F*ck Feelings
Page 37
chemical dependence, 32
Cheney, Dick, 149
childbirth, miracle of, 247
childhood abuse:
avoiding confrontation, 84–85
avoiding disclosure, 87–88
closure after, 84–89
examples, 85–86
girlfriend suffering from, 208
quick diagnosis, 88–89
recovery from, 84–89
reporting, 89
therapy for, 86–87
your script, 89
children:
of asshole parents, 291–97
communicating with, 255
criticism from, 260
development of, 248, 268
of divorce, 23, 276–83
expectations for, 258–59
and fairness, 89
handicapped, 250, 252
healthy, 249
as jerks, 261–68
names for, 248
spouses of, 259–60
tantrums of, 261, 270
child’s self-esteem, 68–75
dealing with, 71–73
examples, 70–71
quick diagnosis, 73–74
and teachers, 72
and teasing, 71
your lack of power over, 70
your script, 74
choosing your battles, 60
Chopra, Deepak, 7
chronic penis farts, 101
Churchill, Winston, 57
civil rights battles, 235
clearing your name, 95–102
closeness, 216–23
examples, 218–19
quick diagnosis, 221–22
your script, 222
closure, 77, 84–89
see also justice/closure
clusterfuck, 146–47
Coen brothers, 143
cold turkey, 334
commitment, 185–91
as a business, 189
examples, 186–87
marriage, 186–87, 201, 203
nonverbal, 222
quick diagnosis, 190
tests for, 191
your script, 191
communication, 215–45
airing trauma, 223–31
with asshole, 303
best and worst means for, 243–44
with children, 255
on deaf ears, 238
life-changing conversation, 237–45
no-nos, 222–23
nurturing closeness, 216–23
only what’s necessary, 290
positive, 235
purposes of, 215
too much, 217, 226, 320
vending anger, 231–37
companionship, 48, 219
competition, 67–68, 208
compromise, 9, 196
confidence, 45, 46, 47, 48–49, 55, 62
confrontation, avoiding, 57, 84–85, 239
coupons, 296
courage, 235, 330
cover-ups, 27
crankiness, 320
crazy person, dealing with, 154–55, 213–14, 285
criminal behavior, 255
Crisco intake, 15
crisis responders, 345
criticism:
constructive, 240–41
outrageous, 260
CrossFit, 254
Cruise, Tom, 337
Cubs, World Series win!, 105
cutting someone out of your life, 174–75
Cyrus, Miley, 10
Darwinian survival, 27
Darwin’s theory, 8
DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), 87, 333
death:
dealing with, 106
fear of, 158, 159
decision, poor, 237
dementia, 113
denial, 2, 9, 35, 120, 234
deodorant, 142
depression, 50
arising from child abuse, 85, 225
attempts to cheer up sufferer from, 116–17
and grief, 162–63
postpartum, 194
and sadness, 156
in teenagers, 112, 258
and trauma, 226–27
and treatment, 316–17, 318–19, 333, 340–46
treatment for, 325, 326, 337
designated driver, 64
detachment, 311
detox, 34
dickishness, 21, 38
Didion, Joan, 80
diet, 337
different worldviews, 102
disability:
dealing with, 64–66, 252–53
examples, 64
hiding, 64–65
overcoming stigma of, 62–68
quick diagnosis, 66–67
signs that it’s too much for you, 63
Special Olympics, 67–68
treatment for, 63, 65, 66
and vulnerability, 62–63
your script, 67
disorganization, 26, 28
distancing, 99
distractedness, 27
diversity, genetic, 8
divorce, 104–5, 131, 185
and alcohol use, 165
alimony, 172
and assholes, 299
examples, 45, 278–79
and letting go, 164, 168
and parenting, 276–83
and slander, 98, 99, 170
and visitation rights, 280–81
your script, 283
documentation, 98, 302, 311
dog, as companion, 48, 181
dog whistles, 152
doing good, 137
domino theory, 69
downtrodden, raising, 135–41, 306
drama queen, 240, 292–93
dreams, unattainable, 76
drugs, carrying, 305–6
due diligence, 54, 138, 139, 188, 190, 289, 306, 307
dysfunctional behaviors, 8, 28, 52, 65
eating disorders, 9, 72–73
emoji, turd-based, 243
enemies, 168–76
avoid centering your life on, 99
examples, 170–71
exes as, 172
getting even with, 172
quick diagnosis, 173–74
your script, 172, 174
yourself as enemy number one, 27, 45
Ephron, Nora, 101
erectile dysfunction, 271
ESE (excessive self-esteem), 49, 68
evangelists, 251–52
exercise, 337
exorcism, 286
