by Dee, Bonnie
Rachael smiled. He sat so close she could smell cigarette smoke, soap and sweat, not strong but clean and masculine.
In the semi-darkness, Joe’s eyes focused on hers before looking at her mouth. Flickering shadows from the movie screen moved across the handsome planes of his face. He leaned toward her then paused. “Is it all right if I kiss you?”
She didn’t know how to answer. Although she knew this situation was completely wrong, she really wanted him to kiss her. She had only kissed one boy before and he hadn’t been very good at it, or she simply hadn’t liked him that well. She wanted to be kissed the way she’d seen her brother kiss Lida when they sat in the swing on the front porch.
He took her hesitation as a yes and leaned in to set his mouth firmly on hers. His lips moved, soft and warm and so alive they sparked a response in her. She closed her eyes and relaxed into the kiss—definitely different than Amos Bieler’s dry peck.
Joe’s hand supported the back of her neck as he kissed deeper. The tip of his tongue probed gently between her lips. She opened her mouth in surprise. His tongue dipped into her mouth and touched hers. A shiver of longing stabbed through her. Her breasts felt tender, the nipples sensitive. The cotton of her underwear felt as rough as burlap against them. Her skin tingled like she had a fever.
She braced her hands on his chest then hooked them over his shoulders, so strong and muscular. As the breath-stealing kiss went on and on, Rachael went limp in his arms. At last, she couldn’t take the intensity any longer. She pulled away and pressed a hand to her mouth. Her lips felt swollen and she breathed raggedly.
So did Joe. She loved how his eyes looked in the flickering light, hungry as if he’d devour her. It made her feel beautiful and desirable, but it also frightened her. Too much passion. Too strong of emotions. Things could very quickly get out of hand.
She scooted away from him on the slippery seat, putting some distance between them to chill the heat.
“I’m sorry,” Joe said. “I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s fine.” She got the bucket of popcorn from the floorboards of the truck and picked at a few kernels before placing the container on the seat between them. A better buffer. She stared through the windshield at the movie.
For a few moments, the only sound was the woman scientist screaming, tinny and odd sounding through the speaker hanging on the window.
“Please, don’t be mad,” Joe said at last.
She looked at him with wide eyes. “I’m not mad. It’s just that we shouldn’t. She gestured back and forth between them. “This is impossible.”
“Why? Neither of us can leave this town, but we’re not allowed to make it more livable here either? We like each other. Why shouldn’t we spend time together?”
Rachael picked up the popcorn again then carefully set it on the floor of the truck. “I guess it might be all right…for a little bit.” She scooted back across the seat toward him.
He slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Yeah?”
“Yes.” She turned into his embrace.
This time, as his mouth covered hers, Rachael let her hands roam up and down his back, feeling the flex of muscle under his T-shirt. She imagined how it would feel with no shirt, only sleek skin, and she shuddered a little.
She stroked a hand all the way up his neck and into his soft hair. What would he look like with an Amish haircut, a thick fringe covering his ears and ending just above the collar of his shirt in back? At nineteen he’d be growing a beard too. She would hate that beautiful sculpted chin to be hidden under a beard.
Joe’s hands pressed warm against her back, then he plunged them into her hair and cradled her head as he kissed her. He let go of her lips to press kisses along her jaw and neck and into the hollow of her throat. His soft tongue licked the top of her collarbones and only stopped when it reached her dress’s neckline.
Rachael nipples puckered even harder and between her legs a stronger yearning built. His hand moved from her rib cage up to cover her breast. She felt its heat and weight burning through her clothes and wondered if he could feel her pebbled nipple under his palm. Rather than pull away, she arched her back and thrust into his clutching hand.
Joe accepted the signal and kneaded a little. She moaned softly in response. Her head was swimming, drowning, floating underwater and lost in sensation. She wanted to melt into these overwhelming feelings drenching her body both mentally and physically.
