by HJ Bellus
Annie gave Miss Fallon her end of the year gift and then she grabbed my hand, tugging me to the bus. She was beyond thrilled to get to ride the big yellow bus home. I gave her a big kiss and patted her little bum as she crawled up the steps. I thought it would be easier to let her get on that big yellow bus since I was totally for it, but something pulled in my tummy. I wanted her with me in the truck on the way home. I guess this is what it feels like to let your child grow up.
I walked back into the school and noticed a young couple standing at the office window. The lady had dark curly brown hair and familiar blue eyes. Strange? I thought. I had never seen them around the school or town, and who would be checking in a new student on the last day of school? The man was very creepy. He was massive. The smell of alcohol and filth was emanating from both of them. Their appearance and smell sent chills up my spine. I slowed down to listen in on their conversation with the secretary. Something was wrong, but what was it?
“We are looking for Annie Fitzpatrick. I am her mother, and Cree told me to pick her up from school today. Could you help me find her?”
“Ma’am like I told you on the phone, you are not listed in Annie’s file. I am sorry, but I am going to have to ask you to leave.”
One of Annie’s classmates stopped by and innocently said, “Annie rode the bus home today.”
The couple started to walk away, and I sprinted for the buses. The buses had just pulled out from the front of the school. I jumped into my truck and ripped it out of the parking lot. I tried to call Cree. The bus stop was closer to him than me at the moment. He didn’t answer. I called Willow and she answered. I screamed at her the whole time. I hung up and dialed Cree’s number again. He finally answered,
“I’m busy Milly, can’t talk.”
“Cree! Annie…bus and Kyla..at office trying to get her. I chasing..bus now.”
“What? Slow down.”
My brain couldn’t think or form coherent speech. My whole body shook with fear. Kyla wanted my daughter. She was here for my daughter. I couldn’t let Kyla get close to Annie. I willed my brain to slow down and talk to Cree. “Annie’s on the bus and Kyla was at the office trying to get her.”
“How do you know it was Kyla?”
“Cree she said she was Annie’s mom, and told the secretary that you told her to pick up Annie. Cree help me. What do I do?”
Dead silence. I needed to get Annie, now.
“Help me Cree!”
“Listen Milly. Flag down the bus and get Annie off of it. Head home and lock the doors.”
“Oh my god, there is the bus. I see it.”
I waved down the driver to get her attention just like Cree was instructing me to do, step by step. She pulled over and I grabbed Annie off of the bus. She was completely confused and I didn’t have the willpower or the togetherness to talk to her right then.
“I have her Cree. I have her.”
“Head home and lock the door. I will be there in five minutes. I’m hanging up to call the cops.”
Willow and Lacey pulled in right behind me. I informed them of everything. Lacey took Annie up to her room to play games and distract her from what was going on. Willow and I stood hand in hand looking out the front window, waiting for the storm to hit. Something in my gut told me this was going to turn out very bad. The smell of the man with Kyla still haunted me. He was pure evil.
A rusty unfamiliar car pulled into the driveway and the couple from the school stepped out. Kyla had a crazy look in her eyes. The man was clearly agitated. His face was covered in craters and raw sores. His arms had track lines up and down them. Kyla didn’t look any better. She looked like a starving raccoon, searching for its next meal.
Willow gripped my hand tightly. Then a familiar dust cloud rolled down the lane. It was Cree. I could see another dust cloud off in the distance, and I prayed it was the cops. Cree hopped out of his truck and didn’t waste any time laying into Kyla. Willow opened the door, so we could hear what was going on.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Cree, I am here for my daughter.”
“You don’t have a daughter. You lost her years ago.”
“Cree, I need my baby. I just got out of rehab and I am ready to start a new life.”
“You are fucking pathetic, not a chance. Is that why you have fresh track lines in your arms? Get out of here before the cops come.”
The man with Kyla stepped up into Cree’s face and started to speak.
“I wouldn’t want to have to cut that pretty little girl of yours up. Kyla tells me she is awful pretty, and I do like little girls.”
