by Elle Thorpe
“Yeah?”
“I couldn’t stay and hurt you. You could be stuck with this thing for life if I fuck up, even one time. That was all it took for me. One time.”
I pressed a finger to his lips. “Stop. We’ve been through this. You won’t ever do that. And if you’d just stuck around long enough to talk to Dr. Sloane, you would have known HIV isn’t what it once was.”
“I know. But I wasn’t ready to hear it then. I couldn’t sort anything out with you before I’d sorted it out in my head.”
“And now?”
“I know better now. I’m on medication to control it and to make it safer for you. There’s medication you could take too…” He looked at me impishly. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but it’s the safest way…”
“I’m already taking it.”
His head jerked back. “You are?”
I nodded. “I hung around and listened to the doctor the day you ran off. She gave me a crash course in HIV and how to protect myself. I started the tablets the next day.”
“And you’ve taken them this whole time?”
I nodded. “I wasn’t sure if you’d come back, but if you did, I didn’t want to waste any more time waiting around. This disease has already stolen so much time from us, I didn’t want to give it more.”
Low took my face between his palms. His fingers cupped my cheeks and tipped my chin until his eyes stared into mine. Black replaced the icy blue in the darkness, but the love I saw there burned brighter than the sun.
“You deserve a life, you know. You’re a good man who made a mistake. This doesn’t have to define you. And it doesn’t change how I feel about you.” I reached beneath the back of his shirt, trailing my fingers over the ridges of bone and muscle. “I was angry you left without talking to me, but I understood. We’re the same. We run. And you learnt early that only relying on yourself is the safest way to avoid being hurt. I get it.”
He swallowed hard, the bob of his Adam’s apple visible even in the darkness, and his voice was husky when he spoke again.
“You’re amazing.” His lips hovered over mine, only centimetres apart but frustratingly far away. I moved to close the gap between us, but he held my face tighter, stilling me until he’d said his piece. “You’re amazing and beautiful and I don’t deserve you. But fuck. I want you, Reese. More than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.” His lips crashed down on mine, stealing my breath and my thoughts. I couldn’t touch him enough. My palms roamed his back as I pressed myself to his chest. Heat pooled low in my belly as he deepened the kiss, controlling it and making me melt further into his arms. A fog of desire invaded my brain where the world faded and it was just me and him.
“So we’re good?” he asked again, when he finally pulled away. Through my erratic breathing and hazy head, I saw the corners of his mouth turn up, making me want him to just shut up and kiss me more than ever. But with the break from his lips came a tiny amount of clarity and there was something else that needed to be said before I lost myself in him again.
“We’re good. But we’re doing this, right? For real? You can’t wrap me in cotton wool and treat me like some breakable valuable your grandmother handed down to you. You have to kiss me and touch me. You have to sleep with me and next to me. I want you to tell me you love me and stop leaving me when times get tough, because you know this won’t be the worst thing we ever have to go through. Just…stop holding me at arm’s length because you think you’ll hurt me. You won’t. We’ll be careful. Every time. We can go slow—”
He pulled me to him, my breasts crushing against his chest, his lips brushing my ear. “Fuck. That. I don’t want to go slow. I want to go back to that afternoon before my diagnosis. I had so many plans for that night…all the things I wanted to do to you…do with you…”
The ache in my core increased as he kissed me hard.
“I was hoping you’d say that.” I pulled a foil wrapped condom from my back pocket and waved it in front of him.
His eyes widened. “Seriously? Here?” He shot a worried look back towards the house as if my dad might be watching us through the window while he polished his shotgun.
I raised an eyebrow. “Well, we could just wait until we get back to Sydney, I guess...”
Low warred with his indecision for exactly three seconds before a grin spread across his face. “Fuck it.” He grabbed me by the hips, lifting me high and slinging me over his shoulder. A startled laugh escaped me as I dangled down his back and he slapped my ass for good measure. He yanked the barn door open, the horses looking up at us curiously as he strode between their stalls. The familiar smell of horses and hay filled my nose as Low’s strong arm tightened over the back of my thighs.