Joe never stopped kissing her, on the throat, below her ear, on her cheek and on her lips again. He groaned quietly and that hungry sound made her whole body contract. Her sex pulsed and her underwear felt damp. An aching need radiated from between her legs. She knew that she was playing with fire. Farm life had taught her the basics of copulation, she’d just never realized how strong the urge could grow inside her.
When his hand moved from kneading her breasts to slide down between her legs, Rachael pulled away at last. “No. Enough.”
His breathing was ragged and his eyes unfocused. “Okay,” he murmured. Reaching down to the front of his blue jeans, he adjusted himself.
She was rather thrilled at the effect she’d had on him, yet felt vaguely guilty too. “I’m sorry.”
“No. It’s fine.” He put his arm around her shoulders and drew her close to his side. “We’ll just sit and watch the movie now.”
Rachael rested her head on his shoulder and stared at the poor, misunderstood monster on screen. Things didn’t look good for the gill man. She closed her eyes, turned her cheek to Joe’s chest, listening to his thumping heart and wishing this moment would never end.
When the movie was finished, Joe was in no hurry to drive away. His truck was one of the last out of the lot. As they headed toward home, the radio played low Darlin’ you send me. The soft strains of music and beautiful voice enveloped Rachael in a beautiful dream. She glided on magic wheels that might ride through the country night forever.
But at last the truck stopped and Joe took his arm from around her.
“I had a really nice time,” she said. “Thank you.”
“I’ll walk you as far as your barn to make sure you get in okay.”
“It’s probably better you didn’t.”
He leaned toward her and she met him halfway, cupped his hard jaw and kissed his soft lips. Their tongues twined together like dancers swaying to the music. Darlin’ you send me. Honest you do, honest you do.
At last, Joe pulled away with a final caress of her cheek. He stroked her hair back and whispered, “Will I see you again?”
“I don’t know when or how. It’s not easy for me to get away without making excuses and I don’t like to lie to my parents.”
He nodded. “I understand. I don’t want you to have to lie, but—”
“I’ll try. I’ll meet you in the woods. Tomorrow afternoon about three o’clock.”
His teeth gleamed in the dashboard lights. “That’d be great. By the dead oak.”
“All right.” She started to climb out of the truck.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her back for another long kiss, running his hands down her body and hugging her so tight her ribs creaked. Then he pulled away and kissed the tip of her nose. “I can’t wait till tomorrow.”
Me either. She smiled and got out of the cab.
Chapter Five
Rachael ran across the yard toward the house, heart pounding. Now that she wasn’t distracted by Joe, her fear of being caught resurfaced. What if someone had discovered her missing? She didn’t want to have to invent a lie.
She was so intent on worrying that she almost ran into Daniel in the dark. Her brother was standing in the side yard near the porch. Only a wisp of smoke rising from the bowl of his pipe gave him away.
Rachael stumbled to a stop. “I thought you were at Lida’s house tonight?”
“She didn’t feel well so I came home.” From his irritated tone, Rachael guessed they’d argued about something. “What about you? Where’ve you been?”
; She took a breath, smelling the sweet tobacco smoke so different from Joe’s harsh cigarette. “I couldn’t sleep so I went on a walk…to look at the stars.” She started past him toward the house.
He laughed. “I know what you’ve been up to.”
She stopped walking and her heart seemed to stop beating too.
“Sneaking off to meet Amos were you? Maybe listening to rock and roll on that radio he and his friends bought. Don’t worry. I won’t tell Datt or Mamm. Just be careful.”
Rachael swallowed. “Th-thank you.”
She hurried to the barn, changed her clothes and hid her dress and shoes in some hay. Then she joined little Mattie on the porch, sliding onto the pallet underneath the quilt.
