and alcohol use, 166
behaviors based on, 165
chronic, 157
prolonging, 165–66
rewarding, 135
unending, 111, 114, 318
panic attacks, 156
panic mode, 248
paranoia, 306
parent/child conflict, 255–61
examples, 132, 256–57
quick diagnosis, 260–61
your script, 261
parenthood, 246–83
and divorce, 276–83
good/overprotective/bad, 254–55
living with learning disability, 268–76
not ruining your baby, 247–55
parent/child conflict, 255–61
raising a jerk, 261–68
as team sport, 281–82
thankless tasks in, 281
parents:
asshole, 291–97
relationship with, 92, 97–98, 113, 232–33, 234
Parker, Dorothy, 57
patience, 300
peacemakers, 129–35
examples, 131–32
quick diagnosis, 134
your script, 134–35
peace of mind, 143
pedophilia, 199
Pegasus, 125
people as objects, 199
perfectionism, 44
persistence, 91, 300
persuasion, power of, 50–55
examples, 51–52
quick diagnosis, 53–54
your script, 54–55
Petfinder, 168
phony, world’s biggest, 11–12
plastic surgery, 44
platform shoes, 62
Poehler, Amy, Yes Please, 83n
porn, addiction to, 35
postpartum depression, 194
powerlessness, 257
prayer, 32
pregnancy, avoiding alcohol in, 251
primal scream therapy, 329
Prince, 61–62
priorities, 127, 175, 195
privacy:
right to, 97
teen’s need for, 220
problems:
like snowflakes, 40
managing, 19
permanent, 33
unsolvable, 16–17, 18, 72
problem solving, 244–45, 315–16
procastination, 9, 26
profanity, as source of comfort, 4
protests, political, 58
psychoanalysis, 328
psychopaths, 285
psychosis, 213
PTSD, 81, 85, 119, 158, 159, 225, 227
puppets, giant, 58
quest, ending, 16, 18
racism, 233, 235, 308
rage, acts of, 78
rattlesnakes, 284
reconciliation, impossibility of, 169
Red Sox, 129
rehab, 117, 119, 124
rejection, 167, 174, 213
relationships:
abusive, 239, 240
with Assholes, 288–89, 321
being dumped, 70–71, 101
commitment in, 185–91
and communication, 216, 218–29
competitive, 208
cost-benefit analysis of, 196
criteria for, 101
end of, 167, 195, 207, 211–12, 244
and family disapproval, 126
former boyfriend, 201
with husband, 233
with in-laws, 151, 152, 155, 257
involvement required in, 138
love, see love; love-hate
making the most of, 217
new, 210
no hope of, 46–47
with parents, 92, 97–98, 113, 232–33, 234
and sex, see sex
with siblings, 102, 170, 171–72, 310
unsafe, 80–81
warning signs of, 209
wrong kind of guys, 17
with your kids, 99, 256–57
your script, 198, 212
reliability, 27
R.E.M., 318
rescuing others, 117–24, 254
examples, 52, 119–20, 193–94
quick diagnosis, 122, 197
your script, 123
residential rehabilitation, 36
responsibility:
accepting, 27, 74–75, 283
limiting, 71
for others, 241
restraining orders, 97
retaliation, 56
risk, exposure to, 81
risk assessment, 126–27, 128, 141, 240–41, 248, 251–52, 267, 306
Robbins, Tony, 42
Rogers, Mister, 224
“Rogers’s Condensed Principle,” 241
Roosevelt, Teddy, big stick of, 147
Rothenberg, Daniel, 137
rules, setting, 280, 294
rumors, false, 169
RuPaul, 42, 44
safety, 37, 77–84, 88
examples, 79–80
illusion of, 80
quick diagnosis, 82
right to, 77–79
unsafe relationships, 80–81
your script, 82–83
saintliness, 296–97, 303
St. Swithin’s Day, 67
sales, language of, 237–38
sanctions, imposing, 132–33
sanity, 98
satisfaction, impossible to give, 114
savior, 209
saying no, 140–41, 193, 194–95, 205–6
scatty thinking, 27
Scientology (nope, no grounds for a lawsuit here), 337
security, right to, 78
self-absorption, 39, 181, 206
self-abuse, 34
self-acknowledged fuckup status, 30
