by Gabi Moore
"You aren't going to tell us your name?"
"I need no name, as to you, I am no more than Psychopomp."
"You mean to say we are going to the realm of the dead?"
"And beyond, is my hope."
The sun was already inches away from kissing the horizon. Stretching out over the vanishing point, brilliant hues of red, pink, and violet spread throughout the air. When the sun hit clouds, the light reflected and modified its appearance even more; creating one of the most beautiful sunsets I had seen in my entire life.
"Come, quickly. Leave everything behind. We will need to hurry if we want to get to the peak before the sun sets. If one is going to initiate the catalyst for Ragnorok, one might as well do it with auspicious timing."
"You think this is the end of the world?"
"It's the Death archetype, Erol. We are moving toward a closure of one mode of experience, and pushing into the next."
The words had been straight from my memory of Thane. Whatever synchronicities were guiding this moment, were far too ironic for my own liking.
"Very rarely does the Death card actually mean someone's physical demise, though that is something that has surrounded your movements thus far."
Her ominous warning echoed in the back of our minds as we followed her up the same trail I had ascended earlier. I realized that in my haste, I had missed out on the beauty of the area. The grasslands that jutted out from between dunes contained a mixture of soil that was conducive toward the growing of bright blue fungi.
"These are the clue," Erol said, mostly to himself.
The dogs padded along after us, and the rats were left to sit in the truck, alongside whatever gear Erol may have had the presence of mind to bring. We were on our own now, and on our way, even if we now kept stranger company than before.
Right when we started walking past the final area of the trail that I remembered before the assault, my vision began to shift. The world around me grew more vivid, and I felt an incredible burst of energy growing inside of my body. The fatigue that I had felt previously was gone, and I was left in a state of nervous arousal.
The fluctuation in my energetic state seemed to be tied directly to fluctuations in my field of vision as well. As I grew more and more aware, the world around me seemed to arc, and glow with the colors of the sunset. Leaves, that had moments before, been the colors of the changing of the season, now caught a light which brought them to life beyond my wildest imagination.
The hillside was on fire, yet none of it would burn up.
We were walking within a perpetually renewing world. In spite of the fact that we marched on toward the embrace of some form of death, the earth itself was reminding me, in its own morbid way, to be at peace.
I tried to understand what Erol was going through at that time, but could not.
He had withdrawn into himself, and stuck close to the two dogs which walked close by his side. I could tell by his expression that he was bewildered by his experience, but no more information was made clear to me. I realized in that moment just how little I had endeavored to connect with Erol, during my time here on the Material Plane.
A sense of guilt and frustration came over me, as I realized that to me, Erol had been nothing more than a tool to achieve my own ends. The questioning of my own assumptions meant that I could no longer be sure about whatever purpose I had set out for in this world. I could no longer be content to think of myself as a savior of the Fae race, or some agent sent on behalf of a failing government.
I had my own agency to worry about, and I would be held accountable for my own decisions in life, not the decisions I made in the name of some cause or paradigm.
One foot moved in front of the other, and the world around me grew darker with each step.
At the next opportunity, I stared off into the sunset in order to verify my delusions.
Was the sun actually setting?
Were we missing our key opportunity?
The glance revealed that while the sun was setting, it had far from disappeared behind the horizon. As a matter of fact, it appeared that only my eyes had grown more acutely sensitive to the light of the world.
When I looked forward, and saw our nameless leader, they seemed somehow more familiar than before. I recalled a moment from years ago when I had walked behind a figure such as this with Thane at my side instead of Erol.
Then everything came flooding back to me.
The fire that surrounded us came from the preliminary attack from Xan's army. The knowledge that I was moving forward, walking to my death. The feeling that I would be held accountable for my actions regardless of which side of the conflict I was on.
"It's all cyclical."
The woman turned her head toward me and grinned, though I could not see her face, I knew her expression from the light reflecting in her eyes. She knew where we had come from, and it seemed like she knew exactly what each of us would be getting out of this experience. There were things that she understood that she was not telling us, critical information about the events that would unfold.
She knew everything, but then again...
Then, as I saw her, and my conceptions began to change, so did she.
Instead of seeing a woman who was masterfully leading us down the road of our fate. Instead of seeing some puppeteer, I saw a woman who was brave enough to let us make our own decisions, instead of pushing forward toward some private goal, she was allowing others to play their role within the greater theater. We were all moving forward together. I realized that I was both correct, and incorrect.
What was more important was that I realized how impressionable my thoughts were as I worked to understand the world around me.
"I thought you knew what was going to happen, before it did."
The woman let out a long exhale, and composed herself. "I have an idea of what might come to pass, because I know what is needed to achieve that which you are searching for. However, I can't know the future any more than anybody else. As a matter of opinion, I sincerely doubt that any one of us can actually know the past."
"I remember you," I said, without hesitation.