Cree lunged for the creep and started pounding his face. I let go of Willow and ran for the door. Cree was now on top and pounding his fist into the man’s face. Kyla was screaming to get Cree’s attention, and then she pulled out something shiny.
I shouted Cree’s name, but it was too late. I heard three explosive cracks. The world stopped spinning when Cree slumped to the ground. The cops weren’t fast enough. Another loud crack went off and Kyla dropped to the ground. The creepy man surrendered to the cops.
I could hear the swirling of the powerful helicopter blades in the background and I could feel the dirt whirling around, tearing at my sensitive skin. I laid on top of Cree, trying to stop his blood spilling from his body. I placed both hands over his wounds. He was trying to tell me something, so I placed my ear by his lips.
“Take care of our daughter. I love you. I wanted to marry you this summer. I have the ring in the tractor. Be happy and let me go Milly. Let me go.”
I was instantly enraged at his words. He couldn’t give up, and he couldn’t leave me. It wasn’t a possibility; he owned every part of me.
“Goddamn it Cree, don’t do this. Don’t fucking leave me. Fight Cree, fight!!! I’m pregnant. I was going to have Annie tell you tonight. I’m two months pregnant. Fight goddamn it. Fight for me.”
Cree couldn’t talk anymore. He now had blood gurgling from his mouth. He closed his eyes and his body started convulsing violently against the cold, hard ground. I started to scream at him, when I was pushed off him by a paramedic. I sat back in the dirt, covered in Cree’s blood. He left me covered in blood. He left me. He left me bleeding. He just left.
Chapter 29
I Need Him…
7 Months Later
“I can’t do this alone. I need him. I need his strong hands holding me. I need to smell him. Why? Why? I want him here by my side. I need him.”
“Breathe Milly, breathe through the pain,” Lacey begged.
“Goddamn it! I can’t, I need Cree. I fucking need him, and he isn’t here! I can’t do this!”
“Your baby is coming today. You can do this. C’mon Milly girl. Fight for it. Fight through the pain for your baby.”
The door flew open and Cree finally stepped in.
“Where the hell have you been?”
“I jumped off the combine, raced home and grabbed your bag.”
“I fucking called you thirty minutes ago. Ow Ow O wow. Goddamn it!”
“I’m here baby,” he said as he rubbed my belly.
“For the love of all things holy…you are never sticking your dick inside me again. I fucking mean it. In fact, get your dick away from me now!”
“Do you think you should ask the nurse for pain meds?” Cree offered.
“Do you think you should shut the fuck up Cree? No! I don’t need pain meds. I think of all people I would fucking know when I needed pain meds! Is there a bowling ball flying out of your pussy at the moment?”
The nurse entered the room when I finished my rant. I immediately begged her for my epidural.
I looked over at Cree and whispered sorry. He cautiously approached the bed again and kissed my forehead. I landed a punch straight to his jaw ten minutes later, when a mother of all motherfucking contractions hit. I’m pretty sure he kissed the male anesthesiologist on the lips when he finally walked into the room.
20 Minutes Later
I was laughing and smiling. Lacey went to get Willow and Annie. Cree climbed into the bed with me. I apologized profusely for my behavior. He kissed me and smiled.
“No more babies for you, missy!”
“Don’t think that will be a problem, since I made a promise to ban your dick from my life.”
My Annie came bolting into the room with a chocolate pudding. Cree lifted her up on the bed with us.
“Hey! Sweet baby girl of mine!” I said, kissing her forehead and wiping her hair out of her face.
“Daddy and I raced here fast momma. We had to get your bag. Daddy even called another driver a slow motherfucker, and he flipped them the bad finger.”
“Take it easy on your daddy sweetheart! He has had a rough day.”
I looked around at all the smiling faces that surrounded me, and I thought back to the day I thought I lost it all. Cree was Life-Flighted to Denver that day. He went through six surgeries. I had to wait fifteen hours to see him. I fought with the doctors to take Annie with me into his ICU room. Cree always insisted on being honest with her. I knew he would want his daughter with him while he fought for his life.