Low hit the far end of the barn and stopped, looking left and right. “Fuck. Where?”
“Shearers quarters. Through there.” I pointed to the door on our right. My father had never run sheep, so the shearers quarters hadn’t been used in years. But since our cottage was small, my mother always kept the beds made up for any overnight guests. It wasn’t fancy, but it was more appealing than getting it on with hay poking you in the ass.
The door swung hard into the wall as Low charged through it and stopped abruptly. There was a window in the little room but it was dark outside and I couldn’t see a thing. “Light’s over there.” I nudged him towards the wall on our right. Low groped around until he found it, flicking the switch that turned on the single naked bulb in the ceiling. The weak yellow light did little, but it was enough to illuminate the two single beds pushed up against the wood walls of the room.
Low dropped me onto the nearest bed, covering my body with his own, and excitement shot through me as every delicious inch of him pressed me hard into the mattress. My hands bunched in the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He loomed over me again, hovering on his arms before kissing me, and my stomach flipped as my libido skyrocketed. He was pure male. Broad shoulders, smooth, tanned skin, and hard muscle. His gaze locked with mine, and he paused.
“Are you nervous?” I whispered as I scratched my nails along his bare back. I wriggled beneath him, wanting more, but I needed to know he was okay first.
“Honestly? Yeah. I think I am.”
I studied him, noting the slight tremble in his arms and the indents deepening between his eyebrows. “We’re both taking tablets. And we have protection.” I reached up and smoothed his frown lines with my finger. “You know you’ve seen me naked already, right? You do remember that? And it’s not like you’re a virgin. So what else is there?”
He shook his head. “It’s not that. I’m a one-night-stand guy. I always have been. In and out, thank you, goodbye. I’ve never been with someone I love...” He looked embarrassed all of a sudden. “I want this to be good for you.”
My insides liquefied until I was a puddle on the floor and he huffed out an ironic laugh.
“Plus, don’t forget, I haven’t had sex in months. This might all be over before it even begins. So yeah. Forgive me if I’m a bit nervous.”
“Stop thinking so much and just kiss me.”
He kissed me softly this time. His lips brushed over mine, once, twice, three times, before he opened his mouth and deepened the kiss with his tongue. My fingers reached up to tangle in the hair at the base of his neck, while tingles spread out from my lips. I wriggled until my legs wrapped around his waist and moaned as his cock pressed against my core, ramping up the heat already building there.
“I love that sound,” he groaned as he rolled his hips against mine. “I want to hear it all day and all night.” He dropped his mouth to the sensitive skin of my neck, kissing a hot trail from the soft place behind my ear and down my neck, across my collarbones. “But louder.”
The V-neck of my shirt left a hint of cleavage bare and he kissed every square inch of exposed skin before sitting me up off the mattress and tugged the shirt over my head. His blue eyes bored deep into mine, and I stilled under his gaze. The heat in his eyes burned through me,
stopping between my legs, and I ground up into him, desperate to ease the ache there. His mouth landed on my lacy white bra, sucking the nipple through the sheer fabric, and I moaned again as my nipple hardened under the wet heat of his mouth.
“Not loud enough.” He moved to the other nipple and repeated the action.
God, I wanted more. I pushed him back and sat up again, so I could unhook my bra at the back. His hands were quick to slide the straps down my arms, the bra landing somewhere on the floor before I lay back down. He placed open-mouthed kisses over my exposed skin, his tongue flicking over my nipples, making my back arch trying to get closer to him. He sucked one nipple into his mouth, rolling the other between expert fingers. I pressed up into his mouth, my eyes falling closed as his fingers flicked open the button on my jeans. His attention moved from my breasts to pull my jeans down my thighs. Toeing off my shoes, I shoved my jeans down the last few inches with my feet, the need to be naked in front of him and have our bare skin touching overwhelming.
