“Craig.” Alan’s voice had an authoritative tone to it and Matt watched Craig go still. Then he grinned.
“Can we please tell them now? Pretty please?”
“We were going to wait until after breakfast.” Alan argued.
“But they already ate.” Craig looked up at Alan. Watching the two of them together was equal parts sweet and painful. They were amazing together. Matt could see how much they loved each other, but it stung because Steve hadn’t even told them they were together. Steve had supposedly pined after Matt for two years but hadn’t told his best friend when things finally happened for him.
“Isn’t that wonderful?” Steve placed a hand on Matt’s shoulder, snapping him out of his stupor.
“Isn’t what wonderful?” Matt blinked. “I’m sorry. I had a long night and I’m still sort of processing it.”
“We’re getting married.” Craig flashed a blinding smile.
“That’s fantastic.” Matt said with feigned enthusiasm. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy for them. He was. But it was hard for Matt to feel joy for someone else so soon after losing his own. “You have to let us throw a party for you at the club.” Matt’s mouth was on a suicide mission. It wasn’t his place to offer, but he felt dumbstruck, unanchored, suddenly adrift. Planning a party would give him something to focus on that wasn’t his own ball of doubts.
He felt Steve’s hand slide around his waist and he pulled Matt against him. Matt tried to hide the way his limbs trembled, and he might have succeeded, but Alan looked at him, then at Steve. They did that super annoying thing where Alan only had to glance at Steve a certain way and the jig was up.
Steve spun him around. “Are you okay? You look pale.”
“I’m fine.” Matt knew the lie wouldn’t hold. He could see his own frayed edges, there was no way Steve would miss them.
“You’re not. What’s going on?”
“Can we…” Matt glanced at Alan and Craig. “Can we talk later? They just announced their engagement. I don’t want to ruin it.”
Craig reached out and put a hand on Matt’s shoulder. His brown eyes were soft with concern. “Did I say something that upset you? I didn’t mean to.”
Matt knew he didn’t mean to upset him, and it wasn’t even Craig’s fault. It had been Matt’s. He could feel his brain working overtime at overthinking everything. It had always been his greatest downfall, and part of the reason he read so much. When he was reading about other people’s problems, he had less time to obsess about his own.
Alan tugged Craig toward the living room. “Come on, little one. Let’s give them some privacy.”
Matt barely registered it when Craig called Alan Daddy and willingly followed him out of the room.
Steve cupped Matt’s chin and tilted his head. “Look at me, Matty. What’s the matter?”
Matt took a breath and tried not to sound like a petulant child. “You didn’t tell them about us.”
Steve said nothing. He yanked Matt close and kissed his forehead. He smoothed his hands up and down Matt’s back in a slow and soothing rhythm that always helped Matt relax.
“I’m sorry. My excuse is shitty, and that’s all it is. It’s an excuse. I was…I was scared, Matt. I’d wanted you for so long, and then I had you and it was more than I ever imagined it to be. And I wanted to tell Alan, I did. But then he’d ask how we got together and I’d have to tell him that because I’m stupid, you lived in your car for a month. I could’ve given in and broken my rule, just once, just for you, but I wouldn’t bend, and you suffered for it. I hate myself for letting you quit and I hate myself more for not taking you up on your offer.” Steve dropped his head and rested it on Matt’s shoulder. “I wanted to haul you and those red shorts of yours into a room and fuck the glitter right off your body. I was so fucking angry with myself when I turned you down, and then you were gone.”
Matt breathed deep. He knew Steve had been telling the truth. He heard it in the way his voice thickened when he spoke as he choked back his emotions.
“I’m not going to lose you ever again, Matt. No matter what. You’re mine and I’m keeping you. I don’t care who knows it. I don’t care if you want to wear the leather collar in public, or not at all. If you quit wanting this lifestyle tomorrow, I’d give it up. If you wanted to move to Canada and live on a houseboat in the middle of the Yukon, I’d make it happen.”
Matt slumped against Steve. The sleep he’d lost last night caught up to him all at once. “So, the collar, the permanent one, you want that? With me?”
