Fallen Angel, Part III

by Tracie Podger

  “You two, you’re like fucking animals. You scared that little boy half to death. Whatever shit is going on, sort it out. We made a deal, get in that changing room and ring Caroline before it’s too late, if it isn’t already,” I shouted.

  “What do you mean, if it isn’t already?” Travis asked.

  “Let this go on any longer and she isn’t going to hang around for you to grow up.”

  I turned and walked away before I said anymore. I swung the door open with such force, it came back at me, missing me by a whisper. I stopped short though. Robert was walking back and forth still cradling a crying Gerry to his chest. When he caught sight of me, the sadness on his face made my breath catch in my throat. Tears welled in my eyes and I shook my head. That look had me scurrying for the car park. That look. Robert knew what he felt and he looked at me with pity. I texted Gary as I walked making sure he had the car ready. Ted had already taken the kids, Robert would have to take Gerry home.

  “Everything okay, Brooke?” Gary asked.

  “Yes, can you take me home please?”

  “Of course.” He opened the rear door for me.

  I rested my head back on the seat and closed my eyes. Not being able to have a child had never bothered me with Michael but the sadness that was now coursing through my body was almost too much to bear. I thought I had come to terms with that years ago but the sight of Robert holding Gerry, the sadness in his eyes was breaking me apart. We needed to talk, to find a way to move through that. It wouldn’t break us, I knew that, but it certainly put a small chink in whatever it was that bound us together.

  The car pulled up on the drive. I thanked Gary and headed indoors. I could smell food and made my way upstairs.

  “I’m sorry, Ev, I’m not feeling too great. Do you mind if I skip dinner? Robert is going to run Gerry home, he stayed a little later at the gym. He can reheat something when he gets back.”

  “Of course, are you okay?” she asked.

  “No, can we talk about it later?”

  “Sure, I’ll wrap this and if you need me, you know where I am.”

  She gave me a hug before leaving. I felt terrible, she always went to the trouble of making sure we had a lovely meal each evening. I would call her later, she was someone I could confide in but until I got my thoughts straight in my head, I wanted to be alone for a bit. I stripped and headed for the shower. I stood for ages under the water, letting the jets soothe my body and when I was done, I wrapped a towel around myself and headed for the bedroom. Robert was sitting on the bed, I wasn’t expecting him home so quick.

  “Hi,” he said quietly.

  “Hi yourself. Did you get Gerry back okay, is he all right?”

  “Yes, he’s fine. We played I spy all the way, I couldn’t guess one thing,” he said with a chuckle.

  “You and Travis scared him.” I took a seat beside him.

  “I know and I’m sorry. Why did you run off?”

  “Why? Because you and Travis were beating the shit out of each other, Gerry was crying and I was trying to comfort him, then you snatch him from me and leave. Take a guess, Robert,” I said.

  “You’re pissed at me aren’t you?”

  “No shit. For a businessman you sure do take some time to understand.”

  I sat on the bed beside him. He took a deep breath before placing his hand under my chin and pulling my face towards his.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve been a jerk. I thought I had all this figured out. You telling me Caroline might kill her baby made something in me hurt. And then there’s Gerry. I don’t know what the fuck is happening right now, I only know I don’t like it.”

  “You want me to spell it out for you?” I asked. He just looked at me.

  “You’re feeling things a father would. You’ve connected with Gerry and it’s making your paternal feelings come to the surface, you can’t handle that. When I told you about Caroline, that hurt you felt, that’s because you don’t like the thought of that baby being unwanted. And the look you gave me earlier? That was pity.”

  “Pity? Where the fuck did you get that from? I don’t pity you, or me for that matter. Why on earth would you say that?”

  “I can’t give you what you might now be wanting,” I said, the tears welling.

  “How do you know what I want? I want you, I always will. Not once have I thought about what you can’t give me, I only ever think about what you already have.”

  We sat staring at each other. A tear rolled down my cheek and he reached for it, he caught it on his thumb.

