by Elle Spencer
“Leo.”
“Leo the loser. Loser Leo. I like it.”
Deb laughed. “So much for a drama-free vacay in sleepy Salt Creek.”
“Hey, it could be worse. You and Corey could both find out you’re pregnant at the same time.”
Deb’s eyes lit up. “Oh, that would really Jerry Springer this shit.” She turned and grabbed Ren’s hand. “Seriously, though, thank you for being you. For always finding a way to make me laugh, for loving Corey, for having my back. I’m not glad this happened, but if it was going to, I’m glad you’re were here to go through it with me.”
“Hey, that’s what we do,” Ren said. “If I was willing to help you talk Professor Rutland off the ledge freshman year when you accidentally turned in that paper with Professor Fuckface written on the top, I figure I’m all in on the being here for you.”
“Oh my God. You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”
“Nope. Never. It’s a top twenty Deb moment. Okay, maybe top thirty. There’ve been so many.”
“You think you’re so funny.” Deb kicked Ren’s boot and reached over and squeezed her leg. “Lucky me, Soda Pop. Lucky me.”
* * *
Lindsay’s bedroom door squeaked open a crack. She’d never bothered to fix the squeak since it was an early warning system for her busybody daughter.
“Mom, are you awake?”
“That all depends on what time it is.”
“Six thirty.”
“Then no, I’m not awake.” The bed dipped. Brooke cuddled up behind her. She heard a sniffle, so she rolled over. “Honey?” Brooke’s face was blotchy, her eyes swollen. “What’s wrong, baby?” Brooke buried her face in Lindsay’s chest and started to cry. “Oh, honey.”
Brooke cried for a moment, then lifted her head. “At first, I was mad at Corey for being such an idiot, but now I feel guilty because I was so bummed about how that baby would affect my life.”
Lindsay kissed her forehead. “Number one, high five for thinking Corey was an idiot but not saying it out loud. And number two, it’s totally normal to get a little self-centered when someone else’s actions affect you. And you’re right, it would have been a big change for your future, just like it was for Patty when I got pregnant with you. But you know what?”
“What?”
Lindsay had to smile. Lately, Brooke had been acting like she already knew everything about everything. All of the answers to the universe had magically been laid at her feet, and she wasn’t shy about letting her parents know how clueless they were. Advice from her mother? Hell, no, she didn’t need that anymore. Except maybe she still did. “I’m proud of you, honey. You were there for your best friend the same way Patty was there for me.”
Brooke looked up at her with the saddest eyes. It reminded Lindsay of when Brooke was young and would skin her knee or have a bad day at school.
“What’s wrong?”
“Did you ever regret keeping me?”
Lindsay kissed Brooke’s forehead again and ran her hand over her hair. She’d always told Brooke that the truth was better than a firm denial because it showed that you were brave enough to face the consequences of your actions. And maybe just being honest was enough, and there wouldn’t have to be any big consequences. That’s how the “safe zone” became a thing. She wanted Brooke to always feel safe when admitting her mistakes.
Lindsay didn’t want to sugarcoat her answer. She took a deep breath and said, “Sometimes, I felt overwhelmed and like I was drowning under the weight of such a big responsibility at that age. It was all on me and your dad to make sure you stayed healthy and safe and clean and that you were never hungry. Sometimes, I would hold you and cry because I didn’t feel strong enough or smart enough to raise you. But then you’d smile at me or cuddle up to me like you are right now, and my heart would fill up with so much joy, there wasn’t any room for regrets. And the first time you said Mama, my heart exploded. I remember I ran for the camera so I could catch the moment and keep it forever. It’s in your baby album if you want to see it.”
“You took a picture of me saying my first word? Why didn’t you just record it?”
“All we had back then were cheap flip phones. If I’d had a smartphone, I would’ve recorded all of the firsts and taken a million pictures. You were such a cute, sweet kid.”
Brooke sat up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk lately. I’ll try not to be so lame with you and Dad.” She leaned over and kissed Lindsay’s cheek. “Love you, Mom.”
Lindsay hadn’t heard those words in a while. From anyone. Ben had stopped saying it long before they’d ended it officially, and Brooke had found it hard to say anything kind to either of them once they separated. The words washed over Lindsay like a warm wave. “Love you too, honey.”
Chapter Eight
Before getting a few things at the grocery store, Lindsay decided to check in on Deb at You Mocha Me Crazy and get a much-needed coffee. She stopped short when she saw Ren behind the counter. She was tempted to turn around and sneak out before being spotted.
Were they going to kiss the other night, or had she taken Ren’s hand to lead her back to the studio just to show her some work? Would clothes have been ripped off, or would they have stood there trading art commentary?
Lindsay was afraid to know the answer. Afraid that she might actually have had sex with a stranger if they hadn’t been interrupted. She turned to leave, but Ren shouted, “Tall Americano, extra hot!”
Too late. Lindsay turned back around and raised her hand. “That’s me.”
“I happen to agree,” Ren said with a grin.
Lindsay was sure she blushed from head to toe. “How do you know my drink? And more importantly, why are you behind the counter? And most important of all, can you make a good cup of coffee?”
“I can only think of one person who can shoot off questions faster than you, and that’s your daughter.”
It was really nerves kicking in, but Lindsay shrugged. “I guess she gets all of her good traits from me.”
Ren’s eyes widened as if she’d spotted a ghost hovering over Lindsay’s shoulder. “Shit!”
Lindsay spun around to see what kind of monster or zombie was about to attack. No one was there. “You scared the hell out of me.”
Ren pointed at the door. “Is that a bus full of high school kids headed our way?”
“Oh. Yeah, it’s probably the away team for the football game tonight. The word is getting around about Deb’s baked goods. Next thing you know…why do you look so scared?” She glanced around. She hadn’t yet noticed that they were completely alone. “Where’s Deb?”
“She wanted to take Corey away for the night, but her employee called in sick,” Ren said. “I told her I’d cover for her until closing, but it’s been years since I was a barista, and I’m so freaking slow, there’s no way I can serve an entire football team.”
“Yeah. Looks like you picked the wrong day to stop drinking,” Lindsay joked.
“You’re not kidding. Why isn’t the dumb name turning them off? Go away, boys! No mocha in here, just crazy.”
The door opened, and a large group of boys took over the space. Lindsay rushed behind the counter and whispered, “Maybe they won’t want coffee. Do you have chocolate milk? They’ll probably want chocolate milk.”
Ren turned to her so they were nose to nose. “Don’t leave me.”
“What am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to make coffee in those fancy machines.”
“I thought you said they’d want chocolate milk.”
“I was just trying to make you feel better.”
“You do. So please stay.”
Lindsay’s heart skipped a beat. She wanted to tell Ren that she made her feel all kinds of things, but better wasn’t one of them. Confused, turned on, sad that she’d never be able to tell her the truth, or at least the truth as Lindsay saw it. She’d never be able to tell her about an amazing woman named Roo and the
love they’d shared. “I’ll stay,” she whispered, even though running away felt like the better option.
Ren put an apron on her. “Pretend you know exactly what you’re doing and push the chocolate milk.”
Lindsay tied on the black apron with the You Mocha Me Crazy logo stitched in white and shouted, “Chocolate milk is half-price today, guys!”
* * *
Ren got down on one knee and stuffed a bag of cash into the safe cemented into the floor, a remnant Deb had decided to keep from the old drugstore. She got back up and took off her apron. “We did it.”
“And we lived to tell the tale.” Lindsay untied her apron and tossed it in the laundry bag along with several dirty towels.
“Barely,” Ren said. “I’m dead on my feet, but I’m also starving.”
“It’s gone beyond starving for me. I’m in the ‘take me to the Icey Shack and let me order one of everything’ phase, including the deep-fried MoonPie they recently added to the menu.”
Ren threw on her jacket and grabbed her purse. “I love that place. Do they still sell those chocolate-dipped Creamsicles? They’re the best on a hot summer day.” She followed Lindsay out the front door and locked it behind her.
“They do. I may have to get one of those, even though it’s a chilly night in October, and hot chocolate would be the appropriate choice.”
“Well, you’re getting one of everything, right?”
“Nah, you’re buying, so I’ll go easy on you,” Lindsay said.
That made Ren smile. She’d had such a great time working with Lindsay that she didn’t really want the night to end. “I guess buying you dinner is the least I can do, but let’s go somewhere nicer. I’d love a glass of wine right about now, and I don’t think the Icey Shack offers merlot.”
“They should make a merlotsicle. I bet that would be delicious.”
“You’re a genius,” Ren said. “Please suggest it the next time you frequent their fine establishment, but in the meantime, I saw a place in Lake City that looked nice. Have you ever been to Reuben’s?”
“I haven’t, but…” Lindsay took her phone out. “I should check on Brooke before I say yes to anything out of town.”
“Of course.” Ren wanted to suggest that Brooke whip up some macaroni and cheese for herself and let her mom have a night of fun, but that seemed intrusive, given they barely knew each other.
“Hey, honey,” Lindsay said. “Yes, it went fine. No, we didn’t burn Deb’s place down.” She winked at Ren and turned away.
Ren found herself swooning over what was probably a very innocent wink. She couldn’t help herself. Lindsay Hall was beautiful and fascinating and filled with a warmth and intensity that Ren was definitely not immune to. If she could get her out of town, away from all of the prying eyes and interruptions, maybe they could get to know each other a little better. That’s all Ren wanted. Just a little more insight into Lindsay’s personality. And maybe her body, if things went well. Assuming she was into women. It felt like she was. Ren was certain her gaydar was not giving her a false positive.
Ren mentally undressed Lindsay while she was on the phone and admired her naked body from afar. When Lindsay ended the call, Ren mentally dressed her back up in her jeans and black cardigan. She forgot about Lindsay’s panties, so the tight jeans slid over her bare ass. She didn’t worry about the bra or T-shirt either. She just mentally slipped her cardigan back on and only buttoned two of the buttons, which left plenty of cleavage for Ren to admire.
“All good,” Lindsay said. “Ren?”
“Excellent.” She mentally buttoned the cardigan all the way up and said, “Let’s go.” She unlocked her car with the key fob and tried to get it together before she got in, so she didn’t blush her way to Lake City.
As Ren drove out of Salt Creek, Lindsay said, “I think Ben is on duty tonight. Next time, he won’t be as kind.”
“You think I can’t talk my way out of another ticket? Just watch me.” She shrugged and slowed down a bit. “Fine. I’ll drive at a reasonable speed. The last thing I need is a court date right before I leave for Paris.”
“Not too slow. We’re starving, remember?”
“So ten miles over the speed limit?”
“Perfect.”
* * *
Lindsay felt a bit tipsy after half a glass of wine. The chef needed to hurry up with that mushroom truffle ravioli before she said something stupid like, Remember that past life thing Patty mentioned? Yeah, about that…
Ren had let her hair down and fluffed it before they got out of the car. Earlier, Lindsay had noticed that the boots Ren usually wore had been replaced with a pair of black Chucks. They looked great with the yoga pants and long V-neck tee that were in full view now that the apron was gone. Lindsay’s attraction to women had definitely come out to play since Ren had been in town. She couldn’t help but wonder about those boots, though. “You’re not wearing the boots.”
“Yeah, I didn’t want to spill coffee on them.”
“I don’t think you could hurt those boots,” Lindsay said. “Anything you do to them at this point will just add more character.”
Ren laughed. “You’re probably right, but I love them so much. In fact, will you keep them in Salt Creek for me? Just tuck them in the back of your closet or something?”
“I’d be happy to, but why not have Deb keep them?”
“Well, the thing is, I stole them from her several years ago, and if I left them in her house, she might reclaim them. She’s kind of a bitch that way.”
“Deb doesn’t have a bitchy bone in her body, but I get it. You want to hang on to your ill-gotten gains.”
“She doesn’t, does she? It amazes me sometimes how much the people in this town love her. It’s always been that way. Back when we were in college and we’d come to Salt Creek, everywhere we went, people were hugging her and wishing her well. I was always in awe of that.”
“Her dad was that way too,” Lindsay said. “Being the only pharmacist in town, he knew everyone. It was a sad day when they closed the drugstore.”
“Deb will do right by it. They’ll just come in for a different kind of medicine.”
Lindsay smiled. “Deb should’ve named it Love and Coffee. You pay for the coffee, but the love she spreads is free.”
Ren’s eyes lit up. “I love that name. Do you think that’s why Mrs. Stokely goes there? After yesterday, we both know it’s not for the excellent coffee.”
“Two things,” Lindsay said. “Everyone in town, including Mrs. Stokely, wants Deb’s place to be a success, so they’re supporting her in whatever way they can. Also, I think it’s a good place for her to sit and socialize with whoever comes through the door. Keeps her from being too lonely.”
“Tell me more about her. Why does she go by Mrs. if she never married?”
“All of her students called her that, so I think she just went with it instead of correcting them. It’s probably the only time that ever happened.” Lindsay took another sip of wine even though she probably shouldn’t have. Ren had her elbows on the table and her chin resting in her hands as if she was hanging on every word. She felt tempted to bring up a more serious topic of conversation. After all, she might never have Ren’s undivided attention again.
“Her house seemed like it had been furnished for two,” Ren said. “There were two rockers in front of the TV, and both cushions were worn on the edges.”
“Okay, private detective. What else did you notice?” Lindsay didn’t care for the crunchy breadsticks the restaurant gave in lieu of bread, but she took a bite so her stomach wouldn’t cave in on itself. She took another bite to soak up some of the wine so she wouldn’t tell Ren how gorgeous she looked in old-school Italian restaurant lighting.
“Two TV trays tucked in the corner,” Ren said. “Two crocheted afghans neatly folded and hung over the back of the rockers. Two champagne glasses in the hutch. She doesn’t seem the type to live in sin, which means…” Ren gasped loudly. “She’s gay!”
>
“That’s my guess, detective.”
“Who all knows?”
“It was an open secret. Sort of. Mrs. Stokely doesn’t know we all knew her cousin Millie wasn’t really her cousin. I mean, if they were together, I sure hope she wasn’t her cousin. I guess everyone accepted it as long as she kept up her end and didn’t reveal anything publicly. I mean, could you imagine an out lesbian being allowed to teach young kids back then?”
“Wouldn’t happen. We were classified as deviants. Did you know Millie?”
“Not well,” Lindsay said. “She wasn’t from Salt Creek. All I know is that she was older than Mrs. Stokely by about fifteen years, so the older widowers in town had their eye on her. I remember she had graying hair and wore those polyester pantsuits that were so popular in the 70s. By the time I met her, the look was back in style. Cooler than anyone else in town.”
“Maybe she influenced the decorating style in their home. It seemed pretty hip too. What happened to Millie?”
“She passed away years ago. MS, I think.”
“How sad that they couldn’t live their lives out in the open,” Ren said. “Mrs. Stokely must’ve been devastated when Millie passed. Can you imagine having to hide that kind of pain from everyone?”
“I know. It’s so sad. She’s a strong woman, but you have to wonder if losing her lover and never being able to talk about her made her harsh. I wish she knew she didn’t have to hide anymore.”
“One would hope,” Ren said. “God, the hell our community went through for so long. All of the hiding. All of the lies and heartache. It makes me furious to think that the same bigotry still exists.”
“I guess you’re right. There are no guarantees that everyone who knows Mrs. Stokely would accept her if she decided to come out.”
“And how utterly sad is that?” Ren shook her head. “Sorry. I tend to get worked up when talking about this stuff.”
“It’s okay. I get it.” Lindsay couldn’t explain further. She couldn’t talk about the dreams she’d had that were full of pain and heartache. The dreams she’d wake up from in a cold sweat. Roo screaming and crying as she was pulled from Katie’s arms. The words I love you said over and over as she faded farther and farther away.