Well, you said you wanted him, she thought. And he's all right here, ready to be had. Yeah, well, she hadn't thought things out that far. She wasn't sure what she'd do with him once she had him. Well, that was a lie. She knew exactly what she wanted to do with him. But now was not the time or the place. And she'd just met him, for God's sake!
So why was it that the time frame made absolutely no difference in this instance? Why was it she felt they'd been more deeply involved since the moment he woke her up, than some of the men she'd dated for months? A day with him felt like a year with anyone else. Not that she'd ever spent a year with anyone else, but still.
He rolled to a graceful stand, surprising for how big a man he was, then reached a hand to help her up and pull her thankfully from those disturbing thoughts.
She looked at the long-fingered hand he'd offered her and flashed again on all the things she wanted him to do to her with those fingers. She wasn't sure if she wanted to risk taking hold of them at that moment. She might do something really embarrassing, like yank him down on top of her and her rioting hormones. Maybe that was all this was. She just needed to have a hormone tune-up. After all, she'd been working hard. And there hadn't been too many starving artists or boring office managers in her life of late. Just a brief little tune-up, that was all she needed.
But she was too busy for … for whatever it was she saw him offering in those blue eyes of his.
Steeling herself and her raging hormones, she took his hand, and it felt like a hot brand against her palm. She let go as soon as she was upright, certain the room was spinning only because she'd stood up too fast. Surely that was it.
"Steady there," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders.
She wanted to grab them and yank them down a bit, to where she ached to have him touch her. Only, first she'd need to get rid of all her clothes. And his.
She turned to the sink and flipped on the water. Cool off, Christy. The man will think you're a sex maniac. She snorted under her breath. Yeah, that will drive him away.
Which brought her to the real problem at hand. Sure, okay, she wanted his body. In the worst way. And the best. And she was pretty damn sure she could have it, maybe even repeatedly. But the real truth was she didn't want just a brief tune-up. Not with him.
So what if she was busy? He intrigued her, too. More than anyone she'd ever met. And if they started with the sex part, maybe she'd never get to the what-might-come-next part. In fact, she had no idea how to get to that part. But she was pretty sure she should find out before she did anything else with him. No matter how good it might feel. Dammit.
"You two going to stay in there all night?" Vivian called out. "The fire feels good."
So do Trevor's hands, Christy thought. She had to clear her throat, twice. "Yeah, just a minute." Trevor reached around her and turned off the water she'd never gotten around to splashing on her cheeks. Not that it would have helped. She wanted desperately to lean back into him, feel him all big and strong behind her.
He turned her slowly around, keeping her pinned between that big, delicious body of his and the counter behind her. "I think I can file that report now."
"Report? Oh. That report." She trembled, wishing his little reconnaissance mission hadn't ended so abruptly. Jesus, make up your mind. Only, she couldn't think straight. He looked at her like … like no one had ever looked at her. He tied up her tongue and made her heart pound. She wanted to taste him again. And not just his mouth.
"Ahh," he said, drawing out the word. "That's what it was."
"Ah what?"
He grinned down at her. "Just ahhhhhh."
"Oh." Dear God, she might come if he made that sound one more time.
He leaned in. "Exactly."
She struggled to remember why it was that going straight to the sex part wasn't a good idea. The hell with Vivian and Eric.
Somehow, a shred of control asserted itself. "We'd better get into the living room. They'll be wondering."
"They can wonder for another moment, then." And he dipped his head and kissed her again, kissed her as though he simply had the right to do it. Whenever and wherever he pleased.
She should be setting him straight. Pushing him away. Telling him all the reasons why it was important that they know each other better first. But that didn't explain why she felt as though she'd known him forever. And why his mouth felt so right on hers. Why his possession of her was as natural as breathing. They needed to talk about all that, she decided, figure it all out. And they would. In just another moment.
"Well, don't let me interrupt anything."
Christy jumped and jerked her mouth from his, but Trevor just lifted his head slowly and smiled at Vivian. "Not a problem."
"No, I can see that," she said, grinning at them both.
