- Accountant, my dear accountant— happily said Aliella Cedric— Accountant my dear accountant— will there be happiness, if there is peace in my heart, accountant my dear accountant…
The air in front of the girl glowed brightly, and from the glowing haze came a thick crooning voice:
- And here I am— a simple accountant, your darling accountant…
Another second and a hefty man fell out of the haze, dressed in tiny red panties and a matching tie. There was nothing more on the man aside from the very long hare ears wiggling vigorously over his head. The man loves thongs… with sparkles...
- Darling! You called me! – joyfully shouted the man— You want to again do your thing with your favorite scarlet hare? And I’ll oink oink, and you bite bite…
- What the fuck?!— I choked aloud.
- This is your heart’s knight? – squeaked Kaylen – Cute!
- What the! – the man spin around and we were able to witness a brief label located on the front of his underwear. The inscription read: “guki-guki.”
But even more interesting were the green letters hovering over the head of the guy, which gave me a slight shock— “Scarlet Crusade.” Two hundred and ninetieth level. And a sign explaining that in front of us was none other than the head of the Clan of the Scarlet Cross.
- “Guki-guki?” – thoughtfully read orbit— And not “Wookie-tuks?”
- Who are you? – roared the head of the Scarlet Cross Clan, throwing his hands in the air.
A moment and his frivolous clothes disappeared, replaced by full armor peppered with glowing runes and signs. Solid spikes, metal, and a huge deadly aura. Romance replaced by BDSM.
- Oh my red hare, they invaded our house! – readily Aliella informed her knight— Punish them, dear! Give them a boo-boo!
The knight clad in metal armor stepped forward, raised his sword over his head with a huge icy blue blade… and abruptly stopped when Kaylen said fearlessly:
- Do it then, red hare. I still managed to write it all down.
- And I!— I instantly said.
- And I!— echoed Doc.
- And I! – boomed Bom.
- We all! – Cray nodded.
- And I did-dn’t… -- drawled the bald elf.
- Orbit! – I hissed violently, but very quietly.
- And I— corrected the elf— Twice!
- Recorded? – the crimson knight swayed and the terrible sword sank helplessly— That, which just happened… well…
- All of it! – Kaylen said ruthlessly— And about the cute accountant. And the ears on your head. And the thong. And about guki-guki. Oh you… and a clan leader… and such perversion…
The visor of the helmet opened by itself and were revealed to us the glassy eyes of the Scarlet Crusader.
The huge figure of the monster capable of wiping us on the luxury carpet in a few seconds stopped helplessly in the center of the room. So that’s how it goes…. the man is clearly not one of those who, even in a game, likes to advertise their inclination towards frivolous cosplay…
- Listen here— the Crusader hardly moved his lips.
- Doc! – I interrupted sharply, turning to the member of my roguish group. To speak the word Doc I wasn’t afraid— how many doctors running around in the huge expanses of Valdira? Countless. And all are called Doc.
- Eh? – said our regular chiropractor.
- Time?
- Five minutes with a tail! – he reported.
- Shall we talk? – I said, getting up, this time looking at the head of the Scarlet Cross Clan. I wasn’t afraid of him any longer. Why be afraid of the bear, if his muzzle is tightly chained?
The steel monster looked silently at our gallant band of thieves, clearly not seeing anything in front of him. The sword fell from his hand, and with a heavy crash, landed on the lush carpet. Yeah… usually one doesn’t drop such expensive things— and the sword was extremely valuable. Swallowing loudly, the “ass” Bom leaned forward slowly, keeping his eyes on the weapon.
- Do not even think about it! – I hissed, staring at Bom with a withering gaze— Step away, now!
- But, finders keepers… -- resentfully muttered Bom, and stepped back reluctantly.
- Let’s talk? – I raised my voice to the Scarlet Crusader— Hey, dear honorable head of the clan with a reputation which is not necessary to mar… Let’s talk dirty?
- I… -- started the knight— What?
- My hare! Punish them! Please, for me, for the sake of your precious fluffy,,,
- O-o-oh…-- Kaylen moaned.
