by Laura Ward
I watched the entire interaction with interest. Caz was always so cocky and impatient in everything he did. Seeing him with Ben was the first time I’d seen a different side of him.
Ben folded his cane and took the ball that Caz handed to him. Caz backed away and I leaned over in my seat to talk to Alexis. “I bet he’s better than both of us combined,” I whispered to her.
Alexis giggled. “That shouldn’t be too hard. Last time we did this I think half my balls went in the gutter.”
With a few careful steps, Ben walked forward as his arm swung back and when he released the ball, it rolled gracefully down the center of the lane. Before it even struck the pins, he turned around, unfolding his cane to make his way back to the ball return where Caz was waiting.
The ball crashed into the pins and took out the entire left side.
“Seven,” Caz told him. “Back three on the right.”
Ben nodded and took the ball Caz handed him. He used his cane to find the edge of the lane, backed up a few steps, and took his second turn. He didn’t hit any pins on the second try, but he didn’t seem upset as he unfolded the cane again and made his way back to me.
At least that’s how I wanted to think of it. He’d come here for me tonight, and for a moment I imagined what it would be like if he was always making his way back to me—if I were his homing beacon.
My heart fluttered wildly. I had an unexpected desire to be that—to be what Ben needed to find his way home no matter how unfamiliar his surroundings.
Because that’s what he was already doing for me. He was quickly becoming my safe place, my guidepost when I got lost in my feelings. And I couldn’t help but want more.
I couldn’t help but want for him to find a permanent place in my heart.
Chapter Nine
Julie
We stood on the porch of the Tri-Gam house, Ben’s hands cradling my face as he kissed me. My fingers were curled in his belt loops to keep him from leaving.
“Come up,” I muttered against his lips between kisses.
His mouth pressed against mine, his lips and tongue kissing me forcefully, like he was under some inner turmoil and he was trying to convince himself to walk away.
“Come up,” I said again.
His head dropped to my neck. “If I come up, I won’t want to leave.”
“That’s the point,” I purred back at him, pressing my lips against his temple.
His hands were on the sides of my neck, his thumbs trailing along my jaw. “But what if I stay,” he paused, his mouth feathering across mine in a way that made me tremble, “and you decide to leave?”
I wanted to tell him I wouldn’t, that all I wanted was for him to stay.
But what if he was right? What if he stayed, not only tonight but tomorrow and the day after that? And I found that one flaw? The one that made me itch to run?
My fingers tightened in his belt loops so hard I thought the denim would cut right through my skin.
I wouldn’t run. Not this time. I was sure of that, wasn’t I? He filled my thoughts like no guy ever had. Ben was perfect. My kind of perfect.
“Please,” I begged, pulling him against me.
He tilted his face into my neck again. “Okay.”
I’d expected more of a fight, but I didn’t wait for him to change his mind. I took his hand and led him into the house and upstairs. When we entered my room, I tossed my purse onto the desk and locked my door. I turned around to find him walking around my space, his hand skimming along surfaces, his cane tapping the way out in front of him.
I watched for a few moments, my curiosity getting the better of me. When he found something interesting, he would stop, and his hand would gently caress the shape of it, his fingers and thumbs discovering all the intricate details.
He passed over my books and stacks of papers, ignored my laptop, and skipped everything class related. When his fingers touched a photo frame, he picked it up and turned in my direction.
“Who’s in this picture?”
“Taren, Lex, and me. The day we were inducted into Tri-Gam.”
He picked up another photo. “And this?”
“My big sister and me at Homecoming.”
He set it down and another photo was lifted.
“Darren and me.” I bit my bottom lip. “He’s pretending to look up my skirt.”
“Any pictures of family?” Ben asked, moving on, making his way toward my bed. Whether he knew that’s where he was headed or not, I couldn’t tell.
