by Laura Ward
Fury crawled across my skin like an army of ants. “Why didn’t you?”
Nikki took another sip of her drink. “I may not have wanted to be a mother, but I wanted Jed. The only interaction I had with him was because of you. You were the one thing keeping him tied to me.”
“So why tell me I was adopted? Why lie for twenty-one years?”
She shrugged. “When Jed dumped us, I was humiliated. Once my parents kicked me out and I moved here, I decided to tell everyone that you were adopted. I didn’t want to be a failure who got stuck with an unwanted baby after the man she loved left her. I wanted to be the girl who rescued the unwanted baby. I wanted you to be someone else’s mistake, not mine. I wanted to be a hero.”
Did she even realize how crazy she sounded?
“Are you serious right now?” I growled. I had to resist the urge to rip out her hair extensions.
She took another sip of her drink, fortifying herself. “It was your fault he left, you know.”
I shook my head. No matter how much her comment rattled my self-confidence, even I could see the truth. “You are the worst fucking mother in the entire world.”
She lifted the glass and threw her head back, downing the rest of the liquor. Her mouth twisted, and she narrowed her eyes at me. I knew the next thing she said was meant to destroy me. “You are the worst fucking thing that ever happened to me. You ruined me.”
“Well,” I said, clenching my fists to keep from slapping her across the face, “today’s the day you’ll finally get what you wanted.”
She pushed off the car and rolled her eyes. “And what’s that?”
“To be childless.” I reached out and brushed her to the side so I could open the door. She didn’t say a word as I got into the driver’s seat. I hadn’t even started the car before she was walking back toward the salon.
The engine roared to life and the wheels squealed against the pavement as I backed out of my spot. I glanced in my rearview mirror to watch as she entered the shop.
She never turned around to watch me leave.
Chapter Sixteen
Julie
The room was dark except for the glow of my laptop screen. I sat in my computer chair, my knees pulled up to my chest, and my arms wrapped around my legs. My eyes were dry. I refused to cry. I refused to let her words dig into my heart and destroy it more than she already had.
Out in the hallway, I could hear the sounds of my sisters coming and going, enjoying the last few hours of the weekend. Taren had knocked on my door earlier to see if I wanted to have dinner with her, but I pretended to be napping.
There was no way I could face my friends, or anyone until I got myself under control. I had to find fun-loving, carefree Jules and get her back behind the wheel because I didn’t know how to function as insecure, heartbroken Jules.
The world couldn’t handle that kind of Jules. I couldn’t handle it.
I’d spent the last hour reading and re-reading the notes and letters between Nikki and Jed. I refused to even think of them as Mom or Dad. Neither had earned that sort of respect. They both treated me like a possession to be maintained rather than a daughter. In some ways, I was no different to them than a car—put gas in it regularly, get the oil changed and new tires from time to time, take it into the mechanic when it made funny noises.
I thought back to the way I’d grown up. I always had food to eat and clothes to wear, but that was about the extent of the nurturing I had as a child. I didn’t get hugs and kisses like other kids, and I was left alone a lot.
Things changed when my body did. As soon as puberty did its job, Nikki wanted to spend more time with me. When I was old enough, I was going to bars with her on a regular basis. At first, I was grateful that she wanted to be with me because I finally felt like I was worthy of her time. Even when I started to feel uncomfortable with the attention I got from the men who flirted with us, I never said anything because I didn’t want to ruin my fragile relationship with her.
I felt sick remembering all of the things I did to make her happy.
Back then, I was too naive to realize that what she was doing was wrong, or that I should have said no. That I could have said no.
Now I felt dirty that I let her use me that way.
Anger and disappointment curled inside me when I thought about her lies and hateful words. How could she not feel any guilt for the way she raised me? For the things she said today? I might have a birth certificate with her name on it, but she was not my mother.
It was clear in the letters to Jed that she’d done her best to keep me from knowing about him. When she’d start to get clingy, he made threats to cut her off completely. On several occasions, he mentioned that I was old enough to transfer the financial accounts completely into my name. Nikki would make threats of her own—that she’d tell his wife about me. That she would go to the press and let everyone know he was a deadbeat father.
At first, I wondered why she didn’t out him twenty-one years ago and get her revenge when he left her high and dry, but then it hit me. A publicly scorned and pregnant Nikki Prescott was not who she wanted to be. By keeping him a secret, she got to keep a piece of him. Forever.
God, she was so fucking selfish. She didn’t care about me, only what I could get for her.
I glared at the phone in my hand, her callous words burning into my heart. I wanted her to hurt as much as I did. I wanted her to know what it was like to feel worthless and unnecessary.
I opened up my email and logged in. My fingers shook as I typed in the email address she’d been using to communicate with Jed.
Mr. Jacobs,
I would like to speak with you about the account that has been set aside for me and my schooling. I also have some questions I’d like to have cleared up about Nicole Prescott. Please let me know if you have any time in the near future when I could call and speak with you.
Sincerely,
Julie Prescott
I read it over several times and had to laugh at how cold and formal it sounded. But how else was I supposed to write it? Dear Dad? With all my love?