Low ran his fingers beneath the elastic of my underwear and slipped them down my legs, lifting each foot before replacing it on the mattress. His gaze burned over my skin, making my toes curl, but I forced myself to lie still. I wanted him to see me. I’d wanted it from the night we met. And he’d seen me naked before, but this felt different. This felt special. This was our reward for waiting so long. Wetness pooled between my legs and I ached for him to touch me there, my clit throbbing for attention. I squeezed my legs together, trying to relieve the tension.
He sat back on his knees and undid the button on his own jeans, drawing my eyes to the delicious V muscle that ran down either side of his hips and under his jeans. His cock sprang free, hard and proud when he undid his jeans.
I raised an eyebrow. “Commando, huh?”
He grinned and placed a kiss on my belly button before he looked back up at me. “That’s just how I roll.
I grinned. “Lucky me then, hey?” I let my hand trail along his hard length before wrapping my fingers around the base. He hissed through his teeth and I looked up at him.
“Be careful with that. I have a serious case of blue balls.”
I stroked him again, and this time I cupped him with my other hand, squeezing his balls gently. “They don’t look blue.”
Low’s head dropped back, pleasure and pain both evident on his handsome face. “You’ll pay for that,” he said and moved himself out of my grasp.
“Oh yeah?” I couldn’t help teasing him.
He slid off the bed, kneeling on the wooden floorboards. Wrapping his arms around my thighs, he tugged me down the bed so my ass was on the edge of the mattress, my legs spread around him. He looked down at me, bared and on display for him, and ran a finger through my wetness, making pleasure shoot through my most sensitive nerve endings.
“You know, I dreamt of tasting you the entire time I was gone. I can’t wait any longer. Be loud this time, Reese. Be real loud.”
His mouth lowered to my pussy and my back arched, legs opening farther as he ran his tongue through my already wet folds. I moaned, not because he wanted me to, but because I couldn’t help it.
“Not loud enough.” His tongue flicked over the sensitive bundle of nerves and back through my folds, dipping inside me and repeating the action over and over until I was writhing and biting my tongue but determined not to give him the satisfaction of moaning again. But then he slipped a finger inside me, and I lost the battle as a moan ripped from somewhere deep within me. I opened my eyes to see his smug grin.
“Ssshhh now, you’ll scare the horses.” He moved his fingers again, pressing up against my G-spot while his tongue slid over my clit.
“Screw the horses. They’re old and half deaf anyway,” I groaned.
Low’s chuckle vibrated over my pussy, only heightening the sensation. His tongue was relentless, rhythmically working my clit while his fingers slid in and out, until I saw stars. My moans echoed off the walls as I came, clenching around his fingers.
He kissed his way back up my torso, my skin ultra-sensitive and covered with goosebumps, my breaths coming in pants. I curled in on myself, savouring the orgasm high. I opened one eye and smiled at his satisfied face. “Happy with yourself?”
He chuckled. “I’m just glad we’re so far from the house. Too bad if someone decided to take an evening stroll, though.”
I pulled him back up on the bed next to me and he kissed me slowly. I tasted myself on his lips and his erection pressed into my upper thigh. I looked down in surprise. “When did you put a condom on?”
“While you were blissing out. I meant it when I said I’d look after you. I’m not going anywhere near you unless it’s gloved.”
“You can’t infect my leg,” I joked.
His gaze turned broody, his voice dropping to a dark whisper. “I know. But I don’t plan on leaving my dick resting on your leg any longer either.” He rolled me to my back, nudging my legs apart, and pressed against my entrance. The tiniest flicker of worry rolled through me but evaporated when I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but love there. The protective way he held me dispelled any fear I might have been harbouring. His gaze dropped to my lips before his mouth covered mine, and he pushed inside me with one long, slow thrust.
“Ohhh.” My head kicked back and my back arched. Already sensitive from his earlier attentions, my body ached for him, and he filled me, stretching me deliciously.