I’d never noticed it before Ben brought it to my attention, but there were no pictures of Nikki in my room. The only thing I’d brought of her to college were her lessons on life and the insecurities left by her judgments. Strange that I hadn’t put out a picture of us together. Maybe we weren’t the typical mother and daughter, but Nikki was the only family I had.
No, that wasn’t exactly true. My eyes scanned the pictures scattered over the desk and I realized I did have a family. One I’d chosen for myself.
“They are my family,” I told Ben.
He nodded and when his cane bumped the edge of my bed, he stopped, contentment spreading across his face. I crossed the room and his head tilted to track the sound of my progress.
“What about your parents?” he asked carefully.
I laced my fingers with his and tugged gently until he sat on the end of the bed with me. I laid on my back and blew out a breath. “I’m adopted because my parents couldn’t have a child of their own. My adopted father abandoned us when I was a baby. Sometimes I wonder about my bio parents, but...” I shrugged. “They didn’t want me so why bother? My mom raised me. We don’t have that normal mother-daughter relationship, but she’s always been there.”
Ben folded his cane and set it on the floor next to the bed before lying down next to me. He put his arm behind his head and turned his face toward me. “Do you guys fight a lot?”
I rolled to my side and ran my finger across the patch of skin on his stomach that was revealed when he lifted his arm. “Not really. We’re more like co-workers than parent and child, but even when everyone else turned their back on me, she never did. She’s not the best mom, but she’s all I’ve got. It’s pretty much been the two of us since my dad left, and now that I’m older, she’s obsessed with finding the perfect guy. There’ve been a lot of close calls, but no winners yet.” I huffed out a laugh, my fingers toying with the ridges of muscles visible just above his waistband.
Ben moved closer and his hand slid down my arm, his fingers finding my hip and curling around it, holding me to him. “Perfection is overrated. Flaws are what make us interesting.”
I wanted to ask him if I was interesting, but decided I was afraid to hear the answer either way. I wanted to be both—perfect and interesting—but by his definition, that wasn’t possible.
Instead of risking the truth, I curved my body into him, my lips finding his. I reached for the button on his pants, eager to touch him. His hand covered mine and slowly pulled it away. The movement wasn’t so much a rejection, but a plea for patience. I growled a little in frustration and he chuckled.
“You came up,” I argued.
“I know.” He kissed the corner of my mouth and up the edge of my jaw. As his mouth made its way along my profile, his hand—the one that had pulled mine away—was slipping under the edge of my shirt to drag the fabric up my body. “You’ve seen me. Let me see you.”
“How?” I asked, breathless from his touch.
“With my hands.” Kiss. “My lips.” Kiss. “My tongue.”
My breath hitched as his tongue traced the shape of my lips.
“Be my guest,” I said, arching my body into his, trying to touch as much of him as I could.
His mouth curved into a smile and his brown eyes focused on me with that strange gaze of his. I wondered what went through his mind when he looked at me. He couldn’t see me, yet he held me in that deep gaze like he could see everything. Like he knew me better than anyone else ever had.
Let me see you.
His request, as much as the rest of him, set my heart racing. I wasn’t sure anyone had truly seen me. My mom saw only what she wanted to see—a project to improve upon, or a sidekick in her search for the man of her dreams. Everyone else, my friends included, saw what I wanted them to see—a confident girl who knew how to have fun and who never let the world get to her.
I had no idea what Ben would see.
Let me see you.
I understood what he meant. Ben only knew me from my voice, the shape of my hands, and a few small touches and kisses. Now he was asking to see me in a completely different way. I wasn’t worried about him touching me, I was wholly confident in the way I looked. But something told me that if he touched me intimately, Ben would notice more than the swell of my breasts or the dip of my waist. His fingertips would discover the way to my heart and what made it beat. And as much as I told myself that’s exactly what I wanted—to fall in love—it wasn’t something I’d allowed myself to do before.
Ben’s mouth had finished its progress up to my ear and his voice dropped low when he asked again, “Can I see you?”
