by Allison Rios
As he pulled up the dusty drive after nearly two hours on the road, AJ could already feel Max’s presence growing stronger. He liked being able to sense other Healers. When he had run into others out in the world he also felt a sense of ease, even though Max was the only one he had ever communicated with.
There remained a sense of security in knowing that others were going through the same experience and were out there amongst the crowds, feeling exactly as he was.
They would pass each other as strangers and with a knowing glance continue on their respective ways. Sometimes words would be exchanged through their minds and although AJ found that often such a weird feeling, he also found comfort in this hidden talk. While he longed to make friendships with them he knew what the unspoken agreement was – they had to spread themselves out to help others. Being clustered together in a group would only serve to benefit them and not the greater good of the world.
He heard Max’s music before he saw his friend and teacher rounding the curve of the driveway up to the door of the old, wooden house. It wasn’t much to look at, yet then again, it was all that a house should be - a warm place that served as shelter; a place to gather and eat and sit with friends. AJ never needed décor and color palettes to enjoy the time he spent with friends and Max was the same.
“Hey Max!” AJ nearly shouted, bounding out of the car and wrapping his friend in a bear hug. They patted each other’s backs, smiling from ear to ear. Max was starting to look older, nearly into his 40s, and the gray hairs speckling his hairline gave it away. AJ still found it exacerbating that even though Max finally looked to be 50, the man had discovered his gift at 20 making him nearly 170 years old in human years.
“How you doing, old man?” he joked, giving Max a few playful punches.
“Who are you calling old?” Max asked, laughing. “I look damn good for being nearly 200.”
“I guess I’ll know how that feels in the next century,” AJ laughed. “That still sounds so weird to say. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the hang of this.”
“You will, AJ, one day at a time. Come on in! I’ve been waiting for you! How was the drive? You hungry? I have some food in the fridge from dinner.”
“Not hungry, man,” AJ responded, grabbing his beat up old duffle from the trunk. “You should see the spread where I’m staying. Found a nice bed and breakfast in a little town, and the woman, Helen, is an amazing cook. She loves to cook, too. It’s just Helen, her husband Matthew and me but man, she cooks for an army.”
“Nice to hear you are finding some relaxation,” Max said, patting his friend on the back. “It’s about time you stepped back a bit and took care of you.”
“Hard to take care of yourself when there’s a world full of people who might need you,” AJ replied. He looked at Max knowing full well his old friend completely understood. “The guilt slowly seeps in when you’re just sitting around as time ticks by.”
“We can talk about other things you know, AJ,” Max said with a little hesitation. “You know I’m here for anything. But if you want to, we can just talk sports.”
Max knew how hard the first years are for a Healer figuring things out, learning to control everything. For a Healer with no guidance in his first year, he couldn’t imagine how hard life had been for AJ. The kid held it together pretty well.
“We’ll just talk about whatever comes up, how about that? So what have you been up to man?”
“Nothing much, just living, working. Traveling into town here and there.”
“You should come visit me sometime. You’d love where I’m staying. There’s cute girls, too.”
“Cute girls, huh?” Max countered with a raised eyebrow.
“I like to look. Doesn’t mean I’ll touch. I’d be blind if I didn’t. This girl is pretty hard to miss.”
“This girl? Sounds like there’s one in particular you’re talking about.”
“Slip of the tongue. Maybe. Her name’s Addie, and she amuses and annoys the hell out of me at the same time. Figure that one out.”
“Sounds like you’re falling.”
“You’re the second one to say that to me,” AJ responded, laughing a bit. “I’m not falling. Just haven’t met anyone like her before.”
Pausing a moment, he loosened his grip on the back of the kitchen chair, across from where Max was getting each a beer from the fridge.
“Can I ask you something, Max?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“Without ridicule or laughter?”
“Depends I guess. I’ll let you know after you ask. If I don’t ridicule or laugh, the answer is yes.”
He smirked.
“Have you ever had feelings for someone that you didn’t understand? I don’t get what I’m feeling from her. I can’t stop thinking about her, but I have already made a decision to not get involved with women. I want to do what I was put on earth to do.”
“You have fallen,” Max smirked, popping the top off the beer.
“Seriously Max! How do I get the thoughts and feelings out of my head? I don’t know if what I’m feeling is anything at all. I am trying to distance myself from it.”
“Let’s sit and relax,” Max said, leading AJ out to the living room – home to the two most comfortable looking chocolate-brown recliners AJ had ever seen. Max reached out his arm to indicate AJ should pick one, which he did, and Max settled into the other.
“AJ, your destiny has a long time to play out. We all are put on this earth for a reason. You and I, we have a special gift, and we have to use it wisely. Our lives aren’t dictated by our jobs anymore than anyone else’s are on earth. They are dictated by our hearts and our feelings.”
