Her mother and father stormed out. Gabrielle stood and smoothed down her skirt. The entire time she eye-fucked him.
Christ, all of them were a piece of work.
“So, about that money?”
“I’ll put some into your account,” Arianna replied dully.
“Great, thanks, sis. Love you. Go get yourself some. I know I would.” She winked at Bain then flounced out.
Bain turned to Arianna. “I’ll make sure they’re gone. Wait here.”
He didn’t want to leave her. But he also didn’t want those assholes wandering around freely. Dominic was out on an errand so he couldn’t make sure they went.
Arianna didn’t say anything and unsurprisingly, when he returned, she was gone.
19
She pushed herself to go faster on the treadmill.
She didn’t pay attention to the fact that her breath was growing labored. Her legs were tiring. That sweat coated her body. She just wanted to run until she couldn’t think anymore. Until she couldn’t feel the pain of their words like slashes against her soul.
Her parents had left over an hour ago. Bain had tried to talk to her soon after. She winced as she remembered how cold she’d been to him. How she’d told him to leave her alone.
That she wished everyone would leave her the fuck alone.
It hadn’t been true. Inside, she’d been crying out to him to pull her into his arms and cuddle her. To help heal the pain that had opened up her insides and made her feel like she was bleeding.
She was screaming silently.
Why couldn’t he see that? Why could no one ever see that?
Tears blurred her eyes, but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t stop. The pain could be numbed. If she just pushed herself hard enough, it could all go away.
And she could be blessedly numb.
That is not the way a Silvers acts.
That is not the way a Silvers speaks.
Don’t embarrass the family, Arianna.
She shouldn’t have let Bain into that meeting. Then he wouldn’t have seen how much her family truly didn’t care about her.
All they did was use her.
A sob broke free. No, this was meant to stop her from feeling. She needed to be numb.
“Arianna, stop now.”
A hand reached out towards the treadmill, pressing on the button to slow the speed.
No, no, no. She wasn’t there yet. She wasn’t so completely spent that she couldn’t feel a damn thing. That she could slip into oblivion and sleep.
“No!” She tried to push his hand away. The treadmill slowed.
“Yes.”.
“I don’t. . .I’m not ready to stop.”
“You are ready. Fuck, if I knew you were gonna sneak in here I would have ignored your need for space. What were you thinking? Why didn’t you come to me?”
He stopped the treadmill and lifted her to the floor. Then he drew her close. She tried to pull back. She had to smell something awful. But he didn’t care that she was sweaty and disgusting. He held her tight against his chest, one hand rubbing up and down her back while he rocked her gently.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? For telling me to leave you alone when clearly you didn’t want that? For breaking a rule and running until you were past exhaustion? For trying to hide from me how you really feel?”
“Ah, well, I guess all of that.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her weight on him knowing he could easily take it. She thought Bain could take anything. He was strong. Tough. So different from her.
“What are you thinking?”
“I wish I was as strong as you.”
He leaned back and cupped her face between his hands. “The hell are you talking about? You’re stronger than I am.”
“Um. Have you taken a hit on the head or something?”
“Come here. You need to stretch, or you’ll seize up.” He drew her over to the mat. She began stretching out her legs obediently. “And you’re far stronger than me, Ari. Don’t know many people who would face their fears like you do. You hate all the publicity, yet you still do it all.”
“I don’t want to,” she whispered.
She got down on the floor, laying on her back as he helped her stretch her quads and glutes.
“And that’s why you’re fucking strong.”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry for how they treated you before.”
“Don’t apologize for them,” he growled. “Your family is fucked up, angel. They should treat you like the fucking treasure you are, not belittle or hurt you.”
“They’ve been like that for as long as I can remember.” She sat up and took the bottle of water he handed her. “No, that’s not true. When I was a kid, they ignored me. That was far better. I think most of the time they forgot I even existed. Until I became useful to them.”
He sighed and sat next to her.
She ran a finger down the bottle. Her hand shook. She hoped he didn’t notice that.
“You need to drink that. You’re dehydrated. You also need something to eat.”
Drat. Too much to hope he hadn’t seen her shaking.
“You’re not in here exercising because of that bullshit your mother said about you putting on weight are you, because—”
“No. No.” She shook her head. “I mean, it hurts, I won’t lie. When she says things about how I look or dress or act. No matter how I try to block it, it always hurts.”
He got up and grabbed her a bottle of electrolyte and a protein bar that was kept in the fridge. “I want you to eat all of this and drink that water.”
She unwrapped the bar. “I learned that I can’t let them see how they affect me. It makes it all worse. When I’m unsure or scared or angry, I just kind of shut down. That’s what happened earlier.”
He nodded and pulled her onto his lap.
“Bain, I’m all sweaty and smelly.”
“I’ll give you a bath soon.”
He would give her a bath? What did that mean exactly?
“I should have asked you to leave us. You shouldn’t have to put up with them insulting you.”