"Vivian—" Christy began, feeling horribly guilty without quite knowing why.
"I just wanted to tell you that I'm heading to bed," she said.
"But the fire—"
"Is still there. I thought you two might enjoy it. Eric is going to take the guest room. Is that okay, Trevor?"
"I can sleep anywhere. Thank you for putting me up for the night."
She smiled. "Not a problem."
Christy slipped out from between the counter and Trevor. "I'll come on with you." Surely Viv would want to talk and that was the reason Christy had come up here, right? To support her friend. Not to make out in the kitchen. Though damn if her body agreed with that assessment.
"That's okay. Christy, I—"
But she knew Vivian too well. Sure, she wouldn't have minded if her friend stayed by the fire. She knew Viv would want her to have fun. She was her best friend, after all. But Christy saw the weariness in her eyes that had nothing to do with physical fatigue. "I want to."
"I can tend the fire," Trevor offered.
"Okay, then. If you're sure." Vivian thanked him and headed to the master bedroom.
Christy looked back to him, a hundred thoughts in her head, but not one of them would form on her lips. "Good night." It seemed such a lame thing to say when there was so much more to be said between them. But whatever that was would have to wait until later. Vivian came first.
"'Night, Christy." His smile told her he understood, which only made her body riot harder.
The walk to the bedroom was the longest of her life, and she could feel him watching her. Her body felt it like a caress … a long, slow one. Her knees were trembling by the time she got to the bedroom door.
Vivian pounced the moment she closed it behind her, shutting Trevor out, but not the effect he had on her.
"Oh. My. God," Viv swore, fanning her face. "I swear the air shimmered around you two, things were so hot." She sat cross-legged on the bed, suddenly not sounding so tired. "Tell me every last single detail."
Christy laughed in disbelief. "I didn't come in here to talk about Trevor." Thank God, since she'd probably sound like a babbling idiot if she tried. "I figured you'd want to talk about … everything."
Vivian made a face. "I'm tired of talking." She wiggled her eyebrows. "Besides, your story looks to be much more entertaining than mine." She patted the bed. "Sit and tell."
Christy sank onto the bed. "I don't know what there is to tell, really. I just met him."
Viv laughed. "Yeah, I could tell you were still in that awkward get-to-know-you stage when I walked into the kitchen."
Christy laughed, too, then shrugged, half-embarrassed, which was silly since she and Viv shared everything. "I can't explain it. He's like … well he's not like anyone I've ever met."
Viv scooted closer. "Sounds promising."
"I don't know what it is."
"But you know what it isn't."
"What do you mean?"
"We've been friends for what, four years now? Five? And close friends for almost all of that. It's not like you to just jump into anything intimate. In fact, I'd say quite the opposite."
What could she say to that? Viv was right. "So? I've dated, I
've had my share of fun. Now I have a job that's demanding, a life I enjoy, friends. It just doesn't make any sense to let someone have that kind of access to me until I'm sure it's … something more than a few dates."
"Exactly what I meant. Trevor's not a few dates. Which you already know or I wouldn't have seen what I saw in my own kitchen."
Christy started to argue, then shrugged helplessly. "There is something. I can't explain. Like I said, he's different. When we talk, or joke, or … I don't know, even jab at each other … it's like we've been trading those little amusing jabs for years. Lifetimes."
Viv nodded. "Remember you asked me once if I believed in soul mates?"
"Oh, no. Trevor might be intriguing and he definitely got my attention in a way that no man ever has, but then kidnapping tends to have that effect. Besides, if I recall, at that time we were discussing the man who is currently sleeping in your guest room."
Vivian frowned and Christy felt a moment's guilt for bringing Eric into this, but they were going to talk about him eventually.
"We were. And I thought Eric was my soul mate."
"Was being the operative word."
Vivian didn't respond to that. Instead, she said, "You told me you didn't believe there was one person who could just click into you so deeply that you knew the moment you met him he was the one." She studied her friend. "Can you look me in the eye and tell me you still feel that way?"
