by Louise Guy
‘Because I asked him to.’
Damien stopped pacing and spun round to face her. ‘What? Why would you do that?’
‘Zane found out a lot about your parents, and I thought the truth would be so damaging that you were better not knowing.’
‘That wasn’t your decision.’
Hannah nodded. ‘I know, but please believe me, it was only because I love you so much. In addition to the truth being difficult to handle, Trish was going through chemo at the time, and I knew how scared she was about you finding your biological parents and not considering her your mum anymore.’
‘I would never have done that. Mum’s my mum. I would have liked to have met my biological parents, but it doesn’t mean they would have become part of my life. I wanted to ask them questions, get a feel for who they were and where I’d come from. Also, to find out about my extended family, that’s all.’
‘Your mum was only one small component of my decision. It was really to protect you. I don’t think finding out about your history will do anything to help you. I still don’t.’
‘Why tell me now then?’
Hannah took a deep breath. ‘Because Zane Fox is blackmailing me. A few weeks ago, he demanded payment of ten thousand dollars. He signed a contract at the time which clearly stated he couldn’t contact you to make you aware of any of this or disclose any new information about your parents.’
Damien’s eyes were wide. ‘You paid him ten grand?’
She nodded. ‘And now he’s after another ten. This time he’s saying he’ll provide your biological mother with information on how to contact you if I don’t pay him.’
‘What am I missing here? You said my biological father is dead and there’s an opportunity to meet my mother. How can this be a bad thing? You need to explain what’s going on, Hannah.’
She could see a mixture of uncertainty and anger rising in her husband. She needed to push through this and just tell him, then she could deal with the consequences.
‘I’ve realised that Zane is going to continue to try and milk me for money, so I’ve refused to pay him any more. I now assume he’ll contact you or your mother and explain the entire situation, including the reason I tried to protect you from all of this in the first place.’
‘Which is?’
‘Which is about the circumstances in which you were conceived.’ Hannah wanted to reach out and hug him. This was going to tear him apart. She took another deep breath. ‘Calvin Deeks, your biological father, brutally raped and attacked your mother when she was seventeen. Your mother, Janine, had a religious upbringing and abortion was not an option. Calvin was sentenced to twelve years jail time, and Janine went on to have you. It wasn’t hushed up. Tallangetti is a small town, and the people rallied around her and supported her. The family organised for you to be adopted. With her age, and the circumstance, keeping you wasn’t an option.’
The colour drained from Damien’s face. He sat down on the kitchen chair nearest him and put his head in his hands.
Hannah slid off the stool and went over to him and rubbed his back. He shook her off.
‘I’m sorry. I truly am. When Zane told me all this twelve years ago, I was horrified. I couldn’t imagine how you’d cope knowing you came from the genes of a rapist.’
‘You said he’s now dead?’
Hannah nodded. ‘According to Zane, he died about three months ago in jail. He’d been in and out of jail for years.’
‘Why has Zane Fox appeared now? He’s had twelve years to demand money.’
Heat flooded her face. ‘He’s an opportunist. The adoption people contacted him the week before he came to see me to say your biological mother was trying to make contact with you. I assume it reminded him that I had a secret I probably still wanted kept and he could profit from it.’
Damien looked stunned. ‘She’s trying to contact me?’
The hope in his eyes brought more tears to Hannah’s. She nodded.
He stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. ‘Jesus, I don’t even know what to say.’
Tears spilled down Hannah’s cheeks. ‘Please know that I never did any of this to hurt you. I was trying to protect you.’
‘That wasn’t your call. You know how desperate I was to find out about my family. Regardless of anything, you’ve robbed me of twelve years of getting to know my mother. Even if she wouldn’t have seen me back then, I would at least have known the circumstances and understood why she gave me up. I’m seeing a therapist to try and get over the death of my parents, for Christ’s sake. You had no right to play God.’ He pushed back the chair and stood. ‘I’m going to get dressed and go out for the day. I’ve got no idea where I’ll go or when I’ll be back.’
Hannah closed her eyes as his footsteps retreated from the kitchen. To be the one to have caused that pain and hurt reflected in his eyes was almost too much to bear. A wet nose pushed into her hand as a warm head lay itself on her lap. She rubbed Bear’s ears, grateful for the warmth and comfort of the dog.
The morning dragged horribly for Hannah. She kept wanting to ring Damien but knew she was best to leave him alone. He needed to process what he’d learned and figure out how he felt. It wasn’t something he’d work out overnight. She tried to imagine if the situation was reversed how she would feel. She’d like to think that part of her would be grateful that he’d wanted to protect her, but she wasn’t sure if gratitude would be an overriding emotion.
At twelve she realised she was still in her pyjamas and had the afternoon to get through before collecting Amy from her father’s. She should get out and do something. She could take Bear for a walk. She suddenly wished her mother was there to talk to. Other than her online friends, she hadn’t spoken to anyone about this. Nat knew, although she didn’t realise it was Hannah, of course, and there was only so much advice and support that people who didn’t know you could give. She wondered if Phyllie was home. Her grandmother was the person she’d always gone to with problems before.
She picked up her phone and dialled. Phyllie answered on the third ring. ‘Phyllie Jackson.’
Hannah hesitated. ‘Phyllie, it’s Hannah.’
‘Oh, hello, love.’
‘Don’t you mean Williamson?’
‘What do you mean? Are you going by your maiden name suddenly?’
‘No, but it seems that you are.’
‘Hannah, you’re very confusing. What on earth are you talking about?’
‘You answered the phone saying Phyllie Jackson.’
There was a silence at the end of the line.
‘Phyllie?’
‘I’m still here. Did I? How strange. I was thinking about my childhood when you rang, so perhaps that took me back and had me using my maiden name.’ She laughed. ‘Either that or, as I seem to constantly be telling Nat, my age is beginning to catch up. Now, what can I do for you, my favourite granddaughter who doesn’t currently live with me?’
‘I was hoping you might be free for a chat. Could I drop over and see you?’
‘You can do better than that. Pick me up in half an hour, and we’ll go out for lunch. I was hoping Verna would have lunch with me today, but she has a cold and isn’t leaving the house.’
‘Let’s make it forty-five minutes. I’m still in my pyjamas.’
Phyllie laughed. ‘Oh, that’s right, a child-free night. How very decadent of you and Damien. Lucky you.’
If only that were why she was still in her pyjamas.
‘I’ll see you just before one.’ Hannah hung up, glad she had a purpose for the afternoon and someone to confide in.
Phyllie was waiting by her letterbox when Hannah pulled up in front of her white weatherboard home. She hardly waited for the car to stop before pulling open the passenger door and climbing in. She beamed at Hannah.
‘What a lovely surprise. I made reservations for us at Joey’s. It’s only about fifteen minutes from here. I hope that’s okay?’
‘Of course it is.’ Hannah pulled back out
into the street.
‘Now, what’s this unexpected visit in aid of?’
Hannah kept her eyes on the road. ‘I’ll tell you over lunch, if that’s okay.’
‘Sure. Now, I should fill you in on a few things while we drive. The goat situation is going exactly to plan.’
‘The goat situation?’
‘Yes, you know, Leon and his goat. He could be the one for Nat, I think.’
Hannah glanced at Phyllie. ‘Really? She certainly seemed disappointed the other day that Damien had done the gardening and she had no reason to talk to Leon.’
‘Exactly! I’ve made it very clear to her that she’s not allowed to have a relationship with him. I’m hoping her natural instinct to do the complete opposite of what she’s told will kick in.’
Hannah did her best to concentrate on Phyllie’s story about using Leon’s goat as an excuse to have Leon and Nat speaking to each other. Apparently Phyllie had earmarked him as a possible love interest for Nat years ago, when he’d first moved in, but had decided that Nat wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Until now she’d chosen to keep Leon’s existence to herself, hoping he would still be available when she felt Nat was ready. Hannah did her best not to laugh as Phyllie talked about the ‘goat boy’.
She pulled up outside Joey’s. She hadn’t been here for years. It was one of her grandmother’s favourites, and she remembered a birthday lunch four years ago for Phyllie but couldn’t recall if she’d been back since.
Phyllie was greeted like a long-lost friend when they walked through the arched doorway into the rustic dining room.
‘It’s been too long, dear Phyllie,’ announced Reggie, the elderly maître d’, before kissing her on both cheeks. ‘We’ve reserved your favourite table overlooking the creek, and a complimentary bottle of Prosecco is chilling.’
Reggie gave Hannah a warm smile before leading them over to their table. He pulled out Phyllie’s chair and laid the white napkin on her lap before doing the same for Hannah. ‘Shall I pour the wine now or would you like to look at the menu first?’
‘Wine please,’ Phyllie said. ‘I already know what I’ll be ordering, but Hannah might need a few minutes with the menu.’
Reggie poured their drinks, replaced the bottle in the ice bucket and retreated to the kitchen.
Phyllie lifted her glass. ‘Here’s to a lovely Sunday surprise.’
Hannah chinked glassed with her grandmother, thinking that wine was the last thing she felt like right now. Still, it might help dull her constant need to cry.
‘Now, look at the menu and choose something and then tell me what’s going on. I’ll be ordering the ploughman’s platter, by the way. The goat’s cheese is to die for.’
Hannah had a quick look through the menu, decided on the zucchini fritters, and closed it. She took a large gulp of her wine. ‘This morning I confessed a secret to Damien I’ve been keeping for twelve years.’
Phyllie frowned. ‘Twelve years? Not Amy?’
Hannah stared at her grandmother for a moment before registering what she was thinking. ‘God no, it’s not that. Amy is definitely Damien’s. No, it has nothing to do with Amy. It’s about Damien’s biological parents.’
‘I thought he was unable to find out anything about them?’
That was the story they’d spun their families twelve years earlier. Damien hadn’t wanted to tell anyone he’d found out they’d died, so as far as the families were concerned it had been a closed adoption and there was nothing to report.
‘The adoption agency was unable to help us, but we hired a private investigator. He found out exactly who Damien’s parents were.’
Hannah went on to tell Phyllie what he’d found out and her arrangement with Zane not to tell anyone.
Phyllie nodded as she listened. ‘I’m not saying you did the right thing, but I can certainly understand why you protected Damien. What I don’t understand is why you’ve told him today?’
‘That money you loaned me . . .’
‘Gave,’ Phyllie interjected.
‘Okay, that money you gave me, which I used to pay off the private investigator. You were right when you said he’d probably come back for more.’
Phyllie put her champagne flute down, shaking her head. ‘Nat’s online friend Suze is going through the same thing. Two people I know, or know of, are being blackmailed.’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘What are the chances?’
Hannah felt her hand tremble.
‘Please tell me you’re not Suze?’
Hannah swallowed, realising just how bad this now looked. ‘Let me assure you I had no idea it was Nat, to begin with. It was only a few things she said that were happening in her life that made me wonder.’
‘But why were you on the gambling chat room at all?’
‘Damien mentioned a friend was in a bad place with their gambling debts and I thought about his distant moods of late and was concerned he was covering for himself.’
‘So, you went online?’
‘Yes, I was hoping to get some advice from people who either had a problem, or were living with someone who did, about how to approach Damien. I wanted to be supportive, but I also wanted to find resources for getting him help.’
Phyllie shook her head. ‘I can’t believe we have two people in the family with gambling issues.’
Hannah smiled, realising she was leading Phyllie down the wrong track. ‘We don’t. Damien hasn’t lost any money online. When he said a friend was in trouble, he was covering for Nat.’
Phyllie grinned. ‘And you joined the chat room and happened to come across her?’
Hannah nodded. ‘I only found out after I’d already joined and made friends with two women. One being Nat, although she calls herself Lia, and the other Eliza, whose husband has a gambling problem.’
‘The one Nat went out for drinks with yesterday.’
‘Yes. Please don’t tell Nat, Phyllie. I know it’s deceptive, but we’ve connected in the chat room. Probably for the first time since Mum died. I’m learning things about her that I never knew.’
‘That’s hardly fair though, is it? She thinks she’s made a friend and she’ll probably confide things she’d never tell her family – and certainly not you. I won’t say anything, it’s not my business, but I am making it clear that I don’t think you should continue to misrepresent yourself.’
Hannah knew Phyllie was right. She sighed. After keeping a secret from Damien for so long, she shouldn’t do the same with Nat. ‘I don’t think I should tell her,’ Hannah said. ‘I’d be better just to cancel my account with Gambler’s Aid and not visit the chat rooms anymore.’
‘You don’t think Nat will put two and two together once she hears what Damien’s going through?’
‘There’s no reason she would. We’ve never told anyone that Damien’s parents died. If he does meet his mother, there’s no reason to share the details. He’s very private. He definitely won’t make the circumstances of his adoption public information.’
They were interrupted as Reggie came back to take their order.
Phyllie frowned as he waited, pen poised. ‘I’m not sure I’ve got any appetite left, Reggie. I’ve had a shock.’
Hannah’s stomach churned. She should never have put this on Phyllie. What was she thinking? Could her heart even take these kinds of shock?
The old lady suddenly grinned. ‘I’m only kidding, nothing could shock me these days, and my granddaughter’s revelation is nothing compared to what I’ve seen and heard during my lifetime. We’ll have a ploughman’s and the zucchini fritters.’
Reggie refilled their drinks and took their order to the kitchen.
Phyllie raised her glass again. ‘Here’s to getting through difficult times. It might take a while, but Damien will come around.’
Hannah raised her glass to meet Phyllie’s, hoping with ever fibre in her body that her grandmother was right.
Hannah dropped Phyllie home before making the drive to East Malvern to pick up Amy. She’d
stopped after her second glass, which meant Phyllie finished the remainder of the bottle. She got out of the car when they reached Phyllie’s house, took her arm and helped her along the driveway.
‘I’m not drunk!’
‘I would be if I drank two thirds of a bottle with lunch.’
‘The cheese and bread absorbed the alcohol. I’m fine.’
Hannah gripped Phyllie’s arm as she stumbled and laughed. ‘You’re not fine. You’ll let me deposit you in front of the television with a cup of tea or coffee, and you’ll stay there until Nat gets home. Do you hear me?’
Phyllie saluted. ‘Yes, ma’am.’
‘Can I give you a hand?’ A deep voice called from the top of the driveway. Hannah turned to see a good-looking guy in his thirties walking towards them.
‘Hey, Phyllie,’ he said, smiling at the two of them. ‘You look like you’ve been out partying.’
Phyllie laughed. ‘Leon, meet my other granddaughter, Hannah. And no, I haven’t been out partying, just enjoying being alive.’
‘And a bottle of Prosecco,’ Hannah murmured. So this was the ‘goat boy’ she’d heard so much about.
Leon laughed and took Phyllie’s other arm and the two of them helped her into the house. She flapped them away as soon as she was settled in her armchair, insisting she was fine.
‘Thanks for your help,’ Hannah said as Leon walked her back to her car.
‘No worries. Phyllie’s amazing, I’d do anything for her.’ He cleared his throat. ‘You don’t happen to know if Nat is about, do you? I was hoping to have a chat with her.’
‘She’s at our father’s house, looking after my daughter. I’m about to go and collect Amy now. I’m not sure what Nat’s plans are after that though. Sorry. Would you like me to tell her to get in touch with you?’
Leon thought about it for a moment then shook his head. ‘No, that’s okay. I’ll catch up with her later.’
Twenty minutes later Hannah continued on her way to East Malvern. She wasn’t sure what to tell Amy, if anything, about Damien’s whereabouts. She wondered where he’d gone and whether he’d come home that night. As she pulled to a stop at a red traffic light her phone pinged; it was her mother-in-law.