I nodded and realizing my action was invisible to him, I pushed the word “yes” through the apprehension that was thick in my throat.
He propped himself up on an elbow and placed his other hand on the side of my face. His touch was light, like the brush of feathers, as his fingers skimmed the ridge my cheekbone, across my lips, and along the arch of my eyebrows. When his thumb circled under my eyes, my lids dropped close and then he was caressing the tips of my eyelashes. His touch was gentle and made me feel delicate.
He was seeing me through touch. And that was so freaking hot.
With each stroke of his fingers, my body relaxed and indulged in the tenderness. After he was done with my face, his hand slid over the shell of my ear and into my hair before trailing to my shoulder. His path over my body was slow and deliberate, and although I’d never felt so exposed before, I’d also never felt so adored.
His fingers tickled over my ribs, swept under the curve of my breast and his palm cupped me over my clothes. The slower he moved along my skin, the faster my heart beat in answer. The quicker my breaths came. The more my body bowed into his touch.
He lifted the bottom of my shirt and peeled it the rest of the way up my body, his lips following behind to leave kisses where skin was exposed. My bra disappeared soon after and he planted his soft, wet mouth on my nipple, causing me to moan in pleasure. He made his way to my waistband, his fingers deftly working my tiny shorts down my legs.
He gave the rest of me the same treatment, his hands and mouth finding the backs of my knees, the arch of my foot, and the tender spot below my bicep. The only area he hadn’t explored yet was the one place that was usually the first stop on the tour of Juleasy for most guys. It was also the one place that was begging to be discovered next.
Ben’s hands slid up the outside of my thighs and when he reached my waist, I tilted my hips up into the press of his hands.
He chuckled. “I’m getting there, Jules.” He hooked the thin edge of my thong in those talented fingers and rubbed the lace with his thumb. He rested his chin on my hipbone and teased the fabric away from my skin. His breath ghosted along my flesh. “Can I have a taste?” he asked.
After having his touch on nearly every inch of my skin, my body was a live wire, tingling and needy. He could have whatever he fucking wanted. I don’t think I could’ve denied him anything at this point.
“If you don’t, I think I might shrivel up from disappointment,” I admitted. My hands were reaching for him, pulling at his shoulders, digging into his hair, urging him on top of me, inside me, whatever I could get.
He pulled back out of my grip so that he was kneeling over me. For a moment, I thought he was going to change his mind and refuse me again, but both hands tangled in the fabric of my thong. A moment later, it was gone.
Fucking gone.
I don’t know if he tore it off or magicked it away, but I didn’t care because the next thing I knew, he was spreading my legs and lowering his head. And his mouth. Was. There.
And it wasn’t the petting I’d suggested a few days ago. Oh no. He was full on devouring me.
Ben groaned as his tongue flattened along my center and his hands pressed my thighs wider. A few flicks of his tongue against me and the full body tremors started. Like I was an earthquake and my vagina was the epicenter. Deep pulses echoed through me, warning that every nerve ending was about to be demolished. My breaths came in harsh gasps and the words that tumbled out of my mouth were so twisted even I couldn’t understand what I was saying.
Ben’s hand smoothed up over my stomach to cup my breast, his fingers rubbing my nipple into a tight peak. When the fingers of his other hand slid into me while he flicked his tongue across my clit, I nearly shot off the bed and probably would have if he hadn’t been pinning me down with his arm on my chest.
He pumped his fingers in and out, his thumb rubbing and pressing in all the right spots. And then I felt it—my orgasm erupting down my spine and threatening to rush over me in all-consuming waves. When I thought I couldn’t take any more, Ben put his mouth back on me and the tiny explosions rocked through me, my hips jerking in response.
“Jules,” he groaned. “This is beautiful.” His free hand stroked my body, feeling the way it trembled from his touch. For him.
