by Allison Rios
Isabelle squeezed his arm and he could sense her fear. If there was one thing he had learned from healing, it was that being okay with your future, whether it be death or life, was completely separate from the fear you experience of the unknown. Being okay does not equal freedom from all sadness and fear. Acceptance simply means you can take the hand dealt to you and supersede all the other emotions it brings.
The car rumbled along in silence, the sounds of gravel under the tires deafening in the moment. It was all AJ could concentrate on as his internal radar sensed the closeness of Devin with each foot they drove closer to Isabelle’s home. The car ambled up to the general store and AJ and Rose hopped out. As Rose bounded through the old wooden doors to the store, AJ watched Isabelle through the back window. She waved and the car continued on to the end of her life. It was a humbling aspect, knowing that someone was walking right into their own demise. The last moments before the realization that the end was near were how AJ always wanted to remember those he touched.
He gathered his thoughts and walked into the store with Rose. His heart was telling him to go with Isabelle, to be there for the visit. He sought to lessen his anxiety by reminding himself that he didn’t know the family well enough to take part in a moment as personal as a doctor visit. In addition, he’d never been that close to a Grim before; especially not one who was fulfilling a mission in life. To stand there as it happened and watch was not something he was sure he could stomach. Painful would be an understatement.
**************************************************
As they finished shopping, Rose tucked the tiny pouch into her jeans pocket. It housed a beautiful rock pendant that the shopkeeper said he had cut and shined himself. She had carefully scoured the necklaces and decided that one was the prettiest. Rose was thoroughly impressed and told him she was considering changing her future career from vet to rock buffer, which made the old man’s day.
AJ had offered to make up the difference since Rose had only brought two dollars. The crumpled bills were all the money she had. The shopkeeper wouldn’t hear of it. The children in town were what made his days worth living. Their smiles reminded him of his own children growing up.
They were no sooner out the front door than a familiar old pickup screeched to a halt. AJ only had to hear the vehicle to know whose it was.
“What are you all doing here in town?” the memorable voice barked out a rolled down window.
“Nothing!” Rose said, checking to be sure the pouch was deep in her pocket and invisible.
“Just taking a walk,” AJ said, walking towards the truck. “Rose was showing off her sparkle shoes. I personally think they’re some version of Morse code.”
“Sure you weren’t spying on me? Making sure I’m not getting to close to this stranger?”
“No,” AJ said. He knew he’d never hear the end of this particular line of questioning and felt it appropriate after the encounter earlier in the afternoon. He couldn’t tell her the truth, so he’d have to find other ways to play down what she thought was jealousy.
Except it was partly jealousy, too.
“Well hop in. It’s getting late and you need to get cleaned up and to bed young lady.”
AJ helped Rose up, and put her in the middle this time.
“You got a frog in your pocket again?” Addie asked her daughter, a look of disgust on her face. “Why do you have your hand so carefully placed in there?”
“Nothing!” Rose said again, taking her hand out guardedly.
Addie looked at AJ as he silently mouthed that he would tell her later. He wouldn’t spoil Rose’s surprise but he’d let Addie in on what they were doing in town. He didn’t want her to be mad at him for anything else.
The ride was eerily silent. As the truck stopped and the group descended from the cab, Addie patted Rose on the butt, telling her to scoot her dirty little jeans up into the house and start a bath. When Rose was out of earshot an agitated Addie leaned up against the dusty truck and folded her arms across her chest.
“So why were you really in town? Are you following me?”
“I swear it wasn’t anything like that Addie,” he replied, mimicking the scout’s honor hand-in-the-air motion.
“Then what’s it like?”
Part of her wanted the handsome stranger to be following her, to be spying on her. She felt like a fool for her heart feeling the way it did about him. She swore he felt something, too. She was somewhat hoping he was a little jealous so she’d feel a slightly better about how foolish she’d been.
She bent one leg, kicking the foot up behind her against the truck. AJ noticed her shoes weren’t much better than Rose’s. Living in the city for so long he’d seen more shoes than he cared for. There, people were so consumed with how they looked and what brand name they had. It was quite a different world here. No one cared if your shirt was top of the line. It was only who you were as a person that mattered.
“Rose wanted to get you a birthday present,” he said. “Don’t you tell her I told you. She wants to surprise you.”
Addie was a bit speechless – the first time that had ever happened to her. It was a really sweet thing for her kid to do and for AJ to take her. She felt foolish again for thinking AJ was an ass. She was letting the situation get the best of her because he wasn’t giving her what he wanted. She knew he was being honest and that he hadn’t done anything to wrong her. It still irritated her, though.
“That’s one good kid you got.”
“I know,” she replied softly, looking up towards the bathroom window on the second floor. She knew she did. She looked back at AJ and noticed he looked like he was out of it, maybe under the weather. Before she could maintain her gruff exterior she opened her mouth.
“You feel okay tonight?”
