“Thank you would be a start.” He mutters
“Thank you Dean.” I reply
“I was always coming to get you, but I needed something from Red first.” He explains
“So you used me as a bargaining chip? You let me stay there not even knowing if I was safe?”
“I knew you were safe. I knew what Adam was, I knew you were going to be okay. I just needed to know some things first. Red had information that only he could give, and I couldn’t risk not getting it. I have waited too long to just let him go to jail and never get what he owed me.”
“He owed you something? What?”
“I can’t tell you.” He says quietly
“Okay.”
“Liv…”
“No, I totally get it. I get it all Dean. I fell in love with you. I am pregnant with your fucking baby, and you didn’t save me until you had what you needed. I know you don’t give a shit about me. But honestly if you aren’t going to share, then don’t fucking talk to me. Just tell me what I need to do to get away from you and you won’t ever have to see me again. You can go off with your wife, and you won’t have to ever look my way.”
He suddenly sits up straight, he grabs my arm and yanks me up onto his lap so that I am straddling him.
“You are the biggest idiot I have ever met. Do you have any idea the shit I have gone through to save your ass? How do you not know how I feel about you? Everyone else seems to know, but you don’t have a fucking clue. How is that?”
“I don’t know.”
“I love you Olivia, I have fucking loved you since Ashley came to me to kill you and first tailed you, I saw you playing with your niece and you helped a little old lady who spilled her purse. I have loved you since I watched you take pictures of some kids’ birthday party in the park. I have fucking loved you since I came into your apartment and heard your voice for the first time. Since I watched the way you lit up when you talked about your brother and Josslyn and your job. I have never loved woman the way that I love you. Don’t give me your self-pity bullshit. I know what you went through was scary. I know that. But I have fucking killed myself and made more deals with the devil since the day I first fell for you, all to keep you safe. You don’t get to play that card.”
His hands are on either side of my face, he isn’t letting me look away “I know that my baby is inside of you right now, I know that things are going to get a hell of a lot worse before they get better, but I am telling you Olivia, I love you. I love you so much it fucking hurts. You are my whole life. You don’t even know how much it hurt me to not be able to take care of you. It killed me.”
The pad of his thumb gently rubs the tears away that are falling down my cheek.
“I love you too.” I whisper. “So much Dean.”
His lips are forceful against mine. So many feelings are being passed between us. His kiss is hard and needy, mine is regretful.
He reaches down and pulls my shirt quickly over my head. He nudges me up so that he can remove my jean shorts.
There is nothing slow or gentle about what happens next, Dean removes himself from his shorts and plunges into me so hard and fast, my first cry is a blissful mixture of pain and pleasure.
He’s groaning all sorts of things but I can’t quite make any of them out. He has me held so close to him. Like he is afraid to let me go. His thrusts are continuous and at the same speed.
He is saying my name. He’s saying how sorry he is, how much he loves me.
I tell him I love him too. Scratching my nails against his back as he picks up the pace. I know that he is close. I can feel his desperation to try and make this last longer.
“It’s okay.” I whisper in his ear.
This sends him over the edge, I am not far behind. He’s still holding me so tightly. He doesn’t let go for several moments. “I love you so much.”
We move to the bedroom, and we don’t leave until much later in the evening, when Dean announces that we need to eat.
He was in a really good mood for the entire day. He didn’t want to let me go, unless I was going to the bathroom he was with me. His desperation to constantly touch me was evident. I thought it was sweet.
“No matter what happens. No matter what anyone ever tells you, I want you to know that I love you. That I will always love you. Promise me you will always remember that.”
I promised him.
Of course I didn’t realize what this promise met. He was leaving me.
Chapter 17
There is a banging at the door the next morning. I moan slightly at being woken up too quickly, I rub my hand along the other side of the bed, feeling for Dean but he isn’t there. I sit up, pulling the sheet around me as I do. His spot is cold. He hasn’t been here for a while.
The banging sound continues. I get up, throw on my T-shirt and shorts and I walk out into the living room.
It’s clean. It wasn’t clean when we went to bed last night. Dean and I had sex on pretty much every solid surface of this suite last night. Lamps were pulled down, pillows tossed in random areas. It was a disaster.
He must have woken up and cleaned it last night. I walk to the bathroom to see if he is in the shower. The door is open and the light is off.
I call out: “Dean?”
No answer. Odd.
The knocking starts up again. This time it isn’t as loud as it was before. Whoever is on the other side, must have heard me call out to Dean. Then I consider maybe its Dean. Maybe he stepped out and forgot his key.
I walk to the peephole and look through. It’s not Dean, its Adam.
I look around the room behind me. Something feels off.
I open the door. Adam is smiling “Hey.”
I move to the side so that he can come through. He’s wearing a suit. I see his name tag on the pocket of his suit jacket.
He’s carrying a bakery box “I bought donuts. I figured you might be hungry.”
“Thanks.” I say. He sits down on the couch, and opens the box allowing me to select one.
“How are you?” He asks?