“I don’t understand what my feelings are Max. It’s been just a couple days and this girl, I can’t stop watching her. I feel like a stalker, man. She is beautiful and when we touched…it was similar to what I feel when healing, yet it wasn’t the same, if that makes sense. I wasn’t being drained, I was being energized. She felt it too, I could see by the look in her face. Only she didn’t have this look of peace and relaxation that those we heal do; she had this look of confusion and excitement all at once.”
“Sounds to me like she’s fallen too,” Max laughed.
“Doubtful. Until recently she was engaged to a loser. This guy was bottom of the barrel. I don’t think she’s ready to start over again with anyone anyway.”
Max could see AJ bristling at the mere thought of this guy, and it made him smile. He remembered going through something similar back when he was younger.
“Have you ever gone through this Max? Have you ever felt something you didn’t understand for someone?”
“I did, kiddo, I did,” Max said, taking a swig of beer as he watched AJ leaning forward and merely picking at the damp, peeling label. “There was a girl, once. I was head over heels for her, ready to give up everything. She filled my heart with this feeling of electricity, and I went away for a couple months to meditate and contemplate my decision. Would I give up my gift in order to find love? Would I give up love in order to keep my gift? It’s a huge decision and one that every Healer will encounter at some point in their lives, sometimes more than once.”
“So there’s that to look forward to. Wonderful. What did you do?” AJ asked, already thinking he knew the answer since there was no Mrs. Max.
“I chose her.”
His answer shocked AJ; the kid’s facing said it outright. Maybe there was still more he had to learn.
“I came back to tell her, to propose and to begin our lives together knowing that the moment we said ‘I do,’ my gift would be taken away from me. I never got the opportunity though. While I was gone there was an accident that took her life and I was left with continuing on without her. I haven’t felt the same about anyone since her, not enough to give up what I do.”
“Do you think you would have regretted giving up the abilities you have to be with her, if things had worked out?”
“I don’t. I waited over 10
0 years to meet her. It felt like the other half of my soul had been found. When I lost her, I lost quite a bit of myself. I didn’t heal for a very long time. I didn’t want to bring more joy into a world where mine had been taken. I eventually got past the greatest intensity of the pain but she’s still a part of my heart to this day.”
“What would you do if someone made you feel like that again?”
“I’d probably risk the same thing for a feeling like that. When their touch can make your skin crawl with excitement and a whisper in your ear can send a shock down your spine. Some Healers don’t feel the same; they see their life as one of purpose, a specific purpose, that they are completely dedicated to following. Neither way is wrong – they are both right, for whatever reason they choose. It’s not a decision someone else can make for you,” Max said, tilting his bottle towards AJ. “It’s something all Healers must decide for themselves.”
Max spread it all out for him when they met, detailing for AJ exactly who he was and why. All over earth, there are special people walking around with special capabilities. They’re known as Healers, and although to the general population their existence is merely a myth, they do indeed exist.
These Healers are born just as everyone else with the only difference being their gene pool. Not every child born to a Healer will become one; it takes a special soul to inherit the gift. Sometimes, two Healers fall in love and marry, though a rare occurrence. Some go their whole lives alone, focusing instead on their gift. Some Healers may marry a mortal, yet if they choose this path, they give up their gift and live out their lives as mortals.
It was such a rush when he healed someone as it drained him greatly of his own strength, and the power and ability were one he had finally begun to value. This hadn’t been so in years past, when he headed to New York to be an avenger of illness, specifically the cancer that had taken his single mother only months before his strengths unveiled themselves. He had struggled with this, wondering why they hadn’t presented themselves earlier. In New York he touched people non-stop. Some thought he was trying to rob them and he paid the price with black eyes and bloody noses. Others, most often the women, thought he was a kind gentleman who may bring them the future they’d always dreamed of. No one knew what he really was, and it was a loneliness he wouldn’t wish on another soul.
When he touched someone, there was a feeling of warmth and happiness, and their body would soak it up like the warm sunshine after a too-long winter. He often used the line, “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else,” in order to deter suspicion. He grew angry at not being able to heal some people, especially those in their younger years. He didn’t understand the overall rules and tried to break them to no avail until he simply stopped trying.
When he felt his heart had given up, he knew it was time for a change. He decided to head back to the country – although a different town than that of his mother – so that he could figure out what to do with his life. First and foremost was to come to terms with the rules of this gift, and go from there.
He’d only spoken to one other healer, a man with skills enough to sense when another was near. With wavy dark hair and tan brown skin, Max’s appearance set people at ease when they saw him. He could have been Latino or Greek, yet his heritage was as much a mystery as he was. His arms were covered in tattoos, memories of times throughout his life that carried meaning. They were all personally drawn by him, etched onto his skin by extremely talented artists who would never understand the depths of the meanings behind this particular art.