He cupped her chin, raising her face. “Your job ain’t to protect me, angel.”
“But it is. Because I love you. I know I’m probably meant to wait a prescribed amount of time before I tell you that. I know you might not feel the same and you don’t have to say anything—”
Her words were cut off as he pressed his lips against hers. His kiss stole her breath, her ability to think as he ravaged her mouth. He took full control, kissing her until she was mush in his arms. Then he drew back to look down at her, his eyes blazing with lust and need.
And something else. Something deeper.
“Arianna, I—”
“Bain, you really don’t have to—”
“Shut up,” he told her fiercely. Her eyes widened. He’d never told her to shut up and maybe she should be offended. But there was something in his voice, in the intense look on his face. “Don’t give a shit about what is normal or correct. I fucking love you too. Probably have from the moment I found you under your damn desk, hiding from me.”
“Not my finest moment.”
“Don’t like you hiding from me. Not physically or emotionally. We’re going to work hard to make sure you don’t do that, got me?”
He brushed back her hair. “You don’t need to hide anything from me. Because I can take all that you are. Not going anywhere. Never gonna be embarrassed by you. Or try to change you. Sometimes it would be easier if you were instantly obedient, but it’s not like I’m ever gonna get my wish on that.”
She snorted. “You like me challenging you.”
“As long as you know that I’m always going to follow through with consequences if you risk yourself. Put yourself in danger and you’re going over my knee.”
“I know,” she whispered. “Whenever I did something wrong, my parents would ignore me. Even more so than before. That was aft
er a lecture on how much I disappointed and shamed them with my weirdness.” She clenched her hands together. “When they finally noticed me, I was so happy that I did anything they wanted. Including taking my career places I didn’t want to go. All in the name of more money. For them.”
“You support them, don’t you?”
She sighed. “Yeah. When we were growing up, we lived in this big, flashy mansion. It had columns and a sweeping drive. Very Scarlett O’Hara. My parents had lots of parties, people over, they had the best of everything. My father lost it all. Lost all their money. We had to sell that house and move. I didn’t care. But they did. My brother had left for college by then. I think my sister was in her last year of school. There was no money for tutors, so I had to go to school. It was terrifying. I’d never been around kids other than my siblings, Caleb and the staff’s kids. Funny, I forgot about Jerome until Gabrielle just mentioned him. But I was young when his mother was fired and left.”
He ran his hand up and down her back and she snuggled into him.
“I thought school would be better than being stuck at home, but it wasn’t. I spent most of my time trying to just figure out what the hell was going on.” She shuddered. “I was bullied because I was quiet. I was just anxious about saying the wrong thing. I knew the consequences of speaking up when I shouldn’t. But the one good thing was music class. My music teacher seemed so gruff and ancient, but he was very kind. When he heard me sing, he encouraged me to join the choir. He would let me sneak into the music room at lunchtime and practice the guitar. It was the only thing that got me through. Until the night of the concert for choir. I was freaking out. I didn’t think I could do it. My parents didn’t even come.”
“Bastards.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t much care. I got up there and I did it for my music teachers. Someone loaded a video of me singing online and it took off. I guess my parents even heard about it.”
“And they decided you were their cash cow.”
She winced. It was harsh but accurate. “I guess so. For a start, I was just so happy they were noticing me. I was no longer a burden. Someone to be ignored. I went along with everything they wanted.”
“Even though you didn’t want it.”
“Stupid, huh?”
“Not stupid. You were starved for attention and affection. But why do you keep doing it?”
“I don’t know. I support all of them. Except my brother. They need me.”
“They don’t need you. They use you. Time for them to stand on their own two feet.”
“They like to remind me of how much they sacrificed for me. All the money they spent on therapists and tutors to make me normal. Sometimes if I push myself enough, it can stop me from thinking. It can stop me from stressing. I go numb. That’s why I was running. The drugs kind of do the same thing, but I don’t want to take them.”
“Why do you keep supporting them? Why keep putting yourself through this for people who never cared about you?”
“I don’t know. Out of a feeling of obligation. Or maybe loneliness. If I didn’t have them, as awful as they are, who would I have?”
“You’re not fucking alone anymore. You have me. And I would never use you. Never allow anyone to use you again.”
“Before they arrived, I was coming to tell you. . .to ask you. . .”
“Spit it out, angel,” he said in his usual blunt way.
“I was wondering if I could come with you when you go back to Montana,” she rushed out. “I still have contracts to fulfill so there will be times I’d have to leave to do that. But maybe I could spend most of my time creating music, the way I always wanted.”
“Nothing I would want more. But are you sure that’s what you want? I don’t want you giving up everything for me.”
“I’d give it all up for you. Every last cent.”
“Angel—”
“But the beauty of it is I don’t have to. I don’t want any of this. I want you, a small log cabin in the woods, and music, laughter, love. I want to be yours. In all ways. I want you as my man, my protector, my daddy.”