  “How did you feel when you were told you couldn’t have children?” he asked.

  “At first I don’t think it bothered me but that was because I wasn’t in a relationship where I wanted a family. But now, seeing you and Gerry, it hurts, Robert. Hearing Caroline, it hurts. Seeing what a prick Travis is being, it fucking hurts.” There, I said it. I admitted how I was feeling.

  I felt that weight I had been carrying on my shoulders lift slightly. I hadn’t acknowledged how I was feeling until then. I guessed I had conditioned myself to believe that I was okay with the knowledge that I didn’t want children, and now I knew that wasn’t the case. I wanted to be a mother, I wanted Robert to be a father and I was scared. For a brief moment I was scared that he would leave me. He would leave me for someone who could give him something I couldn’t. I had always been the one with total confidence in our relationship but just for that few minutes, I was unsure.

  “It hurts me too, that you’re hurting. We’ve been through worse, Brooke, and we’ll get through this,” he said, pulling me into his arms.

  “If, as you say, what’s going on inside is my paternal instinct kicking in, then I’ll deal with it.”

  I leant into him. “What if that desire to have a child gets too strong? What happens to us?”

  “We’ll deal with it. What are you afraid of? That I’d leave you?” he said.

  I didn’t reply.

  “You’re kidding me, right? Don’t you know how much I love you, how I can’t exist without you?” He seemed astonished I could think that way.

  “Brooke, look at me?” he said.

  I raised my face and looked him straight in the eyes.

  “I love you. I owe you. I would still be that half man just existing if I hadn’t met you. You and only you, complete me, Brooke. I don’t need anything more. You have to believe me.”

  I climbed onto his lap and snuggled against his chest. “I just want you to have it all,” I said.

  “I have it all now. I have a wife. Brooke, I never believed I would have that, that I could be this happy. I never believed I would fall in love, until you.”

  We sat in silence for a while and he held me, comforting me like he had Gerry. Had I got it so wrong? Had I transferred my feelings about my infertility onto him? I guess I had. For sure, Robert was becoming paternal, there was no denying that, but all this with Travis, with Gerry, had me confused.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “For what? You’ve nothing to be sorry about.”

  “I gave Travis a real bollocking earlier.”

  “Bollocking, I love that. He needed it. He rang her, she told him to fuck off and put the phone down. I think he’s missed the boat there.”

  “I hope not. I hope he tries again.”

  “If he wants her, he’ll fight for her trust me on that. Telling him to ‘fuck off’ might just do the trick. Trav likes a challenge,” Robert said.

  “I don’t want to see any more tears, okay. I’m here to stay, I couldn’t walk away from you even if you begged me to,” he added.

  We made our way back upstairs and I reheated the lamb Evelyn had been cooking. It wasn’t as nice as it would have been but with some mashed potatoes it was edible. My earlier outburst meant I had little appetite but Robert, having missed lunch, finished his and mine. I cleared the plates and we sat nursing a glass of wine each.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened with you and Travis?” I asked.

&n
bsp; “I don’t really know what happened, one minute we were sparring and then it kicked off.”

  “Did he say anything?”

  “Only that he was pissed that I was pushing him about Caroline. I had spoken to him earlier and he found out I’d told the guys. I guess he was mad he hadn’t had the chance to do that himself. They knew something was wrong, you’ve seen the way he’s been lately, I thought they should know.”

  “And how about Gerry, what did you tell him?”

  “That we were practising, that’s all. He’s not right though. I’m going to have a word with the therapist, see how his sessions are going.”

  “Will she tell you?”

  “Yes, I’ll give her a call tomorrow. Now, how about you? How are you feeling?”

  “I’m fine. I just, well... I see you with Gerry and how cross you are with Travis and I guess my mind ran away with me. You would be an amazing father and I got scared. If you want kids and I can’t have them, I feel like it would put a wedge between us.”

  “Nothing would put a wedge between us. I feel something when I pick up that little guy, when I hold him, for sure. What we have, nothing can damage that. For fuck sake, you’ve been shot at, I’ve been stabbed, any sane woman would have been on the next flight home.”