“I’m great. The first night was a little rough, but now things are pretty decent Dean and I talked and I think I know where we stand so that helps. How are things with your dad? Is he in jail?”
Adam looks at me and frowns “Dean didn’t tell you anything that happened?”
I shake my head. “We didn’t really have time.”
“Red is dead. Dean killed him.”
“Oh.”
“Do you have to arrest him for murder now?”
Adam laughs, but it’s not humorous “No Olivia, I was there when it happened. The fire happened so quickly that it changed things. Remember when I told you that I needed information on a human trafficking case? That that information was what I was waiting on to lock Red up? Well, Dean needed his own information. His mother. Matthew gave Red his mother 6 years ago. That was the first time I met Dean. We have been working together to try and bring Red down. That same day, Red sold my mother. My father sold both women to killers. Black Market organ donors. They are both dead.”
“So Dean killed him?”
“He did. Before I could. My father promised me that if I came to work for him, he would tell me where she was. For years he promised me that she was safe. Part of me knew he was lying, which is why I joined the FBI. I can work quietly with them on bringing my dad down. But not alert my father as to what is happening in the slight chance that she was alive. The problem is, he knew where the women were going and he knew what was going to happen.”
“Wow.” I manage. Poor Dean
“I wonder why Dean never told me.”
“I’m not sure, but now that he knows where his son was sold, he will go and find him and bring him back to Stella.”
What?
“Dean has a son?” I ask. I can feel the donut churning in my stomach
“Yeah, he married Stella when she got pregnant. I thought you knew all of this?”
“No.” I whisper “I di
dn’t know he had a son. So he’s gone to look for his son?”
“He is. He paid for the room for you, for however long you want to stay. He doesn’t know when he will be back, he could be gone a few weeks or he could be gone much, much longer. He left money for you too. I have all the bank account information here for you.”
He pulls an envelope out of his pocket and hands it to me. It’s thick, like it contains much more than bank information.
Dean. He has a son. He has a son with Stella. He told me he loved me. He lied. He told me that Stella meant nothing to him. How could having a child with her be possible, but with me it’s some conspiracy?
And his leaving me here?
I could understand him going to find his child, but it’s the fact he never told me he had a child to begin with.
I’m angry.
Maybe I am jealous.
I feel sick.
I race to the bathroom just in time. Dry heaves rack through my body. Too much stress.
I brush my teeth and splash cool water on my face before I walk back out and see Adam sitting on the couch in the same position.
“Can you take me home?”
He waits a few moments before he replies; “sure.”
I don’t really have anything to pack. I grab my IPod and that’s it. I don’t have a purse and I don’t want anything that Dean bought for me.
He didn’t even say goodbye.
Chapter 18
The ride back is fairly quiet. Adam stops often to ask me how I am doing, to buy me drinks. Makes sure I’m not going to throw up.
He’s caring. Which I really appreciate. His job was over the moment that Red died, but he still took the time to come and check on me. He is still taking me back home.
He asks if we can be friends. I agree. I need all the friends I can get. My life needs people I can trust. Adam is that.
He tells me that Jaxon knows I was kidnapped but he doesn’t know that Dean had anything to do with it. I probably won’t ever share that bit of information with him.
We pull up to the townhouse. It looks exactly the same as it did the day I left. The lawn is perfectly mowed. The flowers look beautiful and watered. When we enter my apartment it is clean and dusted. My mail from the last 4-5 weeks is sitting on my kitchen table, along with a fresh vase of flowers.
“Someone has been here?” I ask Adam, I don’t know why I assume he will know
“Your mother and Alexis. They have been coming every day for the last week since we got the money sent over to Red and knew that you would be released. They should be here soon. I texted your friend about an hour ago that we were on the way.”
My mom?
Right away there is a knock on the front door. I open it to see my mom, with Alexis behind her. My mother begins sobbing right away “Oh my God, my beautiful baby. You’re okay.”
“Mommy.” I cry, hugging her. She rubs my back, my hair holding me tightly. I can feel her hot tears on my cheek as she refuses to let go. Which okay because I don’t ever want her to let me go again. “Oh baby I am so glad you are okay.” She murmurs into my hair.
We finally part. She tucks my hair behind my ear and begins gently patting my face and shoulders, looking me up and down to make sure that I am okay and whole.
After the way everything ended with Jaxon and ultimately me moving out, my mother is the last person I expect to give me a homecoming. But to be perfectly honest I have never loved her or needed her more in my entire life than I do right now.
She steps away, and I notice my best friend crying. I open my arms and she runs into them. “You stupid bitch, how could you go and get kidnapped. I have been so worried about you. Dean couldn’t tell us anything, Ryan told me they were working on finding you. Dean was a wreck when I saw him a few weeks ago. He looked like he hadn’t eaten or slept in days. I am so glad he found you and brought you home to us. Jaxon and Josslyn have been freaking out too. Joss refused to go to daycare. She won’t listen to anything Jaxon says until her auntie comes back. We have all missed you so much baby.”
“I missed you too Lex, so much.”