Annie and I didn’t leave his side for three weeks. Cree went through four more surgeries and extensive physical therapy. The only remnants from that awful day were six scars from surgery, the three scars from the bullets and his limp. One of the bullets went through Cree’s hip. He had to have plates and screws placed there. Cree was very self-conscious of his new limp. I reassured him several times that I found it dead sexy, and reminded him that it fit his pirate persona perfectly.
I spent the summer helping Cree recover and entertained Annie. Cree had a permanent pool installed for his girls in the backyard. Annie, Olive and I spent many hours out there together, swimming and soaking up the sun rays. Willow ran the The Shop for me, and I just grew and grew and grew. My belly was ginormous! Cree and Annie spent more time rubbing and talking to my belly than to my face.
Cree’s appetite for sex tripled while I was pregnant. He said there was something about his Dolly barefoot and pregnant. He took me anywhere and any way he could have me.
Now, we are here! We wanted our family with us up until it was time to push. Then we wanted it to be just Cree and I. If Annie was a little older, we would let her stay in the room with us.
The time to push came fast. I had been in labor for six hours. Most of it laughing and playing UNO with Annie, thanks to drugs. Annie will always be my first child and I have tried to show her that though my whole pregnancy. I wanted to give her a special gift before the baby came. I haven’t had the chance to give it to her, since I went into unexpected labor. Cree started to usher everyone out of the room. My family hugged and kissed me as they made their way out.
“Can you guys give Annie and I couple of minutes alone?”
They left Annie with me in my bed. I handed Annie a wrapped gift.
“Annie, I want you to always remember that you are my girl. You are my first child. You were never in my tummy, but you are in my heart now and forever.”
I watched Annie tear open the package. I bought her a matching doll and necklace, similar to the one Cree bought for me. The top pendant said, “My” and the bottom pendant said, “daughter.” Cree pushed open the door to take Annie to the waiting room. He knew better to not rush our moment, so he stood at the bottom of the bed. I put Annie’s necklace on her and squeezed her tightly to me.
“Remember you’re my firstborn and love of my life little girl.”
“Momma, I love you now and forever.”
Cree wrapped us in his arms and squeezed the ever loving shit out of us. When he released us, I felt like China was about to burst through my vagina.
“Oh, it is time captain.”
Cree ushered Annie out of the room and returned with the doctor and nurse. Cree stood by me as I pushed out our baby. On December 30th at 1:13 A.M., our baby boy came out screaming. Cree grabbed my face with both of his hands and kissed me.
“God I love you, Milly.”
“I love you, too.”
The nurses were busy weighing and checking my boy. One nurse announced, “Baby Fitzpatrick weighs 10 pounds, 9 ounces. No wonder you were so mean before drugs!”
Cree finally was allowed to bring my baby to me. The instant I saw his dark hair and extra chubby cheeks, I wanted ten more of him.
“What is his name Momma?” Cree asked.
“Mac. Baby Mac.”
I leaned over and kissed Cree.
“Thank you Cree, for everything.”
“I love his name. It’s us. Milly, Annie and Cree,” Cree said, as his tears started to roll down both cheeks.
“Go get my Annie. She needs to meet Mac.”
Annie proudly strutted into the room, sporting her big sister shirt. Annie crawled up into the bed and peered down at Mac. She was inches from his face and said, “Boy I don’t know you, but I wove you. Can you grow up fast, so you can protect me from PJ Johnson at school?”
We all chuckled at her. Lacey and Willow wanted to hold Mac, but I wouldn’t let go of him yet. Cree finally took Mac away and gave him to the girls.
“Momma? Can I stay with you tonight? I don’t want you or daddy to leave me.”
I would never leave this girl or deny her anything. She needed me tonight, so she would get me.
“Of course, pumpkin head! You and daddy can share the cot.”
