by K. A. Linde
“So, the job search isn’t going so well?” Garrett asked, offering her a carrot from his plate.
“Ugh,” she grumbled, tossing her head back. “It’s the worst possible thing ever. Why do businesses even advertise that they’re hiring if they’re not actually hiring? Or better yet, if they already have someone else in mind, why do they waste your time by setting up an interview with you? It’s total bullshit.”
“That’s the worst. What kind of jobs are you looking into?” he asked sympathetically.
“Everything. Anything. I’ve scoured the newspapers, craigslist, and all over the fucking Internet. I’ve walked up and down the streets, checking for new signs. I think I’m pretty familiar with the landscape now,” she said, half-joking. “There’s just nothing out there. Most places aren’t likely to hire someone they don’t know who doesn’t have a degree. Even a lot of the serving jobs…well, most are full, but they want someone who will be here after the summer. And when they see that I went to Wash U, they don’t believe me when I say I’m not going back to St. Louis for school.”
Devon wasn’t sure where it had all come from. During the last two weeks, she had been so frustrated from trying to a find a job and having no one to talk to. Hadley was avoiding her as much as she could, Garrett was mostly absent, and Brennan was completely out of the picture. It was nice to just talk to someone.
Garrett pursed his lips. He seemed to be contemplating her scenario before speaking. She didn’t know what he was going to say about it, but it couldn’t be worse than what Hadley would likely say.
“I mean, I hate to say it, but it has only been two weeks,” he looked sympathetic.
“I know,” Devon relented. “I just have to pay you rent soon, and I don’t have the money.” She sheepishly looked down.
“Hey,” he said, his hand landing on her knee, “don’t worry about that. I’m sure we can arrange something.”
Devon didn’t know if she should hear the hidden meaning in that or not, but she chose not to. This was Garrett, and he was madly in love with her best friend. There was no way he was insinuating what she thought he was insinuating. To avoid accidentally spilling her thoughts, she didn’t dare open her mouth.
“I’m sure you’ll find a job soon, and in the meantime, feel free to stay as long as you like. I’ve made do without the rent this long, so I think I can manage otherwise. I trust you to pay it back when you actually do get a job. Don’t stress yourself into the ground over it,” he told her, pulling back his hand.
Devon felt like a shitty person. Was she a completely wrong judge of character? Or was she just so used to people being horrible and taking advantage of any situation that she had assumed someone like Garrett could be like that, too?
“Thanks, Garrett,” Devon said. “I appreciate it, but I’m still going to look for work as hard as I can.”
“I’ll see if I know anyone that’s hiring.”
“That would be really helpful,” she told him, breathing a sigh of relief.
They sat back then and enjoyed the next two episodes of Heroes before Garrett had to get ready for work. Devon wanted to be out of the house before Hadley got back anyway. It had been easier like that lately.
ALMOST ANOTHER WEEK with no luck was sending Devon’s already spiraling depression farther down the rabbit hole. Garrett’s search had come back with grim results. No one was hiring. She couldn’t believe it.
How hard was it to find a job in this town? Seriously, it shouldn’t be this difficult, she thought, crossing the street.
May had disappeared so quickly. How had she already been here a month without finding a job? It felt like it was just yesterday when she had pulled up to Union Station with Dustin’s music blasting in her ears. She was amazed she had made it this long. She had never thought she would be strong enough, but here she was. She was still searching for a job, so she could find a way to stay two more months.
The route Devon normally had taken walked past Jenn’s Restaurant, but kept her out of sight. She had been in the city long enough that it would be really strange if she just suddenly showed up there. She and Hadley weren’t all buddy-buddy anymore, so they hadn’t spent their afternoons together in Jenn’s, but Devon knew Hadley still frequented the locale. Devon wasn’t about to force an encounter with Hadley. Devon’s anger hadn’t fizzled, and she didn’t know if she was just that irritated with Hadley’s presence or if it was because of her drug use. She wanted to help, but Hadley wasn’t going to allow her in anytime soon. How could she help if Hadley was avoiding her at every turn?
Devon crossed to the other side of the street, and as she did, she glanced into the windows as she passed Jenn’s. She tried to tell herself she did it to see if Hadley was inside. Devon was pretty good at fooling herself. Sometimes, she had even searched out for the familiar blonde hair, but Hadley had never been there when Devon walked by.
In truth, Devon was generally hoping to see someone else. It was silly. Brennan didn’t know she was in the city. She had turned him down. She had a boyfriend. But she still walked this stretch to see if he was working the bar, so she could catch a glimpse of him.
No Hadley. No Brennan. Devon kept walking. Reminiscing about her first week in Chicago wouldn’t help her find a job.
Turning the corner, Devon immediately jumped out of the way as someone came barreling directly toward her. She got off a few choice words for the person as he passed her. People in Chicago are so rude! People just didn’t act like that in Nashville.
When the person abruptly skidded to a stop, Devon retreated a few steps. She hadn’t thought her cussing at the person would cause him to stop. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself. She certainly didn’t want to set off some street thug, or worse, tilt the emotional imbalance of some crazed serial killer.
