She sighed as she patted his hand.
“I know you can’t stay,” he said. “I just want you to stay for a little while. I can’t sleep, and being alone will just make my thoughts go where I don’t want them to go. My dreams are so…”
Closing her eyes, she conceded. How could she leave him in the state he was in? And deep down, she didn’t really want to. He was exhausted. That much was clear. And if he needed her help to rest, then that was what he’d get.
“Okay, I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
“Jenna?”
“What?” she said as she slipped her arm around his waist. To give him comfort, she told herself. And she was taking that comfort for herself as well, she realized. He’d said she quieted him. She suddenly realized that was how she was feeling about him. There was no doubt she was attracted to him. But there was a quiet calm inside her whenever she was with Tom. She’d never felt that way before.
“How can you look at me and not hate me for being what he was?”
“You’re a different man, Tom. We all have choices. Marriages break down for a lot of reasons. I’m convinced I was just as much a part of my marriage falling apart as Kent was.”
That admission was a long time coming and it startled her as the words escaped her mouth. She’d come here in anger. She’d found heartbreak and pain when she looked at Tom. And in reaching out to him, she’d received clarity she didn’t know she’d been looking for herself.
With a slow sigh, she listened as the room fell silent and the sounds outside filtered in through the open window. A wolf called out from the distant night. Her eyes were drawn to the direction the howls were coming from.
She continued. “A cruel fate took your family before you had the chance to make things right. Only God knows if you and your wife would have been able to work things out. But you can’t compare yourself to Kent. You were willing to try. That’s all anyone can ask for.”
As she sat there in the quiet, she prayed—for Tom, for herself, for Brian. And she thanked the Lord for opening her eyes to some painful truths she hadn’t been willing to see before tonight.
It didn’t take long for Tom’s breathing to become rhythmic. Jenna watched the rise and fall of his chest and the slight movement of his eyes as he fell into a deep sleep. She stayed a few minutes longer just to make sure he wouldn’t rouse when she got up.
After turning off the light and the television, she stepped quietly toward the front door, being careful not to knock into anything and wake Tom up again.
As she stepped out onto the porch and made sure the door was securely closed behind her, she remembered how peace had come over Tom’s face as he slept. She wondered if she’d be able to capture that same peace after the night they’d shared.
One thing was for certain. Tom had come to Chesterfield to escape the pain of loss. What was less clear was what he’d do when his emotional wounds had healed. There was a very real possibility that he would become restless, just like Kent had. He had a job offer in the military, which he loved. Or maybe he would return to Wisconsin and the family that he loved. How long would it take for the pull of the military or his family to make him leave?
And the very thought of Tom leaving suddenly made Jenna as restless as that wolf crying in the distance.
Chapter Eleven
The sun was scorching, commanding the clear blue sky all by itself. The morning weather report charted unusually high temperatures for this time of year. They really couldn’t have asked for a better day for the church festival. All the planning, all the hard work of preparing for this one day was paying off with a record crowd.
Still, a small cloud or two in the sky or a big fat oak tree in the field would be nice, Jenna thought wishfully. She was going to have to watch Brian like a hawk to make sure he stayed hydrated as Dr. Healy suggested. She only hoped that her father didn’t get so caught up in the excitement that he forgot to make sure Brian drank plenty of fluids while she worked her shift.
Jenna was scheduled to work the cotton-candy stand for two hours and then relieve Brenda, an old friend from high school, at the barn where the rummage sale was being held. She’d be there only an hour, and then she was free to watch the baseball game with Brian and her father. She wanted to make sure she was there for Brian when the other kids joined in to play.
Her eyes grazed the crowd. She knew she’d been searching for Tom, and yet she didn’t know why. After last night’s admission, why would he come here today?
You remind me of what I lost.
Jenna didn’t know how to take that. The pained look on Tom’s face as he gazed at the picture of his late wife and daughter had been heartbreaking. She’d felt an ache in her heart that she didn’t want to acknowledge.
Lord, please give me the strength not to be jealous. There’s no place for that here.
Jenna had been an air force wife, and she wasn’t ignorant to the ways of war. She’d heard the terrifying stories from other spouses about the kind of things that could happen when a soldier was captured. Jenna could only imagine the horrors Tom had gone through in captivity. Despite their problems, Tom had to have loved his wife deeply for that love and the love of his daughter to keep him going during his time of captivity.
To have a love that strong was something she’d hoped for when she’d taken her vows with Kent. That hope had been shattered when their marriage fell apart under the weight of Brian’s illness. There’d never been a time to repair that damage before Kent’s death. She now wondered if anything would have changed had Kent lived.
Although she’d felt the pain firsthand of losing a spouse, she hoped and prayed she’d never know the pain Tom had experienced in losing a child.
She’d battled her own fear of that fate from the moment she learned her son’s health was grave. How could God place this beautiful child in her arms, only for her to live in fear of losing him every single day? And how could she pray for the miracle of a kidney donor when she knew that meant another mother would be suffering the pain she didn’t want to feel? The same pain Tom lived with every day.