- A little… a little later— croaked the Scarlet Crusader, whose wandering eyes had stopped on me and locked there— Speak.
- Here’s the deal. Simple— I briefly said, pointing to the far corner of the room— Take your beloved into your arms… and go away over there. Wait there for four minutes exactly. Then do whatever you want. And in return, we won’t distribute the video about the merry hare in scarlet underpants who loves to “oink oink.”
- Y-you…-- the Crusader grated menacingly, jerking his body towards me.
- Do not! – I blurted out quickly, stepping back— So you kill us all. Then what? Hello notoriety? Want to get into the list of top celebs in Valdira? Under the heading: “The head of the clan or the Scarlet Bunny?” You obviously don’t need this— otherwise you would have long ago shredded us like a cabbage. Right?
- That’s right— with an effort nodded the Crusader— Right, damn you…
- Honey, I don’t understand— said the pretty daughter of Mr. Cedric— Just do it, give them an unforgettable boo-boo.
- Unforgettable boo-boo? – grunted Cray— Right…
- Cray! – I snapped— Put your sense of humor back where it came from! You found he time… Crusader, time is ticking! We have anonymity now. And as soon as it vanishes, no deal for you! We are happy away to fly to our revival locations, but will surely make a post about the secret passions of a respected player. God knows— I do not want it. I don’t care about your personal life, whether you’re a bunny, a bear, or octopussy— that’s your own business. Just! Let! Us! Pass! And wait a few minutes!
- How?! – roared the Crusader, clutching his steel gloves together with a clang— I am not alone! Do you not see her?
- And does her dad know about your… relationship escapades? – quietly asked Kaylen.
- Oh… -- squeaked Aliella— Oh…
- Doesn’t know— I nodded in satisfaction— So, be silent. And the problem is solved. See? All made up in your favor. More benefits for you.
- Take the loot out of the bags— said the knight— We’ll say it was a botched robbery, cut short by me.
- Yeah right— I laughed— Another rise in reputation for you, and nothing for us. No, that won’t do. We’ll do this— we carry out all we took, and you publicly declare that you saved the young mistress from evil robbers. You kept the main treasure of a loving father. Your bun with greasy bacon and almond chocolate, and we get just a small one. No discussions— we take all we managed to steal.
- All that you managed? – growled the head of the clan, pointing a shaking hand at me— He is still robbing now!
Whipping around, I saw Bom, continuing to push everything that came to hand into his bag.
- Stop it now!— I hissed— Does your greed know no bounds?
- One hundred years of solitude know only one reprieve— shrugged the “ass”— They will not fall to poverty.
- I don’t care! – I shouted, turning to the head of the clan— Anyway! We’re going or not?! Treaty? Deal? Agreement? Well?!
- Guarantees!— blurted the knight— Where are my guarantees? I let you go now, and half an hour later the video is released…
- What guarantees? – I tensed.
- Less than four minutes— anxiously informed me Doc.
- What guarantees do you need? – I said emphatically, pointing a finger first at my group and then to the door.
- Remove your masks— bri
efly said the Crimson Crusader— If the video appears on the network— at least I’ll know who to look for. This is fair.
- That won’t fly— I shook my head, watching from the corner of my eye as my gallant group took small steps to the door— To show our nicknames to this lovely girl… it will be announced in all the lands. You know. I don’t want everyone to chase me all over the local lands.
- So what then?! – roared the cornered philanderer.
- A second! – I said and, turning to my friends, said— To the exit! Run!
My group rushed out into the corridor and, a little calmer, I again turned to the companion, returning to the talk.
- I know what you mean— I nodded softly— Guarantees are always important. Especially now. We will proceed as follows: turn your beloved girl to face you, so that she won’t see me and spot my nickname.
- And hat about them? – quickly said the Scarlet Crusader, pulling the daughter of Mr. Cedric up towards him and nodding at the door leading to the hallway.
- I am responsible for them— I shrugged— My idea. I’m their party leader, so you can throw the shots at me, if it comes to that.
- Show your face, thief— said the Crusader after a moment’s reflection, and I obediently pulled off the mask.