“Of course, I do. I want you here, Matt. I want you here with or without the collar. I want you here no matter what. If you want to go back to work, you can. If you want to stay on as my assistant, you can. I love you and I hate that I made you feel bad, like I was ashamed of you when I was actually ashamed of myself.”
“Stop.” Matt said. He pulled away from Steve, only a little so he could look at him, because he needed to see him. He needed to see the man that held so much of his heart. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You’ve done nothing to feel ashamed about. We both know I over think things. We both know I’m too hard on myself. I’ve been trying to work on that, I have, because you make me believe that I’m worth something. I shouldn’t’ve lied to you last night when I said I was fine. I wasn’t fine then, and I wasn’t fine this morning. I keep expecting something to happen. I keep expecting all of this to end.”
Steve looked both crushed and horrified. “Why would you expect it to end?”
“Because I’ve never got to keep a single good thing in my life. When something good does come, I can’t believe it’s truly mine and I never expect to keep it because I don’t get to keep the good things. Only the bad. I get to keep the knowledge that I spent my teens fucked up. I get to keep an absent mother and an asshole father and a brother who thinks I’m a whore.” Matt’s chest heaved. His eyes were white hot with tears he refused to shed.
Then Steve leaned in and kissed him with both eyes wide open. “And me. You get to keep me.”
Matt rested his head against Steve. He believed him. Now he had to convince himself to keep believing. “Can we please throw Alan and Craig a party at the club? I want to do something nice for them.”
“Yes, we can.”
“Could we do a scene for them, for a gift? Do you think they’d like that?”
“I think they’d love it. Alan hasn’t watched a scene in a long time and I don’t know if they’ve ever watched one together.” Steve’s hands travelled lower, and he grabbed a handful of Matt’s ass. “Are you sure though, Matty? This has to be something you want to do.”
“Are you sure it’s an appropriate engagement present?”
Steve laughed as he stooped lower. His powerful hand grabbed Matt’s thighs and he hauled him up. Matt wrapped his arms and legs around Steve and hung on tight. “I’m positive that it’s not an appropriate gift, and that makes it absolutely perfect for those two. Now, how about we join them in the living room? Knowing Alan, he’s got Craig curled up on his lap and if we don’t interrupt them soon, we might actually be interrupting.”
Matt clung to Steve and let himself be carried through the house. He smiled at Craig who was curled up in Alan’s lap, just as Steve predicted.
“Congratulations, you two.” Matt said as Steve set Matt down. Matt grinned. “Now, let’s talk about this party.”
Craig looked up at Alan. “Can we have a party, Daddy? Please?”
Alan smiled at Craig and Matt wasn’t even a little jealous of their love, because he had his own, who pinched his ass, yanked him down into his lap and shoved a hand up his shirt.
Alan laughed and smiled at Craig while he and Matt discussed party plans.
Chapter Fourteen
Steve
Craig and Matt were in the living room going over every last detail for the engagement party. The plan, so far, was to close the club to the public, and invite all of Allan and Craig’s friends, many of which were members. The party would
take place in two halves. One half, was the wine and dine portion for the vanilla crowd, and if they wanted to stay for the show, that was up to them. The second half of the party was going to be kicked off by Steve and Matt and their scene.
While they bonded over things like food and guest lists, Steve and Alan retired to the back porch.
“You need to mow your lawn.” Alan laughed.
It was true. Steve had neglected a lot of things lately in favor of spending every possible moment with Matt.
“I know. It’ll get done.” Steve shrugged. “I might hire someone. Hey, while they’re occupied I want to ask you something.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you know anything about wills and estates?”
“Uh, not much. Only what I learned when my parents died, but that was a long time ago. I’m not sure how helpful anything I had to say could be. Why? What’s going on?”
“Matt had a run in with his brother, Cam, that upset him. We talked about it after, and some of the things Matt said didn’t sit well with me. I’m worried that Cam took advantage of him and that he didn’t get everything he’s entitled to.”
“I don’t know his brother, but I do know that people do strange and terrible things for money.”
“I’m thinking of hiring someone to check into it, but I’m not sure if I should, and if I do, should I tell Matt now, or later, once the investigation is done.”
“Steve, you’re his Dom, right? Unless that wasn’t a collar I saw on him.”