The truth was he didn’t feel okay. His stomach twisted in knots over Isabelle and what had happened or what was happening right now. He could feel Devin’s closeness and after an entire day of the anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach, he felt much less than his normal self.
“I’ll be okay,” he said, looking away from her and out towards the fields.
The sun was setting in red and orange, melding with the bright greens of the fields. It was beautiful, like it had come right out of a painting. If every day could look and feel like that beautiful sunset, he knew he’d be a much happier person.
“What’s eating you?” she pried.
Something was telling her to pry, to keep asking. It was almost as if she couldn’t shut her mouth. “You can talk to me, you know. Is it the stranger? Nothing happened.”
Then for good measure, she added, “Not like it should matter to you anyway.”
It hit AJ like a punch in the gut. If he was telling her no, he didn’t want to be with her, than she was right – it shouldn’t matter to him anyway. He looked at her and though he didn’t say anything, she felt instant guilt. She wasn’t sure why he was so distant, why he wouldn’t let someone in. She hadn’t really asked him much about his past or taken the time to get to know him. She was just expecting him to pull her into his arms and start something when, despite what she was feeling inside, they didn’t really even have a friendship to build from.
“I’m sorry.”
“Really, it’s okay Addie. I deserve it.”
“No you don’t. You haven’t done anything wrong AJ. It’s just me being who I am.”
“Same here. I saw Isabelle again today.”
She knew with that – at least she thought she knew – why he was downtrodden.
“I know. Her parents mentioned it when I dropped Devin off at their house. I actually went in for a bit, I couldn’t help it. I’ve known them my whole life. And when I see Isabelle, I can’t help but think of Rose. I can’t help but think, what if that was my little girl?”
AJ looked at Addie who now had tears filling her eyes. She fought to keep them from spilling over. Addie seemed at all times to be one big waterfall that just didn’t have the ability
to overflow.
“Devin took a look at her, checked a few things and said there was really nothing he could do. Said he was sorry, and then he was ready to go. Really heartbreaking. I mean, I know to be a doctor you have to be somewhat stark because you see death so often. Especially oncologists, I’m sure. He just seemed so indifferent, so cold. It was almost disgusting to me. Poor Isabelle.”
“How’d Isabelle take it?” AJ asked, inching a bit closer to Addie.
“She’s one tough girl,” Addie replied, a little laugh escaping from her lips. “She smiled at him, thanked him for coming by. She hugged her mom and dad – who were crying, by the way – and told them it would be okay. She did the same with her brothers, while Devin was impatiently waiting at the door for me. I couldn’t pull myself away.”
AJ’s heart ached for the beautiful woman in front of him. He knew that feeling. He lived it often.
“I dropped him off at his car and that’s when I saw you guys.”
He heard her sniffle, saw her wipe at her eyes. She was trying her best to hold it in.
He stepped closer, raising his arm to squeeze hers and silently say he was there for her. She moved quickly to dodge his touch as if she had to get in the house.
“I’ll see you later, AJ.”
She couldn’t have walked any faster to get away from him.
“Did he touch you, Addie?” he asked again before he could stop the words from coming out of his mouth.
She looked back at him over her shoulder, the tears now evident on her cheeks in the fading sunlight. She wanted to tell him to go to hell. Or to tell him yes so he’d be jealous. Mostly, she wanted to just make her life a little less complicated.
She shook her head no and stepped inside.
9 SOFT SPOKEN
He heard the soft tapping at his door, and somehow knew it was her. He’d been sitting in the chair as if waiting for her to come over. No visions needed to tell him she would; he simply needed his gut instinct.
He absorbed the sound of the knocks for a moment. Every second that he saw her he found it harder to fight what he was feeling. It wasn’t just being a Healer and wanting to keep her safe. He wanted to touch her as a man would touch a woman. He wanted to kiss her the way he had imagined multiple times since the moment he first set eyes on her.
“It’s open,” he said, trying his best to say it quietly in the event Helen was asleep. He had noticed the bad feeling he’d had in his stomach all day, combined with the bristling of every hair on his body courtesy of Devin, had began to decline. Though he was new at reading these feelings he took it to mean Devin was on his way out of town. He had been replaying the story Addie told him about Devin’s visit with Isabelle in his head for an hour now, imagining what it must have seemed like in person.
The door swung open just a small notch, and Addie poked her head in.
“AJ?”
“Yeah, over here,” he said, leading her with the sound of his voice. He was sprawled out in the chair, his hands reaching further than the arms of it did.
She took a step in before stopping herself from going further.
“Can I ask you another favor?”
“What’s up?” he asked, genuinely intrigued. Addie wasn’t the type to ask for help so asking for a favor was new territory.
“Rose is asking for you. I tried to tell her you were in for the night. She is dead-set on talking to you. If you’re busy, I understand.”
“Why’s she asking for me?” he inquired, leaning forward. He had no inkling as to why a little girl would want to speak with him.
He clasped his hands together, his elbows on his knees to support the weight of his upper half. She noticed the lines of his shoulders and biceps before snapping herself back to the task at hand.
