Laura was pooped. The BBQ at Jess’s had been pleasant; Jess had seemed bright enough given her circumstances. Darren came across as a reasonable sort of a bloke, and his mother was friendly. Darren had been attentive to Jess and spent a chunk of time with Sam and Mikey, and it had been obvious to Laura that he loved his two sons.
Laura had given Kaylene the go-ahead to load her up with consultations on Tuesday and Wednesday, because of the Boxing Day public holiday. She wanted to stay busy, she was sticking to her mantra, but, between the workload and the emotional couple of days, she felt wrung out.
Early on Wednesday evening Laura was packing up and looking forward to going home and having an early night when Milt came into her consulting room and sat down.
‘I ran into Claudia Samuels at the hotel on Monday night,’ Milt said. ‘She goes in for surgery on the second of January. Would have been earlier if not for Christmas. She said the surgeon is optimistic, that he praised her diligent GP for getting onto things straight away.’
‘That’s wonderful news. Thank you for the feedback. Ringing her was one of the things I had on my to-do list.’
Milt cleared his throat. ‘Linda and I have talked and I’ve given your offer some thought, and I’d like to accept any help you can give.’
‘I can stay for three months,’ she said. ‘That’ll give you time to finish the investigations and get a start on the treatment.’
‘What if I don’t want treatment? What if it’s already got out of hand?’
‘What did the MRI show?’
‘I have a specialist appointment next Thursday. If you can cover for me again I’d appreciate it.’
‘Of course I will.’
‘I’m not giving up work until I have to.’
‘That’s up to you, Milt. You might change your mind when you know what you are up against.’
He shifted in his seat. ‘Is three months your limit?’
Laura sighed, leaned back in the chair. ‘By then I will have used all my leave. I can’t expect the practice in Adelaide to carry me indefinitely. I’d have to resign if I decided to stay here longer, and I’m not sure yet if I want to do that.’
Milt nodded slowly and then stood up. ‘Fair enough,’ he said. ‘Can’t ask for more than that.’
‘If I change my mind I’ll tell you. But the hospital board should continue trying to recruit, don’t you think?’
‘Yes, they should.’
He was almost to the door when she remembered. ‘I almost forgot, I have something here that you might want.’ She reached into her shoulder bag.
He turned back as she withdrew the letters tied with the faded ribbon. She handed them to him.
He took the slim sheaf of envelopes, slipped one from its binding and opened it, and promptly turned an unhealthy shade of pale. ‘Where did you get these?’ he said, his voice hoarse.
‘I found them when I was sorting through some of Dorrie’s stuff. I recognised the handwriting.’
He folded the letter and put it back in the envelope, slipped it in with the others. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘Do? Nothing. It’s your business, not mine. I almost burned them but then I thought you might want them back.’
‘You’ve read them?’
‘Only the first one. I loved my great-aunt. At first I couldn’t decide whether to be horrified that she’d had an affair with a married man, or happy her life wasn’t without passion.’
‘And did you decide?’
‘Yes, I think I did. I was happy.’
‘Dorothy was a decent and a passionate woman, and she helped me through a difficult time in my life, in our lives. Linda and I —’
‘Please don’t tell me.’ She cut him off. ‘I already know more than I want to. I’m still not convinced I shouldn’t have burned them.’
‘Thank you, and I’m glad you didn’t,’ he said slowly, tiredly, and slipped them into the pocket of his trousers. ‘I know you were close to Neill Finlay, and his son, so no doubt you know something of my involvement with the family.’
‘A little,’ she said.
‘You must think I’m the biggest hypocrite ever.’
What Laura saw was a tired, unwell old man who’d been the custodian of the community’s secrets for a very long time. It was no surprise that he had secrets of his own. Was he a hypocrite? She wasn’t about to judge him. And his secret was safe with her.
Milt left and Laura finished packing up and went home.
Laura found the hours in between work and the mind-numbing renovation jobs the hardest. Sitting on the back verandah watching a sunset, running in the mornings as the sun crept over the horizon, lying awake in the lonely hours before dawn. She missed Jake. She missed what they might have had if he’d been able to put the past behind him and accept that he was a good man, worthy of being loved.