Adam announces that he has to get going. He leaves the envelope that Dean gave him behind. He tells me to look at it when I am ready, but asks me not to just throw it away. He smiles when he says this, like he knows me well enough already to know that I was planning on doing just that.
I thank him for everything he has done. My mom thanks him, Alexis hugs him. He laughs.
Mom fusses. A lot. She doesn’t let me do much. They know I am pregnant. I assume Adam told them. Mom cleans and cooks. Alexis paints my toes and does my hair. She makes a lot of ‘tsking’ noises in disapproval over the status of my hair. Which makes me laugh. It feels nice to be back in a world where that is my biggest issue.
I get rid of the couch the day after I get home. Too many memories. I post it on a second hand website. A private buyer pays for it, a mover comes in and takes it away. Hands me the money and that is that.
I order a new one. One that allows me to put my feet up the way you can in a recliner.
Jaxon brings Joss buy a few days later. He called me the night that I got back. He was crying. I have never in my life heard my brother cry. When he came over, he cried again. And then I sobbed as I held my niece in my arms while she cried and clung to my neck. No one could get her to let me go. After a while they stopped trying. She slept in my arms after hours of asking me all about my adventure. Of course Jaxon didn’t tell her I was kidnapped. We made up a story that I went to climb mountains near Disney World. She was two, she just wanted to hear about Snow White.
When Jaxon, Joss and mom left at the end of the day Alexis stayed. In fact she pretty much moved in with me. She went with me to a doctor’s appointment a week after I returned. Despite all the stress the baby was perfect. I was about 10 weeks, and I got to see what my baby looked like.
It only hurt a little to do that without Dean.
It only hurt a little more when he didn’t call after the first week.
A little more after the first month.
When I found out that we were having a little boy. The pain was just a slight stab in the heart.
Chapter 19 - Six Months Later
Mom and Dad divorced.
Apparently she filed after I went missing, and Dad refused to let her help in the search efforts she decided that she couldn’t take him anymore.
Mom is happier sans dad. She sings in the car on the way to the store. She swears. The first time I heard her curse I nearly peed my pants with laughter.
She stays with Joss and Jaxon. I think Jaxon is really happy to have her support finally.
Josslyn just loves her.
Alexis is still pretty much living with me. She keeps her own space, but no one seems to really like it when I am alone. And to be totally honest even 6 months later and at 8 and a half months pregnant, alone is the last thing I want to be.
The nursery is all decorated. We did yellow and blue pastels. I didn’t want to do anything too boyish at first, but Alexis and I got carried away.
I started doing my photography again shortly after I returned. At first it was hard to focus, but Alexis helped me get through the first few jobs without panicking and feeling like something was going to happen. It’s nice to be earning money again. Not that I needed a whole lot, I still had my savings and money from additional photos that were ordered from previous jobs before I went missing.
6 months later, I still have not opened his envelope.
Ryan comes by often to check on me. He never mentions Dean. In fact after a while I start to forget that he is Dean’s brother.
He and Alexis started dating shortly after my return. I was a little sad in some ways, because I always thought that Alexis would become my sister in law, but my brother is so busy with Joss he has no real desire to settle down with just one person.
Ryan is good to Lex though. He showers her with gifts. He sits with us and watches movies. He helped us build the nursery.
He is the baby’s uncle, he even buys boxes of diapers and onesies when he is out. I think he does it for a reason to randomly drop by.
But never does he talk about his brother.
I don’t know if he does it for Dean, or if he does it for me. Alexis says that he is angry with his brother. But she doesn’t say much more than that. I can always tell that she wants to though. She’s angry at Dean for leaving me alone. I am too, but we are all more upset to find that Stella is with him, and he hasn’t made contact since the last day I saw him at the hotel.
***
I go into labor when I am 38 weeks. It’s mid-June, hotter than hell outside and I am cranky.
I am yelling at the guy Ryan hired to mow my lawn. Ryan and Alexis are sitting outside drinking ice tea and trying to get me to calm down. Laughing at me, which only makes me laugh in return and then I get angry at the guy for laughing as well.
My water breaks in the middle of me telling the poor teenager that if he didn’t start picking up the left over grass I was going to shove it down his throat. I might have been a bit hormonal.
The tears that run down my face as soon as I realize what is happening is too much for Ryan.
I am crying to Alexis about having to do this alone. When he starts swearing and calling his brother an asshole among other choice names. He starts pacing the room saying something about Stella needing to solve her own damn problems. I want to ask him what he means by that, but suddenly a strong contraction hits.
“Ow, shit Lex this really hurts.”
She holds my hand while we lay on the couch, waiting for the contractions to come closer together. When they do, we grab my hospital bag and go. Calling mom on our way.
Once we are in the hospital room, mom is wiping down my forehead with a cool cloth and Alexis is holding my hand. Ryan is sitting in a chair. He’s not staying in here while I give birth, but his support until the action starts really means a lot.
I have a range of emotions. The first one being despair.
“I don’t want to do this. He should be here. I need him to be here.”
Sweetest Torture (Sweetest Kill Book 2) Page 6