I wasn’t even sure I knew what love was. Last night with Ben I’d been so certain. Now? I felt like a mess.
The arrow hovered over the send button, and before I could chicken out, I clicked it, shut the laptop, and walked away.
I flicked the switch on the wall next to my door and when the lights came on, so did fun-loving, laid-back Jules.
***
Ben picked up on the first ring.
“Hey Jules,” he said, his voice thick and warm like honey. If Honor Bound ever had Ben sing any of their songs, there was a good chance he’d spontaneously impregnate legions of women with just a few verses. His voice was that sexually potent.
“What time are you going to be done? I’m missing my favorite bass boy.” The door to my room was open again and I waved as a couple of my sisters walked by.
“How many bass boys do you have?” he teased. In the background I could hear the sounds of traffic.
“Only you.”
He chuckled. “Good to know. I’m on my way back to my place now. Want me to swing by your house? I was hoping to see you tonight.”
“I was hoping to see you too. How about I meet you out front and we can walk back to your place together?” As much as I’d love to have Ben stay over, I wanted to forget today ever happened. I wanted to let him consume me completely and drown out all those insecurities that were trying to break through my I-don’t-give-a-shit buzz I had going on. After sending the email to my sperm donor, I had a few drinks. Just enough to give fun Jules the reins and give sad Jules a rest. Hopefully, sad Jules would stick to her hidey-hole of self-pity for the rest of the night.
“Pack a bag. I don’t plan on bringing you back home until tomorrow. Maybe not even then,” he warned.
“Sounds good to me. See you in a few.”
Hanging up the phone, I picked up the bag I’d already packed and stopped by Lex’s room to let her know
where I was headed. Taren was spending the night at Alec’s, but I knew Lex was a mother hen and would worry if I didn’t give her a heads up.
“Hey chica, I’m staying at Ben’s tonight.”
Lex looked up from her textbook and gave me a wicked grin that looked completely out of place on her angelic face. “Is that why you were napping today? Saving up your energy for an all-nighter?”
I winked at her. “You know me too well. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
She blew me a kiss, and when I caught it and slapped it onto my ass, she laughed. I hurried out of her room and down the stairs, my heart racing in a good way. I opened the front door and Ben was already there on the porch, about to knock.
“Hey, Ben,” I said, breathless. “Can I help you with something?”
The edges of his mouth lifted into a smile and his arm snaked out to wrap around my waist. His gaze was unfocused, but I saw his desire for me in the way his expression lit up the rest of his face at the sound of my voice. I could feel the need in every place his fingers touched my back. He pulled me against his chest and then he was kissing me like a soldier returning from war. Like my mouth on his was all he ever wanted, and having me in his arms was all he would ever need.
Whistling sounded from behind me along with a, “Get a room, girl!”
Ben lifted his face from mine and I turned to look behind me where a few sisters were standing at the open door.
“You could have told me we weren’t alone,” he growled into my ear. I could hear the laughter in his tone.
I reached behind me and yanked the door shut. “Your mouth didn’t give me a chance, Casanova. That was pure guerilla style mouth fucking—kiss first, ask questions later.” I reached up and ran my finger across his lips. “Not that I’m complaining. I kind of dig the combat-style make out.”
Ben chuckled quietly, shaking his head. “Never a dull moment with you, Jules.” His hand left the middle of my back, his fingers trailing around my side until he touched my arm. His palm explored, inching up my arm until he found the strap of my bag and began to lift it off my shoulder. “Here, let me get that for you.”
“You don’t have to...”
“I haven’t been with you all day. Let me take care of you. I plan on taking care of you all night long,” he promised in a low voice.
“Oh...In that case....” I let go of the bag and he slung it over his shoulder before reaching for my hand. Soon his fingers were tangled with mine and we were making our way down the steps, his cane sweeping out in front of us.
“I like when you take care of me,” I admitted.
He tugged on my hand until we were walking side by side. “I promise to do a good job.”
That’s exactly what I needed, for Ben to erase all the filthy feelings from the day and replace them with nothing but him.
“What did you do today?” he asked when I didn’t respond.
I shrugged. “Research. Nothing exciting.” I couldn’t tell him that research involved finding out my adoptive mother was my bio mom and that my bio dad was some famous musician who wanted nothing to do with me. He would pity me. And I hated pity. “How’s the song coming along?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Good. Everything is starting to come together for our demo. We need to find some recording time in a studio and pull together the fees.”
“When do I get to hear this new song?” I asked.
He let go of my hand to sling his arm around my shoulder and pull me close so he could kiss the side of my head. “When it’s perfect.”
“Maybe you could give me a sneak peek in your room. It doesn’t need to be perfect. I’m dying to hear it. I love when you play for me alone.” We’d reached his house and I pulled to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. “Please?”
His hand reached up to find my lips. He bent down to press a kiss there. “I’ll play for you tonight if you want.”
I could barely contain my excitement as I pulled him up the front stairs and into the house. The main room on the first floor was full when we entered. The guys were all gathered to watch the Sunday night football game and apparently someone had just scored because they were on their feet cheering and passing out high fives.