He’d said that she and Brian reminded him of what he’d lost. Tom was a reminder of the pain she might one day feel, and it terrified her. But Jenna still found herself searching for Tom in the crowd. In spite of everything, she wanted him in her life—and hoped that he wanted her and Brian in his. He had a way of making her laugh and not take herself so seriously. She needed that. She also needed the sense of security he brought, the knowledge that he could and would offer her the support she craved.
“Can I have two?” asked a little brown-haired girl whom Jenna recognized from Brian’s class.
“Two? Are you going to have room enough to eat both of these?” Jenna teased.
The little girl giggled. Jenna couldn’t remember her name, but she remembered her laughter and those bright eyes that looked so familiar from when Jenna had first visited the school when she enrolled Brian in classes.
“No, silly. I’m going to share one of them with my daddy.”
Jenna reached over and handed the girl two cotton candies just as the girl’s father came up behind her. She had her father’s eyes and smile, but not his blond hair, and she immediately realized why the girl looked so familiar. Karen, she suddenly recalled. That was the girl’s name.
“Your daughter is a dead ringer for you, Dennis,” she said, recognizing a man she’d gone to school with from kindergarten through high school. “How are you doing?”
“Good to see you, Jenn. Have you found my wife yet? She’s supposed to be working one of these booths, but I can’t find her.”
“Lori just went over to the rummage sale in the barn,” Jenna said. She’d had a few brief minutes to catch up with Lori as they passed each other. She hadn’t made the connection with Karen then, but with Dennis it was unmistakable.
“Wonderful. More junk.”
“Oh, you’re no fun, Dennis,” Jenna teased. “I’m sure she’ll find something nice to bring
home.”
“Yeah, Daddy,” Karen said, still holding both cotton candy cones in her hands.
“Hey, I thought we were going to share a cotton candy, Karen,” he said to the little girl with mock disapproval when he saw the two cones.
Karen giggled again. “We are. We’re sharing two.”
Dennis rolled his eyes at his daughter and then handed Jenna two dollars, which she put in the money drawer.
“We’d better eat these quick if you’re going to get washed up for the baseball game,” he said.
Karen nodded. “I will.”
Turning to Jenna, Dennis said, “See you at the field, Jenn.”
With the mention of the baseball game, Jenna’s stomach dropped. She hoped Brian’s spirits didn’t plummet during the game. She’d talked to the pastor about having Brian keep score with Ben, just to give him something to do. Of course, he was happy to give the two of them the honors. But if Brian’s heart wasn’t in it, it was going to be hard to get through the afternoon.
She sighed. She really wished Tom had agreed to come. At least then Brian would have a diversion worthy enough to keep him satisfied while the other kids played.
It was going to be a long afternoon.
Tag hoisted the last bag of fertilizer into the wheelbarrow and pushed it to the storage shed, dropping it down on the pile he’d already started. The fields were still a mess, only half seeded, but they were coming along. His crops would be late, but he’d made some progress. Whether he’d see any results of his hard work in the form of a good harvest was anyone’s guess. But the work was good and kept his mind occupied. And he could always reap the benefits of this work next spring as long as he tended his fields.
Grabbing the handles of the now empty wheelbarrow, he pushed it to the other side of the barn and propped it up against the wall.
His stomach grumbled, letting him know he’d worked longer than his breakfast could hold him. He contemplated going into the house for something to eat, but the thought of spending the time to make something more than just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then sitting down at the table alone, made his stomach protest louder.
Last night he’d fallen into a hole he hadn’t been stuck in for a long while. Lately, he’d been more likely to run from the past than to wallow in it. But the guilt that had accompanied his flashback had surged through him until it had nearly choked him. He’d known that opening that box of pictures and letting in those painful regrets would lay him low. What he hadn’t expected was for a friend to come along to help pull him back up. He’d still felt troubled after talking to her, but still…cleaner somehow. The fact that she hadn’t blamed him made him wonder if he’d been wrong to blame himself and God.
On the walk from the barn to the house, the sunlight hit his face. Even after a year of being free from that prison, he still relished the feel of the sun on his skin after going months holed up in a damp cell.
Lord, there’d been a time I turned to You in my darkest hours.
The silent prayer startled him as well as pained him before he had a chance to finish. He’d left God behind a long time ago, no longer able to feel comfort there. But Jenna’s words from the previous night had him wanting to seek the comfort of his relationship with the Lord again.
Thoughts whirled in his mind. He needed to say them out loud, hear them in his own voice, but each time he tried to voice his feelings, anger shot through him and tears came tumbling out.
“Why did you take them from me?” he asked, looking up at the sky.
Tag knew there’d be no answer in the form of a reply. God usually slapped him upside the head when He was looking to get him to listen, but never in the form of words. Still, he waited for an answer, searching the spattering of clouds mixed in with blue. There was no rhyme or reason in his mind to help him understand why God had to take his family, his precious child, Crystal.
Sighing, he turned toward the barn again, needing more work to help him keep his mind off what he couldn’t change. To keep the pain from stabbing his heart every time he remembered how he’d failed his family so miserably.