  I laughed. “I guess when it comes to you, sanity left me that day in the kitchen.”

  This was a complete role reversal and it took a while to dawn on me. I started to laugh.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Us. How many months have I spent dealing with your issues, your feelings and now you’re doing that for me,” I said.

  His fingers stroked the side of my face, tucking my hair behind my ear. As terrifying as he looked in the ring earlier, he was the total opposite now, tender and caring. We were interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He looked at the caller display before silencing its ring. I watched the phone vibrate for a while, someone obviously needed to speak to him.

  “It’s okay, take the call,” I said.

  “Talking to you is more important right now.”

  “I’m fine honestly, take the call.”

  He picked it up, looked at the caller display before deciding to answer.

  “Hey, Mack,” he said. He listened for a while.

  “Fuck, did he see him? Good, we need to find him, and quick. Travis will break the passwords, I’ll ring him now. Give me a half hour, I’ll meet you at the office.”

  Robert looked at me, the dilemma showing on his face.

  “Go, sort out whatever you need to,” I said.

  He immediately dialled Travis. “Need you in the office now. Tony got Rogers’ hard drive. I’ll be downstairs.”

  Of course the name Rogers had my attention and I heard the name Tony again. Robert looked at me, I didn’t ask but it was obvious what had happened. Whoever Tony was, he had stolen Rogers’ computer. Robert was debating, I could see that. Did he tell me or not?

  “Tony is an old associate, best investigator and housebreaker in the country. He managed to get the hard drive from Rogers’ computer but Rogers came home early. Don’t think he saw Tony but Rogers got scared and has run. I’m going into the office, to see what’s on it.”

  I nodded. I kissed him as he slid off the stool and headed downstairs. I heard the garage doors open and the revving of the Range Rover. I knew why Robert told me these things, in the beginning I had wanted to know. But none of the other wives got to know and there were times when I was envious of their ignorance. I needed company.

  I texted Evelyn as I made my way over and found the front door already open for my arrival. She chuckled as I came through the door.

  “I was expecting you. Feeling better?” she asked.

  “I was, now I’m not.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  I nodded, took the cup of tea she offered and we sat on her sofa. I told her about what had happened at the gym, how I was feeling and how Robert was discovering his paternal side. Then I told her about Tony, the computer and Rogers on the run.

  “Shit,” Evelyn said, shocking me. I’d never heard her curse before.

  “It’s bad, isn’t it?” I asked.

  She looked at me before answering. “It depends if this Rogers fellow thinks Robert is behind it. If he does, then yes, this could bad.”

  “What if there’s something on that computer? He had a photo, one that Gabby took on his blog. What if he was working with Joey?” I asked, the panic started to rise in my voice.

  “We need to wait, Brooke, see what Travis uncovers before we panic.”

  “Balls, I left my phone indoors, should I get it? In case Robert rings,” I said.

  “I’ll text him. There’s a bottle of wine in the fridge, I think we need something a little stronger than another cup of tea.”

  I made my way to the kitchen while she texted Robert. I hated the waiting, it reminded me of previous times and the thought that Rogers could have been working with Joey scared me. What did he know? I took the two glasses back to Evelyn and we sat, chatting. It was a half hour or so before a car pulled on the drive. Evelyn and I looked out through her window. Gary got out of the Mercedes and instead of heading to the house, he made his way to the garages. She opened her apartment door for him.

  “I have to collect you both,” he said.

  I stood, frozen to the spot. “Brooke, go get your coat, Robert has called a meeting,” he added.

  I rushed to the house, collected what I needed and locked the front door behind me. Evelyn was waiting in the car and we headed off. We pulled into the car park at the same time as Patricia climbed out of her car. I noticed the row of identical vehicles and knew this was bad. Robert was calling the family together.

  “Don’t panic, until we know what it is,” Patricia said before I’d uttered a word. I guessed she had seen the look on my face.