“She wants you to tuck her in. Read her a story.”
AJ was a bit taken aback, having never been asked to do anything like that before. It scared him to think about having to make up a story. He hadn’t had any practice in his entire life.
Addie noticed his hesitation.
“Really, it’s okay. It was a silly idea. I’ll just tell her you were sleeping.”
“No, no, I’ll do it,” he replied.
He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want to lie to Rose or to let her down. He felt protective of her, much like he did Addie. While this new avenue was a bit out of his comfort zone, he was willing to try.
“No, really, it’s okay. Seriously. I just said I’d ask. I know it’s a bit weird. She really took to you today, I think.”
“All we did was walk,” AJ responded. His mind circled around and around, attempting to make sense of such a request from the same little girl who, until recently, had only muttered a word or two at a time in conversation.
“Well it was one hell of a walk because she’s never asked for anyone other than me or Gram to tell her a bedtime story. I’m as shocked as you are.”
AJ stood up and Addie stepped back into the hallway, two steps ahead of him the entire time across the yard to her house. He saw the light from Rose’s room on and followed Addie up the decaying porch stairs and into the house.
Addie stopped down the hallway, letting AJ go ahead of her toward Rose’s room. He stopped just outside the door, glancing in. Why did a little girl terrify him so much? He looked back at Addie and saw her shoulders rise in a shrug. Looking back in at Rose one more time, the curly-haired cutie caught his glance.
“AJ!” she squealed. “You came!”
He took a breath, stepping forward into the room. “Of course I did! You didn’t think I’d turn away a request from the most beautiful little girl in town, did you?”
She smiled ear to ear, her legs crossed on the bed and covered by bright pink pajama pants and a rock star t-shirt.
“A little bird tells me you want a story of some sort.”
She nodded, moving over a bit so he could sit on the edge of the bed. Feeling a little uncomfortable, he instead sat down next to the bed, his back resting against the night stand.
“Do you have a book you want me to read from?”
She shook her head no. “I want you to make one up. Just for me.”
This was going to be harder than he thought, he said to himself.
“Oh, okay. Hmmm….you’re gonna have to give me a minute.”
All he knew were fairy tales and she wouldn’t want one of those. She’d want something original, something magical.
He knew what story to regale her with. A fairy tale about a special group of people that didn’t really exist to others.
“Don’t tell it all to me tonight,” she whispered, snuggling in under her blankets as her wild ponytail covered her pillow. “Save some for later.”
One night of story-telling was scary enough. AJ worried about multiple times.
“Okay. Let’s see…Once upon a time, there was a very special, different group of people,” he began, wrapping his arms around his knees. “These people had an exceptional task to perform. It was to protect people and keep them safe.”
“Like guardian angels?” Rose asked.
“Yes, like guardian angels. These people looked just like all the men and women on earth except for one very different characteristic. They had a type of magic that could fix people.”
“Did they make things disappear?”
“Are you going to let me tell the story or are you going to keep interrupting? Because you can make it up yourself,” he teased, glancing up at her freckled face.
“Okay, okay!” she responded, snuggling deeper into the covers.
Addie had inched her way towards Rose’s room and was peeking –just out of their sight- around the door. It was a sight she never thought she’d see in her lifetime: a decent guy tucking her daughter into bed. Even if it was just as friends, she felt a moment of happiness at the thought of someone like him maybe someday loving her daughter like she did.
“This magic was something handed down from generation to generation. Not everyone got it
though; whoever had this special magic had to have a very good heart. Maybe a heart just like yours,” he said. She smiled at the thought. “There was one very special girl named Rose.”
“Really?” Rose asked in deliberation of his story.
“Yep. Her name was Rose just like you. Only she had red hair. She was the most special of the whole group, because she could use her magic on anyone at any time and she was the strongest of the entire group.”
Rose’s eyes widened and she waited for more.
“Well, Rose had a very important job one day. She was charged with stopping a bad guy, someone who had been very mean to a lot of people. And Rose, even though she was scared, was ready to stand up to the bully and make him stop being mean to people. When he came back to town, Rose used her magic to take away all of his powers. Then she banished him for all eternity to another world, to keep everyone safe from his evil ways. She was a hero and everyone was so happy that they threw her a party and she got tons of chocolate cake.”
Rose giggled, her nose crinkling up and her eyes as bright as the full moon in summer. She was a good kid and for a moment, AJ wondered what it would be like to have something like that someday – a family and a child. Would he ever have the opportunity to build a life and read his baby bedtime stories?
He dismissed the thought as quickly as it came. He always felt as though it was an awfully selfish wish. He knew what he’d have to do to have such a life. What kind of father would that make him?
“Night Rose,” he whispered, standing up and reaching over to turn off her light.
“Thanks AJ,” she replied, pulling the covers up under her chin.
He didn’t quite understand why he did what he did next, and he couldn’t say he regretted it. He leaned in and, as close to her ear as possible and whispered.