Mika
Aly and AJ
Katy Perry
Paramore
Chapter 5
My First Girlfriend (and Other Disasters)
Now that I finally had a solid group of friends in place, it was a lot easier to deal with bullying. There were still occasional jerks in the classroom or on the bus who made fun of my feminine qualities, but by tenth grade, it wasn’t happening every day. That was the year I started noticing a girl named Ali in my history class. She was short and cute, with dark brown hair and a closet full of Hollister clothes. We didn’t talk or anything, but I soon found out from another friend of hers named Nicki that she thought I was cute and liked me.
I immediately got all flustered and blushed a deep red. A girl actually liked me?? That had never happened before. Most girls saw me as just a friend. The next day I gathered up the courage to introduce myself. We exchanged AIM screen names and started chatting every day after school. I began to get excited about the thought of having a girlfriend. We got along great—we both loved Hollister and being preppy! (I’m cringing right now—I mean, what more do you need in a relationship, right?) Nicki told me that Ali was getting impatient and wondered when I was going to ask her out. I had no idea! I was scared! In our high school, asking someone out didn’t mean a date. It meant that you were boyfriend and girlfriend.
The tension finally got to be too much. We were walking in the hall together, and I could feel my throat starting to close up. I knew it was go time: “So, Ali, since I really like you, and you really like me, would you be my girlfriend?”
She squealed and stopped in the middle of the sea of students swarming around us and hugged me so hard. “Yes,” she said. “Of course!” Then we went our separate ways to each of our classes. That afternoon we both went home and each changed our AIM profile names to “Joey Ali” and “Ali Joey.” (So lame. So high school.) Other than that, nothing else was really that different between us.
After a couple of days, we were walking to get bagels together at lunch when she suddenly asked if we could make out sometime. Gulp. I had never been kissed, let alone made out with someone, and I had NO IDEA how it was done. But I put on my bravest face and said, “Yeah, that would be fun.” I was shaking with terror inside.
I managed to delay the make-out session for a few days, and that hesitation cost me. I was at Brittany’s house one afternoon and noticed that Ali was signed on to AIM. I wrote “Hi,” and she immediately wrote back, “We need to talk.”
I felt my heart drop into my toes and told Brittany to turn around and not look at the computer while Ali and I chatted. She dumped me, saying that she wasn’t ready for a relationship but that maybe sometime in the future she would be. I innocently held on to those words as if she actually meant them. I told myself that I would wait for her, but I was still so sad and embarrassed that I couldn’t even tell Brittany what had just happened.
But when we got to school the next day, the news had already spread. Everyone knew. Alison ended up grabbing me in the hallway and pulling me to one side. “There’s something you need to know,” she whispered. “Ali broke up with you because a bunch of guys told her that you are gay and she was just being your beard.”
Beard? What the hell was she talking about? What did my facial hair, or lack thereof, have to do with any of this? That thought quickly disappeared as what she said actually sank in: Ali had dumped me because she thought I was gay. I was so embarrassed, but that embarrassment quickly turned to anger. All I could think was: How dare people spread rumors about me!
Later that day in history class, Ali wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. A guy I barely recognized was sitting behind me, and he started whispering horrible things in my ear, calling me a faggot and asking me if I liked it up the butt. I finally had enough. I slammed my chair back, stood up, and turned around to face him.
“WHO ARE YOU?” I yelled. “I don’t even know your name. You are NO ONE to me.”
I sat back down, shaking. Whoa, what just came over me? The whole class stared in stunned silence. I don’t think anyone expected that sort of outburst from me. That lame jerk kept his mouth shut for the rest of the year whenever he was around me.
My self-confidence was growing, but there was still one big thing I was grappling with: my return to SPED classes. The school had decided that my learning disability was still holding me back. In high school, the SPED classes were called something different—an Individualized Education Program. But the IEP still carried the same stigma as SPED. I had most of my classes with other students, but for one period a day, I would go and study with a different set of students who, like me, had trouble with some of the basics. Just like when I was younger, I had managed to keep it a secret, until one day I was outed. Only this time, it was a teacher who spilled the beans instead of another student.
It happened in Spanish class, and if it had been any other teacher, the situation could have been easily avoided. But this teacher was notoriously mean. I made an honest mistake, handing in an assignment one day early instead of the one that was actually due that particular day. I had done the homework, just gotten the dates mixed up. I asked if I could switch the days around, promising to turn in that day’s assignment the following day. It wasn’t like I hadn’t done any work. I kept trying to explain my mix-up, but she wouldn’t even look at me when she told me she wouldn’t accept the work and that she was going to give me an incomplete for what was due that day. I started to plead my case again when she finally looked up and said loudly, “Joey, just go to your IEP. I don’t have time for this.”
I was frozen, then flooded with embarrassment. But just like when the kid kept calling me a fag, my shame quickly turned to anger. I shoved my chair hard against the desk as I stood up and marched to the door. Just before I left, I spun around and said, “You know what? No. I’m not going. I’m going to the principal’s office to let him know how much of a bitch you are.”