When the person turned around, Devon’s fear dried up. It was immediately replaced with what she could only describe as an oh-fuck face.
“Devon?” Brennan said tentatively, facing her.
Breathing heavily from his run with a sheen of sweat on his forehead, he looked astonished by her presence. She couldn’t blame him.
“Uh…hey, Brennan,” she whispered. She was ashamed that they had to meet like this after what had happened between them. “You looked like you were in a hurry—”
“What are you doing here?” he asked, ignoring her statement.
“I, uh…didn’t leave,” she murmured softly.
“What?” he asked, looking confused. “You were supposed to be gone like three weeks ago. Why would you stay?”
She had clearly shocked him enough for him to speak plainly. Normally, she thought he was so reserved, but his face was giving him away as clear as day. He hadn’t wanted her to leave, and now, he was glad to see her. Could she possibly be reading him correctly?
“I decided to stay and…help Hadley,” she told him. It was the truth…mostly.
Brennan’s eyes narrowed in response. “I’ve seen Hadley almost every day for the past three weeks, and she never mentioned that you’re still in the city.”
Devon shrugged. Well, that looked seriously implicating. It wasn’t that she had told Hadley not to tell Brennan. It was just that Hadley wasn’t talking about Devon at all. Now, it looked like she had been avoiding him. Well, she had.
“I haven’t been succeeding…” she said. That much was also true.
“So, she’s avoiding you like the plague because she wants to keep using,” he said intuitively. “I’ve seen that before. You’re going to have to try harder.” He paused, glancing down and then up, like he wasn’t sure what to say. “Maybe you should swing by Jenn’s. It might help.”
“Oh,” she whispered, looking away from him. Why did he insist on complicating things?
“To see Hadley,” he added.
“Maybe,” she said. “I’m kind of busy looking for a job, so I don’t know when I’ll have a lot of time.”
“You’re looking for a job? You’re staying?” he aske
d.
She clearly continued to shock him every time she opened her mouth.
“Oh, yeah, I’m staying through the summer.”
She could see the question on his face. He wasn’t on guard like he normally was. He seemed to want to know why she hadn’t come to see him since their last encounter. Still, he should know why. She had given him reason enough when she had broken the kiss in his apartment.
Instead, he said, “Come with me.” Then, he turned on his heel and walked away from her.
Devon stared after his retreating back. What the fuck is he thinking? But he wasn’t waiting for her, and she had to jog to keep up with him. She didn’t even know why she was following him. She knew it wasn’t a good idea to be around him. That had become blatantly obvious after he had kissed her.
She was too messed up. She had too many of her own issues to deal with, and she couldn’t drag anyone else into it.
Brennan walked right into Jenn’s, the place she hadn’t walked into for three weeks straight. She followed on his heels to the back of the mostly deserted restaurant. Some regular customer called out a snide remark to him as he passed, and Brennan flipped the guy off. The guy laughed through his smoker’s cough.
When they reached the door to the kitchen, Brennan said, “Wait here.”
Devon stood around, twiddling her thumbs. She wished she knew why he had brought her here. She didn’t know what had compelled her to follow him, except that it had all been so sudden. She hadn’t expected to see him any more than he was expecting to see her.
Loud strong language from the back broke her out of her thoughts. All she could really grasp from the conversation was that he was late for work. That must have been why he had been running. She didn’t suspect he was the kind of person who was usually late, but she didn’t really know him all that well. Maybe it was a regular thing for him to show up late. Maybe that was why his hair had always been rumpled.
A couple minutes later, Brennan walked back out of the kitchen with a woman in tow. Devon had never seen her before when she had spent time in Jenn’s, but that didn’t surprise her. The woman wasn’t wearing the typical uniform. Instead, she was clad in a form-fitting dress. She looked well-kept, and Devon wondered what she was doing back in the kitchen.
“Devon,” Brennan said, facing her, “this is Jenn Yarrow.”
“Pleasure to meet you,” Devon said, sticking out her hand.
“Brennan said you are looking for a job,” she said with a thick Northern accent. “You have any waitressing experience?”
“Yes, ma’am. I worked as a waitress in Nashville for a few summers,” Devon said, her hopes flaring.
“First off, don’t call me ma’am. That’s my mom or my mother-in-law, God strike her down,” Jenn said, tilting her head to the sky. “Second, we work with test-runs only. You make it through today, and I’ll hire you. Otherwise, you can keep your tips and have a nice day.”
Jenn threw a towel at her, and Devon caught it, feeling shocked.
“So…is this like an interview?”
“What does it look like?” Jenn rolled her eyes and looked at Brennan as if she were asking what kind of person he had brought into the place. “There’s a change of clothes in the back. I’ll check on you at closing time.” With that, she turned and walked away.
“What just happened?” Devon stood completely still, holding a hand towel.
“The owner just gave you a job as long as you make it through today,” Brennan told her. “So, make it through today.”
DEVON PEELED OFF her uniform in the women’s restroom at the back of Jenn’s Restaurant. As she changed back into her street clothes, her arms and feet ached, her mind was whirring, and she felt an overwhelming sense of exhaustion coursing throughout her entire body. The whole thing made her wonder why she hadn’t gotten a job earlier. She was so busy that she had forgotten everything else, like her reason for being in Chicago, her best friend on drugs, and Brennan’s eyes always finding her in the room.