With a light crystalline sound my anonymity was gone, revealing my personal details to anyone glancing at me. Farewell to mystery.
As soon as this sad event was over, I saw the lips of the knight slowly begin to move. I had to hurry and snap:
- Not out loud! Read to yourself!
- I read— the knight looked at me hopefully— And I remember. I even wrote it down. But your nickname… I know this nickname!
- Yeah— I nodded, backing away— And good. Now we have met.
Nothing good— I hope he doesn’t have the brains to ask his subordinates about me, those serving in the Karst Caves. Those may well remember with whom I went on an adventure in the caves.
But there were a lot of players. And no evidence. It is one thing to know, and quite another to assume. As for myself, I was worried— but there was no choice. He would not let me go blindly. And I would have done the same thing. One must know the enemy’s face.
- In four minutes the deal is over— the knight reminded me.
- In your place, I wouldn’t be in a hurry— I retorted— And why are you so tense because of this nonsense anyway… we are all sinners here…
- My wife is playing! In the same clan! – blurted the knight without thinking, and I quickly fell into the corridor. He shouldn’t have said that… he shouldn’t have…
- Who do you have? – a sharp voice sounded from the chamber— You said “wife?”
- You didn’t hear me right, my dear— mewled the Scarlet Crusader— What other woman can there be? I am your knight! The knight of your heart! After I just saved you now, yes, my dear? You still love me, yes, my dear… damn, I hope they do not hear me now… you still love your cute hare with soft velvety ears… don’t you love him?
I didn’t hear any further— beside me flashed the wall of the corridor, a steep staircase with a carpet, the maid’s room and, finally, the door leading to the roof. Like a cannon ball I flew through the doorway and swung into a… a bed!
The bed was held precariously in the hands of Bom, our main hoarder. The oak mastodon with fluffy feathers.. In the real world, this would weigh way too much. The half-orc didn’t even notice its weight, wondering wistfully what to do with such oversized prey. Right— it wouldn’t fit into the backpack. Not one of the objects you could carry, and not wearable. Well, why the hell did he do it then? Someday, greed will ruin Bom. And why were all my comrades frozen, as if rooted to the spot?
The spacious bed blocked my view and with an obscene cry I bounced to the side and looked up at the roof.
Yes… in the short time of our absence the monster didn’t waste time.
The middle of the roof was occupied by a huge… huge… damn… well, in the middle of the roof lay a sort of gigantic jellyfish. Just a giant, collapsed to hell and terribly frightening.
- What the hell is this? – growled Cray, looking dumbfoundedly at the monster.
- Our way out of here— I said, hastily pulling a piece of paper out of my pocket, which was covered with writing— After me! Bom, throw out the damn bed! Orbit, get away from the ledge already!
As soon as I approached the sprawled giant, it stared at me with its big round eye with a gray pupil. Earlier the monster was brown, and now it was greenish.
- Together now! – I said without turning around, grasping on to the paper— We’ll have to act fast. Otherwise we won’t make it. Right…
- What do we have to do, climb into its mouth? – Bom suggested, lowering the bed onto the room and sitting down in it.
- Oo-oo-oh— said Kaylen— Scary!
- No— I waved and smiled happily, finding the desired command. Pointing to the monster, I read clearly and with expression— Tillory! Serve me right, brother of the air! It is time we go up, up towards the sun!
- What did you just say? – Cray was interested— A Christmas poem?
- I really do not know— I confessed— Those were the instructions, and I read them! Oh! And it looks like he understood me!
Yes, the monster definitely understood me clearly and took to action— and he moved up. A few seconds more and we stared dumbfoundedly at the living air balloon with an eye swaying above out heads. Tentacles hung down from the monster and firmly gripped the edge of the cell which brought us here, turning the whole contraption into a basket.
- All aboard! — I ordered hoarsely, looking at the door from which, at any moment, could emerge the lover of Mr. Cedric’s feisty daughter— Go!
- Sound the alarms! – was heard a hysteric yell from below— We’ve been breached!
- Run! – I yelled unnecessarily, prompting the team to climb into the basket.