Steve couldn’t help the boyish grin. “Matt refuses to take it off until we get him a proper collar.”
Alan raised an eyebrow. “Refuses?”
Steve shrugged a shoulder. “Okay, I know he can’t exactly refuse, but it makes him comfortable. It puts him at ease.”
“Because it means he belongs to you.”
“He does.”
“Since you’re his Dom, it’s up to you to look after him. Can you tell him what you’re doing without upsetting him? He seems…fragile.”
Steve exhaled and rubbed the back of his neck. “He is. He was getting better, gaining confidence in himself, then we had this horrible run-in with his piece of shit brother. He used to look after Matt, so Matt thinks a lot of him, you know. And then Cam calls him a whore and Matt’s been shaken up about it. He’s tried to pull himself together, but he hates failing people, Cam especially. If I tell him I’m investigating his Dad’s will, and nothing comes of it, I’m going to look like a shit.”
“Then don’t tell him. If he’s not in a good place right now, any additional uncertainty might hurt him. Tell you what. I’ll go inside and see what those two are up to. Call Nick Young, he’s a member and a cop. He might not be able to help you, but he’ll know who can, so start with him.” Alan clapped him on the back and went inside.
It turned out that Nick was the right guy to call. His brother was a private detective and promised to start an investigation into it right away. Steve sweetened the pot by throwing in a lifetime membership to the club.
Before he went back into the house, he made a second call. Steve already had too many regrets where Matt was concerned. He was determined not to rack up any new ones.
“Rory? Yeah, it’s Steve. Yeah, I know it’s been a while. Listen, I can’t talk long, but I needed to know if you’re still in the business.” Steve grinned. “Great. I’ll be by this afternoon. Three o’clock? Great, see you then.”
Steve walked back into the house to find Matt and Craig in the living room talking with animated gestures about the engagement party. The party where Matt wanted Steve to take him on stage and own him in front of the entire crowd.
Steve dropped into the chair and looked at Matt. It was nice to see him and Craig hitting it off so well. It was a little surprising to see Craig so excited about a party at a club. “I thought you hated these kinds of places, Craig?”
Craig stilled. His cheeks turned pink, and he glanced up at Steve. “When we travel, Alan takes me out to clubs sometimes. We usually just sit and drink. Sometimes he has me kneel at his feet. We don’t play in public yet, it’s a goal of mine. But I’ve come a long way. The clubs don’t scare me anymore.” Craig shrugged a shoulder and his gaze dropped. Alan was there to offer a reassuring touch on the shoulder. Craig turned his head and looked at Alan, then back at Steve. “Tim ruined a lot of things for me for a long time, but we’re working through it.”
“His progress has been remarkable. He’s stronger than he gives himself credit for.”
Craig’s cheeks were a shade of red usually reserved for cherries. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“You’re welcome, Sweetheart.”
Steve cast a glance at Matt, who was sneaking a peek at him from the corner of his eye. If Matt wanted to play in public, now would be a good time to start pushing that particular boundary.
“Matty, come here.”
Matt rose to his feet a little shakily and dutifully came to Steve. He stood in front of him and kept his eyes trained on Steve. Matt’s fingers twitched at his sides the way they always did when he was nervous.
They hadn’t discussed doing a scene in front of Alan and Craig alone, but if he couldn’t participate now, there was no way Steve would let him go on stage at the club. Steve patted his lap. They’d start out small and ease their way in. “Sit.”
Steve felt relief radiate off Matt as he climbed carefully into Steve’s lap. He sat sideways, his legs hung off the arm of the chair and his head rested against Steve’s shoulder.
Steve leaned down and claimed Matt’s mouth in a brutal kiss. He grinned a little when he heard Craig gasp, whether it was arousal or shock, Steve didn’t care. One arm circled around Matt’s shoulders, caging him in, keeping him still. He slid his free hand up Matt’s shirt. Matt’s skin was always soft. Steve stroked his thumb over Matt’s nipple. Matt gasped and arched his back, seeking more of Steve’s touch.
Steve plucked at the hem of the shirt. “Take it off.”
