F*ck Feelings

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F*ck Feelings Page 38

by Michael Bennett, MD

and alcohol use, 166

  behaviors based on, 165

  chronic, 157

  prolonging, 165–66

  rewarding, 135

  unending, 111, 114, 318

  panic attacks, 156

  panic mode, 248

  paranoia, 306

  parent/child conflict, 255–61

  examples, 132, 256–57

  quick diagnosis, 260–61

  your script, 261

  parenthood, 246–83

  and divorce, 276–83

  good/overprotective/bad, 254–55

  living with learning disability, 268–76

  not ruining your baby, 247–55

  parent/child conflict, 255–61

  raising a jerk, 261–68

  as team sport, 281–82

  thankless tasks in, 281

  parents:

  asshole, 291–97

  relationship with, 92, 97–98, 113, 232–33, 234

  Parker, Dorothy, 57

  patience, 300

  peacemakers, 129–35

  examples, 131–32

  quick diagnosis, 134

  your script, 134–35

  peace of mind, 143

  pedophilia, 199

  Pegasus, 125

  people as objects, 199

  perfectionism, 44

  persistence, 91, 300

  persuasion, power of, 50–55

  examples, 51–52

  quick diagnosis, 53–54

  your script, 54–55

  Petfinder, 168

  phony, world’s biggest, 11–12

  plastic surgery, 44

  platform shoes, 62

  Poehler, Amy, Yes Please, 83n

  porn, addiction to, 35

  postpartum depression, 194

  powerlessness, 257

  prayer, 32

  pregnancy, avoiding alcohol in, 251

  primal scream therapy, 329

  Prince, 61–62

  priorities, 127, 175, 195

  privacy:

  right to, 97

  teen’s need for, 220

  problems:

  like snowflakes, 40

  managing, 19

  permanent, 33

  unsolvable, 16–17, 18, 72

  problem solving, 244–45, 315–16

  procastination, 9, 26

  profanity, as source of comfort, 4

  protests, political, 58

  psychoanalysis, 328

  psychopaths, 285

  psychosis, 213

  PTSD, 81, 85, 119, 158, 159, 225, 227

  puppets, giant, 58

  quest, ending, 16, 18

  racism, 233, 235, 308

  rage, acts of, 78

  rattlesnakes, 284

  reconciliation, impossibility of, 169

  Red Sox, 129

  rehab, 117, 119, 124

  rejection, 167, 174, 213

  relationships:

  abusive, 239, 240

  with Assholes, 288–89, 321

  being dumped, 70–71, 101

  commitment in, 185–91

  and communication, 216, 218–29

  competitive, 208

  cost-benefit analysis of, 196

  criteria for, 101

  end of, 167, 195, 207, 211–12, 244

  and family disapproval, 126

  former boyfriend, 201

  with husband, 233

  with in-laws, 151, 152, 155, 257

  involvement required in, 138

  love, see love; love-hate

  making the most of, 217

  new, 210

  no hope of, 46–47

  with parents, 92, 97–98, 113, 232–33, 234

  and sex, see sex

  with siblings, 102, 170, 171–72, 310

  unsafe, 80–81

  warning signs of, 209

  wrong kind of guys, 17

  with your kids, 99, 256–57

  your script, 198, 212

  reliability, 27

  R.E.M., 318

  rescuing others, 117–24, 254

  examples, 52, 119–20, 193–94

  quick diagnosis, 122, 197

  your script, 123

  residential rehabilitation, 36

  responsibility:

  accepting, 27, 74–75, 283

  limiting, 71

  for others, 241

  restraining orders, 97

  retaliation, 56

  risk, exposure to, 81

  risk assessment, 126–27, 128, 141, 240–41, 248, 251–52, 267, 306

  Robbins, Tony, 42

  Rogers, Mister, 224

  “Rogers’s Condensed Principle,” 241

  Roosevelt, Teddy, big stick of, 147

  Rothenberg, Daniel, 137

  rules, setting, 280, 294

  rumors, false, 169

  RuPaul, 42, 44

  safety, 37, 77–84, 88

  examples, 79–80

  illusion of, 80

  quick diagnosis, 82

  right to, 77–79

  unsafe relationships, 80–81

  your script, 82–83

  saintliness, 296–97, 303

  St. Swithin’s Day, 67

  sales, language of, 237–38

  sanctions, imposing, 132–33

  sanity, 98

  satisfaction, impossible to give, 114

  savior, 209

  saying no, 140–41, 193, 194–95, 205–6

  scatty thinking, 27

  Scientology (nope, no grounds for a lawsuit here), 337

  security, right to, 78

  self-absorption, 39, 181, 206

  self-abuse, 34

  self-acknowledged fuckup status, 30

  self-admiration, 49

  self-assessment, 12, 27

  self-auditing, 37

  self-belief, 50

  self-blame, 12, 29, 51, 78

  self-centeredness, 50

  self-confidence, 45, 46, 47, 48–49, 55, 62

  self-control, 38, 71, 98

  self-criticism, 33, 49, 50

  self-cure, 32–40

  self-destructiveness, 40, 50, 65, 84, 111, 135, 225, 239, 333, 340–41

  self-disappointment, 65

  self-doubt, 42, 49, 50–52, 96, 168–69, 333

  self-endangerment, 77

  self-enemy number one, 27, 45

  self-esteem, 41–75, 141

  as dangerous drug, 41

  ESE (excessive self-esteem), 49, 68

  fighting the loser’s curse, 43–49

  good vs. bad things as base of, 55

  low, 44, 49

  overcoming stigma of disability, 62–68

  overvaluing, 41–42

  standing up to bullies, 55–62

  using power of persuasion, 50–55

  your children’s, 68–75

  self-hatred, 68–69

  self-help, 14–15, 118

  self-hypnosis, 50, 159

  self-improvement, 7–40

  addiction self-cure, 32–40

  bad wiring as cause of, 8

  becoming more positive, 20–25

  diminishing returns of, 7–8

  getting to the root of the problem, 15–20

  limits of, 9

  management of, 12

  overrated joys of, 8

  stop fucking up, 26–32

  taking back control, 10–15

  urge for, 40

  self-inventory, 43

  self-love, 42, 43–44, 206

  Self magazine, 143

  self-observation, 320

  self-protection, 81, 290, 307, 343

  self-punishment, 24

  self-rescue, 122

  self-respect, 12, 30, 65–66, 200

  self-sabotage, 8

  self-worth, 43, 46

  serenity, 142–76

  accepting annoyances, 149–55

  accepting enmity, 168–76

  facing fear, 155–62

  healing heartache, 162–68

  letting go, 176

  stop hating your
loved ones, 143–49

  Serenity Prayer, 36, 143

  sex:

  casual hookups, 204–5

  earth-moving, 204

  examples, 201

  healthy, 198–206

  as hunger, 203, 204

  influence of, 199

  quick diagnosis, 204–5

  saying no, 205–6

  unprotected, 72

  your script, 205

  sex drive, 201, 202

  sex therapy, 202, 204

  sexting, 210

  sexual abuse, 64

  shame, 34

  shape up or ship out, 93

  Sheindlin, Judith (Judge Judy), 20, 83–84

  shit happens, 15, 32–33, 105, 108

  shit sandwiches, 347–48

  shit storm, 301

  shoplifting, 263

  siblings, 102, 170, 171–72, 310

  silence, 218, 220, 222, 235

  Skywalker, Luke, 50

  slacker, 27

  slander, 95–102, 297–99

  defense against, 308

  online, 98

  slow fade, 175

  smiles, causing, 110–11, 115

  snowflakes, 40, 287

  sob story, 124–25, 140

  social impairment, 230–31

  social work, dark side of, 140–41

  soldiering on, 46

  Sopranos, The, 39

  soundproofing, 150

  Special Olympics, 67–68

  Spinal Tap, 231

  spin class, 286

  spirituality, 37, 66

  spouse abuse, 239, 254, 330

  square deal, getting, 89–95

  differing opinions about, 92–93

  examples, 91–92

  going on strike, 90

  quick diagnosis, 93–94

  quiz, 95

  what you deserve, 91

  your script, 94

  standards, too high, 43

  standing up to bullies, 55–62

  avoiding confrontation, 57

  examples, 57–58

  management of, 58–60, 71

  quick diagnosis, 60–61

  your script, 61

  Starbucks, 152

  stop fucking up, 26–32

  examples, 28–29

  management of, 29–30

  quick diagnosis, 31

  signs that you have a problem, 28

  your script, 32

  storytelling, 80

  stress, 142–43, 223, 317

  of parenthood, 247

  and sex drive, 199

  subcapacities, 18

  substance abuse, 34

  success, redefining, 23, 30

  suck it up, 3, 32–33, 78, 309

  suffering, easing, 111

  suicide, threats of, 113

  Superman, 104

  survival, 59

  swirlies, 55

  talents, developing, 44

  tantrums, 261, 270

  tattoos, 246–47, 308

  tea bags, 58

  teasing, 71

  teenagers, see adolescents

  telenovela, 286

  therapy:

  after child abuse, 86–87

  all-day, 36

  analytic analysis, 328

  anger, 254

  for Asshole dealing, 286, 342

  basic types, 323–29

  cognitive/behavioral, 87, 159–60, 325–26, 333

  “come to Jesus,” 286

  couples, 206, 216, 233, 317, 320, 327

  electroconvulsive therapy, 326

  endless, 315

  family, 148–49

  making things worse with, 16, 113

  primal scream, 329

  psychoanalysis, 328

  sex, 202, 204

  shrinks discussing their patients, 39–40

  talk, 229, 234, 315, 319, 324, 328, 338–39

  TMS, 327

  usefulness of, 156, 329

  useless, 20

  see also treatment

  thyroid deficiency, 202

  Tickle Me Elmo, 117

  “time heals all wounds,” 164

  time machine, 206

  toilet goblin, 246

  torture, 149

  trauma:

  aftereffects of, 156, 196

  airing, 223–31

  childhood, 226

  examples, 225–26

  quick diagnosis, 228–29

  reaction to, 81, 88

  your script, 229–30

  see also PTSD

  treatment, 314–45

  basic types, 323–29

  DIY lower-cost, 336–38

  getting, 315–22

  getting for the unwilling, 338–46

  support from, 319

  as tool, 335–36

  when to end, 329–36

  your script, 322

  tribal initiation ceremony, 157

  triggers, 25, 200

  Trump, Donald, 41, 168, 169

  trust:

  and anger, 86

  betrayal of, 103

  delusions about, 304–5, 307

  and false accusations, 96

  truth, 88, 95–96, 98

  truth amulet, 125

  tsunamis, 284

  tuchus, 287

  turd-based emoji, 243

  Turner, Tina, 95

  tush, 171

  tutors, 272

  twelve-step programs, 8, 36, 64, 66, 143, 333, 337

  underdog, helping, 124–29, 133

  underwear, changing, 48

  unicorn, seeking, 102

  universe, putting your desires out into, 14

  values, 30, 33, 36, 37, 44, 56, 89, 90, 93, 96, 103, 171, 177, 196, 294, 306

  Venn diagram, 142

  veterans, and PTSD, 119

  veterinarians, 319

  video games, addiction to, 35

  violence, threat of, 80, 83, 255–56

  visitation rights, 280–81

  vitamins, 337

  voices in your head, 42

  vulnerability, 62–63

  war, necessary but silent, 236

  warlord, rival, attacks by, 158

  war zone, life as, 78

  weddings, 185

  wedgies, 55

  weight loss, 239–40

  white noise machine, 312

  Winehouse, Amy, 120

  Winfrey, Oprah, 7, 14, 15, 42, 49, 238

  withdrawal into one’s self, 21

  withdrawal symptoms, 35

  witness protection, 83

  Wolf of Wall Street, 53

  words, difficulty finding, 51

  workplace:

  abusive boss, 58, 311

  anticipation of being fired, 28

  assholes in, 220–21, 288, 308–13

  biased boss, 126

  boss causing anxiety, 158

  fair wages, 90

  feedback in, 239, 241

  finding a career path, 29

  look for new job, 93, 309, 311

  loss of job, 332

  new boss, 104

  promotions, 91

  racist boss, 233

  recognition for hard work in, 312

  secure employment, 35

  shape up or ship out, 93

  teamwork, 131, 218–19, 220

  weak boss, 151, 152, 313

  Y2K bunker, 233

  Yes Please (Poehler), 83n

  yoga, 150, 337

  zip tie, 108

  zodiac signs, 171

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  Copyright © 2015 by FXCK FEELINGS LLC

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  Interior design by Ruth Lee-Mui

  Cover design by Jason Heuer

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Bennett, Michael, 1945–

   F*ck feelings : one shrink’s practical advice for managing all life’s impossible problems / Michael Bennett, MD, Sarah Bennett.

    pages cm

   In the title, the [u] is represented by an asterisk.

    Summary: “The only self-help book you’ll ever need, from a psychiatrist who will help you put aside your unrealistic wishes, stop trying to change things you can’t change, and do the best with what you can control—the first steps to solving all of life’s impossible problems”—Provided by publisher.

   ISBN 978-1-4767-8999-6 (hardback)—ISBN 978-1-4767-9000-8 (paperback)—ISBN 978-1-4767-9001-5 (ebook) 1. Problem solving. 2. Problem solving therapy. 3. Self-actualization (Psychology) 4. Interpersonal relations. 5. Self-help techniques. I. Bennett, Sarah. II. Title. III. Title: Fuck feelings.

   BF449.B46 2015

   158—dc23

  2014048966

  ISBN 978-1-4767-8999-6

  ISBN 978-1-4767-9001-5 (ebook)

 

 

 


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