He came up the stairs and as he walked towards me he shook his head. He kissed me on the lips and as he pulled away he whispered in my ear. Caroline hadn’t made it, she had died with Harley, Travis and her mum by her side. It seemed Robert had got there just in time. I placed my hand on his cheek and gave him a small smile.
“I saw a big bear hiding in the woods when I parked, want to come help me find it?” he asked Gerry.
Gerry nodded, eyes as wide as saucers.
“A big bear?” he asked.
“Sure, as big as me, maybe bigger.”
“That’s big. We’re gonna need a stick, do you have a stick?” Gerry asked.
“I’m sure we can find a stick, go get dressed and we’ll find him,” Robert said. Gerry rushed downstairs.
“What happened?” Evelyn asked, pushing a coffee towards Robert.
“They couldn’t stop the swelling. Travis just texted me. Elaine will take Harley back to her house tonight, I think. Trav will tell us more when he gets home. He’s staying to sort out paperwork and all that.”
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Sure, could do with some fresh air. Want to come find a bear?” he said.
“You go, I’m sure between you and Gerry that bear doesn’t stand a chance.”
Gerry came bounding back up the stairs, jumper on back to front and with his trainers in his hand. I would have to ask Ted if he could tie his own shoelaces or was he pulling a fast one when he flopped on the floor and handed them to me. Gerry’s chatter could be heard even after the front door had closed and I watched from the window as they walked hand in hand towards the woods.
“They seem to be getting on really well,” Evelyn said.
“Mmm,” was all I replied as I made my way back to the breakfast bar.
“Mmm, what?” she asked.
“He’s gone from never wanting kids, not even liking them, to this and I worry. I asked him the other day how he would feel if a family came along and adopted Gerry. He said he would be fine but I don’t believe him. He’s grown really close to him and then there’s Gerry to think of too. I think bringing him here was the wrong thing to do. What’s going to happen when he has to go back to the home?”
“He doesn’t have to,” Evelyn said gently.
“Doesn’t have to do what?” I asked.
“Go back to the home, he could stay here.”
“I asked Robert once if he would adopt and he was adamant that he wouldn’t. But then that was before all this,” I said, a conspiratorial smile formed between us.
“How would you feel? I’m up for baby sitting duties,” she said.
“I don’t know, it’s a huge commitment but I always thought I might adopt at some point. I love all the kids at the home but there is just something about Gerry that makes me feel maternal. Is it fair though? There are ten boys in that home, is it fair to take one away?”
“I think the older ones have come to accept that they are there for the long term. I have to say there has only ever been one or two that did get adopted. Families don’t seem to want the older children which is a shame.”
“I wonder what the process is? I guess we couldn’t do anything until my residency is finalised anyway,” I said.
Evelyn slid a plate of pastries over to me and I sat and ate, mulling over the prospect of becoming a mother. Could I do it? I would have to quit my job or work part time. It was fine having the boys stay for a few days but there was one thing that niggled at the back of mind. Was it right to bring a child into this family, into this life, one that wasn’t straightforward, one that had its past and dangers? It had only been the comment that Caroline had made before she ran, that had me thinking she might have a point.
Evelyn made her way downstairs to make the beds while I did laundry. I folded the smallest T-shirt and jeans and a pang of emotion hit me in the chest. I didn’t want to get my hopes up but somewhere deep inside me, a wanting was building.
Laundry done and put away, I stood with Evelyn as we surveyed the mess in the bathroom attached to the bedroom Gerry was staying in. How one little body could need so many towels was beyond me. The floor resembled the pool house so we kicked off our shoes to wade in. Toothpaste was smeared around the sink, a perfect hand print centred the mirror and I screwed my nose at the wet patches I’d trod in around the toilet bowl. Evelyn laughed at my reaction as she mopped and wiped. I collected the towels and headed back to the utility room.
An hour or so later the house was cleaned and tidy before the whirlwind that was Gerry returned. I heard the laughter as they came across the drive and watched as Robert had Gerry on his shoulders. They had indeed found a big stick to beat that bear away and in his hand Gerry held a bunch of, well, I guessed they were flowers of some sort. Their laughter carried up the stairs as they kicked off their muddy shoes all over the newly cleaned hallway floor and bounded up the stairs.
“Look what I picked for you,” Gerry said holding out the flowers.
“They’re lovely, let me get a vase,” I replied, pretending to smell them.
I filled a small vase with water and placed it on the counter.
“So, did you see that bear?” I asked.
“No, but we found his foot prints, big as your hand they were. We followed but it must have run. We scared it off didn’t we, Robert.”
Robert smiled and nodded, ruffling Gerry’s hair as he excitedly told me all that they had got up to. They had found a great place for a camp and Robert had promised they would make a shelter. Robert had pulled a big stick from a tree. Robert had let him ride on his shoulders. Robert had fought through bushes making it safe to pass. It was all Robert, Robert, Robert. I loved hearing him talk the way he was, so animated and so full of love for the man I loved.
“Are you hungry? How about I make a sandwich?” Evelyn asked.