self-admiration, 49
self-assessment, 12, 27
self-auditing, 37
self-belief, 50
self-blame, 12, 29, 51, 78
self-centeredness, 50
self-confidence, 45, 46, 47, 48–49, 55, 62
self-control, 38, 71, 98
self-criticism, 33, 49, 50
self-cure, 32–40
self-destructiveness, 40, 50, 65, 84, 111, 135, 225, 239, 333, 340–41
self-disappointment, 65
self-doubt, 42, 49, 50–52, 96, 168–69, 333
self-endangerment, 77
self-enemy number one, 27, 45
self-esteem, 41–75, 141
as dangerous drug, 41
ESE (excessive self-esteem), 49, 68
fighting the loser’s curse, 43–49
good vs. bad things as base of, 55
low, 44, 49
overcoming stigma of disability, 62–68
overvaluing, 41–42
standing up to bullies, 55–62
using power of persuasion, 50–55
your children’s, 68–75
self-hatred, 68–69
self-help, 14–15, 118
self-hypnosis, 50, 159
self-improvement, 7–40
addiction self-cure, 32–40
bad wiring as cause of, 8
becoming more positive, 20–25
diminishing returns of, 7–8
getting to the root of the problem, 15–20
limits of, 9
management of, 12
overrated joys of, 8
stop fucking up, 26–32
taking back control, 10–15
urge for, 40
self-inventory, 43
self-love, 42, 43–44, 206
Self magazine, 143
self-observation, 320
self-protection, 81, 290, 307, 343
self-punishment, 24
self-rescue, 122
self-respect, 12, 30, 65–66, 200
self-sabotage, 8
self-worth, 43, 46
serenity, 142–76
accepting annoyances, 149–55
accepting enmity, 168–76
facing fear, 155–62
healing heartache, 162–68
letting go, 176
stop hating your
loved ones, 143–49
Serenity Prayer, 36, 143
sex:
casual hookups, 204–5
earth-moving, 204
examples, 201
healthy, 198–206
as hunger, 203, 204
influence of, 199
quick diagnosis, 204–5
saying no, 205–6
unprotected, 72
your script, 205
sex drive, 201, 202
sex therapy, 202, 204
sexting, 210
sexual abuse, 64
shame, 34
shape up or ship out, 93
Sheindlin, Judith (Judge Judy), 20, 83–84
shit happens, 15, 32–33, 105, 108
shit sandwiches, 347–48
shit storm, 301
shoplifting, 263
siblings, 102, 170, 171–72, 310
silence, 218, 220, 222, 235
Skywalker, Luke, 50
slacker, 27
slander, 95–102, 297–99
defense against, 308
online, 98
slow fade, 175
smiles, causing, 110–11, 115
snowflakes, 40, 287
sob story, 124–25, 140
social impairment, 230–31
social work, dark side of, 140–41
soldiering on, 46
Sopranos, The, 39
soundproofing, 150
Special Olympics, 67–68
Spinal Tap, 231
spin class, 286
spirituality, 37, 66
spouse abuse, 239, 254, 330
square deal, getting, 89–95
differing opinions about, 92–93
examples, 91–92
going on strike, 90
quick diagnosis, 93–94
quiz, 95
what you deserve, 91
your script, 94
standards, too high, 43
standing up to bullies, 55–62
avoiding confrontation, 57
examples, 57–58
management of, 58–60, 71
quick diagnosis, 60–61
your script, 61
Starbucks, 152
stop fucking up, 26–32
examples, 28–29
management of, 29–30
quick diagnosis, 31
signs that you have a problem, 28
your script, 32
storytelling, 80
stress, 142–43, 223, 317
of parenthood, 247
and sex drive, 199
subcapacities, 18
substance abuse, 34
success, redefining, 23, 30
suck it up, 3, 32–33, 78, 309
suffering, easing, 111
suicide, threats of, 113
Superman, 104
survival, 59
swirlies, 55
talents, developing, 44
tantrums, 261, 270
tattoos, 246–47, 308
tea bags, 58
teasing, 71
teenagers, see adolescents
telenovela, 286
therapy:
after child abuse, 86–87
all-day, 36
analytic analysis, 328
anger, 254
for Asshole dealing, 286, 342
basic types, 323–29
cognitive/behavioral, 87, 159–60, 325–26, 333