Again, looking at the paper, I shouted loudly:
- TIllory! Up! Uplift us to… ugh, damn it! To hell with poetry! Tillory! Up! Up! And fast!
The monster issued a hoarse sigh, his sides swelled even more, and the basket was drawn up— and I was left still standing on the roof. Another couple of seconds of inactivity and my way out of here would fly into the distance, waving me goodbye with his tentacle.
Jumping up, I clung to the bars of the basket, swinging my legs in the air. I was grabbed by the collar and pulled aboard, and happily rolled over the edge of the basket. Immediately I jumped up in alarm and looked down, and saw the receding roof of the manor, decorated by a single bed. The higher up the flying jellyfish went, the more I could see, and soon I saw the yard, through which ran a crowd of guards and servants. One shouted and pointed a finger at the sky. Right. From their perspective, arrogant enemies were making a daring escape.
Plopping to the bottom of the basket, I shouted:
- Tillory! Higher! Higher! And right!
A husky breath, and the tentacles gripped the sides of the basket with a crunch. The living balloon lunched up to the heavenly blue and took us along.
- It’s like a hot air balloon! – enthusiastically piped Kaylen— We’re flying! Ros, it really is interesting with you!
- I t-told you! – Orbit confirmed.
- Don’t remove your masks yet! – I grumbled— Bad enough that I showed my face! Damn it!
- Almost nothing’s left of the anonymity anyway— shrugged Doc— Less than a minute.
- A lot can go wrong in a minute— disagreed Cray.
- The further we are, the better— I concluded.
There was a barely audible whistle, Bom swore loudly, grabbed the shoulders of Cray and Kaylen and hurriedly sat down, pulling them along.
- What? – I asked, carefully straightening, but now leaning over the edge of the basket.
I didn’t have to wait long for a response. Into the cart fluttered an arrow with blue-white plumage. Three arrows whizzed by, and one of the arrows hit, and the faithful Tillory r
oared and jerked. Our carriage moved from side to side, and from the distant hills below were heard several cries of joy.
- Tillory! – I yelled, floundering under the bodies of my party— Higher! Faster! Faster!
The squid roared, signaling that he was already doing his best, and we were hit with a wave of heated air.
- Look there! – screamed the girl, who had jumped up already— Look!
Jumping, I looked in that direction and saw a glimpse of what was happening, and my jaw dropped in astonishment. On the barely discernable hill there was a ballista, and the ammo disappeared with a bright flash of teleportation, disappearing into an unknown direction. The hill remained pristinely empty. And toward the manor, with a roar, flew a giant stone, surrounded by a fierce green fire. Flying oddly slowly, but the impression it produced was serious.
- Damnit! This is a declaration of war! If the Crimson Crosses uncover who threw that at them…
It was understood that the estate belonged to the local Mr. Cedric, but the land is the Clan’s! The Crimson Crosses are not going to like it. Stray robbers are one thing— siege machines a whole other. A direct call. Spitting in their faces! Surely, the clan would respond fast to this.
Glancing down, I gasped and cried hurriedly:
- Tillory! Left! Left! Fast!
The squid jerked away and narrowly escaped a whole swarm of arrows, whizzing harmlessly past the balloon. And there were many arrows— this time, not dominated by blue and white plumage, but bright white with scarlet stripes. One of these arrows stabbed directly into the cart, and I was able to examine it attentively, looking slightly over the basket fence. Not red stripes, no. On the white plumage one could see a distinct red cross. The Crimson Crosses were on the scene.
Arrows continued to fly in an endless downpour, flying past us with a hysterical shrieking. Again Tillory bellowed, his whole body shaking with pain. Our balloon was bristling with arrows, turning a flying squid into a flying hedgehog. But hedgehogs couldn’t fly.
- Tillory! Go! – I cried— Left, right, left, right! Oh…
The cart shook— the squid dutifully performed the combat maneuvers I had prescribed, the arrows missing him. I was all dizzy, watching the fragments of the sky continuously flash before me, as well as the walls of the wicker basket. If only not to fall over the side of the wicker basket, to the delight of the angry guards and of the Crimson Cross.
The Way of the Clan 4 (World of Valdira) Page 9