Matt leaned forward, pulled the shirt off and tossed it aside. Steve didn’t wait for Matt to return to him. He fisted his hair and dragged him into a ferocious kiss. He attacked Matt’s mouth, plunging his tongue inside. He’d never get over the way Matt melted when he touched him.
Steve heard Craig whimper across the room. He dragged Matt’s head back and looked over at his friend. Alan had Craig on his lap, much the same way Steve had Matt, but Alan’s hand was down Craig’s pants. Steve’s cock thickened watching Alan stroke his boy. Fuck, they were hot together. He turned Matt’s head and let him get a good look.
“Look at them, Matty. What do you think?”
Matt exhaled. His ass wiggled against Steve’s thick cock. “They’re so hot.”
Steve nipped at the lobe of Matt’s ear. “Alan and I have done this before you know, but not for a long time.”
Matt writhed in Steve’s lap. He made a sound, it could’ve been a word, but it came out garbled and unintelligible.
Steve crushed his lips against Matt’s. One of Matt’s hands gripped onto Steve’s arms and Matt moaned into his mouth. The sound made Steve’s dick leak in his pants. Steve kissed him until they were both breathless. When the kiss ended, Matt’s eyes were half-hooded. His cheeks were red. He looked debauched already, and they’d barely even begun.
“Stand up, Matty.” Steve ground out as he released his hold on Matt. “And strip.”
“Yes, Master.” Matt’s legs shook a little when he got to his feet, but he steadied himself. He stripped out of his pants and stood, facing Steve. Steve looked up at his boy. God, he was perfect. So smooth and soft. Steve brushed his hands up the outsides of Matt’s legs.
“Turn around. Bend over. Hands on the coffee table.”
Matt’s eyes widened and the pink hue that dusted his cheeks deepened and spread down his neck.
“Y-yes, Master.” Matt turned, bent, and placed his hands on the coffee table. Steve smoothed his hands over the perfectly rounded globes of Matt’s ass. He glanced at Alan and Cr
aig. Alan looked relaxed and half blissed out with his boy on his lap. It was a beautiful sight. Steve had been totally thrilled, and slightly jealous, when Alan found Craig. Not that he wanted Craig, but he wanted what Alan found. Love, friendship, and submission. Someone to spend his days and nights with. Someone to go through life with.
Steve turned his gaze to Matt, who peeked at Steve, wide-eyed with anticipation.
“Face forward, Matty.”
Matt dutifully turned his head. Steve caressed Matt’s ass, dipping his fingers down the crease. When Matt wiggled a little, Steve brought his hand down on the cheek of Matt’s ass. Matt gasped, then whimpered. Steve gripped the bloom of pink and massaged it roughly.
“Stay still.” He commanded as he sank his fingers into Matt’s cheeks and spread them apart.
Steve grinned at Alan and Craig, who looked like he was ready to burst, before he leaned forward and buried his face between Matt’s cheeks.
Chapter Fifteen
Matt
Matt was so turned on he could barely think. In front of him sat Alan and Craig. Alan’s hand was shoved down the front of Craig’s pants. Craig looked like he could blow at any moment. His moans alone were enough to make Matt as hard as granite, but the blissed-out look on his face was out of this world.
And behind him, oh God, Steve’s hands on his ass was the best thing he’d ever felt. When Matt wiggled, and Steve brought down his hard palm against Matt’s tender cheek, he could’ve come right there. Then Steve yanked his cheeks apart and swiped his tongue over Matt’s hole.
Matt dropped his head down and arched his back. Fuck. It was so good. Too good. Steve had barely started and already Matt wanted to press his ass against Steve’s face and ride his tongue until he painted the coffee table with his release.
Matt groaned when Steve traced the edge of his pucker with his tongue. Matt flexed his fingers. His nails scraped against the wood of the coffee table. A keening sound in front of him reminded him that they weren’t alone. He lifted his gaze and watched Craig. His eyebrows were pinched, his lips parted. His hair was dishevelled from Alan running his fingers through it. Matt noticed that Alan did that a lot. He was always touching Craig. A caress to the hip. A hand through the hair. Random kisses. Weeks ago he would’ve died from jealousy, but it was hard to feel anything but bliss when Steve’s tongue thrust through the ring of muscle and penetrated his ass.
What He Craves Page 11