by Reese Morgan
She couldn’t think she chose between the two females, simply because she’d always choose Addie over Devan. Without question. However, her instincts had chosen to attack the Hunter who held Devan as opposed to Addie’s tormentor.
It had been the easier kill, the faster elimination.
“Hayden.”
“Not now,” Hayden bit out as they ran back towards the reservation.
The sound of gunshots silenced some time ago and it wasn’t long until they encountered the other werewolves. A few bodies littered across the snow; fortunately, not many of them were fallen werewolves. The majority were dead Hunters.
Hayden distinctively remembered Blake reaching out to her, his eyes a turmoil of emotion as Devan hastily explained the events that had transpired back in town.
Somehow, a great deal later, Hayden found herself sitting on a fallen log next to a roaring fire. They said she was in shock, but she couldn’t quite believe it.
She’d never been in shock before.
The werewolves brought back the bodies from town. Each pack burned their respective pack members, some more than others. From what Hayden heard, only three additional males died from Blake’s group as they rushed into town.
They also brought Addie back.
Her broken corpse, at least.
Hayden stared, her eyes wide, unseeing, and incredibly dry as Nathan and Blake wrestled her swathed body into the fire. The bundle of unrecognizable cloth caught flame and the smell of burned flesh stained the air.
Inhaling the remains of her pack member, her failure, Hayden closed her eyes against the agonizing memories.
Addie.
Hayden had promised Cole long ago that she and Blake would take care of the pack if something would ever happen to him. What could she possibly say to him now? When his grandmother had died on Hayden’s watch?
She’d failed him.
Sitting amongst her pack members, Hayden placed her face into her hands. She’d failed him. She’d failed Cole. She’d failed the rest of the pack.
If only she could rewind time and choose Addie over Devan.
She’d do that in a heartbeat.
Eventually raising her head from her hands, Hayden became aware of the males grouped not too far from the Slayter cabin. Amongst the gathering werewolves, she spotted the tall, proud form of Nicolas.
His consideration focused attentively on her, drilling her with unrealistic expectations and anticipations.
Relieved to see he was alive and unharmed, but far too weak to hold any sort of dominance contest, Hayden looked away, her ears remaining open. The males around Nicolas were other Alphas and betas of adjourning packs.
“The Hunters will track us. We need to move.”
“To where? They’ll track us anywhere we go.” Another wolf exclaimed with disbelief. “Celeste has control over the south and she’s gradually pushing us further north. We have no resources further north.”
“I do.”
Through her hazy mind, she was aware of Nicolas extending his opinion, his resources to the other Alphas. She knew he did not owe them a thing, nor did he want to give them access to his territory.
“It is another reservation. Far cruder. No running water, no electricity, but it has an impressive location and advantage. It’s located on a hill overlooking quite a distance away.” Nicolas paused. “However, it’s my territory and it houses many rogue werewolves. They will remain untouchable.”
“It will be challenging, no doubt,” a man commented. “Living amongst savages.”
“We are nothing but savages ourselves, Adolf. Look at us.”
“This location is far too vulnerable. It’s the best option we have.”
A pause, a hush.
“You are willing to let us on your territory, Slayter. Why should we trust you? You’ve never shied away proclaiming your independence from us. What has changed?”
Hayden did not hear Nicolas’ response, for Devan unexpectedly choked. Her sobs came soon after. Earth shattering sobs. It echoed loudly across the reservation, drowning out all the other grievers, all the other conversations.
Fergus soon followed suit.
Inhaling deeply to control herself, Hayden tilted her head up to the sky. Large flakes fell generously from the night, abruptly dissolving on her face as soon as they made contact. Relentlessly, the cries of her pack members ate at her.
Standing up, she turned her back on the fire and escaped towards the trees.
“Hayden,” Blake called out in warning.
She ignored him and ran.
Unable to pinpoint the true source to her fear, Hayden left behind the grieving pack. Easily cutting through the snow and trees, she ran until she found the frozen lake. Navigating through the rocky terrain, she made her way down to the shore.
Slowly, she ventured out onto the thick ice.
Well aware of the beta following her, Hayden sighed. She made her way towards the middle of the lake and leisurely took off her coat and removed her sword.
“I’m just going for a run, Blake,” she retorted, exasperated.
“You’ve been ‘just going for a run’ quite frequently as of late.” Blake stopped directly behind her. His hand landed on the small of her back, stopping her from removing her shirt. “Stay and talk with me, Hayden.”
She clenched her jaw. “I don’t want to talk.”
“I’m asking you to stay and talk.”
Hayden’s hands unclenched from the hem of her shirt at his desperate tone. Slowly, she turned and faced him, her demeanor softening at his despondent expression. His amber eyes shuttered with pain and sorrow.
“We are all impressed by what you did today.”
She looked away, upset. “I didn’t save Addie. That’s nothing to be impressed about.”
“I know you,” Blake whispered fervently. He reached out and curled a hand around her shoulder. “I know this must be eating away at you. Losing Cole… Addie... learning about your father. You feel responsible for all of us. It’s the duty of an Alpha and you do it well.”
