d pushed them back, telling herself she’d make time for the next test date.
Or maybe she wouldn’t. If her mom needed her that badly, maybe she should come home after graduation.
Soon it became clear that there were no commercial breaks. He must be watching Netflix. So she cleared her throat and brought up the other subject he used to talk about for hours—his business.
“I’ve still been building websites this semester. It’s keeping me busy doing that on top of my homework. I had to quit the debate team to keep up with everything else.”
He grunted.
A grunt. That was all the response he gave her.
“Everyone keeps asking when you’ll be back.”
Silence. Not even a grunt this time.
“Do you know? When you’ll be back? Or should I tell them—“
“Dammit, Elena!”
She flinched at the switch from placid silence to rage at full volume, his face contorted into a mask she didn’t recognize.
“Tell them whatever you goddamn want. I don’t fucking care. Can’t you see I’m watching a show? Just shut up and leave me alone.”
She blinked at him as he turned up the volume, stunned. Her dad had never cussed at her. Sure, she’d heard him use those words before, but it was reserved for when he was muttering in frustration over something. Never had he directed them at family. And he always made time to talk to her. He was watching a show on Netflix. He could pause the damn thing if he wanted to. And in the past, he would’ve. Would’ve turned off the show and talked to her about her class load and where she should apply for law school and anything and everything that came up.
He never would’ve told her to shut up. Never would’ve turned up the volume to block her out, like she was a nuisance, an annoying background noise that he didn’t want to hear.
Her own rage rose up in answer to this treatment. She’d given up her time to help him, kept his business going, and this was how he treated her? Any guilt she’d felt about not wanting to come home this weekend burned away under the blaze of her anger.
She stood, not trying to say anything else. What would be the point? With long strides, she left the room and found her mom in the kitchen, cutting apples to go with the lunch she’d said she was going to make.
“I’m sorry, mamá. I have to go. I can’t stay here with him like that.”
Her mom set down the knife, an apple slice still in her hand. “What happened?”
Elena crossed her arms, debating what to say. “He yelled at me for trying to talk to him.” She looked all around the kitchen, the tears starting to build up behind her eyes. She didn’t want to let them out. She refused to cry. “He’s not the same. That man is not my papi. He’s not the man who played with me and talked to me about anything I wanted. I can’t—“ She shook her head. “I won’t stay here to be yelled at just for trying to talk. I’m sorry. I have to go.”
“But you just got here.”
The sadness on her mom’s face almost brought her guilt out again. But she pushed it down. She didn’t deserve to be treated this way. She wanted a relaxing weekend to get caught up, maybe get some sleep. Not come home and tiptoe around the facsimile of her father that lived on the couch and wouldn’t even pause a damn show on Netflix to talk to his only daughter. No. She wouldn’t swallow it down and pretend it was okay like she’d done this summer. Not this time.
“I know. I’m sorry. I really am. I want to see you, but I can’t handle him like that. I had hoped he’d be a little better by now. But if anything, he seems worse.” Elena drew in a breath, holding it while she debated speaking her real thoughts. “I won’t pretend it’s okay for him to treat me that way like I did over the summer. I can’t do it anymore. It’s not okay. So I have to go.”
She hugged her mom, a few tears escaping her closed eyes when her mom held her tightly and didn’t let go for a long time.
“I’m sorry too, mija,” her mom whispered into her hair. “I wish things were different. I really do.”
“Me too.” She held her mom just as tightly, her arms under her mother’s, hands clasping her shoulder blades, her eyes squeezed shut. “Does he treat you this way too?”
Drawing in a shuddery breath, her mom nodded, but didn’t speak.
“Why do you stay?”
With another deep breath, her mom broke the hug, pulling back to look at Elena, tears gathering in her dark brown eyes. She gave a tiny shrug. “He’s my husband. And he’s hurt. What am I supposed to do?”
Elena examined her mom, her mouth open to respond, but she couldn’t come up with anything to say. She shook her head. “I don’t know, mamá. I don’t know.”
A watery smile came to her mother’s face, serving to highlight her
sadness. “Me either. So I just keep going until I figure it out. I’ll let you know when I do.” Squeezing her hands, her mom let her go. “Have you looked any more into going to a support group for families of TBI survivors?”