Cree just shook his head. He knew I would never deny Annie anything, and deep down I knew he wanted her here tonight with us. The four of us huddled together on the bed after Lacey and Willow left. Annie was passed out on Cree’s lap, and Mac was cuddled up on my chest. I looked at Cree and smiled. My heart was whole again, with no signs of scarring from its previous shattered state. My life was simply perfect. Cree reached over and took my hand in his. He slipped a yellow two carat diamond ring on my finger and whispered, “Marry me.”
Epilogue
Cree begged me to tell this part of the story. But, this story is mine. A girl has to share her happily ever after.
I wanted to wait until the spring to get married, but Cree wanted to get married the very next day. In the hospital! I held him off until today, February 14th.
I wanted an outside wedding, so Cree rented a huge heated tent. I didn’t want to waste my time on the wedding details. I would rather be snuggled up with my Mac, playing UNO with Annie, or out in the tractor with the Captain. Picking out flowers, cakes and centerpieces just sounded so damn boring to me. I gave all the planning responsibilities to Lacey and Willow. I picked the colors, my dress and that was it.
We couldn’t have timed baby Mac better if we tried, although there was absolutely no planning involved. We hadn’t even discussed birth control or engaged in protected sex. We were so drawn and bound to each other, it hadn’t even crossed either of our minds. We were in love, in true love.
Cree was home with me through the winter months, teaching me the ins and outs of a baby. We were both there fulltime to keep up with our little busybody Annie. She loved being a big sister, and even learned how to share bath time with Mac. Our bed had turned into a family bed, with all four of us snuggled up together. Oh wait! Make that five, including Olive.
Of course Cree and I didn’t wait the six weeks the doctor recommended. We were sneaking out to the tractor within three weeks. Cree always made sure we had our alone time. I have no idea how he did it between the farm, the kids and me but he always did.
Today, I am wearing a simple lace dress. It’s not the traditional wedding dress, because I am not the traditional bride. The moment I saw this dress, it owned me! It is a white sweet lace and tulle detailed dress, with cap sleeves and an embroidered lace bodice with a sweetheart neckline. It is pleated at the waist and has an exposed center back. It falls right above my knee. I am wearing a pair of brown cowboy boots with my wedding dress, because I can! Francis’ jewelry is the only jewelry I will wear. I gave Willow and Lacey some of Francis’ jewelry. I also
let Annie pick anything she wanted to wear of Francis’.
I wanted my hair to be done in a simple style. Annie started doing my hair, but Lacey finished it up with her magic hands while I nursed Mac. My hair was pulled down low and to the side and twisted in a messy bun. Annie insisted that her hair look the exact same as mine! Willow, Lacey and Annie wore beautiful short A-line dresses with v- necks in shades of pink and orange that were bathed in lace and adorned with a handmade rosette pinned at the shoulder.
Cree threw a fit about not being able to see me on our wedding day. He claimed it wasn’t fair since I had both kids. He was good at throwing fits, but the poor man never stood a chance at winning this battle. The girls were putting their finishing touches on each other, as I stepped out into my bedroom to change Mac into his onesie that was sporting a tie and his soft baby blue jeans. He was going to be dressed just like his daddy. Cree was going to be in his signature baby blue jeans, a white buttoned up shirt, untucked, with a black tie and his trucker hat.
Mac was Cree’s best man, and his two groomsmen were Greyson and his cousin Tripp. Tripp and his parents showed up a week earlier to help with the wedding. His Aunt Phyllis was amazing. I loved having her around. His Uncle Robert was very quiet, and it was clear he was very uncomfortable being back on the family farm. They lived in Florida and owned a huge chain of car dealerships.
Tripp was going to live with us for a while. He had just been released from rehab. Tripp had found himself in a great deal of trouble with drugs and money. He was definitely a bad boy and fit the image perfectly with his tattoos and piercings. Tripp was the complete opposite of my farm boy Cree. The pair used to spend the summers together when they were small boys and were very close.
Cree and Mac would be walking down the aisle together, then Greyson and Willow, followed by Lacey and Tripp. Annie and I marched down the aisle together to “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.” This was the one thing Annie insisted on.