  We made our way in through security and took the lift. Instead of floor eleven, Gary pressed for ten, the boardroom. The building was eerily quiet that time of night and as we entered the boardroom, Robert looked up. He was sitting, head of the table, to his left was Mack and Taylor and to his right, Travis. Travis got up and offered me his seat, opting for one down from Robert. Patricia was greeted by Jonathan. We appeared to be the last to arrive, Paul and Rosa were already seated. Richard was still in New York and we were missing Susie.

  “We have a slight problem,” Travis said.

  “Guy Rogers, a reporter, seems to have been keeping a file, going back years, on our activities. Brooke had found out that his father worked for a company we asset stripped, putting him out of work. Unbeknown to us, his father committed suicide some years later and it could be that Rogers blames us for that. It also appears he may have been in contact with Joey.”

  That statement brought gasps from the other women. Travis held up his hand as questions came at him from all sides of the table.

  “Hold on. We managed to obtain his hard drive and have found some interesting stuff but I would imagine Rogers has copies. He’s got spooked and run. Tony Maccini is trying to find him.”

  I looked at Rosa, she had been the most vulnerable when we had hit trouble before, however, she kept her composure and gave me a small smile.

  “Does Richard know?” Paul asked.

  “Yes, I phoned him earlier. I’ll speak with him and Susie when he gets back, he’s catching a plane tonight,” Robert answered.

  “Do we need to worry?” Taylor asked.

  “Not yet, but I wanted you all here so you can be prepared. Rogers is a clever guy, he has access to national newspapers. Most of what he has on file is speculation, nothing that would hold up in court or that we couldn’t find an explanation for. However, he does have stuff on Joe, Evelyn,” Robert said to her.

  “Well, he’s dead. So in one way, that’s okay isn’t it?” she replied.

  “Yes and no. He knows we all worked for Joe therefore, he’s going to assume we had to have been involved. It seems Joey kept lists, there
are emails detailing some of our activities and...” Travis looked at me and my heart stopped.

  “It seems he has managed to get a statement from Fat Sam.”

  Fat Sam, that was joke wasn’t it? There was a play I saw once performed by kids with a Fat Sam, I couldn’t remember the name just words from a song, Fat Sam’s Grand Slam. I wanted to giggle, wave jazz hands but no one else seemed to be laughing. It wasn’t funny and I was bordering on hysteria. Who the fuck was Fat Sam? And then I looked at Robert. He didn’t need to tell me, I knew. The one that lived. I covered my mouth with my hand, this was bad, very bad indeed. Of the four men that attacked Travis all those years ago, three were killed and one still lived. That was Fat Sam.

  Robert’s face showed no emotion. I scanned the rest of the people in the room. Their postures had changed, they were straighter, their faces hard. I was looking at the Mafia, not my group of friends, my family. My heart was racing. I took a couple of deep breaths, inside my head I kept telling myself, I can do this, nothing’s changed, I can do this.

  “What’s the plan?” Jonathan asked.

  “First we need to find Rogers. If he’s scared he might be putting into place a back up plan. We need to get to him before he does that. Mack is going to visit Sam,” Robert informed us.

  I looked at Taylor, there was no response on her face at all.

  “This is a breakdown of what he has.” He passed a document to the men in the room. “Go through it, see where we can counter any claims.”

  “What would you like us to do, Robert?” Patricia asked.

  “Carry on as normal, although be vigilant. I’ve called you here for one reason. I kept you in the dark last time and it didn’t turn out as I expected. This time I’m being up front with you. I don’t know what Rogers is going to do but he’s a desperate man and on those files there’s some incriminating evidence. Evidence we should be able to counter but, if this gets out, there’s no doubt we’ll be under investigation.”

  “Can we be charged with anything?” Rosa asked. A question I was interested in hearing the answer to.

  “I doubt it. It’s going to be hard to prove we were involved in some of the things and Fat Sam’s statement can easily be pulled apart. It just might get a bit uncomfortable for a while.”