Though she disagreed with his statement, she did not say a word.
“You’re strong and you want to be strong for all of us. It’s admirable. But Hayden, you are only eighteen-years-old.” Blake took a step closer, unaware of the chord he struck deep within her. “I can feel your pain.”
He closed the distance between them and gently embraced her.
Blinking at the warm body encompassing her, Hayden’s face lost its tension. Alone with Blake, in the dark, she pressed her face into his shoulder. She thought of Cole, Addie, and the countless of deaths.
Deaths she’d caused. Lives she’d slain.
Leaning on him, Hayden curled her arms around Blake and absorbed his comfort. It took a long while to let down her solid wall of defense, but when she did, she found the tears ready to fall, the cries ready to spill past her lips.
He held her firmly as the snow fell and shielded them.
“Addie…” Hayden started.
“I know.” Blake placed a hand on her head. “No one should be solely to blame for her death. Nothing can change what happened.”
She wanted to tell him that Addie greeted death like an old friend, but the words couldn’t get past the block in her throat. That memory was her burden, something she would carry forever.
“You and Nicolas are leaving for New York tomorrow.” Blake exhaled, his warm breath ghosting across the top of her head. “The rest of us are making the trip further north. His rogues will accompany us and we will meet you there once you’ve finished.”
“I can’t leave the pack now.”
“Nicolas used a lot of resources to arrange this, Hayden. You won’t be gone long.”
Her tears began to dry, yet she remained leaning against him. “What happened today? With Nicolas?”
“His own attack.” He paused. “You will have to talk to him about it.”
Clearly, there was more to the story. Already exhausted by today’s eve
nts, she did not press the topic. Pulling away from Blake, she kissed his stubbled jaw. A small smile twisted his lips and his dim gaze brightened.
“You’re doing a great job as Alpha, Blake. Cole would be proud.”
He grabbed her hand before she stepped back. “You will come back to the pack tonight. Don’t stay out here too long.”
Giving her hand a warning squeeze, he only released her when she nodded her consent. Hayden stood solitarily, watching as he retreated from the lake and back to the reservation.
Alone, she dwelled in the utter silence and isolation.
Unhurriedly, she wrestled off her shirt and bra, discarding them along with her boots and pants. Looking up into the night sky, she could see nothing but blankets of snow. The moon was hidden tonight, though she could feel its reaching presence.
Inhaling, her body shifted and snapped.
She landed on the ice in her canine form. Gazing across the expansive lake, she contemplated her run but then thought better of it. She wanted to remain close to the pack, but still take advantage of the cold isolation.
Sitting on her haunches, her tail curled around her front paws.
Hayden tilted back her head and cried softly to the sky, a mourning howl. Others at the reservation would not hear it. It was not meant to draw attention, nor to be overheard. It was a silent mourning for those lost.
Nonetheless, an answering call sounded.
Her canine instantly recognized it as Nicolas, her silent companion that never strayed too far away. Comforted by his presence, Hayden immersed herself in the mind-numbing silence nature had to offer.
5. Chapter Five
Blake said Nicolas consumed resources over this trip to New York.
She could only imagine how Nicolas got the money to fly to New York and acquire transportation to and from the airport. There was always a car waiting for them, ready to take them to their destination.
Their current destination was her mother’s place.
Being back in the thick of reality was a culture shock.
But was this truly reality? Or was the wilderness they left behind reality and humans were only living their lives with blinders? Everything was as she’d left it. People were materialistic, busy, rude, and overall unpleasant.
They were also happy, innocent, and wholly naïve.
Clearly, the threat of werewolves hadn’t truly hit home.
“They are doing damage control,” Nicolas commented after a long, almost unending silence. “The werewolves in positions of power are trying to reverse the publication of werewolves existing. They are sowing seeds of doubt in the public, as there hasn’t been an overwhelming amount of evidence of our existence.”
Hayden blinked out the window, wondering how he could have possibly known what she was thinking. “And they are destroying what evidence humans do have?”
“Yes.” Nicolas paused. “They like to believe they can succeed.”
Turning, she eyed his profile.
“But you don’t believe that,” she observed.
His lips twitched marginally. “Too many humans already know. We will never live in total secrecy again. If we stop Celeste in a timely manner, we may prevent more humans from believing. However, much of the damage is irreversible.”
He was a picture of poise and refinement as he sat in the back of the car. The sharp planes of his face were clear of any facial hair, drawing attention to the scar across his sharp cheekbone.
Hayden found herself staring at his handsome features, her mouth turning unexpectedly dry. An aura of darkness and secrecy always cloaked him, making him intriguing and so untouchable.
Powerful.
He suddenly turned towards her, catching her stare.
Like an idiot, Hayden looked away, hating herself for showing weakness. From the corner of her eye, she was well aware of his unwavering observation. Curling her hands to hide their sudden tremor, she wondered at her unexpected shyness around him.
It was not like her.
Turning, she boldly locked eyes with him, holding the male’s stare.
“Blake mentioned you had trouble yesterday,” she said, her voice firm.