Rising early on Saturday morning, New Year’s Eve, Laura went for a run. She’d changed her route now to avoid passing Neill’s place. The roads were lonely without Skip, without a cup of tea and chat to look forward to, without Jake. But she made good time and she found some satisfaction in that.
The hot weather had been unrelenting, with no relief forecast for another week. Back from the run, Laura gave the vegetable garden and the herb pots on the verandah a good soaking. She picked the few ripe tomatoes and zucchinis to take to Alice, showered and packed an overnight bag, and then she was on the road to her sister’s place by nine.
‘Mum, wake up!’
Jess opened her eyes.
‘Mikey. What’s wrong? Where’s Sam?’ she said, wide-awake now as she pushed back the doona and swung her legs over the side of the bed.
‘Uncle Jake’s back.’
‘What?’ she said and rubbed her eyes, sure she must be dreaming.
‘I saw him first. I heard his bike. Sam slept on the lounge. Uncle Jake’s in the kitchen and Sam’s making his breakfast. Weet-Bix,’ he added as an afterthought.
Jess reached for her robe, pulled it on over the t-shirt she wore to bed. ‘What’s he doing back here?’ she said, more to herself than to Mikey, who’d raced off down the passage. ‘He’s only been gone ten days.’ She counted them off on her fingers.
She glanced at the clock radio on the bedside cupboard. Six-thirty a.m. The year had slipped in silently while they were asleep. Sam had tried to sit up so he could see the new year in, but he’d only lasted until eleven before falling asleep on the lounge. The minute he’d dropped off, Jess had covered him with the doona from his bed, turned off the lights and gone to bed herself.
The floorboards creaked when Jess walked down the passage towards the kitchen. Sure enough, she made out Jake’s gravelly baritone amongst the boys’ excited chatter.
‘Jake?’ she said from the kitchen doorway and he turned sideways in his chair. His eyes were bloodshot, his jaw thick with stubble. He looked like someone who’d been on a long ride, and back.
‘Jess,’ he said. ‘We need to talk.’
‘Okay,’ she said. She went to the cupboard for a mug, topped up the kettle and flicked it on. ‘Wouldn’t it have been easier to phone?’
‘No,’ he said, and Jess raised her eyebrows as she spooned coffee and sugar into the mug.
‘Sam, why don’t you and Mikey take your breakfast and go watch a DVD while Uncle Jake and I talk?’
Sam looked from one adult to the other and then nodded. ‘Come on, Mikey,’ he said and they picked up their cereal bowls and took them through to the lounge.
‘So, start talking,’ Jess said, sitting down at the kitchen table opposite her brother.
‘First, where’s Laura? I went to her house. Her car wasn’t there, the place is all locked up.’
Jess frowned. ‘Oh, yeah, she went to her sister’s in Adelaide. They were going to a New Year’s Eve party somewhere.’ She grinned, kicked Jake under the table. ‘Obviously not pining for you, bro.’
Jake rolled his eyes, rose stiffly to his feet and made himself another coffee. �
��Obviously not,’ he muttered under his breath.
‘Seriously, though,’ Jess said. ‘She came here for a BBQ on Boxing Day and I thought she was pretty flat, not her usual cheery self, although she hid it well. Darren and his mum really liked her.’
He sat down, the steaming brew in front of him. ‘Do you know when she gets back?’
‘No. But I have an appointment with her on Tuesday at the health centre, so I guess she’ll be back by then. So, what is it you couldn’t tell me over the phone? Not that I’m not pleased to see you.’
‘I’m glad, because you’ll be seeing a lot more of me.’
Jess’s eyes widened. ‘Tell me more.’
Jake rubbed at his lips with his fingertips, his eyes trained on his sister. ‘Just before he died, I promised Dad I’d stay around for twelve months to help out here on the farm. If the place is still going down the toilet after a year, we can do whatever we want with it. Sell it, lease it, whatever.’