There were a few girls scattered around the room sitting in laps, beers in hand. I’d been that girl before, one too many times. Even with a few of the guys in this very room. I turned my back toward the gathering, not wanting any of those memories to tarnish my time with Ben.
He led me toward the stairs and I tried to pretend I was invisible, hoping to go unnoticed.
“Hey, Ben,” someone shouted in a drunken slur. “You’re home early. Want to watch the game with us?”
I cringed. Would that even be fun for Ben when he wouldn’t know what was happening unless someone told him?
“No thanks,” he said good-naturedly. “I have company.”
I could barely see around him where nearly every head in the room turned to look at us.
“Oh. Hey, Jules.” It was Phil. “Weren’t you here last night? I didn’t expect to see you again.”
I bit the inside of my lip. I knew what he was insinuating. The whole room did. I was known for my one-night stands. I wanted to look at my feet, but I didn’t. I lifted my chin and glanced around the room while I wore my classic Jules smile like his joke was hilarious. My gaze passed over Nate and I didn’t miss the disgusted way he was looking at me. Clearly, he still didn’t trust me, and he didn’t want me around his brother.
Ben tightened his hand on mine. “She’ll be here a lot. With me.” His tone was a friendly warning. “Get used to it, Pip.”
Ben led me toward the stairs as the room broke out in howls of laughter. I looked over my shoulder to see the guys piling on top of Phil, capturing him in headlocks and teasing him about the nickname Ben used.
“Pip?” I asked.
Ben rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand. “I overheard his mom call him that once. Sometimes people think that because I’m blind, I can’t hear either. They almost forget I’m in the room. You wouldn’t believe the things I overhear sometimes.”
We reached the landing and we headed down the hall to his room. “Oh, do tell,” I begged. “I want to know all the dirty secrets in this house.”
We entered his room and as soon as we were inside, he swung me around and backed me up against the closed door. His cane was tossed to the side along with my bag. He bent his head down and ran his nose along my neck, across my jaw, until his lips were barely touching mine.
“I’d rather just get dirty with you.” His thick, sweet voice slid over me and I melted into him.
“Okay.” I liked this new Ben, the one who was always pulling me closer instead of keeping me at arm’s length.
“Stay still,” he said gently. “I want to get a good look at you.” He reached out and lifted the bottom of my shirt, the backs of his fingers trailing over my skin as he pulled the fabric up my body and over my head. His hands clasped over top of mine and he held my arms up, closing my fingers around the hook on the back of the door.
I grabbed it lightly and his hands trailed down my arms, his fingers memorizing the shape of me. He touched my ribs, my waist, my hips, and then his hands were sliding up my abs and curving over my breasts. I pressed my body into his touch as he caressed me through the lace of my bra.
His arms went around my back to undo the clasp and as he lifted the fabric, he bent over to kiss and lick across my naked breasts. His fingers skimmed down my body and then he was dropping to his knees, licking his way down my stomach to my belly button. My hips pressed against his chest and he chuckled into my skin.
“Can’t wait?” He undid the button on my jeans and began the torturous process of slowly peeling them down my legs so he could kiss and touch me as I was revealed. He left no spot unexplored.
“You have no idea. Eager doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now.” I groaned as his mouth skimmed along the front of my panties leaving his warm bre
ath behind.
The jeans had reached the floor and I stepped out of them as he pulled them the rest of the way off. His hands were moving back up my legs, his fingers skimming across the thin fabric of my panties. “Try,” he said. “Try to explain how you feel.” He dragged his thumbs across the fabric and between my legs, pressing against me and making me shudder.
“Exposed.” The irony of that word was not lost on me. I felt more exposed right now with Ben than I ever did with a guy with sight. The way Ben saw me with his fingers, and hands, and lips, left me raw with need. “And desperate,” I breathed. “I’m desperate for you.” I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the door, concentrating only on his touch like I had last night.
He curled his fingers around the waistband of my thong, pulling it down and off. Lifting my left leg, he put it over his shoulder. His other hand found my waist and although I wanted to let go of the hook and reach down for his head and bury my fingers in his hair, I kept my hands where he’d put them. I held on...waiting.
I felt his breath first, hot and heavy. The sliding of his tongue through my center had my hips jerking and my breath stuck in my chest. He pushed two fingers inside me as he continued to lick and suck, and then I was no longer holding on to the hook because he told me to. I was holding on because I had to. Because I might crumble to nothing under the power he had over my body.
I had never wanted to give in to anyone as desperately as I wanted to give in to him. I wanted to give him everything. He could have every ugly, jagged piece of me if he wanted. My breaths stuttered as my body started to spark and catch fire, the oncoming orgasm was like a pile of TNT ready to implode inside me.
Ben pulled me close with his hand, his fingers pressing deep, his lips sucking hard. As if he knew what I’d been thinking he said, “Give in, Jules. Let me hear you.”
And I did. My back pressed against the door as my body ignited, tiny electrical explosions all along my veins heating my blood. His name started out as a husky moan, echoing across my lips as I repeated it over and over again.