And just like that her sadness for her mom and herself morphed into frustration. “No. It’s been a busy semester. I have a full class load plus all the work for dad’s clients still.” She leveled a look at her mom. “Which is something we need to talk about soon. I can’t keep doing that forever.”
Her mom nodded, turning back to the apple on the counter. “Can you last until Thanksgiving at least?”
Elena studied her mom’s profile before giving in, like she usually did. “Yeah. I guess so.”
“Gracias.”
“De nada, mamá.” She waited, but her mom wouldn’t look at her again. “I’ll let you know I’ve made it back safely.”
Her mom nodded. “Okay.”
“I love you, mami.”
“I love you too, mija.” She was whispering again, like she couldn’t manage to speak louder than that, and the guilt hit Elena then. Even so, she pushed it away. She couldn’t handle an hour of her dad. How would she manage two days? She couldn’t. She needed to leave to protect herself. Her mom would have to take care of herself as well.
“Bye.”
Her mom’s whispered, “Bye,” followed Elena out of the kitchen. She had to cover her mouth with her hand to hold back the sob that wanted to escape and pull out every trick she knew to keep her tears from falling. But she managed to get her things and get back in her car without breaking down in tears, and driving back to Spokane provided enough of a distraction that she didn’t feel the need once she decided to hit a drive-thru for lunch and a caffeine fix.
Now the big question was what should she do once she got back to Spokane? She’d promised Hannah and Matt a weekend to themselves in the house. It was a relatively trivial concern. They’d understand—at least Hannah would, and Matt always took his cue on how to treat Elena from his girlfriend, so she wasn’t worried about that. But she felt bad interrupting. And she really didn’t want to walk in on her friend getting spanked or fucked in the living room.
So that meant she needed to come up with some kind of plan.
Chapter Fifteen
Daniel’s eyes widened in surprise when he answered the door to find Elena standing outside of his apartment.
She gave him a hopeful smile. “Hey. Um, sorry to show up like this without calling or texting first. I, uh, well, it’s been a shitty day, and I didn’t know where else to go.”
He stood there staring at her for a second, unsure what to say. Her rambly explanation didn’t actually tell him anything about why she was here.
“Can I come in?”
Part of him wanted to tell her no, still angry that she’d broken up with him the day he’d gotten a concussion. Not that he wouldn’t have been angry even if he hadn’t had a concussion. But that wasn’t the point.
No, the point was that he missed her more than he was mad at her, and her showing up like this made him curious.
“Sure.” He opened the door wider and stepped back, letting her in. She kept her arms crossed over her chest, her backpack hanging from her hunched shoulders, like she was trying to protect herself from some unknown attack.
“Do you want some water or anything?”
She shook her head. “No, but if I could use the bathroom that would be great. I’ve had a ton of coffee and drove to Richland and back today.”
“Of course.”
Dropping her backpack on the floor by the couch, she left him alone in the living room again. He sat on the couch, not sure what to do with himself. Not sure what to do with the fact that Elena was here again, almost like nothing had happened, like she hadn’t dropped him last weekend and refused to answer his calls or texts this week.
When she came back out, she was rubbing her palms up and down her denim-covered thighs, the sleeves of her purple shirt pushed up to her elbows. She looked around the living room like she hadn’t been there a billion times already this semester before finally settling her gaze on him. “Is Coop around?”
He shook his head. “He went out with some of the guys from the team.”
“Oh. Okay. Cool.” She crossed her arms again, her shoulders coming up by her ears once more.
He wanted to touch her like he used to when she was all keyed up like this, soothe whatever was making her edgy. But she’d made it clear that she didn’t want him anymore. She wasn’t his. So he stayed put, his hands clenching into fists to keep them to himself. And he waited to see what she wanted.
She shook her head, her eyes cast down so he couldn’t see them. “I’m sorry. Really, I don’t—“ She swallowed. “I know I have no right to come here like this and expect anything from you. But, well, I was supposed to go home this weekend. I mean, I did go home this weekend. But my dad—“ She shook her head again, and when he saw a tear tracking down her cheek, he became concerned.
Elena didn’t cry. Not more than a tear or two that he’d ever seen. She hated to cry for some reason, and refused to let it out. Like always, she mastered it, looking up at the ceiling and blinking until the urge to cry passed.