expectations, 1–2, 4, 9, 27, 30, 258–59, 315, 318, 320, 330
expertise, 53
facial topiary, 49
failure, cycle of, 30
fairness, 76–108
children’s argument for, 89
clearing your name, 95–102
closure after childhood abuse, 84–89
differing ideas of, 90
getting a square deal, 89–95
getting justice/closure, 102–8
life is unfair, 32–33, 59, 90, 178
right to live in safety, 77–84
in winning and losing, 68
faith, 164
restoring, 103, 108
Family Feud, 338
fantasy world, 76
fashion choices, poor, 49
fear:
examples, 157–58
facing, 155–62
of fear itself, 160
freedom from, 77–84
as primal defense, 142
quick diagnosis, 161
random, 155–56
social, 160
talking about, 223
your script, 162
feedback, inviting, 24
fence mending, 92
fetus, healthy, 249
fighting the loser’s curse, 43–49
finding someone, 178–85
examples, 180
quick diagnosis, 182–83
your script, 183–84
Finnegan, Candy, 118
Firefly, 294
flake, becoming, 318
Florida, 77, 78
focus,
26, 31, 106, 179
on the good times, 102, 106
on yourself, 39, 181, 206
Frank, Anne, 191
Freud, Sigmund, 328
friends:
overcritical, 132
slander by, 299
supportive, 333
taking sides, 170–71, 172–73
frustration, 202, 203
Game of Thrones, 26
Gandalf, 315
gas, intestinal, 234
genetic diversity, 8
getting stuff done, 28
getting sucked in, 286
getting to the root of the problem, 15–20
as antitherapeutic, 16
examples, 17
as making things worse, 16
management of, 17–18
quick diagnosis, 19–20
in therapy, see therapy; treatment
as waste of time, 16
your script, 20
Ghost of Christmas Past, 268
giving:
can’t stop, 36–37, 195
charitable, 135–41
goals:
achievable, 40
concrete, 47, 315
defining, 1–5, 132
positive, 282
realistic, 47, 330
Godzilla, 129
Gollum, 184
good times, remembering, 102, 106
grandparents, 293
grief, moving beyond, 105, 107, 162–68
grievances, 133, 282
grouches, chronic, 21
grudges, 171
grumpiness, 319–20
Guantánamo, 149
guilt, 113, 116
guru, 201, 216
guts, 289
habits, bad, control over, 8, 228
Hail Mary, 338
hair picking, 9
hamster, loss of, 316
handicap, see disability
happiness, 37
hard times, 289
harm, unintended, 139
harmony, 276
Hasselhoff, and videos, 36
hate management, 146–48
hazmat suits, 68
health, 37
health foods, 337
heartache, 162–68
examples, 164–65
quick diagnosis, 167–68, 211–12
recovering from, 164, 165–67
your script, 168, 212
hellfire, 287
helmets, 68
helpfulness, 109–41
brokering peace at home, 129–35
for downtrodden, 135–41, 306
easing others’ sorrow, 110–17
potential to do harm, 110
protecting victims of injustice, 124–29
rescuing the addicted, 117–24
saving Assholes from themselves, 303–8
helplessness, 12, 77, 340
heroin, 109
heroism, 81
Hicks, Bill, 247
high fives, 320
high school counselor, 126
hit man, search for, 22, 94, 285
hitting bottom, 33
Hoarders, 123
hoarding, 9
hog racing, 147
Holy Grail, 16, 127
homosexuality, 199
honesty, 27, 292
hookups, casual, 204–5
hope, 96
hormones, 199
hostage negotiators, 237
hot air, 59
hot sauce intake, 308
humiliation:
avoiding, 55, 56, 60, 291
bearing, 77, 78
husband:
and couples therapy, 206, 216, 233, 317, 320, 327
having an affair, 208, 210
out with the guys, 91–92
and spouse abuse, 239, 254, 330
hypnotism, 150, 262
identity, true, 95
idiots, fucking, 344
illusion, 238
impulsivity, 27
incentives, 72, 90, 93
indifference, 178
infidelity, 208, 210
injustice:
examples, 126
lasting scars from, 76
protecting victims of, 124–29
your script, 129
see also justice/closure
in-laws, 22, 151, 152, 155, 257, 259, 275, 293
insecurity, 23
internal-value calculator, 43
Internet dating, 181, 183
Intervention, 33, 118, 120, 123
interventions, 121, 267
intestinal gas, 234
intimidation, 55–62
invisibility, 312
iPhone, gold, 55
Iran, sanctions on, 132
irritability, 150, 342–43
isolation, 47
it is what it is, 48, 52, 212
“I told you so,” 238
jail:
hospital vs., 266
keeping the kid out of, 255, 262
janitors, interviews with, 137
Japanese animation, 8