"No you don't," she replied in an instant. "You remember impressions which lead up to the most traumatic experience of your life. Many Fae lost something precious that day, and you were one of those cases of interminable suffering."
"Your vision of the world in the past is just as narrow as your vision of the world in the present, and it's not your fault, though you could work to change it if you liked."
"How do you mean?"
She shook her head, and remained silent.
You already know, came a voice in my mind, as clear as anything she could have expressed in her words.
I struggled for a moment, and nearly fell faint on the trail.
"How did you do that? I closed those off years ago."
"Let's be real about it," she replied, her voice audible this time. "You put up very weak defenses of denial and isolation. Your abilities may have atrophied, but you have everything you need inside of you."
It was too much. The pain was fresh, and my reality continued to shift toward reliving the traumas of the past. I lost touch of where and when I was. The hillsides seemed unstable in my mind, and I couldn't tell if I was living in my memories, or my mission on the Material Plane.
From behind me, I heard the sound of a bark.
Leaning down to the ground, Amethyst came up to me and licked my face graciously. The warm, wet and enthusiastic affection of the dog brought me back to reality. For a moment, I was able to center myself again; though I realized in that moment just how easy it would be to slip into madness and trauma.
"If you must choose to be irresponsible, at least do yourself the favor of not lying to yourself."
Looking up in that moment, I saw Erol's sympathetic face.
He offered a hand, and pulled me up to my feet. His eyes were full of compassion, and I got the sense that while he didn't know what I was going throug
h, he was suspending his own difficulties in order to care for my own. I felt selfish, but his smile dismissed those thoughts from my mind.
"We're almost there."
The message was simple enough. When I turned to face the peak of the cliffs, I could see the sun was more than halfway set behind the horizon line. The colors had changed from vibrant pinks and violets to a blood red sphere of fire that was sinking into the sea.
Our guide pushed forward, unheeding of my troubles. Her callousness brought me to hate her, but it was only a passing feeling. I saw her in that moment as the being she was. Her own hurts, and insecurities were as apparent to me as anything else in the vivid world that I occupied. I nodded, and followed her lead toward the top of cliffs.
Within a minute, we were on top of this hill, looking west, over the sea. The peak housed rocky soil, and a lonely, wind-blown tree whose roots dug fiercely into the side of the cliff. I felt the wind beating on my face, and heard the sound of the waves echo up the walls of the cliffside.
"Remove your clothes. Here you will open the portal."
Chapter 16
She brought the two of us together like we were getting married.
When I raised my head up to look him in the eyes, I saw that he was turning his gaze elsewhere. A rich crimson glow filled his cheeks, and lines of worry wrinkled his brow.
"Cut it out..."
I had to tell him to come off it. There wasn't any room in our experience for that kind of bashful shit. I may have been feeling a bit nervous myself, but this wasn't the first time that I had been called to share my body in the line of duty.
"You'll enjoy it more if you don't think about it too much."
"Actually, I don't think that's going to work this time."
He caught me off guard, once more. I had pinned him for a total and complete wimp of a man. There must have been some kind of internalized prejudice there, because I totally misunderstood his statement.
"I've done research into this sort of thing. Using Sex as a mechanism for opening portal has a historical precedent. The problem is that you need to be one hundred percent present with the other person during the entire experience. There can't be any second-guessing about your intentions either. If you want this to work, we had better take it seriously."
"Now, human, you're running out of time."
Our guide brought us back into the present moment.
Realizing that I needed to take charge of the situation, I dove forward and grabbed a hold of his shirt with both hands. My push forward knocked him on the ground. Straddling him, I pushed our lips together and pulled the first kiss out of him with willpower alone.
I could feel something inside of him begin to unlock as he indulged in his senses. The kiss had been uncomfortable at first. but as soon as he opened up to me, I felt the first exchanges of passion starting to flow between the two of us.
He hooked his thumbs around my waistband, and began to tug on my skirt. The fabric slid easily over my hips, but I wanted him to work harder than that. My hand reached up by its own and grabbed his arm. I pinned him to the ground, and pressed my hips against his.
He grew hard beneath my body, and began straining against me, finally pushing back and giving me some of his actual strength.
That's right...
If I thought of this man as weak, I would never respect him as a person. I needed him to want me so badly that he couldn't control himself. When he felt that way about me, I needed him to be so in control of his emotions that he treated me with love, even as he fucked me raw.
Some men don't require any sort of cajoling in order to reach this state.
Others, like Erol, and likely like every single philosophically inclined male we were engendering with the new Fae society, need you to push and prod them until they finally give in and share themselves with you. There is something about them that is defective and insincere in their sensitivity; almost like they are afraid to actually sexually express themselves.
I can't tolerate that kind of fear in a lover.
He must have picked up on whatever form of derision I was directing his way because, something in his eyes changed. He began to push back on me, even going as far as to lift his knee up between me legs and press up against my crotch. I leaned in to give him another kiss, and he kissed me, but he also bit me on the lip. I tore away from his kiss, and slapped him hard across the face.