Jenna had been angry with him for brushing Brian’s invitation to the church festival off today. She’d said Brian needed a diversion during the baseball game. Looking back at the sky he’d just yelled at, he realized God couldn’t have graced them with a better day for a game. A boy should be able to get out and play, and it was too bad Brian wouldn’t be able to enjoy that game with the rest of the kids.
Tag reached for the wheelbarrow and remembered he’d left it in the barn. He might be physically there, but his head sure wasn’t.
It was best that he stayed home. Playing baseball or hanging out at some festival wasn’t going to get the rest of his fields seeded. He didn’t decide to come to Nebraska for the people or parties. He wanted solitude. The festival was the last thing he needed.
Pushing it all away, he grabbed a bag of seed and hoisted it over his shoulder before heading to the barn to get the spreader. He had work to do.
The hot dog she’d eaten too quickly between her shifts was turning over in her stomach now. Jenna finished the last of her soda and dropped the can in the recycle bin by the food stand. Her fingers were still sticky from working with the cotton-candy machine, and she had mustard under her fingernails. She wished she’d thought to bring some moist towelettes to wash her hands a little before heading to the baseball field on the far side of the park.
She passed the Ferris wheel and heard some teenagers screaming as the cars rocked back and forth. She couldn’t help but smile. She recalled hearing her father’s laughing voice mingle with Brian’s squeals of delight as they rode the Ferris wheel together earlier that afternoon. She’d worried Brian wouldn’t be tall enough to ride, but he’d stood a hair above the line and his smile had been bigger than the sun when he ran down the roped path toward the amusement ride.
Although her dad wasn’t too fond of heights, he’d agreed to join his grandson in the car for the first run. Jenna was glad for any time Brian enjoyed himself. She just hoped his good mood lasted while he sat on the sidelines and watched the other kids play baseball.
“Hey, you two!” she called out when she saw her father and Brian walking toward the field.
As they passed a group of women she knew from church, she caught her father’s glance and the quick tip of his baseball hat as he smiled at one particular woman. Mrs. Norling had been widowed for more years than Jenna could remember and still wore her wedding band. It would have been a stretch to ignore the twinkle in her father’s eye as the two greeted each other, even though they’d known each other for years.
A pang of jealousy for the loss of her mother was instantly replaced with bittersweet joy. Knowing her father as she did, Jenna doubted he’d ever marry again, but if a simple companionship with Mrs. Norling bloomed into something that put a skip in her dad’s step, then Jenna would be happy for him. There was no reason for him to spend his life alone.
Her heart nearly dropped to the ground when she caught a glimpse of Brian’s drawn face. She tipped his chin up with her fingers. “Hey, what’s got you?”
Ben motioned with his eyes toward the field but commented, “He had a little too much of the Bubble Bounce.”
“Did not,” Brian grumbled.
“Okay, then I had a little too much of the Bubble Bounce. I’m all bounced out,” said Ben.
She gave Brian a hug, and they all fell into step as they made their way to the open field with all the others heading out for the game.
“We forgot the lawn chairs,” Brian said, pointing to the people who were carrying chairs and coolers in their arms.
“You’re not going to need a chair if you’re going to help Grandpa keep score this year. You’ll need to be standing to change the numbers.”
She glanced over at the scoreboard and saw the cluster of large pine trees was casting a shadow in the area where her father and Brian would be standing. Good. Brian would be out of the sun.
“That’s stupid,” Brian said, breaking into her thoughts. “I don’t feel like doing it. Can’t we just go home?”
Brian’s sneakers were dragging in the dirt path, kicking up a small cloud of dust. Jenna had to slow her pace to keep from getting ahead of him as they walked.
“Now that’s no way to be. The team needs us to cheer them on,” she said.
“I don’t want to,” Brian mumbled.
She stifled a sigh, wishing she could think of something to cheer him up. The crowd hovering near the parking lot of the field drew their attention away from Brian’s upset. Her heart leapt to her throat when she recognized Tom’s truck parked along the side of the field. On the back of the truck was what looked like half a dozen wheelbarrows. Another half dozen were already on the grass.
Brian’s eyes popped open wide, a smile the size of Nebraska springing to his face, when he finally lifted his head and noticed Tom.
“He came!” he screamed. “You said he wasn’t coming, but he came.”
Brian broke free of her hand and started to run. The joy she’d felt in seeing Tom was replaced by fear as Brian raced across the ground as fast as he could. Jenna started to run after him, only to feel Ben’s hand on her arm, keeping her back.
“Let him go,” Ben said gently. “He’ll slow down when he’s tired. He’s had plenty to drink.”
Jenna hung back and watched as Brian ran toward the parking lot. He stopped running halfway there and walked the rest of the way. He reached the truck just as Tom pulled the last wheelbarrow out and placed it on the ground. Brian launched himself into Tom’s arms.
Her son had a smile on his face, and Jenna felt her lips pull into a grin as well. Tom Garrison had a way of doing that to her, and she would take that blessing and enjoy it for however long she had to enjoy it.
Although in her heart Jenna wanted to run to Tom as Brian had done, she held herself back, walking toward them at a steady pace.
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