Rachael’s body was as stiff as a board. She knew she’d never be able to fall asleep as she replayed every single moment of her exciting evening. She’d dreamed of having an adventure for so long and now one had happened to her. Everything had changed. She had changed inside and felt as if the entire world had shifted or else that she saw it with fresh eyes. At that moment, anything seemed possible, and Rachael could hardly wait for the next day to see what happened next.
*
Rachael feared her mother would sense the change in her, see the glow on her face and the new knowledge in her heart, but the daily routine continued as normal. No one except Daniel had noticed her absence. Her mother’s attention was focused only on laundry day. “Strip the beds, Rachael, and fill the wash tub.”
By three o’clock, Rachael’s nerves vibrated. She couldn’t wait for her meeting with Joe. She longed to see him and to kiss him with every fiber of her being.
“Mamm, I’m going to take a walk in the woods and see if I can find any ripe raspberries.”
Her mother didn’t look up from pressing piecrust into the tin. “Take your sister with you.”
“What?”
“Take Mattie. She can help.”
She hadn’t counted on that order. How in the world could she get around it? “I’d rather be alone for a while.”
Her mother looked up sharply. “Is this the same girl who always complains her little sister doesn’t do her share of the work?”
Rachael was desperate. “I need to be by myself to think about the things we talked about yesterday. Mattie will chatter and complain about the heat and the thorns. Please, let me go alone.”
Mamm looked at her with her lips pursed. “All right then.”
Rachael’s heart rose as she turned to leave.
“Rachael.”
She swallowed hard and turned back. “Yes?”
Her mother gestured toward the shelf of baskets. “Aren’t you going to take something to put the berries in?”
*
It was another scorching hot day. Before Rachael even crossed the yard her dress was wet in the armpits and by the time she’d trudged across the field to the woods it was sticking to her body all over. Under the shade of the trees it was a little cooler, but the air was still chokingly humid.
Joe waited at the assigned spot, leaning against the dead tree with a cigarette hanging from his lip. When he saw her he tossed the cigarette down and ground it out then walked toward her quickly. Before she could say ‘hello’ he had her in his arms and was kissing her deeply.
She tasted the cigarette on his hot tongue and smelled his heated body from a day of working in the fields. Nothing had ever smelled so good as his rich male scent. She wound her arms around his neck and clung tight. His T-shirt was damp beneath her hands. Both their bodies were slick with perspiration. It was far too hot to be holding each other so close, but neither would let go. The summer heat only added to the fire growing inside Rachael. She felt urgent and desperate for his touch. She wanted to tear off her clothes off and slide her skin against his.
Joe dragged himself away with a gasp. “I only have about a half-hour. We’re in the middle of harvesting cabbages and I have to get back to the north field. But I didn’t want to stand you up.” He grabbed her waist and lifted her onto the huge fallen trunk, then scrambled up to sit beside her.
“So, what are you up to today?” he asked.
“Laundry day. Too hot a day for scrubbing in my opinion but my mother won’t break her routine.”
Joe smiled and looked down at his filthy T-shirt and jeans. “I could use some laundering today. Sorry I didn’t have time to clean up. I told my dad I was having stomach cramps after lunch so I’m taking a break, but I really need to get back soon.”
“That’s fine.” Disappointment sheered through her. Their minutes together were too brief. “Maybe we could make a plan for another time,” she suggested hesitantly.
“Yes.” He held both of her hands in his, running his callused thumbs over the rapidly beating pulse in her wrists. “When?”
She bit her bottom lip. “Not this Sunday but next. We could both stay home from services. We meet at the Kings’ home next week which is practically on the other side of the county. My family will be gone most of the day.” Rachael shocked herself at the radical plan that spouted from her mouth fully formed and with little thought. It was ingenious and also terribly wrong.
Joe let go of her hands to slip an arm around her waist. “I can skip church easily enough. Perfect.” He leaned close to cup her jaw and draw her face to his. More kisses awoke the eager animal inside Rachael. It stretched and leaped up and reached for more.