Jess sat back in the chair. ‘I didn’t see that coming. He didn’t say anything about it to me.’ She tried not to sound hurt, but she was.
‘No, he thought you had enough on your plate, what with Darren and all that. And we had a few things to settle, he and I. Like the fact that he wasn’t my biological father.’
‘What?’ Jess said, her jaw dropping. ‘Who told you that? You and I are obviously related! We have the same colour eyes, the same shaped nose —’
‘We are related, Jess, we have the same mother, but I have a different biological father. I don’t have a clue who he is, Mum wouldn’t tell me, and Dad and Milt Burns didn’t know either.’
‘How did you find out?’
‘I overheard a conversation between Milt Burns and Dad. Dad wanted to tell me but Milt Burns advised him not to. He didn’t think there was any point because no-one knew who my father was.’ Jake cleared his throat, took a sip of coffee. ‘You were sick. Milt had made a house call. I heard them talking in the kitchen. I was so fucking angry I left as soon as shearing was over, remember?’
‘Bloody hell, Jake, of course I remember. Dad was devastated. I thought good riddance because you’d been such a moody pig. But then when you didn’t come back . . .’ She scratched her head. ‘Why didn’t you tell me all this when you were here last time? After Dad died?’
Jake shifted in his seat, sighed deeply. ‘Because I was an arse, as you’ve so accurately observed on previous occasions.’
Jess folded her arms. ‘You weren’t going to tell me, were you? That’s why you left.’
Jake didn’t break eye contact. ‘I was going to tell you, Jess, I just wasn’t sure when. I needed to put some distance between me and this place so I could think. There was a lot to get my head around.’
They sat for several minutes while Jess tried to digest everything Jake had told her.
‘You saw Mum. When?’
‘Not long after I left here. She was living in WA and she wasn’t exactly pleased to see me. When I asked her who my real father was, she said for all intents and purposes Neill was my real father, and I should be bloody grateful. I haven’t had any contact with her since.’
Jess just nodded. A long time ago she’d come to terms with her mother leaving, wasn’t interested in raking over old memories and old hurts. There was no purpose to it.
‘So, you’re here for twelve months. I suppose we’ll all get used to having you around, and then you’ll go again.’
‘Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Jess. A lot can happen in twelve months, and whatever that might be, I promise I will never again just walk away from the people I care about, and who care about me.’
‘It took you long enough to realise that.’
‘I know, and I’m truly sorry about that. I regret that I spent twenty years caught up in so much righteous anger and angst, thinking I’d been lied to, that I’d never know who my father was, when he was here all the time.’
‘What about your biological father? Don’t you want to know?’
‘Perhaps. Maybe one day. I’m sure there are ways if you have the means. But I find it doesn’t matter as much as I once thought it did.’
Jess’s mind was spinning. She had her brother back, well, her half-brother, really, but she wasn’t one to quibble. And she was optimistic that she and Darren would be able to work things out eventually and they’d be a family again. No better way to start a new year. She couldn’t hold back the joy bubbling up inside her.
‘What about Laura?’ she said and watched Jake’s face cloud.
‘I probably don’t deserve it, but I hope and pray she gives me a second chance.’
Laura couldn’t remember leaving the kitchen light on. She slammed the car door. Alice had determinedly filled their time with doing things. They’d been somewhere posh for lunch, where they’d quaffed champagne cocktails and pigged out on seafood. And as Alice had people dropping in whenever they were home, Laura hadn’t had a chance to mope. The sun had set on another day and now she was home in Potters Junction again, and Laura was caught unawares by how happy and relieved she felt to be there. But the kitchen light?
In the semi-darkness she unloaded the car, wheeled her small suitcase onto the cement path, past the fragrant vegetable patch, through the puddles on the path. She stopped in her tracks. Why were there puddles on the path? It had been another hot day and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. Oh no, she thought, shoulders sagging, a leaking pipe would be impossible to get fixed at this time of year. The water would have to be turned off at the meter and she’d have to call a plumber in the morning. But, damnit, the puddles reminded her of Jake.