Nicolas’ lips twitched at her show of bravado, but a moment later, he turned distantly cold. “A few of Celeste’s soldiers found the location of my rogues. There were several casualties. I had to lead them north.”
Though his voice was void, cool, and matter-of-fact, Hayden looked deeper, immediately recognizing empathy from him. It was not long ago Hayden discovered Nicolas caring for a hoard of rogue werewolves.
Real rogues, not the soldiers Celeste created.
They were far more wolf than man, yet they responded to Nicolas as their Alpha.
He cared for them, she realized. Or, at least he took their safety seriously. The casualties from yesterday affected him, no matter how well he hid it.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
His gaze sharpened on her, as if he were surprised she’d observed his compassion. He shouldn’t have been surprised. Nicolas had a way of knowing what Hayden felt and vice versa. They were rather similar, after all.
“Now that we are all in one place, you’ll be with them more often,” Hayden ventured quietly. “You won’t feel obligated to leave them just to check up on us.”
Nicolas held her gaze. “It was never an obligation,” he countered, his voice low and refined. “Simply a desire to see you safe.”
Hayden’s ears turned warm at both his tone and words. She hoped her face wasn’t as red as it felt. She knew of Nicolas’ feelings for her, just as she knew she didn’t want to confront her own feelings on the matter.
It didn’t seem right.
Not right now.
However, the prospect of him, of being closer to him, haunted her all the time. Tempted her. She wanted to give into that temptation, but she knew what held her back.
Or more importantly, who held her back.
“I’m sorry about Addie as well.”
That seemed to destroy Nicolas’ mood, for he broke eye contact and looked out the windshield. They drove down the busy street, not too far from her mother’s apartment.
“You seem to be sorry about a lot of things today, my dear,” he replied curtly. “The blame of her death does not lie exclusively with you. We are at war. There will be casualties, some harder to bear than others.”
Hayden stared, her curiosity getting the better of her. “Were you and Addie close?”
Nicolas’ jaw tensed, as if the question was far too personal. Maybe it was. Hayden didn’t need to know. He could say as much and she wouldn’t be insulted, not in the least.
He raised his arm and splayed it across the backseat. His fingers were near her shoulder, just a breadth away from contact.
“No. But I was especially close to my mother.”
The soft, nearly inaudible confession chilled her. Nicolas claimed he killed his mother to protect Cole. If that were the case, Hayden could not fathom how difficult it was for him to take his mother’s life, even if it was for his brother’s safety.
A deep, nearly suffocating wretchedness darkened her mood.
They stopped in front of the apartment building and a flicker of nervousness joined her overwhelming melancholy. She was excited to see her mother, but she didn’t know what to say or how to say it.
A fingernail ran down the column of her throat, jarring her from her thoughts.
She turned, looking at Nicolas with disbelief. The rogue Alpha’s eyes grew half-lidded and his nail applied a bit more pressure across her jugular, a particularly vulnerable area for a werewolf.
Instead of feeling threatened, a sick, almost excited thrill shot down her spine.
“You will do fine,” he murmured, retracting his hand. “Come.”
He exited the car with a level of fluidly no one could possibly replicate. Hayden tried, though she failed miserably with her heart beating crazily and her head a conflicted mess of fears, uncertainties, and reservations.<
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Realizing what a mess she was, and most likely not impressing Nicolas in the least, Hayden straightened her shoulders and forced her mind to calm. Her body soon followed suit and her gait turned strong, confident.
She led Nicolas up to the apartment building, ignoring his amused scrutiny.
Her thoughts soon fell way to nostalgia as she climbed up the painfully familiar staircase to the third level. The hallways were just as clean and modern as she’d remembered. Coming back here revoked memories of her family, of her father in particular.
No matter what she’d learned about him recently, he’d always been a good father.
A hero to her.
Stopping in front of her mother’s apartment, Hayden stood motionless for quite some time. Nicolas remained a silent presence at her back, patient and understanding.
Through the solid door, she could hear her mother’s padded feet shuffle around the kitchen. Renee worked the night shift at the hospital, a job that required odd hours. Fortunately, that meant Hayden’s stepbrother and stepfather were not currently home.
Hayden raised her fist and knocked, her pulse racing uncontrollably.
In the kitchen, her mother set down dishware and approached the door. Hayden wiped her sweaty palms across her coat in attempt to dry their clamminess. She inhaled, smelling her mother, smelling the coffee, and feeling as if she were in a different lifetime.
Everything seemed bizarre.
Unreal and entirely dream-like.
There was a brief pause where her mother looked through the door to observe the uninvited guests on the other side.
A heavy exhalation sounded before the locks unfastened and the door opened.
“Hayden!”
Renee clasped her hands against her mouth with disbelief, her brown eyes wide and disbelieving as she surveyed Hayden. Her shock didn’t last long, for tears abruptly swelled and she leaned forward, embracing Hayden firmly.
For a moment, Hayden stood there stupidly, her hands hanging loosely at her sides. It had been months since she’d last seen her mother. An embrace that once felt natural, and that once came readily, suddenly felt alien.