Jebus, 91, 156
jerk:
acting like, 42, 44, 285
teenagers, 127, 145–46, 261–68
see also asshole; Assholes
jerk, raising, 261–68
examples, 263–64
quick diagnosis, 266–67
your script, 267–68
Jesus of Nazareth, 145, 177
Judge Judy, 20, 83–84
Jumbotron, 244
Jung, Carl, 328
jungle:
distraction in, 27
life as, 78
justice:
biblical variety of, 287
sword of, 125
justice/closure, 76, 102–8
dealing with bad things, 105–6
examples, 104–5
lust for, 77
what should happen but doesn’t, 104
your script, 107–8
kabbalah, 20
kale, 142
King’s Speech, The (movie), 50
Kool-Aid parties, 44
Kraken, 309
Lastname, Doctor, 1
learning disabilities, 259, 268–76
behavior management, 272
“Can’t, or won’t?,” 268–69
examples, 270–71
finding help, 271
interventions, 273
medication, 271, 273
quick diagnosis, 274–75
and school system, 272–73
your script, 275
Lebowski, Jeffery “The Dude,” 143
letting go, 105–6, 114, 163, 168, 173, 176, 195, 207, 208, 211, 241–42
letting things slide, 17
libido, 201
life-changing conversation, 237–45
examples, 239–40
quick diagnosis, 242–43
your script, 243
life companion, 182
Lifetime movies, 192
limits:
accepting, 7–9, 40, 72, 195–96, 316
respecting, 221
setting, 147, 282, 308
listening, 54, 135
lobotomy, 338
lobotomy manual, 3
locks, changing, 172
Lockup (MSNBC), 32, 42
loneliness, 47, 178, 218, 227
loser’s curse, fighting, 43–49
examples, 45
management, 46–47
quick diagnosis, 47–48
vicious circle of, 46
your script, 48–49
loss, recovery from, 162–68, 318
Lourdes, visiting, 116
love, 177–214
as blind, 182
changing for, 192–98
commitment, 185–91
and communication, 216
downside of, 177–78
falling out of, 210
finding someone, 178–85
and hate, 143-49, 214
lost, 206–14
poor choice for, 319
and s
ex, 198–206
use-by date, 209
love-hate relationships, 143–49
examples, 145–46
quick diagnosis, 148
your script, 148–49
love potion, 207
luck, 41, 42, 46, 49, 203–4, 248
lust, 199
lying, 29, 70, 80, 96–98, 124–25, 145–46, 276, 297–303
magical powers, 125, 318
magic shows, 121
mantras, 162
marriage, see commitment
masturbation, 199
matchmakers, 182
mate, finding, 178–85
Mayan secrets, ancient, 200
medication, 271, 315, 319, 325, 332, 334–35, 339
meditation, 312, 337
Melfi, Doctor, 315
meltdown, 12
mental hospital, commitment in, 266, 339
mental illness, 39–40, 341–44
dealing with crazy person, 154–55, 213–14, 285
husband’s ex with, 79
protection from crazies, 81
treatments, see treatment
mentor, 319
middle finger:
communicating with, 215
position of, 22
midwives, 248
misunderstandings, 255
money-crazed monster, 288
mood fluctuations, 213
moral entitlement, 92–93
mother:
“because I said so,” 18
death of, 164–65
with dementia, 113
drama queen, 292–93
making things up, 97–98
mean, 146, 147
not her fault, 9
motivation, 18, 26, 27, 141
Mr. Wrong, 17
MTV, 285
mugging, 80, 157–58
Muggle status, 13
murder, 109, 150
mustache, AKA facial topiary, 49
Myers-Briggs test, 31
names:
for children, 248
power of, 95
narcissistic personality disorder, 285
nastiness, 21, 25
signs of, 22
trying too hard to control, 26
negative feelings, 20–25, 343–44
coaching on relief of, 115
evolutionary reasons for, 23
examples, 22–23
expressing, 236
having to live with, 23–24, 52
quick diagnosis, 24–25
should-a/could-a thoughts, 107
your script, 25
negotiations, 59, 90, 93, 235, 237, 238
neighbors:
annoying, 151, 152–53
crazy, 57
nervousness, 51
neutrality, 173
New England Patriots, 302
nice guy:
finishing last, 201
marrying, 201, 203
normality, 65–66
North Korean labor camp, 149
obesity, 71, 72–73
obsession, 230, 247–48, 252, 318
openness, 86, 87–88
Oprah, 7, 14, 15, 42, 49, 238
others’ sorrow, easing, 110–17
dealing with, 113–15
dumb things we say, 116–17
examples, 112–13
letting go, 114
powers needed for, 112
quick diagnosis, 115
your script, 116
out of control, 10–15
examples, 11–12
quick diagnosis, 13
your child, 266
your script, 14
OxyContin, 109
pain: