by Louise Guy
Nat nodded. ‘Yes, they are planning to sell. It makes sense. It’s a big house and a big garden. Regardless of finances, it was probably going to be sold at some point. I’m okay with that now, and I’ll be okay with selling Phyllie’s house at some stage too. Just not now.’
Hannah nodded. ‘For once we’re in total agreement.’ She reached up around her neck and unclasped the necklace holding her mother’s heart-shaped pendant. She held it out to Nat. ‘I want you to have this. It’s brought me closer to Mum every day. You won’t have the house anymore, but this might help.’
Nat’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Really? Are you sure?’
Hannah nodded and pushed the necklace into Nat’s hand. ‘Completely sure. I’ve had its comfort for the last eighteen years and now it’s your turn. Put it on, it will look great on you.’
Nat did as she suggested, then met Hannah’s gaze. ‘Thank you. This means a lot.’ Her fingers stroked the pendant.
‘You mean a lot, Nat. I hope you know that.’
‘You do too.’ Nat laughed. ‘Geez, Phyllie would fall out of her chair if she could hear us being so nice to each other. She’d probably think we were up to something.’
Hannah gave a wry smile. ‘I’m sure she’d have something to say about it.’
The two women sat in silence for a moment, lost in their own thoughts. Nat was the first to speak. ‘Damien mentioned you’ve been struggling to get out of bed most days, and you haven’t been back to work.’
Hannah sighed. ‘I just need time, that’s all.’
Nat nodded. ‘I’ve been the same. I took this week off, but have spent most of my time at Shared. Digging is therapeutic, I’ve discovered.’
‘She’d be proud of you, Nat. You’re setting a good example, one I need to follow. I know I have to get my head together, it’s just so scrambled. How are you even getting up in the mornings?’
‘Honestly, I’ve just decided to adopt the Phyllie policy.’
Hannah raised an eyebrow.
‘From now on, in every situation, I think to myself, what would Phyllie do? And then I do it. She was so kind, supportive, fun, tough and wise. We learned so much from her, Han, we now need to carry it through.’
Nat was right, it was exactly what she needed to do. She squeezed Nat’s hand before standing and moving towards the fridge. ‘I know exactly what Phyllie would say we need to do right now.’ She opened the door, took out a bottle of Prosecco and held it up.
Nat grinned and pushed off her stool. ‘Yep, you’ve got the hang of the Phyllie policy already. I’ll get the glasses.’
Following her morning of drinking Prosecco with Nat and crying, laughing and reminiscing about Phyllie, Hannah felt her strength returning as each day passed. She brought Nat’s Phyllie policy into action every day, finding it comforting to have her grandmother’s voice playing in her head when she was making decisions. It had been especially helpful when Damien tentatively told her that his biological mother wanted to meet him, and would she prefer he postpone it until she was feeling up to it. Phyllie would have thrown her arms around Damien and supported him every step of the way as his own doubts and worries plagued him about meeting his mother. And this is exactly what Hannah had done for the last five days since Damien had told her.
Now, she slipped her arms around her husband as he stared at his reflection in their bedroom mirror.
‘Do you think I look okay?’
Hannah smiled. ‘Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to ask that question?’
He turned and faced her. ‘No, really. Is this appropriate?’
She kissed him softly on the lips. ‘You look gorgeous. The shirt brings out the grey in your eyes, and your haircut is incredible. Did they cut every piece of hair individually?’
Damien blushed. ‘I know I’m being overly sensitive, but this is a big deal.’
‘I know it is. It’s not every day you get to meet your mother.’
‘Are you sure the timing is right? With everything that’s happened? I can still postpone seeing Janine.’
‘Phyllie would be the first to say go and meet her, you know that.’
Damien smiled. ‘I know, I just thought I should double-check. I think Amy’s a bit put out that she can’t come today.’
‘If all goes well and Janine wants to, then I’m sure you can introduce Amy to her next time. Don’t forget, as nervous as you are, Janine is equally nervous right now, if not more so.’
‘Do you think so?’
‘Definitely. Imagine going through what she did, then carrying a baby for nine months and having to give it up as soon as it was born. It’s something that would live with you forever. Her age makes no difference to that. I bet she’s thought of you every day since.’
Damien pulled down his shirtsleeves. ‘Do you think I should wear my cufflinks? You know, the ones I wore when we got married.’
Hannah leaned forward again and kissed him on the nose. ‘No, I don’t. We’re only meeting at a cafe, not a fine-dining restaurant. You don’t want her to think you’re some rich, vain guy who wears fancy accessories the whole time. Particularly when you don’t. You’ve googled her enough times and the photos we’ve found always show her in very casual clothes. I can’t imagine she’ll be turning up in a ball gown!’
Damien smiled. ‘Point taken.’ He inhaled a lungful of air. ‘Okay, let’s go. If we leave now, we should be there a little early. That way she won’t be waiting for us. I want to get a good table where we can watch the door and wait until she comes in.’
Hannah bit her tongue to stop herself from saying anything. He was nervous. So was she. Her thoughts drifted to Trish. She wondered how Damien’s adoptive mother was. She was probably a mess wondering how this was going to play out.
‘I sent Mum some flowers this morning.’ It was as if he could read her mind. ‘Hope you don’t mind me splashing out, but I know she’ll be in a funny mood today. Wanted her to know that I was thinking of her and that I love her.’
Hannah blinked back tears. This was precisely why she loved her husband. He was going through something difficult but still had the empathy to think of others.
Unable to speak, she took his hand and squeezed it before leading him down the stairs, through the internal access to the garage.
She hoped that after the last two overwhelming weeks things would settle down again soon. Plans being put in place to meet Damien’s biological mother had been a pleasant distraction from the situation with Eliza and Jacob and then the shock of Phyllie’s death. At least they’d had confirmation the previous day that their father and Sue would be receiving their full investment back. The Federal Police had managed to trace all the funds Eliza and Jacob had stolen and were working to retrieve them. Hannah shuddered when she thought of how different the circumstances could have been for her father and Sue if those two con artists hadn’t been stopped. She wondered briefly what their fate would be. Prison for many years she hoped.
The scenery along the Eastern Freeway sped past in a blur, and thirty minutes later Hannah and Damien sat across from each other at Thirst, a small cafe on Collins Street in the heart of the city. Hannah pushed all thoughts of Eliza and Jacob from her mind and imagined how Damien must be feeling right now. Janine had come down from Tallangetti by train the previous evening, and they’d arranged to meet for morning tea.
Damien drummed his fingers on the table and kept checking the door. ‘What if she doesn’t come?’
‘She’ll come. Just be patient. We’re ten minutes early.’
An excruciatingly slow ten minutes passed, and there was still no sign of Janine.
‘She’s not coming.’ Disappointment flooded Damien’s face ‘I should have known she wouldn’t. It was too much to expect. I don’t blame her.’
Hannah reached across the table and took his hand as a movement outside the window caught her eye. She drew in a breath. The woman who’d just walked past was without doubt Damien’s mother. Tall, with long black hair, high ch
eekbones and a fine jawline, there was no question who she was. Hannah squeezed his hand and nodded towards the cafe door as it opened.
Damien stood up, his nerves visible by his shaking hands. Tears welled in Hannah’s eyes as she watched his reaction. He walked towards Janine, who immediately froze when she saw him. A shaky smile appeared on her lips, and she took a tissue from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes.
‘Damien?’
He nodded and tears instantly cascaded down her cheeks. He put an arm protectively around her shoulder and led her to the table.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she managed. ‘This is incredibly overwhelming.’
Hannah smiled warmly and extended her hand. ‘I’m Hannah, Damien’s wife, and yes, this is overwhelming for everyone. Damien’s been a mess all morning, if it’s any consolation.’
Janine smiled at him through her tears. ‘Really? I’ve been so worried about what you might think of me. I know you’ve been told the reason I put you up for adoption, but I’ve been concerned at what you’ve thought all these years since you were old enough to learn that you were adopted. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t want you or love you. I didn’t hate you either, which someone recently suggested you might think.’
‘I only found out in the last few weeks the real reason you gave me up for adoption. Up until then, I’d been led to believe that you’d died in a car accident taking me back from the hospital. When I learned the truth, I didn’t hate you. I felt awful for what you’d gone through.’
Janine nodded. ‘That’s hardly your fault, and from what I can see you certainly have more Markinson genes in you than Deeks.’
‘I was thirteen when my parents told me. At that time we’d been told it was a closed adoption, so there was no way to find out anything about either of you.’
‘I don’t think there was a day that went by that I didn’t think of changing that on my file, just in case you ever wanted to get in touch. But I didn’t know if finding out the truth would be good for you. From what I know about Calvin Deeks’s family, there’s not a lot to be proud of.’
A flash of anger crossed Damien’s face. ‘There’s nothing to be proud of at all about him. He’s not who I’m interested in getting to know.’ His face softened. ‘But you are.’
Janine hesitated for a moment before clearing her throat. ‘There’s only one question I need an answer to from you, Damien, and then I’m happy to answer anything you might like to know.’
Hannah wondered what on earth it could be. Wouldn’t she have a million questions? She knew that she would.
‘It’s the one thing that has haunted me since the day I handed you to the nurses and honestly believed I would never see you again.’ She hesitated. ‘Have you had a happy life?’
Damien’s face broke into a wide smile.
Janine dabbed at her tears again. ‘I think that answers the question for me. I always hoped you would be placed with a nice family, but I could never be sure. And then to torture myself I’d search for stories about adoption cases on the internet and discover children had been abused or mistreated. I prayed every night that you were happy and safe.’
‘I was. My parents are the nicest people you could ever meet. They couldn’t have children, and they treated me like a gift. I couldn’t have asked for a better upbringing. I wasn’t spoilt, but I was given many opportunities and always knew I was loved with absolute devotion.’
‘Were your parents supportive of you coming here today?’
Damien frowned. ‘They are supportive, but Mum’s a bit worried, I guess. She said it took her years to relax after the adoption went through. She couldn’t believe that she and Dad had been blessed with a newborn. There was a part of her that always worried that something would happen, that someone would turn up one day and tell her it was all a mistake. So even though I’m forty now, and she knows that I can’t be taken away from her like I could have been as a child, I guess she’s worried that someone else might take her place.’
Janine nodded. ‘I’d like to meet her at some stage.’ She blushed. ‘Assuming you want to see me again after today, that is. I’d like to thank her, and your father, for everything they’ve done. I’d also like to reassure her that she is your mother. I’m not here to get in the way of that. I want to get to know you, if you’ll let me, and I thought you might enjoy getting to know me and my extended family.’
Hannah lifted a photo album from her bag and pushed it across the table. ‘Trish, Damien’s mother, put this together for you. She thought you might like to see some photos of him growing up.’
This time it was Damien’s eyes that welled with tears. Hannah knew that he’d be thinking how selfless Trish was, and how thoughtful and generous.
Janine ran her finger over the cover of the album before meeting Hannah’s eyes. ‘What an amazing lady to do something like this.’
Hannah nodded. ‘She is. Now, why don’t I order us some drinks and cake while you and Damien have a look through the album? I’m sure there are plenty of embarrassing photos in there he’d like to cover up.’
They laughed, and it was as if the pressure lifted from all of them. Hannah took their coffee orders and went over to the counter and chose some cakes and slices to share. She looked back at Damien, who was covering his face in mock embarrassment as they looked through the album. There was an undeniable connection between the two; anyone could see it. They might have just met, but they had a shared history that linked them in some unexplainable way.
It was two hours later that they stood and said their goodbyes.
‘I really would love to meet Amy, if you allow me,’ Janine said as they walked to the front door of the cafe. ‘And I’d love you all to make a trip to Tallangetti at some stage so you can meet my family.’
Hannah nodded. ‘I’m sure Amy would love to meet you.’ They’d discovered that Janine had four brothers, all married with children. Amy had many cousins, as it turned out. How strange; Hannah hadn’t thought beyond what having Janine in his life might mean for Damien. Amy also had blood ties to a huge extended family. It would be nice for her to get to know them. With Damien an only child and Nat yet to have a family, Amy often complained that she didn’t have any cousins or lots of aunts and uncles.
‘We’ll organise something soon,’ Damien said. ‘I’d like you to meet Mum and Dad too. I think it would help Mum to feel more comfortable about everything.’ He leaned in and hugged Janine. ‘Thank you for coming today. It means so much to me.’
‘Me too.’ Janine reached into her bag and took out a large thick envelope. ‘This is something my mother asked me to give you.’ Her voice cracked as she spoke. ‘She wanted you to know that you were loved as a grandson from the day you were born. I didn’t know about this until two days ago, when she handed it to me. I only had a little look and then packed it away.’ She drew in a deep breath. ‘I found it too painful to think about all that we lost by not having you with us.’
The ache at the back of Hannah’s throat confirmed she was going to need a tissue at any moment. What a burden to live with.
They said their goodbyes, with Janine and Damien promising to be in touch later in the week.
‘We’ll probably both need some time to digest all of this,’ Janine said.
Hannah was sure she was right. Damien sat in silence in the car as she drove them out of the city centre and back towards Donvale.
‘She was lovely,’ Hannah said. ‘So much like you.’
Damien looked at her. ‘Do you think?’
She nodded. ‘In appearance, mannerisms but also in her kind heart. We obviously won’t ever know anything about Calvin Deeks, but I think you can safely bet that you inherited a large percentage of your mother’s genes. That plus the incredible influence of Trish and Edward have made you who you are today.’
Damien reached across and laid his hand on her leg. ‘Thank you for coming with me. I don’t think I could have done that alone.’
‘But you’re glad that you did?
’
He nodded. ‘It’s only the start of learning about my background, but already it’s put a lot of questions to rest. It’s crazy to think I have this whole other family out there. I hope Mum’s going to be okay with it.’
‘She’s a strong woman. She beat cancer, and I can guarantee she’ll find a way to make this work for her. As long as we’re sensitive in what we say, and warn Amy to be too, I think she’ll work out a way to accept that this is how it is.’
They travelled in silence for a few minutes, then Damien pulled out the envelope Janine had given him. He peeled it open and peered inside.
‘What is it?’ Hannah was dying to know what his biological grandmother had done for him.
He pulled out a handful of envelopes. Each was marked with a number. ‘There’s a heap of them in there, all with different numbers on them.’ He opened the top one with a twelve on it and pulled out a card. He turned it over and discovered a birthday card with the number twelve embossed on it and a picture of a boy catching a fish. His hands trembled as he opened it. He cleared his throat.
My dearest boy. Happy twelfth birthday. I trust you are growing into a fine young man and enjoying every day that comes your way. Every morning I imagine what you might be doing that day. School, of course, on some but on other days, I imagine you skateboarding and fishing and hopefully loving life with a wonderful family and plenty of friends. Dearest boy, you are forever in my heart. With all my love on your birthday, Grandma.
Tears rolled freely down Hannah’s cheeks as he finished reading. She looked across to him, and his cheeks were as wet as hers.
‘You’re a lucky man, Damien Anderson. Not only were you loved by the parents who raised you, but you’ve been loved by people who for forty years you’ve only been a memory for, and now I love you with a ferocity I never knew possible.’