by Cecilia Tan
“Good point.”
“Trust, on the other hand? Spanking and bondage definitely increase those feelings. That’s not training exactly. That’s something we built up gradually over time by pushing the envelope, by taking risks and having adventures together.”
“I guess we built it up strong enough that a few big blows didn’t knock it all the way down—only partway.”
He nodded. “I want more than anything to regain your trust.”
“How do you plan to do that?”
“By keeping my promises. By telling you everything you want to know. By doing exactly what we did before, only not as a game.”
“What do you mean what we did before?”
“As I said, by pushing the envelope. You enjoy being challenged, and every time you met a challenge, your trust in me grew. So did your confidence in yourself. In fact, you grew so confident you walked into that lion’s den with Damon George without hesitation.”
He was right. I no longer had fear of being desired, by him or any other man. I wondered if thinking about me and Damon was making him jealous and horny now. It seemed likely, even if he said nothing.
And so what if he was contemplating taking me right now in the car? So what? If he wanted sex, I realized, I had no reason to fear that, no reason to fight it. The reflex to automatically resist must have been something left over from the crappy relationships in my past. I had no wish to resist James’s desire.
It made me wonder, though, what would happen if I did.
“I can always say no, right?” I asked aloud.
“Hmm? Of course. That hasn’t changed. Your right to refuse is the bedrock on which everything is founded. I will never force you.”
“But everything’s not a simple yes-or-no situation, is it?”
“Power dynamics can be complex. A safe word, even one as simple as ‘no,’ always bears with it the possibility of creating a rift. It’s your responsibility to tell me what I can’t know or might have missed, which is that you need to or truly want to stop, and it’s my responsibility to never push you to the point that our trust breaks.” He nuzzled my hair. “That night when you asked for my name, you took that risk because you knew you couldn’t keep trusting me without it. It was my mistake thinking that you broke our trust when in truth you were cementing it.”
“I guess when you put it that way, I’m not sorry I did it. But I really will just try to talk to you from now on.”
“And from now on we’ll have the basis to do so, if you’ll be a real part of my life, and I’ll be a real part of yours.”
“You really think it’s a good idea for me to dance with you?”
“I do.” He nuzzled me. “You know, I got my first hint that I was wrong the night of the party when Stefan gave me an earful.”
“Did he? When he went back to pick you up?”
“He waited two days. I’m not sure if he was waiting for me to calm down or if that was the point at which he couldn’t stand it any longer. He wagered his position on it.”
I lifted my head, glancing at the glass that separated Stefan from us. “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean, he said ‘I’m about to tell you something you don’t want to hear, but I feel so strongly about it I’m going to say it even if it gets me fired.’ Well, that got my attention, I assure you. And after he told me, and we argued, he took it one step further and said he would bet on it. If I was right, I should fire him.”
“But he was right. So what did he win? Besides keeping his job. That’s hardly a fair wager then.”
“True. I bought his mother a new house.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. In France.”
“That seems… like a lot.”
“Sometimes one resorts to giving gifts to express how much one cares,” he murmured softly.
“Mmm-hmm.” I settled against him again. “So the whole thing with Damon was you trying to prove yourself right.”
“To my shame, yes. You saw far more clearly than I did what was important to me, and maintained more faith in me than I deserved. I am still trying to live up to that.” He stroked my hair. “Still trying to believe that I am so blessed. There will always be doubts haunting the back of my mind. But I try to use them as perspective, rather than letting them cloud my vision entirely.”
“Doubts? About our ability to get along? To understand each other?”
“No, those doubts are being quelled day after day. I do… have doubts about your ability to actually withstand the full force of my desire.”
I sat back, my hands on his chest. “You’re kidding, right? After how hard you fucked me at that party? Or what about the time you fucked me with a string of pearls so hard they broke?”
His gaze locked with mine. “I’m not talking about how many pounds per square inch of force my cock exerts. This isn’t only on you. I have doubts about my ability to hold back.”
“You didn’t feel like you were holding back either of those times.”
He said nothing for a few seconds. Then, “That sculpture of mine you saw in England. You saw what it represents. You saw the space in it for you.”
I could picture the huge glass creation in my mind’s eye, shiny and red and jagged. “I told you. I thought it was a representation of male desire, your desire, like an unstoppable wave, a force of nature. James, seriously, if you need to fuck me very, very hard, I’m willing.”
His eyes softened. “I don’t doubt your willingness. My doubts are about the possibility that someday I could break you. Someday I may shatter the bond of trust between us when I go too far.”
“You just said you wanted to push the envelope so that we could rebuild our trust, though.”
“I know. That’s the catch-22. So I’m going to push… but I’m going to try not to push too far, too fast. There’s always the possibility, though, of me getting it wrong. That sculpture, look at it again. It’s also the virgin sacrifice being taken into the mouth of the dragon.”
“I’m not afraid of dragons,” I said.
He smiled wanly. “I know you’re not. You don’t need Perseus coming to your rescue. You will ride the serpent all on your own.”
As he said that I slipped my hand into his lap, where the erection I expected to find was indeed tenting his slacks.