Gerry did not stop talking even between mouthfuls of food. He ate his sandwich, his crisps, drank his drink without breaking his stride. He had the most wonderful imagination, detailing the footprints of not just bears but tigers as well. He told me of the lair they had found and he wished they could go back at night to see what lived there. His laugh was a joy to hear, it had been a long time since I had seen him that happy and it was infectious. Robert and I laughed along with him. When Gerry took himself off to the toilet I asked Robert if he had heard from Travis.
“Nothing, I bet he’s gone back to Elaine’s. I’ll give him a call,” he said, moving to the lounge.
Gerry came back up the stairs recalling his adventures to Evelyn, again. He showed her the flowers he had picked for me, she complimented him on his choice. Robert was facing the glass wall, his voice low as he talked to Travis. I moved towards him placing my hand on his back. His smile was sad as he finished his call. He stood looking out the window for a bit before he spoke.
“Travis is at Elaine’s. He said they were all around the bed when she died. Harley has fallen apart.”
“Does this bring back memories for you?” I asked.
“Not memories but I can’t explain it. I don’t have any feelings where my parents are concerned and I wasn’t with them when they died. I just worry for Harley, the things he’s going to go through.”
“Do you think perhaps what you are now feeling is the grief you should have back then?”
“Possibly, I don’t know. I do know one thing, I lied to you earlier. I said I would be happy if Gerry found a home and that isn’t true. I wouldn’t, is that really selfish of me?”
“Robert, it wasn’t a lie as such, and I knew you didn’t mean it. You didn’t want to admit how you are starting to feel about him and that’s okay. Let it develop and see where we go.”
He placed his arm around my shoulders dipping his head for a kiss. We both smiled and pulled away when we heard a voice.
“Ewww,” Gerry said, looking at us.
“Can I not kiss my wife?” Robert asked, striding towards him.
“Yeah, but it is a bit gross. I’m a kid, you s
houldn’t do that in front of kids,” Gerry replied.
I laughed as I joined him and Robert at the breakfast bar. That was the Gerry of old, the spiky, cheeky boy and in one way it saddened me. He would have to return to the home at some point and all I hoped was that the few days he’d had with us would be enough to help him through his troubles and keep that huge smile on his face.
“Gerry, would you like to help me bake a cake?” Evelyn asked.
“Bake a cake? What, like a real one?” he replied.
“Of course a real one. I make a mean chocolate cake. I think we might need to give Robert a little break, you’ve exhausted him.”
“Sure, we can make a cake but you have to make sure you eat some with us, Robert.”
“I’ll skip lunch so I have room for your cake,” Robert replied.
Evelyn took Gerry by the hand. She smiled over her shoulder to us as she led him down the stairs and to her apartment. As much as I loved having Gerry around I also wanted a few minutes with Robert, we had much to discuss. I heard him sigh and I placed my hand on the back of his neck, my fingers running through the ends of his hair.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Yes, although I swear, Travis is still off with me.”
“I don’t think so, he’s cut to the core right now. He told me that he did love Caroline, he only realised it once he was sitting at the hospital though. I guess seeing her so vulnerable made it hit home for him.”
“So what do we do? How do I help him?” Robert asked.
“You just be there for him. That’s all you can do. Did he say when he would be home?”
“No, probably some time tonight I guess. I can’t imagine he would stay with Elaine but they’re going to have a lot to discuss.”
His brother was hurting and when that happened, Robert hurt too. That morning had been a good distraction not just for Gerry, but for Robert as well.
“When he gets back, you and Evelyn spend some time with him,” I said.
“What about you?”
“I’ll stay here, Gerry can keep me company but right now he’s going to need you both.”
His mobile had started to ring so I made him a coffee as he answered the call. He stood up so abruptly the stool fell from under him causing me to startle enough to drop the hot cup of coffee. As I mopped the counter and the floor I listened to him.
“What do you mean? I thought you had it sorted, Tony. Then I suggest you go back and pay him another visit.”
He listened for a while.
“You know what to do, I’ll call Mack now.”
I stood facing him as he disconnected and redialled. He looked up me, I think he had forgotten I was there.
“Mack, hold on a minute will you?” he said before muting the call.
“Rogers didn’t go away as planned, did he?”
He shook his head. “Seems not.”
“How big a threat, honestly, is he to you?” I asked.
“Enough to affect my business, my family. Me personally, he has nothing that he hasn’t already printed.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay, get this sorted once and for all. I think I’ll go help bake a cake.”
As I walked to the end of the kitchen, to the part of the breakfast bar he was sitting at, he caught my arm and pulled me towards him. With his hand he cupped my face. His eyes searched mine. I ran my hand down his cheek, gave him a smile before I kissed him gently.
“I love you,” I said as I left him to his work and headed over to Evelyn’s apartment.
I took my time, it was only a few steps but I wanted to clear my head. Perhaps another box with a padlock and chain was in order. I had so many locked away thoughts that I knew I would have to address at some point but it wasn’t the time. I loved my husband, faults and all. I had accepted his lifestyle the minute I fell in love with him. I just hadn’t banked on being so involved in it. But I already knew too much. Could I step back, live the life the other women did? Their men never confided in them, they knew very little and in one way I envied them. Ignorance could sure be bliss sometimes.
I climbed the stairs and before I had even reached the door I could hear laughter. It put a smile back on my face. I pushed it open and walked in. The sight that greeted me caused me to stop short. Both Evelyn and Gerry were covered in flour, the kitchen floor and counter tops were covered with mixing bowls, utensils and chocolate, lots of melted chocolate. I guessed they had managed to make the cake as a wonderful smell flooded the room.
“Well, it certainly looks like you two have had fun,” I said.
Both laughed and as I ruffled Gerry’s hair a cloud of white drifted up. I smiled at Evelyn, her eyes were sparkling, it seemed Gerry was the tonic she needed as well. I had to remember, when Robert said he wanted to protect his family from whatever information Rogers had, it was Evelyn he would be protecting the most. Joe was her father, it was his reputation that would be dragged through the mud, his life splashed out across the newspapers and magazines. The impact on her would be immense. I had no idea what she knew about her father’s business, I know in the past she had told me that she tried to keep out of it as much as possible. And what good would these articles do now? All they would achieve would be hurt and pain for everyone. Was that justification enough to do what I imagined Robert was thinking? Of course not. But then, I wasn’t born into this world, this lifestyle. I was still adapting and learning that normal rules didn’t apply. The family had their own law, their own brand of justice and protection of their family was at the heart of everything they did.
“We need to get you clean and this place cleaned up,” I said.
I took the dishcloth from the sink and started to wipe down the counter tops, placing the mixing bowls and utensils in the dishwasher. Gerry had found a broom and started to sweep the floor, not that it did much good other than to spread the flour some more. However, between us we cleaned up. I took Gerry by the hand and we made our way to the front door.
“I’ll bring that cake over when it’s done,” Evelyn said.
I ushered Gerry straight to his bedroom and into the shower, leaving him singing in a very off key voice. I took his clothes up to the laundry room. Robert came out of his home office after hearing my footsteps. I smiled at him.
“Evelyn and Gerry decided to have some kind of food fight with flour,” I said laughing.
“Cool, you should have called me.”
“Is everything okay?” I asked, he would know what I was referring to.
“Yes, Brooke, it’s all under control. I promised you that if you asked me, I would answer. I might not tell you everything and you know why but I would tell you something. It’s up to you if you want to know.”
“Can we talk about it later? I’ve left Gerry in the shower if you want to help find his pj’s.”
As he walked past me, he placed his hand under my chin lifting my face. “I love you,” he said.
“I know.”
He left to attend to Gerry and I loaded the washing machine. I thought about what Robert had said. He would tell me something but not everything and I accepted that. In one way he was protecting me. If I knew it all, as he had said to me once before, what would happen if I was made to tell.
***
“Buddy, I need to head into work for a couple of hours,” Robert said as he and Gerry came back up the stairs.
“Okay. I’m gonna work in a big office when I grow up,” Gerry replied.
“Well, you have to get good grades at school first. I need you to do something real important for me. You need to look after Brooke while I’m gone, can you do that?”
Gerry nodded enthusiastically.
“I’ll take good care of her, you’ll see.”
I smiled at this exchange and as Gerry settled on a stool Robert came around the breakfast bar.
“I’m going to kiss my wife, close your eyes if you think it’s gross,” Robert told him.
With his hands over his eyes and a face screwed up in m
ock disgust, Robert gave me a wink and the softest kiss.
“I’ll ring when I’m on my way home, okay?” he whispered to me.
“It’s okay buddy, you can look now,” he told Gerry as he ruffled his hair before making his way downstairs to change his clothes.
It was only a few minutes later that I saw Robert cross the drive from the windows. He wasn’t wearing his suit. I knew then he wasn’t heading to the office. He was dressed in black jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt. I closed my eyes momentarily, he was going after Rogers.
“Brooke, shall I make you a cup of tea?” Gerry asked, sliding off the stool.
“It’s okay, I can make it. I don’t want you to burn yourself.”
“I won’t, just lift me up. I can get the cups down.”
I held his little body, lifting him to the cupboard above his head and he retrieved two cups, placing them on the counter as I lowered him. We stood side by side as I made tea, reaching for another cup when I heard the front door open. Evelyn came up the stairs carrying the most delicious looking chocolate cake. We locked eyes for a fraction of a second, she had seen Robert leave, she also knew.
“Just in time, Gerry is making some tea, would you like a cup?” I asked her.
“Oh, that would be lovely,” she replied as she sliced off three pieces of cake.
We sat at the breakfast bar devouring our cake listening to Gerry chatter away about what a wonderful couple of days he’d had with us. I was worried about what would happen when he returned to the home and only hoped that he didn’t fall back into the sad little boy he had been before. Cake eaten, he settled in the TV room to watch a movie. I guessed, being the youngest at the home, it wasn’t often he got to choose. He was in his element, snuggled up with the remote and Bee Movie.
“Have you heard from Travis?” I asked Evelyn.
“Not a word. He said he would be home tonight at some point but I think he’s at Elaine’s right now. I guess they have a lot to organise.”
Fallen Angel, Part III Page 19