He was beautiful inside and out which allowed him to get close to people for healing. His friendliness and demeanor were what permitted him to be close to AJ, who had all but given up on outsiders in his life. When Max spoke the sound was safe and honest. It opened people up, made them feel secure despite whatever trauma had followed them in their past. His tone suggested there was a new future waiting through a friendship with this man.
Max had instantly sensed AJ on the city street and befriended him. He put AJ into situations where AJ would feel uncomfortable, where he would sense his gift. When Max was sure, he spoke to AJ the truth, learned AJ knew nothing of his skills, and took him under his wing. When Max realized that his mother or another family member who served as a Healer should have been sculpting AJ’s skills with him, there had never been an opportunity because of the tragedies that had occurred.
AJ knew he hadn’t belonged in such a crowded metropolis, yet he had taken himself there of his own free will. Well, mostly free will, combined with a bit of rebellion. He also felt pulled to do great things, to not waste this extraordinary gift, and so on the jammed sidewalks of New York, he had found just that. Although he was doing great things, he felt an immense anger and anxiousness that welled up inside of his soul and he often ended his days alone and bitter.
Max assisted him in settling down a bit. He understood the immense feelings that come along with realizing you have the ability to heal someone’s illness and change the world. With so many sick and dying, Max also understood AJ’s fierce determination to save them all even though it was impossible. AJ was still alive - thanks to Max - after nearly killing himself multiple times in his quest to save lives.
It was the sense of obligation that so many healers fought; the urge to take care of as many people as possible. To save each person gave Healers a purpose with each tremendous task taken on.
“If you let yourself be drained you let yourself die. Then you have nothing left to give. Remember that,” Max had said before he headed to the country for his own life change. It wouldn’t be long before AJ decided to follow suit and bring his life to a quieter, more calming level. A small town, AJ had decided, would give him a break and let him clear his head without having to reach out to so many people every day.
The dreams were what AJ found to be the most unbearable aspect of his gift. The guilt he could live with, the responsibility he could handle. Even the visions he eventually learned to gain control over. The dreams had a way of sneaking into his mind as he slipped beneath the warmth of his blankets for the evening. They were inevitable and as he couldn’t remain awake all day every day, he was normally filled with anxiety as the evening approached. He knew as his eyes grew heavy the pain wouldn’t be far behind.
The dreams were like his visions, except that they were not images of people’s futures. Instead, they were the faces of all the people he hadn’t been allowed to help because of what his visions showed. They were the children, the women, the vivacious grandfathers that all had gone on to the next phase of mortality as a result of what he saw. And more often than not, it was his mother’s face pleading with him to realize his gift so that he could save her. He’d awake in a sweat, his body shaking and his heart racing. It was the same nearly every night with the exception of blissful evenings spent unconscious after a bottle of vodka. He’d overcome his drinking long ago, needing to own the dreams he had as retribution for those he hadn’t been able to help. Sober is how he went to sleep now.
The Healers have a lot of rules. They may not heal everyone; they are given visions of each person they encounter as a potential healing, and these visions give them the ability to determine whether or not an individual should be healed. This can be a most difficult decision as sometimes the thought of letting someone continue on with their illness and ultimately lose their life can be an impossible concept to grasp. To look at someone’s face and realize nothing can be done to help them can cause a great struggle with guilt in Healers. The decision is not based on a person’s soul at that particular moment in time where healing is necessary – good, bad, indifferent – yet rather what these visions show of their future.
There is a purpose for this - for not being able to heal everyone. In some cases the loss of one life will save many others. These are the cases which proved most difficult for Healers, especially when it came to children and young men and women. The decision was a necessary one that must be made in order to facilitate the world continu
ing on and creating great things. This is not to say they cannot heal everyone; they most definitely can remove illness from anyone they encounter. The true complexity came in only choosing certain people to fulfill the world’s future.
Because they must utilize visions to choose who is saved, Healers may not cure someone they love. This rule was handed down as the first and foremost rule from the beginning of time. Love can overwhelm the senses, which might cause a Healer to break ancient rules to continually restore health to an individual over and over. Other Healers could lend a hand if visions lent to a healing, but that required other Healers to be around.
Healers help by touch. Their hands are their instruments. Often, Healers wear gloves to keep from touching others without meaning to in crowded places. Others develop ways to avoid shaking hands or hugging. Those who are strong are able to control their gift enough that they can touch and withhold having visions.
Combined with the anxiety and depression that can settle into a Healer due to the tremendous obligation of their gift, Healers are often seen as loners and keep to themselves to prevent being discovered.
Healers also age differently than the general population in order to keep watch over the world. For each five years a normal person lives, it equates to one year for Healers, beginning from the moment their gift is revealed to them. This is yet another reason they must move around, to avoid being caught for not aging as the general population does.
The two men spent a couple hours laughing and talking, discussing sports and the world, drinking a few beers. Relaxed and smiling, AJ felt at home again.