“Karina,” he said, seriously, “the serpent isn’t just my cock. It’s my sadism. It’s my need to see you submit to me, my need to see you screaming in pleasure and pain at my hand.”
I nodded. “Tell me something I don’t know, mister.”
He relented with a chuckle. “Don’t you have to do something you’ve never done for me to do that?”
“Sure.” I rubbed him through his slacks, feeling him twitch. “What do you have in mind?”
“Why don’t you suck my cock while I think about it?”
“Gladly.” I undid his belt and fly, then freed that needy flesh. My fingers playing up and down it made him shudder.
I figured I’d give him a long time to think, so I didn’t hurry, pulling his balls out of his underwear and starting there, nibbling and massaging them with my mouth. From the sound of the small groans coming from him, he wasn’t getting much thinking done.
I worked my way up the shaft, licking, making him moan with sideways squeezes of my lips. By the time I reached the tip, there was a generous amount of precome gathered to reward me. I licked it and then worked my tongue all around the head.
When I took him into my mouth at last, he said, “Your mouth!” but couldn’t manage a full sentence.
I set to sucking the head and taking as much of him in as I could, slowly bobbing my head up and down.
When he couldn’t stand it anymore he grabbed me by my hair and pulled me up into a rough kiss. Then, without letting go: “Get on my cock now. Now!”
He let go so I could wriggle out of my jeans and underwear and then I straddled him. I was sopping wet and took him in quickly, gasping a little as he widened me. Even though we’d had sex twice in the
past three days, he was large enough that he always felt like a tight fit.
We fucked like that for a while, his eyes closed with an expression of blissful relief.
He opened them and looked at me, licking his lips. “We need something new, hmm?”
“Yes, James.”
“Turn around and suck me again.”
He slid down in the seat and we got into a 69 with me on top. It was a little awkward sucking him with his cock upside down, and I tried not to scrape my teeth against him. It was also extremely tricky to maintain my concentration when he was licking my ass.
And then, oh God, pushing his tongue into my rear hole. Then something long and hard: his finger. I tensed.
“This isn’t even my cock yet, Karina. Are you sure you can withstand my desire?”
“Hey, even my vagina wasn’t ready for you the first time and now there’s no problem.”
“So true. Well, since it worked so well the last time…” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t say to stop sucking me, you know.”
“You asked a question!”
“And you answered it. Back to it, please.”
I took his cock into my mouth again, making mock grumbling noises as I did so. I felt him fumbling around with something and realized from the sound that he was sending a text message.
The next thing I knew, I felt the car pull over and come to a stop. His finger invading my ass again distracted me though, until I felt the breeze on my bare, damp flanks. I dared to stop sucking him long enough to see a gloved hand passing a small glass dildo through the open window on James’s side.
Stefan must have retrieved it from the trunk at James’s text order.
I resumed suckling and Stefan resumed driving, and the next thing I felt was the unforgiving hardness of the glass rubbing up and down my pussy, getting it good and slick. And then him pushing it into my rear.
“Now,” he said. “Crawl forward and get on my cock again.”
He kept a hand on the base of the dildo as I did so, and I quickly learned how this diabolical fucking would work. Every time I rocked forward and back on his cock, I fucked myself on the glass cock as well.
“Pace yourself, Karina,” he said. “No orgasm for either of us until later. We’re near the hotel where we intend to stop for the night.”
“Okay. Ah, crap! I mean, yes!”
He clucked his tongue. “Did you forget I still have one hand free to spank you with? A summer away from me and you’ve slid right back to your old habits, despite your training at the society. That’ll be twenty licks for forgetting your language.”
“Twenty!”
“Forty, for protesting.”
He couldn’t see how widely I was grinning. I couldn’t help it. This was too much fun. “Yes, James.”
“Go on. You count. I’ll deliver one stroke for each time you thrust yourself back against me.”
That meant each time I gave myself the jolt of deep pleasure from driving both his cocks into me, it was served alongside the blossom of pain on my butt cheeks. And the longer it went on, the hotter and redder they got, and the more it hurt… and yet I wanted more.
I got so lost in wanting that I lost count at some point and didn’t even notice I had trailed off. So it was somewhere around a hundred spanks that I whimpered, “I… I’m getting close.”
“Thank you for warning me,” he said. “Slow down, then. No more spanking, I think you like it too much.”
Instead he ran his fingernails over my reddened flesh as I slowed the pace of my rocking to half what it had been.
I don’t know how long it went on. I tranced out on the rhythm of our bodies.
The next thing I knew, I felt the car slowing as we went down an off ramp. Shortly after, we came to a stop.
James opened the compartment in the back of the front seat.
I heard something rip open and I thought it was a condom package, but no, it was a handy-wipe. It was cold against my flesh and I yelped as he cleaned my rump and between my legs. Then he toweled me dry but did not remove the dildo from my ass. “Put your clothes back on. We’ll finish up once we’ve checked into the hotel.”
I did so carefully, keeping the dildo in place, while he cleaned himself up and put his own clothes back together.