“I couldn’t stay with my dad the way he is.”
“What happened?”
Her eyes flicked to him, and she shook her head, looking back at the coffee table again. Apparently that coffee table was fucking fascinating. “I don’t really want to talk about it, but it was more of the same from this summer, and I just couldn’t take it. So I came back. But I’d already promised Hannah that I’d be gone for two nights so they could have kinky, spanky sex.”
He widened his eyes and coughed a little, not sure if he should laugh. “I don’t think I needed to know that.”
A wry smile twisted Elena’s lips, and she lifted her face to his. “I know, right? I could do without that little piece of information too, but since I live with both of them it’s hard not to know.”
She held his gaze for a moment before dropping it back to the coffee table. He waited, but she didn’t say anything more, just stood with her arms wrapped around herself and stared at the damn coffee table.
“Elena.”
Her eyes lifted. “Hmm?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, well …” She looked at a spot on the wall behind his head. “I couldn’t go home, and I just, I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I’m sorry. I can leave if you want. I’ll just go hang out at the mall for a while and text Hannah that they need to finish up so I can come home.” She swallowed, blinking hard a few times. “I’m sorry.” Her voice rasped, thick with tears. “You’re right. I’ll go.”
He stood, his hands gripping her arms before she could reach for her backpack, turning her to face him. “I didn’t say any of that.” She nodded, keeping her eyes on his chest, and when two more tears fell, it made something in his chest hurt. “What do you need? Do you want to talk?”
She shook her head, another tear escaping, and she reached up and wiped it away, the motion fierce and jerky.
He sighed and pulled her into his chest, unable to keep himself from offering her some form of comfort when she so clearly needed it. “What do you need?” he asked again.
She didn’t answer for a few minutes. “I’m so tired. Could I just sleep for a while?” She paused, and then whispered, “And if you could hold me some more, that would be really great too.”
He nodded, smoothing his hands down her back. “I can do that.” Even though it would be a form of self-torture, he couldn’t deny her when she was crying. Pulling away, he led her to his bedroom. “I thought you said you had a bunch of coffee.”
She let out a low chuckle. “Yeah. But I’m so exhausted that there’s not enough coffee in the world to keep me awake right now.”
And she wasn’t lying. As soon as they slipped into bed, she snuggled back against him, pulled his arm around her waist, and fell asleep in minutes. He held
himself still, not wanting to give in to the temptation of curling around her but finding it hard to stay separate. Closing his eyes, he breathed deeply, inhaling her scent, the fruity smell of her shampoo mixed with the unique smell of her skin. That sent blood flowing south, his cock lengthening against his thigh, which was the last thing he wanted right now. She didn’t want him. Not really. He needed to remember that. He wished he could flip a switch and turn off her effect on him.
Since he couldn’t do that, he waited a few more minutes to be sure she was deeply asleep, then extricated himself and went out to the living room. He sat there as the twilight faded and the room grew dark, contemplating what Elena’s sudden appearance after a week of silence meant. What did he want it to mean? If she wanted to get back together, would he do that? Maybe.
Puzzling through what-ifs and maybes was exhausting and useless, and he still had a dull headache from the game last weekend. The floaty, head-too-big-for-his-skull feeling had faded after a few days, but he still got tired faster than normal.
Flicking on a light, he pulled out some homework that he needed to catch up on. The trainers and coaches had told him he needed to rest for as long as possible, but he also couldn’t afford to get too behind in his classes. He’d missed Monday and Tuesday, but had gone the rest of the week. The one good thing was that this was the week they didn’t have a game, so he wasn’t missing anything there.
It didn’t take long for the tiredness to start dragging at him, blurring the numbers on his homework and making it difficult to do any more. He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing them, and closed his math book over his notebook and pencil. He’d finish later.
Lying back on the couch, he kept his eyes closed. It felt good to close his eyes, so he’d sit like that for a while, listening for any sounds from Elena in his bedroom. She’d been asleep for a while. Would she wake up soon?
Someone hit his foot, bringing him out of his unplanned nap. He blinked his eyes open and found Coop standing at the end of the couch by his feet.
Coping Skills (Players of Marycliff University Book 5) Page 12