I’d expected him to be cautious, but he’d obviously put his nerves behind him as he worked himself in and out, confident and rhythmic. He braced himself on his arms, and as much as I loved watching his biceps bulge and his abs flex, I wanted him closer. I pulled him down on top of me, wrapping my legs around his waist and pressing my fingers into the muscle of his back, before they slid down to his ass. My hips rose to meet his, urging him to go faster. He groaned into my mouth and kissed me hotly, his tongue tangling with mine. “I’m going to come if you keep moving your hips like that,” he gritted out.
“I want you to,” I whispered back and thrust my hips at his again. He increased the pace as I pressed him closer.
A tremble coursed through him. “I love you,” he murmured.
“I know. I love you too.”
He stilled and kissed me, slow and sweet, before rolling his hips into mine again. I gasped at the sudden movement. He reached between us, finding my clit, and I dug my nails into his back as sensation exploded through me again. After a few more thrusts, his body jerked, signalling his release.
His pace slowed, until he pulled out. He sat up and pulled the condom off his still mostly hard penis and tied a knot in the end. He examined it quickly.
“What are you doing?” I asked, lifting my head from where I lay sinking into the mattress, as boneless as a jellyfish. “Come back here, it’s cold without you on top of me.”
“Just making sure there are no breaks in the condom.” He looked at me, relief fuelling his expression. “We’re good.”
I leant across and kissed his chest. “We’re great.”
Low pushed to his feet and pulled on his jeans. I gave him an exaggerated pout as his cock disappeared beneath the denim, but snuggled up onto his chest when he lay back down next to me. I pressed my nose into the side of his neck and breathed deep, even breaths as my fingers trailed across his skin, content and happy to stay in his arms for as long as he’d let me. The silence drew out between us, our breathing evening out, and it was sweet and peaceful. For the first time in a long time, everything felt right. Neither of us had anything left to run from, nothing left to hide. We were finally on the same track, running together.
“Were you worried?” Low asked eventually, his voice muffled from his lips resting on my forehead.
“About what? Sex?”
“Yeah, I guess. Having sex with someone who has HIV. Was it playing on your mind the whole time?”
His body tensed as he waited for my reply. I shook my head without thinking, but then stopped, wanting to be honest. “I th
ought about it. For a minute, and then your tongue was all over me and it was hard to think of anything else.”
I laughed, but his face was still serious. Concern burst my happy little after sex bubble and I pressed up on my elbows to look at him. “Were you worried about it the whole time?”
He shook his head and relief filled me. “No, I wasn’t. Which worries me a bit.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want us to ever get complacent. I know we’re both taking the tablets, but it doesn’t guarantee I can’t transfer this thing to you. We can’t ever slip up, Reese. We can’t.”
I hugged him, hoping I could hold him tight enough to reassure him that everything was fine. I wasn’t worried about him running again, and I recognised his words for what they were. He needed time to process a fear, so I simply held him, while he held me. We lay there for a long time before I whispered, “You’re safe with me. Everything we do together is on me as much as it’s on you. You won’t let me get careless, and I won’t let you get carried away in the moment. We’ll work these things out together.”
His eyes went glossy. “I really do love you.”
“And so you should, because I’m awesome,” I said with a laugh, but I had to blink back the wetness welling in my eyes.
He brushed my hair back off my face and kissed me softly on the lips. “Always a smart-ass.”
My heart swelled at the sound of his laugh and the tender way he looked at me, and we lay back down together, a tangle of legs and arms. I sighed as a quiet contentment flooded through me. He might not have been perfect, but neither was I. And the one thing I was positive of—the only one that really mattered—I was positive he was perfect for me.
THE END
Thank you for reading Only the Positive! The Only You series continues in Only the Perfect! If you loved Jamison in Only the Positive, you’re going to love watching him get his HEA in Only the Perfect! Purchase here. And keep reading for a sneak peak!