Christy thought about that moment in the chapel when Trevor had looked into her eyes and told her he wished they had met under different circumstances. There had been something there. Something there again when he'd kissed her, touched her, looked at her. She honestly didn't know how to answer the question, so she turned it back on her friend. "Do you?"
"If you'd asked me eighteen months ago, when Eric left for Sweden, I'd have sworn I was wrong. Because a soul mate wouldn't hurt his own soul mate so badly. And if you'd asked me yesterday, I'd have probably said the same thing."
Christy's eyes widened. "But today?"
"But today maybe the reason it still hurts so badly, eighteen months and a whole lot of growth and understanding later, is because the connection was so strong, so important, so right to begin with. So the destruction of that connection would have to hurt that bad … maybe forever." She looked at Christy and her eyes started to water. "Because we are soul mates. So it's the one connection that truly mattered. And I let it go."
Viv started to cry and Christy scooted across the bed and folded her into her arms. "Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry." She stroked her hair. "I'm sorry I let him get to you. I knew I should have wrung Kate's chiffon-covered—"
Viv struggled to sit up and wiped at her face. "No, no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that I had to do this, talk to him, see him again. I've been miserable without him, Christy."
"You were miserable with him," Christy reminded her friend, alarmed at where this was going. One day in each other's presence and Viv was a wreck again. This couldn't be good.
"Only when he left. Not when we were together."
"But he did leave, Viv. I'm not trying to be cruel, but you're talking about soul mates and how they are meant to be together above all else … but he chose a career move over you, his wife. His supposed soul mate. I'm not so sure I think there's any such thing. Just human beings fumbling their way through life and sometimes hurting the people who love them best, maybe even the ones they love, as well. But he screwed up, Viv. Are you honestly saying you think he deserves another chance? How can you be sure when push comes to shove, he won't choose something for himself over you again?"
She sniffed and rubbed her nose. "I'm saying that I expected to feel hurt and pain and anger if I ever saw him again, and I felt all three of those in spades. And spewed them all over him, to be sure."
"You already put yourself through all that. Is it really right for him to force you through it again?"
"That's just it. I went through it all with my therapist, with you, with my parents, but never with the one person that I needed to go through it all with."
Christy couldn't deny that. Eric had left, Viv had filed for divorce and he hadn't contested it. It had all been handled distantly, cold and detached and emotionless. At least between the two main parties. Viv hadn't been at all emotionless about it. She had no idea how Eric had handled it.
At the time Christy thought it was best that way, a swift death would leave her friend more whole, more capable of grieving and healing than a long, protracted ugly affair. And while she still felt that way, in general, she couldn't deny that maybe it would have been cathartic to get all those emotions out and directed to the only person they mattered to. Christy said as much to Viv.
Viv raked her hair from her face and blew out a long breath. "I don't think so," she said, surprisingly. "Not then, anyway. I don't think there was any good way for it to end at that time. We were so confused and full of pride and hurt. Lord knows I suffered and made those who love me suffer, as well."
Christy grabbed her hand. "We love you. We'd do it again."
She sniffled. "I know, I know." She gave a watery laugh "And you might have to, after this."
Christy frowned. "What are you saying?"
Viv took a deep breath and smiled, though it was a bit wobbly. "We miss each other, Christy. I'm mad at him for the choice he made and the hurt he caused me. But I wasn't completely blameless. And also … I still love him."
"Why?" Christy swore under her breath. "Don't answer that. I'm just … angry. Angry that he can just waltz back in here almost two years later and you're willing to forgive and forget."
Now Viv turned sharp. "I didn't say that. I can't forget. But as to forgiveness … well, maybe it's not forgiveness as much as willingness to try."
"Try to do what?"
"Spend time together." She smiled again, and this time it reached her eyes. "Find out if we're more miserable together than we were apart."
Christy smiled then, too, or tried to. "Is it worth it? Risking all the pain and heartache again?"
"I'm already in pain. My heart already aches. I've learned how to function, to live, to move on. But we loved each other for a reason. For a hundred reasons, a thousand. And maybe we were both just too stubborn to fight for those reasons. Or maybe we just made stupid mistakes."
"We?"