I couldn’t believe I’d actually just called a teacher a bitch, but screw it—that’s how I felt. Who was she to reveal that private part of my life to everyone? All the teachers knew I was in an IEP, but they were supposed to keep it confidential.
As I stormed off to the principal’s office in a fit of rage and with tears welling up in my eyes, I passed the photocopy room, where Amanda’s mother worked. She saw the frustration on my face as I walked by and rushed out into the hallway.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
I explained what had just happened, and she became furious.
“She did what?” she asked in disbelief. “That’s not right. You need to go talk to the guidance counselor.”
And so I did, and then my parents got involved, and in the end a bunch of other kids came forward with reports of inappropriate behavior from this teacher and she ended up resigning. I was happy I didn’t have to deal with her anymore, but it didn’t change the fact that most of the school now knew I was considered less intelligent than everyone else. I became determined to prove that I was just as smart as them, and so I began to study extra hard.
For the first time, I started to get into science, and I began reading in my spare time, devouring the His Dark Materials trilogy. The extra work paid off, and I finally got out of IEP. I felt free. I no longer had to let this label that I’d had for most of my life define me. I worked hard so I could prove that I can make something of myself and not be a victim of circumstance. And not only did I get out of IEP, I got placed in the Honors English class. It wasn’t easy, but the most rewarding things in life never are. More and more, I was seeing results from my actions and efforts. It was like discovering some sort of secret superpower. All I had to do was put my mind to something, and I could make it happen!
In response to this new confidence, Bob gave me a digital camcorder for my fifteenth birthday, so I could actually import the videos Brit and I were making onto my computer to edit. Bob had always supported my creative endeavors and loved my little videos, and it had partly been his belief in m
e that helped me find the drive to get out of the IEP.
The camcorder arrived in my life right around the time that YouTube debuted, and Brittany and I were immediately hooked. The site was filled with silly, dumb videos just like the ones we made for fun; only these ones were up on the Internet for everyone else to see and engage with. We knew it was perfect for us, but we had no clue how huge of an impact the site would end up having on our lives.
Five Essential Study Tips
When I started working my butt off to try and get out of SPED classes, these were my top five study tricks. And they’re not just for people who have learning disabilities; everyone can benefit from them.
1. Make flash cards. I loved making flash cards for learning things like vocabulary definitions and equations. Not only do you get to pretend you’re on a game show, but the actual act of making the cards can help cement the information in your brain.
2. Use mnemonic devices. These are genius, and I used them A LOT. Basically, you just take a chunk of information that you need to memorize and turn it into something that your particular brain will better remember. A classic one is the order of the planets from the sun—just create any sentence using the first letter of each planet in the order of words. So, assuming Pluto is still off the list by the time this book comes out, you can use something like “My Very Easy Method, Just Sleep Until Noon.” (Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune.)
3. Use a reward system. If you plan to devote an extra hour every day to studying, be sure to devote another hour to doing something special for yourself. Like if your parents limit the amount of time you’re allowed to play video games, see if you can get them to let you play an extra hour for each additional hour you spend hitting the books.
4. Find a quiet space. Resist distracting temptations at all costs. I always had to study in a totally different room from my computer because it was too easy to think, “Oh, I’ll just look this one thing up,” and then three hours later find myself emerging from a YouTube hole. Stick to quiet places like the library or the dining room table.
5. Choose a study buddy. It helps to have someone with the same educational goals keep you on track. But keep in mind that your BFF might not be the best person. Make sure it’s someone who won’t distract you. And it’s great if it’s someone who happens to be comfortable with a subject that you find difficult.
Chapter 6
YouTube Calling
Brittany and I quickly became obsessed with a YouTube channel run by a girl named Brookers. She lived in Massachusetts like us, which made the idea of being on YouTube all the more real and accessible. More important, she had the same whack-job sense of humor that we did, so we knew that there was an audience for our style. She had around forty or fifty thousand subscribers, which was huge in 2007. One of her videos was a recap of the first Harry Potter movie that devolves into a weird heavy metal song. In another, she prank-calls a restaurant and manages to keep her victim on the line for nearly eight minutes. Genius. I had found my new creative outlet.
Brittany and I decided to start our own channel to post videos to, and we needed a name. We were sitting at my kitchen table, and I was doing random Google image searches for inspiration when my cat, Pookie, jumped up on my lap.
“I know,” Brittany said. “Pookie Productions!”
“That’s a terrible idea.”
Somehow I’d landed on a page full of GIFs and one caught my eye—a tree that bloomed full of green leaves on one side and was barren with snowflakes falling on it on the other, representing two seasons. Something about it clicked in my brain. I’d been spending a lot of time playing the game World of Warcraft, because like RuneScape before it, I loved that I could wander through an entirely made-up universe. One of my favorite places to go was an area called WinterSpring. (If you want further proof that I’m a total nerd, it’s located in northeastern Kalimdor and is home to the goblin city Everlook. There are a lot of demons in the southern region, so watch out.)