She sucked in a breath. She’d laid it all out there. Was it really what he wanted to?
“Angel, nothing would make me happier to be all of those things, to love you for the rest of our lives.”
She leaned up and kissed him.
“But you might want to see that log cabin in the woods before you agree to live there.”
She narrowed her gaze. “It does have running water and an indoor toilet, right?”
“Has all the modern amenities. But it ain’t all that close to civilization.”
“Yeah, well, civilization isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. I can live without the lattes and bright lights. Can’t live without you.”
“Just don’t want you to regret it—”
“I won’t.”
He studied her. “If you can’t live there or you regret making the move then I’ll move here with you.”
Her eyes widened then she burst into laughter.
“That was a genuine offer. You weren’t supposed to laugh.”
“Sorry. Sorry. It’s just. . .Bain, you hate it here.”
“Yeah, and you might hate it there,” he grumbled.
She shook her head. “I really don’t think I will. As long as I have you, my music and a coffee machine, I’ll be happy.”
“Nobody will ever hide you away again. No one will ever treat you like you’re less.”
She leaned into him, letting him surround her with his safety and heat. “Larry is gonna be so pissed.”
She looked up to see Bain grinning. It was a dark, wicked grin. “That’s a bonus.”
She giggled.
“I’ve got a better way of shutting off your brain than exhausting yourself.”
She stared up at him curiously.
“Little Ari doesn’t have to worry or stress or think about anything. Do anything. Well, other than obey Daddy. You’re owed a punishment for pushing yourself so hard. That was a rule, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, I’m sorry.”
“If you’re ever feeling anxious or worried or scared, come to me, Ari. You have me now. I’m always in your corner. I’ll always fight for you. Got me? No more hurting yourself to cope.”
She bit her lip. “I don’t hurt myself.”
He raised an eyebrow. “I’ve seen the marks you put on yourself. Pushing yourself into exhaustion is hurting yourself. You could fall off the treadmill and hit your head. You could injure yourself. You could become so exhausted that you faint. That’s all stopping, Arianna. Which is why you’re getting punished for breaking that rule.”
She nodded.
“I think we’ll take care of that right now.”
“Now?” she squeaked.
“Yes. Now.” He set her down then stood and held his hand down to her.
She took hold and let him help her up. He walked over to the door and locked it.
She licked her lips nervously. “Maybe we should go somewhere more private.”
“Nobody can walk in. I think it’s fitting your punishment should be here.” He pointed at a weight bench behind her. “Pull down your pants and panties. Spread your legs as far as you can and then bend over and place your hands on the bench.”
She licked her dry lips as he walked around the room, looking as though he was searching for something. When he picked up a wide-cut, rubber resistance band she blanched. He wouldn’t.
He grabbed hold of both ends in one hand, so it was doubled over and whacked it against the palm of his hand.
“Not as much sting as a paddle but it will do nicely.”
“Can’t you just use your hand?”
“Not this time. Unless you’re saying your safe word, get into place.”
His voice was stern. Hard. And she knew then exactly how upset he was with her.
“I’m sorry I broke the rule about not pushing myself too much when running.”
“I’m sorry too. B
ut you know why I have to punish you, right?”
“I guess.”
He walked over and cupped her chin, raising her face up. “I let this go, then you’ll start to believe I’ll let other things slide. You won’t believe me when I say there are consequences for breaking a rule. You might do this again, thinking there won’t be a punishment, not knowing exactly how much I love you and want you to be healthy and safe. Something might happen. You might collapse and hit your head and I might not be around. I want you safe, Ari. Always.”
She leaned in and wrapped her arms around him. “I understand.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Good girl. Now push your pants and panties down then turn and bend over for your spanking.”
Christ. Even though she was nervous as hell, there was still a small part of her that was turned on by this. She guessed his dominance just did something for her. You’d have thought that after years of feeling out of control of her own life, of doing as she was told, she’d hate it. But the opposite was true. Because she knew everything he did was for her. Because he loved her. Wanted the best for her. Not because he was ashamed of her or because he wanted to use her.
She pulled her pants and panties down. He hadn’t even slept with her, but he’d already seen her privates up close and personal.
“Nothing to be embarrassed about, angel. You’re gorgeous. Now turn around and bend over.”
She shuffled around and placed her hands on the workout bench before moving her legs apart as far as they would go with her pants caught around her ankles.
“Good girl. Not going to lecture you or count. Going to give you as many as I think you need. You’ll get a hand spanking first then the rest with the resistance band, understand?”
“Yes.”
“Say your safeword if anything becomes overwhelming or too painful. What is it?”
“Donkey.”
“Good girl. Love you, Arianna. Want you safe. Want you to share what you need to with me. You don’t need to deal with all the shit life throws you on your own. I’m here now. I’ve got big shoulders. I can take on as many demons as you need me too.”
She knew that. But she wanted to tackle them together. “We can.”
Daddy's Angel (Montana Daddies Book 7) Page 17