I forced my eyes open as I continued to shudder through aftershocks, and I looked down to where Ben was still between my legs. His eyes were closed, but his hands continued to move along my body as if surveying the damage he’d left in his wake. I leaned and arched in to every touch, my body desperate for any contact it could get from him.
I’d never been with anyone who was so in tune with my body, my needs, my pleasure. I didn’t want Ben to stop touching me. I couldn’t bear to think about him leaving.
I wanted...
An unfamiliar ringtone sounded, and my movements stilled. Ben lifted his head and the spell was broken. He sat back on his heels and reached into his pocket to silence the phone. As he settled back into position for what I hoped was the next round of seeing Jules, his phone rang again.
He released an annoyed sigh and pulled the phone out. “I’ll be quick,” he said, holding up a finger, one of the ones that was inside me. “It’s my brother’s ringtone.” The thumb on his other hand flicked across the screen. “Hey.”
“Dude. I was about to have a heart attack. Where are you?” a frustrated voice said over the speaker.
“With a friend.”
A friend?
“Who? I called all the guys. None of them knew where you were.”
“I’ll be home soon,” Ben answered, evading the question.
I wondered if he was embarrassed to say he was with me and that thought was a shot of disappointment in my post orgasm high. Was my reputation coming back to bite me in the ass? Despite what he’d said every night after walking me home, was this a conquest for him? A meaningless notch for his bedpost?
My stomach revolted at the thought.
“It’s after midnight,” his brother said. “I was worried.”
Ben’s mouth twisted in irritation. “I didn’t realize you were my keeper.”
“No. Fuck, dude. I went to your room to ask you a question and you weren’t there. You’re always there. I just . . .you know I’m not like that.”
Ben reached up to rub his forehead, as he sat back further on my bed. Further from me. “I know. Sorry. I’m just around the corner. I’ll be home in fifteen.”
No. He was leaving?
“Okay. See you soon.” Ben’s brother hung up without telling him to be careful. He didn’t even offer to come walk him home. And although I knew Ben was capable of making it on his own, I still felt the need to protect him.
He ran his hand back through his hair, the muscles in his bicep twitching with the movement. He forced a smile to his face, gazing in my direction as if he cou
ld see me.
“Sorry about that,” he said holding up his phone. “Older brother. Worries too much.”
Or not enough.
“Do you have to go?” I made sure he could tell through my voice how much I was pouting over that possibility.
His hand found mine and like it was an anchor, he held on to it until he was hovering over me, scrambling my thoughts with a mind-numbing kiss.
“Tell me when I can see you again,” he said against my lips.
I reached up and laced my fingers behind his neck to pull him in for another kiss. “Anytime you want.”
Ben ran his thumb along my eyebrow and around my eye like he’d done earlier. “It’d be so easy to never leave,” he confessed.
That was the last thing he said before he was off my bed and reaching for his cane.
I walked him to the front door and when I was back in bed, I replayed those words over and over again until I fell asleep. It’d be so easy to never leave.
For the first time ever, I wasn’t looking for a reason to make that happen.
***
The next morning I was towel-drying my hair, reliving every touch from the night before, when Taren strode past my doorway and stopped dead in her tracks.
“Jules? I didn’t expect to see you here.” Her eyes were wide with surprise.
I glanced at the clock and laughed. “You mean you didn’t expect me awake yet.”
She walked into my room and shrugged. “After the way things were going last night, I thought you’d be with Ben.”
I rolled my eyes and moved to my closet to choose my outfit for the day. “Trust me, I tried to get him to stay over. He has the willpower of a saint.” I pulled out a blue cold shoulder top and jeans. Casual, but cute.
She chuckled. “I like Ben. He’s making you work for it.”
I stepped into my jeans and looked up to find she was beaming like her prayers had been answered.
I rolled my eyes. “It’s definitely a new experience for me.”
She crossed her arms and leaned against my door jam. “It’s good for you. He’s good for you.”