Laura tightened her grip on the suitcase handle and trudged towards the house.
She sensed him before she saw him. Heat chased the shivers across her skin.
‘Jake?’ she whispered into the gloom.
He was on his feet. ‘I was beginning to think you were never coming home.’
Home.
She tried to swallow but her throat wouldn’t cooperate. Jake was here, on her back verandah. Her instinct was to launch herself into his arms, but common sense prevailed. His leaving was too fresh in her mind, and in her heart.
‘Why are you here? How did you get in? I locked the house. Oh God, are Jess and the boys all right?’
‘Jess and the boys are fine, I remembered where you hid the spare key, and I’m here because you are, Laura.’
He stood stock-still, poised for her response. Without a word she walked around him, onto the verandah and into the house. He followed her inside, blinking in the brightness.
‘How long for this time, Jake?’ she said with her back to him. ‘Until the house is sold? The farm on the market? A job comes up in Uzbekistan, or somewhere else as faraway and unreachable?’ She dumped her bag on the dresser and started when she felt his hand on her shoulder.
‘At least look at me while you bawl me out,’ he said. She shook him off but turned to face him, her expression intractable.
‘I don’t blame you for being angry with me, Laura. I’ve been angry with myself. I’ve felt anger, regret, remorse, sorrow.’ His voice was gentle, the pain on his face apparent. ‘Take your pick. But then it hit me what I needed to do, and I let hope creep into the mix.’ He tilted his head to the side. ‘Was I right to hope, Laura?’
She crossed her arms tightly, wouldn’t look him in the eye. ‘I’m not just a thing, Jake, that you can toss aside when you get bored or something better comes up. None of us are. And you didn’t answer my question, how long this time?’
‘Twelve months to start with. I promised Dad I’d stick around and help Jess for a year. I don’t know what’ll happen after that, but I’d like to think whatever it was, it would be with you.’
Her arms dropped to her sides. She studied his face, perplexed. ‘Why did you leave the way you did, if you knew you were coming back? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back? You just walked out. You didn’t really even say goodbye.’
He moved away from her,
pushed his fingers through his hair. And then it hit her.
‘You weren’t going to come back, were you?’ Her heart felt as if it had been plunged into icy water. ‘But then your conscience got the better of you, didn’t it? And you thought, if I have to be here for a year to fulfil a deathbed promise, then why not have someone to keep my bed warm while I am.’
‘No, Laura, that is not what I thought,’ he said. ‘You, more than anyone, knew how screwed up I was when I came back that first time.’
Laura’s jaw began to ache. She tried to relax. He pulled out a chair from the table. ‘Please can we sit down? Hear me out, that’s all I ask. Then if you want me to go, I will.’
She sat down reluctantly, mentally braced herself. Could she bear any more disappointment? He pulled out another chair, turned it so he was facing her and sat down. He reached for her hands and she let him take them in his, told herself the feel of his skin against hers wouldn’t make any difference to how she felt about what he said.
‘I love you, Laura,’ he said and she closed her eyes, wanted to curse him for not playing this fair. ‘That day, when you described how it felt to be in love – I felt the same way about you. It nearly killed me to leave.’ He squeezed her hands and she opened her eyes.
‘I won’t lie to you, not now or not ever, but the thought of leaving and not coming back did cross my mind. No-one else knew what Neill had asked me to do. He was dead. And when it comes to my family, I’ve been shirking my responsibilities for a long time.’
Laura could see a vein pounding in his neck and she appreciated how hard this was for him.
‘This might sound weird, but it was like I had to go, so I could come back because I wanted to, not stay because I had to.’
‘You needed for the choice to be yours,’ she said softy, and he nodded.
He lifted his hand, caressed her cheek with his fingertips. ‘When it came to you, Laura, there was never a choice to be made. It was you from the get-go, but I didn’t think I was worthy of you. In hindsight, I think I started falling in love with you out there on the road that day.’ His features softened. ‘There you were, standing in the middle of nowhere, all legs and righteous indignation. Deep down I knew then I was lost.’
The Doctor Calling Page 31