“What about WinterSpring Productions?” I asked, showing Brittany the picture and explaining the origin. “This picture could make a really good logo that goes perfectly with the name.”
She shrugged. “Sure.” Brittany always indulged my weird ideas.
And so our channel was born. We quickly shortened the name to WinterSpringPro (or WSP), because those last two syllables just seemed to get in the way.
The only problem was that we didn’t know what our first official video should be. I wanted it to be cool and really stand out. It needed to make some sort of splash since it was our debut. Brittany and I spent hours on the computer watching the other kinds of videos that people were posting; one that had gone viral was basically just a piece of fruit moving across a countertop via stop-motion animation.
“We could do that with our bodies,” I said. “Like, make us move without it seeming like we were actually moving. It would look so much cooler than this.”
Brittany was into the idea, and so on the last day of our sophomore year, we spent nine hours recording our first official YouTube video, “Humanation.” The premise was simple: wake up, get dressed, get breakfast, go outside, jump around, all in stop motion and set to a technobeat.
Unfortunately, we happened to pick one of the hottest days of the year to record it, so we spent more time indoors than out, and when we were outside, we tried to film in the shade whenever possible. Once we were finished, I spent another five hours editing it, uploaded it to YouTube, and waited for the comments and views to start blowing up.
Insert sound of crickets.
NOBODY was watching our video. So I decided to be proactive. I made up a bunch of fake YouTube accounts and started leaving positive feedback for us under different names. Stuff like “OMG COOL VID!!!” and “How did they do that???” and “Best video EVER!!” (Don’t judge me, guys. It’s not easy to establish yourself!)
Next, I began spamming other YouTubers’ comments sections, writing stuff like, “If you think this video is cool, you HAVE to check out WinterSpringPro!” I wasn’t afraid to work it, which was weird for me, because in real life I could still be shy and socially awkward, even with all of my new friends and growing confidence. But it was easy to be aggressive online. It wasn’t face-to-face; I could hide behind a screen.
And it worked. Suddenly people started watching and giving “Humanation” five stars, leaving really nice comments and, best of all, subscribing. Subscriptions meant that they really believed in us and wanted to see more. Seeing that someone from across the world was watching a video that we’d made in Marlborough, Massachusetts, was surreal and my first glimpse of how powerful the Internet is at connecting people.
We made sure to return the favor: if anyone asked us to watch one of his or her videos, we would, and we’d leave positive feedback. It was a give-and-take system of goodwill, and even though there were a lot of crap videos, I felt that if someone took the time to say something nice about us online, it was only fair to do the same thing in return.
Once the views and subscriptions started pouring in, we realized we needed to step up our game. We posted around twelve videos in all over the summer break. Some of them were really simple—footage of us jumping into a swimming pool, but in reverse so it looked like we were flying out of the water. Other times we got really high-concept, like The Joey Show, where I played a deranged talk show host who used a mop as a microphone while documenting Brittany’s made-up tragic life.
By the end of the summer, our videos were averaging around ten thousand views, and we had almost two thousand subscribers. How crazy is that?! I don’t think it would be that easy for a newbie anymore; it was sort of the Wild West of YouTube at that time, and the market wasn’t as crowded. We were lucky that we got in early, but a lot of it also had to do with developing friendly and supportive relationships with YouTubers who were just like us—basically, a bunch of nobodies who shared our bizarro sensibilities.
On the first day of eleventh grade, my
English teacher asked everyone in the class to give a presentation on what we did over the summer, and when I explained what Brittany and I had done, everyone was really impressed. The same people who used to bully me when I was younger watched the videos and told me they loved them. They were probably still making fun of me behind my back, but I didn’t care, because I was also getting recognition from people I knew genuinely liked what we were doing: the underclassmen.
I could tell from the WSP comments section that a lot of our viewers were younger, and it turned out that some of them went to our school. My English class that year was located in the wing that housed the eighth graders, and one week I started noticing a trio of girls who always grinned and pointed at me whenever I passed them in the hallway. They made me nervous: I couldn’t tell if they had a crush on me or were making fun of me for some reason.
One day they finally surrounded me outside class.
“We love your videos,” one of them said with a giggle.
“You’re so funny,” another one said, nervously twirling a heart-shaped pendant around one finger.
“Can I have your autograph?” the third one asked, handing me her red backpack and a black pen.
I still wasn’t sure if they were just teasing me or if they were legitimately fans of WinterSpringPro. It seemed too bizarre that strangers in my school were watching my videos and liking them enough to ask for my autograph.
“Sure,” I said. “Thanks so much for watching.” As I scribbled my name on the girl’s satchel, I kept waiting for them to burst out laughing, like maybe it was all just a big joke. But they were totally serious, and from then on, they always waved and said hi to me whenever I passed them in the hallway and complimented me whenever a new video went up. It was my first experience with real-life audience interaction, and it made me feel that Brittany and I were doing something right. Maybe there was a bigger reason for us to be creating our odd little videos than just a sense of wanting to be seen. Our videos were actually making these girls, and clearly other people too, happy.
In Real Life: My Journey to a Pixelated World Page 6