Okay, she wasn’t busy enough not to notice Brennan, but it felt different now. She couldn’t react or respond like she normally would have because there were simply too many customers who had kept her occupied.
Jenn had met her at the door when the bar closed. Apparently, she wasn’t one for long-winded conversations. She told Devon to keep the towel and the extra uniform if she didn’t have any other clothing that would work. That was lucky because Devon hadn’t brought anything like it with her. She would have to use some of her tips to buy new clothes and more comfortable shoes. Jenn had told her to come in every night for the rest of the week. She hadn’t bothered to ask if the closing shift was okay for Devon. Jenn had mentioned that she would give Devon an official schedule the following week, and Devon suspected she would remain on the night shift.
She rolled her shoulders backward and forward a few times, trying to work the kinks out of them, but it was no good. At the very least, she would be sore for the next week. The roll of bills in her pocket made up for the stiffness she would surely face in the morning.
Jenn’s was in a nice area, and customers were always floating in and out. The tourists that managed to find the place tipped like crap, but the regulars tipped bucketloads. They had tipped way more than the people at the small pasta place she had worked in Nashville.
She stuffed her work clothes in a to-go bag and walked through the kitchen door into the main dining area. The other waitress had already disappeared, grumbling the whole time about how she didn’t need any help. Devon suspected it had something to do with sharing tips. Though, Devon wasn’t sure how the woman had managed working the busy restaurant with just Brennan’s help in the first place.
“You ready to get out of here?” Brennan asked, sliding his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.
Devon hadn’t realized that he was waiting on her. She owed him big time. She wished she didn’t feel the wave of awkwardness that ran through her at his nearness. Then, she might be able to show her gratitude more.
“Uh…yeah,” she said, glancing away from those eyes.
“I’ll just lock up.” He ducked into the kitchen and then returned a minute later. “Let’s go.”
Brennan flipped off the bright red open sign in the window, and then they exited through the front doors. He took the time to lock those doors as well, and then they walked to the L station together.
Devon took in the surprising silence of the city. As they passed through streets lined with tall skyscrapers, fear seemed to seep into her conscience. She wasn’t afraid to be alone with Brennan. In fact, it wasn’t Brennan at all. It was just that no one else was on the streets. She knew it was late. It was well past the hour most people would be awake and walking around the city, but she had thought that the city would still be bustling, like New York. Apparently, that wasn’t the case in the area where Jenn’s was located.
She swallowed back her fear and tried to remind herself of the good job that she had done today. She had a new job, a way to stay in Chicago, and a way to escape. But in this moment, she felt the loss of her escape. She felt it all closing in on her. Why were the streets so empty? Why was it just her and Brennan?
Her breathing hitched, and then she realized that she had suddenly stopped breathing altogether. Fear poisoned her blood system, starting in her chest and crawling through her veins like a disease. She felt her chest rising and falling rapidly, and her teeth were chattering as if she were freezing, but she knew these were the sure signs of hyperventilation.
But she couldn’t hyperventilate. She had to run. She had to get away. That was the answer. Run.
Brennan touched her arm, rocketing her back to the ground, to the city, to his hand resting lightly on her, to the pads of his fingers grazing her soft skin.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.
When she could finally see him through her blurred vision, she saw concern etched into every line of his face.
Devon held up her hand as if to silence him,
and that only seemed to make him more concerned. She took a deep breath and bent her knees, crouching there in the middle of the sidewalk. She held her knees to her chest and tried to let the déjà vu of her dreams sluice off of her. She knew where she had come from, where she was, and where she was going. That was all that mattered. This wasn’t like her nightmares. No one was chasing her. No one was grabbing her. No one was throwing her down. She took another breath and reminded herself of these things again and again.
When she finally stood, Brennan seemed to have a million questions on his tongue. Devon didn’t want to answer any of them, so she immediately started walking. Brennan strode to her side and walked next to her, allowing her the silence she desired. She should thank him for that as well.
A job and silence. What more could I ask for? she wondered.
The ride on the L was short. Her stop came before Brennan’s, but he didn’t seem ready to let her go. He hopped off the train with her, and they walked in together to Marina City. At least this area was well-lit, and people were still milling around outside of the House of Blues.
“Thanks for walking me back,” Devon said, finally breaking the silence.
“Are you going to tell me what happened back there?” he asked.
Devon looked away from him, not wanting to answer. “I think it was just exhaustion,” she murmured.
It was a lie, and he knew it. She was exhausted, but exhausted people didn’t hyperventilate in the middle of the street.
“Exhaustion…right,” he said in disbelief.
“Thanks for your help today. I really needed the job,” Devon said, changing the subject.
“If I’d known you were looking for one, I could have helped sooner,” he said pointedly.
The question about why she had avoided him for three weeks was written all over his face. If he didn’t matter and she had a boyfriend, then why did she skip past Jenn’s every day? She refused to let her mind think about it.
“Well, glad I ran into you when I did then,” she said with the only smile she could muster.
“Devon, about that night—” Brennan began.