"What the hell did you do that for?"
I only shrugged, and glared at him, imperiously pinning his body down on the floor with my thighs on either side of his body. Given the size of his frame and his muscular capacity, he could have probably flipped me over on my side if he knew how to handle himself, or had the will to do so, but he wasn't there yet.
Our guide, who was sitting along the sidelines, watching all of this without the slightest trace of amusement attempted to clarify my position.
"She wants you to love her without restraint."
I couldn't have said it any more plainly, and was honestly grateful that I didn't have to say anything to him in the first place. He didn't quite flash on it right away, and had to be encouraged by the guide once more.
"Try not holding back."
As though those words held some secret over him, he reached his leg up over my neck, and pushed me down toward the ground. The move was obviously born out of frustration and ingenuity, as it was effective, though only for a moment.
He pulled himself into a sit-up position while strengthening the hold he had on my upper body. I tried to arch my back away from him, and ended up placing my crotch right at his fae.
The struggle had pushed my skirt up over my thighs, so he had little trouble pulling my thighs apart and tasting me.
As soon as his tongue made contact, I lost a critical component of my resolve. Just feeling the pleasure of possibility weakened my defense against him. He seized ahold of that weakness and grabbed ahold of my thighs with both of his arms, holding himself in a position to lick at my body, while still struggling to hold my upper body down to the ground. The position was unsustainable though, and ultimately not worthwhile for me, no matter how good it felt. I needed more from him if this was going to work.
My hand reached upward in the space between our bodies, until I found his cock. He was still clothed, but I could fondle him through his pants. Just reaching out to touch him melted his resolve slightly, which was all I needed to turn the position backward on himself.
While Erol may have had size and passion, I had the benefit of tactical training. Wrestling with men who wanted to fuck me was not something that was new to me.
Thane and I had given each other plenty of practice during our time in the core; this guy didn't have a chance.
With his back on the ground, I was free to lower my clit down toward his mouth. He was happy to have something to focus on, and eagerly began to lap at my body once more. In the meanwhile, I was free to unbutton his pants, and pull them down around his ass. The struggle was momentary, but the reward was great.
I had always heard that human men were more well endowed than Fae men, though the few times I had indulged in the pleasure, I guess I had been looking for all the wrong men. He was hard, and when released from his pants, his cock sprang upward and hit me in the face.
He was warm, and smooth. I bit my lip, and savored the feeling of the head of his dick on the side of my cheek. I could feel the blood pumping through his body. I had to swallow in anticipation as my mouth was already salivating at the thought of bringing him inside of me. My lips parted for a taste, while my hand wrapped around the girth of his shaft. I had to stretch my jaw just to fit him inside of me.
My entire experience became strictly sensual as soon as my lips wrapped around him. Being eaten out is one thing, but getting head while giving head is something else entirely.
I was free to spread my legs and totally let go, while I focused on more pressing matters. In the meanwhile, tiny ripples of stress relief passed through my body from between my
hips to the crown of my head.
I worked the length of his cock with my hand, surrendering my saliva as an offering to his body. Each time his heartbeat pulsed inside of my mouth, I lost a bit of my drive to control or dominate him. The games I had played with him earlier seemed to be petty, to mean nothing at all. The only thing I wanted at that moment was to be closer to him.
His testicles were soon swollen with arousal. I pushed my fingers into the crevices of his body, and held onto the muscles and flesh that I found there. His cock went deeper into my mouth, and pressed up against the back of my throat. When his lips closed around my clit, and began to pull, I pressed my head down and took all of him.
Mirroring my movements, he pressed his nose below my clit, and fucked me with his tongue. The effect wasn't quite the same, but I appreciated the passion and the intent. Reaching a hand behind my back, I grabbed a hold of his hair and pulled him toward my body I wanted his face pressed as far up against my body as he could stand. I held him there for as long as my lips were brushing up against the hair at the base of his cock.
With a gasp, I released my hold on him, watching as his body reappeared from my lips. He was hard, and dripping with saliva. My hands gravitated back toward his cock, and I stroked him from top to bottom.
I pushed his pants down around his ankles and quickly positioned myself over his hips. I faced away from him, and squatted down over his dick. The two of us were already dripping wet, and our bodies joined together with no resistance at all. On one side of me, our guide was on the ground with her legs spread, pleasuring herself. She rubbed her clit, and stared shamelessly in our direction, touching her breasts with one hand while supporting herself with the other.
When she saw me, she smiled, and nodded to the other side of my body, where the cliff fell off into the sea.
The light had been changing while the two of us had spent time playing around. Now, instead of a deep crimson, the sky was fast becoming a dark purple. The gradient faded into a tiny point of flame somewhere on the distance. I stared at the sun while it disappeared behind the horizon line, refusing to blink for as long as I could stand it. I wanted the last images of that sunset to burn themselves into my retina while I built myself to orgasm.