They hugged and kissed and pressed their bodies close together for many long minutes. Rachael lost track of time as his hands moved all over her body. After a bit, they hopped off the fallen tree to kneel together in the carpet of leaves next to it.
Joe held her bottom and pulled her tight against him. Even through layers of clothing, she felt the hardness in his pants. He rocked against her a little, sliding that hardness over her intimate parts. She gasped when it rubbed a spot that sent a spear of intense desire through her. She hadn’t known her body was capable of such desires.
At last, they dragged themselves apart, both drenched in sweat and breathless.
Joe glanced at his watch. “Damn. I’ve really got to go. I’ll see you next Sunday?”
“My family will be gone by seven in the morning, but stay behind the chicken coop until I come to get you.”
He nodded and kissed her again. “Bye.” Then he quickly strode away through the woods.
Rachael sat back on her heels, put her face in her hands and wondered what she was doing. Reason, tradition and integrity all screamed at her to stop this before it was too late. Her thundering heart and her aching body already yearned for next Sunday, eager for more of Joe’s face, his eyes, his smile, his laughter and voice and his touch.
Chapter Six
The following week the temperature was cooler. When Rachael drove the cows to pasture Tuesday morning, cold dew soaked her bare feet. Swallows rose up from the tall grass and wove erratic patterns against the rose sky. The soft lowing of the cows and the scent of their warm bodies was comforting and familiar. Rachael watched the brilliant colors of the rising sun, counted the days until Sunday and wondered if she really dare skip service to meet Joe.
She pictured herself on a regular Sunday, sitting with her mother, sister and all the other women and girls she’d known since birth, listening to the minister or deacon preaching; the soft, considered words of Deacon Braden or the unyielding scolding of Preacher Lapp. Then she pictured herself rising this coming Sunday morning, telling her mother she had a headache or stomachache. Mamm would press a cool hand to her forehead and frown, but she’d have to agree. Eventually the family would drive away and Rachael would race out to the coop to bring Joe inside.
Inside. What would she do with him inside her home, his strong presence taking over familiar spaces and making them strange?
A hard head butted her in the side, waking her from her daydream. Rachael scratched between the nubs of horns on the young calf’s head and it pushed into her hand.
She walked toward the pasture gate. Sunday couldn�
�t come soon enough. She could hardly wait that long to see Joe again, to feel his arms around her and his lips on hers. Sunday was too soon. She didn’t know if she was ready for it to arrive.
*
On Wednesday Rachael was gathering eggs in the coop when Joe again scared her by popping up in the window. “Hey!”
Her heart raced with delight and fear. She rushed to the window. “You have to stop coming here!”
“I know, but I couldn’t wait ’til Sunday to see you again. Come out here.”
She obeyed, brushing her hands over her apron and straightening her cap as she flew out the door and around the back side of the building.
Joe seized her arms and pulled her to him. “Hi.”
He looked into her eyes for a moment, and she smiled up at him.
He kissed her chastely at first then harder and hungrier, slipping his tongue around hers. He pressed her body against the side of the building, hands braced on either side of her head.
Rachael wrapped her arms around his neck and held him to her, hard wood at her back, hard body in her embrace. He lifted her up with his hands under her bottom and stood between her legs, pressing into her. Again she felt that hard ridge between her legs.
Hampered by her dress, her legs couldn’t go around him far, but she embraced his hips with her clenching thighs. The ache between her legs throbbed and Joe’s grinding was the only thing that could relieve it. She whimpered and clung to him for several moments, then abruptly pushed against his shoulders. “Wait. Stop.”
Joe’s glazed eyes focused on her and he let out a long whistling breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what gets into me around you. I only came to talk to you for a few minutes, honestly. I just wanted to see you again. Sunday is so far away.”
He set her on her feet and stepped back. “So, what have you done this week?”
Rachael went through a mental inventory. There was nothing exciting to tell. “Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, tending the animals, gardening, playing games in the evening with Mattie.”