She nodded. "I know Eric made the decision to go to Sweden. But I'm the one who filed for divorce because of it. We never discussed it. I threatened, he walked, we split."
"But—"
"And I refused to discuss it with him after. Even though he begged me to later on."
"After it was too late," Christy snorted.
"I'm not so sure there is such a thing. What I do know is that we were both stubborn. Him for thinking I should just pack up and follow my man, and me for refusing to discuss it after he left, when he realized he was miserable alone."
"He should be miserable."
Vivian smiled sadly. "So we should both be punished forever for being too stupid and stubborn to try and find another way?"
Christy sighed. "Of course not. I just—"
"You just don't want to see me hurt. I know, and I love you for it. But well, this time I think my eyes are more open. And my heart a bit more humble."
"He tread on it pretty heavily."
"And instead of trying to mend it, I tread as heavily as I could on his. Two wrongs and all that…" Christy didn't say anything—she was still trying to come to terms with everything Viv had told her. Finally she rolled her eyes and let out a weak laugh.
Viv reached out and lightly punched her arm. "What's so funny?"
"Well, after all this I'm thinking it might be wise to just cut my losses where Trevor is concerned and run like hell. This love stuff is way too complicated, with too much opportunity for pain and grief."
"Yeah, but along with the potential for pain and grief is the kind of love and soul-deep satisfaction you can only have if you take the risk."
"And after all th
is you still think it's worth the risk?"
Viv smiled, a knowing smile that actually stirred a wisp of envy in Christy. "Yeah," she said softly. "I think I do."
* * *
Chapter 8
« ^ »
Christy pushed through the doors of Richmond General Monday afternoon, unable to escape the feeling that her entire world had somehow been tilted on its side. How could things feel so monumentally different in only seventy-two hours?
Eric and Trevor had left the cabin early yesterday morning after breakfast, while she had stayed on with Viv. She'd also purposely avoided being alone with Trevor, confused by all the things Viv had said, about the way she felt when she looked at him.
About the way he made her feel when he looked at her. She'd gone home to Viv's last night, then stopped by her place to change before work today. The workmen would be finishing up her floors by the end of today, so she could reclaim her own bed when she got off shift tomorrow morning. Viv was already on shift and they'd planned to have dinner in the cafeteria together if Christy could swing it, but Viv had left a message canceling earlier. She was going out with Eric when she got off work tonight. Just dinner and conversation, she'd stipulated, but Christy still worried about her. Viv wasn't in ICU tonight, she'd been floated to Emergency, so now she probably wouldn't see her until sometime tomorrow. Christy rode the elevator to the second-floor ICU unit, wondering if she and Trevor could keep a dinner date to just food and simple conversation. Her entire body had ached as she'd watched him drive away yesterday morning. Why had she kept herself away from him all morning? Just one touch, one kiss. But no, she'd told herself distance was best until she figured out what she was feeling. Well, she had a whole bunch of distance now and what had that done for her and her aching hormones? Zip. She should have jumped the guy when she had the chance.
That kiss… It had followed her into her dreams, dreams that hadn't included Vivian's interruption. She sighed and forced him out of her thoughts—again—as the doors slid open. She had a twelve-hour shift ahead of her and doubted it would run smoothly. They never did. She'd need all her thoughts focused on the job at hand, and not on visions of what Trevor's hands could have been doing if she'd stayed with him by that fire. Instead of talking to Viv about soul mates … and giving love a chance. Love. She snorted. What she had was a serious case of lust. But what could it be if you gave it a chance? her little voice persisted as she waved and greeted Jolie and Sam, her shift mates for the night. Since she hadn't given Trevor her phone number, and more important, he hadn't asked for it, or asked about where she lived … it was probably all a moot point. The storm, the cozy cabin, the odd circumstances of their acquaintance … that's all it had been. He was off starting a whole new life for himself. He had no more time for her than she did for him. But instead of feeling relieved, she felt sort of depressed. Pasting a smile on her face, she forced a teasing note into her voice as she faced her co-workers. "So, ladies and germs, what fun and frivolity are on tap for us tonight?"
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