The car moved again as Stefan brought us around to another entrance. I heard the sound of the trunk as he took out our bags.
James opened a bottle of water and took a swig. I realized suddenly how thirsty I was. He handed me the bottle and I gulped it greedily.
“Be sure to thank your mother for the water,” he teased. “Granola bar?”
Eight
We Kissed as Though Nothing Could Fall
The hotel was seven or so floors, surrounded by parking lot, the lot surrounded by trees. As I got out of the car, there wasn’t much else to see. I could hear a truck’s brakes out on the highway. We went up to our room; Stefan was next door.
James pulled me into a kiss once we were alone.
“Are we going to push the envelope?” I asked.
“Definitely,” he murmured, gently tucking my hair behind my ear.
“Don’t tire me out too much, though,” I said, “because I intend to collect my due of information.”
“I will make it worth both our whiles. I promise.”
James undressed me and tied ropes around my middle and between my legs so that there was a knot keeping the dildo in place. Then he added various other decorative ropes to me, winding around my forearms and ankles and crisscrossing my chest. He blindfolded me and told me to lie down.
I lay there quietly on the bed while he prepared something else, watching the colors zoom behind my eyelids. Being in ropes had a swaddling effect on me, making me feel peaceful even as I anticipated whatever might come next.
I heard the door open and shut, then silence. Where had he gone? Or had he just opened and shut it to make me think he went out, while he stood there silently, waiting to see if I peeked under the blindfold? I had no urge to peek. I was content, so very content.
Well, except for being extremely horny. After all that penetration without an orgasm, I wanted very much to come. But I could be patient.
The door opened and closed again. “Karina,” he said gently. “Move toward me and stand up.”
He helped me off the bed.
“Come with me.”
He led me by the hand out of the room and into the hallway. I sucked in a breath, thinking about what we had said about pushing the envelope. Did that include potentially surprising hotel guests with the sight of me, blindfolded and in the nude? Or did he have Stefan secretly blocking the way up? For all I knew he had rented the entire floor but wanted me to think we might be discovered. I found that the thought he might be doing it only to make me think I might be seen aroused and thrilled me as much as the thought I might be seen. The next thing I felt under my bare feet was the transition from the rug to a concrete floor. I could smell laundry detergent. I heard another door open.
“Put your hand on the railing, and go up the stairs.”
He followed behind me with a hand on my back, telling me when to turn and guiding me to the second set of stairs. At the top another door opened, and I felt the warm wind from the outside.
We were on the roof. I could hear the sound of an AC unit and the whoosh from the highway beyond the trees.
He bound my arms together behind my back, and I felt a few other ropes tugged and added at my hips, my shoulders. He moved me again, and I felt more tugging.
“Bend over.”
I bent at the waist and the sound of the AC unit got louder.
I felt his hands at my hips and then his cock nosing between my lips in back. Once he was all the way in, he said, “You’re quite secure like this.”
“Like what?”
I felt him tugging at the blindfold and then an updraft blew it out of his fingers. I was looking down the side of the building at the parking lot far below. I gasped.
“You won’t believe how tight you just squeezed me inside you,” he said. “Are you afraid of heights, Karina?”
“I… I don’t know. I mean, not usually.” I sucked in another breath as he drew his cock slowly back and then drove into me again. “But this isn’t usual.”
“No. I’m going to come in you, Karina. If you can, you may come, too. I suggest you do it quietly, though, as it wouldn’t be very good to get caught up here. And it’ll take a little time to untie the ropes that are keeping you secure.”
“Yes, James.”
He grunted with pleasure. “Every time you say the word ‘yes,’ it’s like an extra caress down my cock.”
Then he stopped talking and concentrated on fucking me. Each thrust pushed on the glass dildo, too, and tugged on the rope nearest my clit, not touching it but enough to add to the sensation. In other words, each thrust was a pure surge of pleasure to every possible nerve ending. And maybe, just maybe, the adrenaline from my upper body hanging over the edge of the roof helped accelerate everything.
I was coming within a few minutes, which I let him know by whispering the word “yes” over and over. He whispered it back, exultantly, as he came, his cock pulsing inside me a few moments later.
He didn’t savor the moment long, pulling me upright. “Can you stand?”
“Mmm. Just barely.” My legs were quivering from the intensity of the orgasm, but they hadn’t dissolved into jelly. Yet.
He busied himself with the ropes, undid my arms, and slipped a bathrobe onto my shoulders. I looked around. “Where are we? Looks like the middle of nowhere.”
“Pretty much,” he said. “Seemed a more isolated place to try rooftop sex than, oh, anywhere in Manhattan.”
“Did you know this roof was here? I mean… that it was a good spot for this?”
“I did. Stefan and I stopped here on the way to Ohio.” He slipped a bunch of loose ropes into a pillowcase and then belted the robe around my waist, which I hadn’t bothered to do yet.
“You know, some people might find it presumptuous that you were planning that when you weren’t even sure I was going to forgive you.”
“You have made me into an optimist, Karina,” he said with a smile. “Nothing could stop me from dreaming about you.”