“come to Jesus,” 286
couples, 206, 216, 233, 317, 320, 327
electroconvulsive therapy, 326
endless, 315
family, 148–49
making things worse with, 16, 113
primal scream, 329
psychoanalysis, 328
sex, 202, 204
shrinks discussing their patients, 39–40
talk, 229, 234, 315, 319, 324, 328, 338–39
TMS, 327
usefulness of, 156, 329
useless, 20
see also treatment
thyroid deficiency, 202
Tickle Me Elmo, 117
“time heals all wounds,” 164
time machine, 206
toilet goblin, 246
torture, 149
trauma:
aftereffects of, 156, 196
airing, 223–31
childhood, 226
examples, 225–26
quick diagnosis, 228–29
reaction to, 81, 88
your script, 229–30
see also PTSD
treatment, 314–45
basic types, 323–29
DIY lower-cost, 336–38
getting, 315–22
getting for the unwilling, 338–46
support from, 319
as tool, 335–36
when to end, 329–36
your script, 322
tribal initiation ceremony, 157
triggers, 25, 200
Trump, Donald, 41, 168, 169
trust:
and anger, 86
betrayal of, 103
delusions about, 304–5, 307
and false accusations, 96
truth, 88, 95–96, 98
truth amulet, 125
tsunamis, 284
tuchus, 287
turd-based emoji, 243
Turner, Tina, 95
tush, 171
tutors, 272
twelve-step programs, 8, 36, 64, 66, 143, 333, 337
underdog, helping, 124–29, 133
underwear, changing, 48
unicorn, seeking, 102
universe, putting your desires out into, 14
values, 30, 33, 36, 37, 44, 56, 89, 90, 93, 96, 103, 171, 177, 196, 294, 306
Venn diagram, 142
veterans, and PTSD, 119
veterinarians, 319
video games, addiction to, 35
violence, threat of, 80, 83, 255–56
visitation rights, 280–81
vitamins, 337
voices in your head, 42
vulnerability, 62–63
war, necessary but silent, 236
warlord, rival, attacks by, 158
war zone, life as, 78
weddings, 185
wedgies, 55
weight loss, 239–40
white noise machine, 312
Winehouse, Amy, 120
Winfrey, Oprah, 7, 14, 15, 42, 49, 238
withdrawal into one’s self, 21
withdrawal symptoms, 35
witness protection, 83
Wolf of Wall Street, 53
words, difficulty finding, 51
workplace:
abusive boss, 58, 311
anticipation of being fired, 28
assholes in, 220–21, 288, 308–13
biased boss, 126
boss causing anxiety, 158
fair wages, 90
feedback in, 239, 241
finding a career path, 29
look for new job, 93, 309, 311
loss of job, 332
new boss, 104
promotions, 91
racist boss, 233
recognition for hard work in, 312
secure employment, 35
shape up or ship out, 93
teamwork, 131, 218–19, 220
weak boss, 151, 152, 313
Y2K bunker, 233
Yes Please (Poehler), 83n
yoga, 150, 337
zip tie, 108
zodiac signs, 171
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bennett, Michael, 1945–
F*ck feelings : one shrink’s practical advice for managing all life’s impossible problems / Michael Bennett, MD, Sarah Bennett.
pages cm
In the title, the [u] is represented by an asterisk.
Summary: “The only self-help book you’ll ever need, from a psychiatrist who will help you put aside your unrealistic wishes, stop trying to change things you can’t change, and do the best with what you can control—the first steps to solving all of life’s impossible problems”—Provided by publisher.
ISBN 978-1-4767-8999-6 (hardback)—ISBN 978-1-4767-9000-8 (paperback)—ISBN 978-1-4767-9001-5 (ebook) 1. Problem solving. 2. Problem solving therapy. 3. Self-actualization (Psychology) 4. Interpersonal relations. 5. Self-help techniques. I. Bennett, Sarah. II. Title. III. Title: Fuck feelings.
BF449.B46 2015
158—dc23
2014048966
ISBN 978-1-4767-8999-6
ISBN 978-1-4767-9001-5 (ebook)
F*ck Feelings Page 38