I knew what I had to say next. And how much it would hurt him when I did.
All I have to do is say the words. Tell him everything I’ve done. If he knows what I’m capable of…he’ll no longer care for me. He’ll turn and walk away.
And he’ll be safe.
I took a deep breath, and keeping my head down, quietly forced the words out. “I’m…making zombies for Gage.”
A long silence settled between us. He slowly pushed me away and looked at me, his eyes rounded in shock.
The way he was looking at me made my stomach clench. I closed my eyes and said, “I’m the one. I’m the girl who can raise the dead.”
There was nothing now but silence. I finally opened my eyes.
Dean stood nearly frozen, shaking his head back and forth. “It’s not true. It can’t be true.”
“I’m the one who let the demon out.” My hands were trembling and my words became harsh, defensive. “Is that what you need to hear? I’m a monster. I’m the reason the death dealers are being hunted, are being killed. It’s all because of me.”
“I knew you had power. I saw the things you could do, but I never thought…”
I stood staring at him, waiting, despair heavy in my chest. I tried to keep the emotions I felt from showing on my face. I tried to look collected as I watched the love he had for me slowly melt away.
“You must think I’m some kind of idiot.” I could see the pain in his eyes. “All this time you’ve been lying to me. Do the others know?”
I answered him with silence.
“Of course Luke and Wendy know,” he chided himself.
He looked so lost…so hurt.
“And what about Mildred? Did you tell the old woman all the secrets you’ve kept from me?” He looked away, his expression torn. When he looked back at me, a cold smile stretched unnaturally across his face. “You must all think I’m a fool. I should have put it together, but…I never did. I trusted you, Colina. I loved you.”
I didn’t miss the difference. He said “loved,” not “love.”
I wanted so desperately for him to reach out and pull me into his arms again. My heart crumbled. I averted my gaze, not able to bear the way he was looking at me. “You’re right—I have power. I killed hellhounds—my spirit pack killed them. My powers don’t work on the living, but I can destroy banshees with a fire I bring forth from within me…” My voice faltered. With all that I’d gained, I’d still lost too much. The emotions I’d been trying to keep deep within suddenly flashed out.
Luke is dead.
Dean hates me.
I had wanted him to know, and had expected him to react this way, but still a small part of me had hoped that somehow he would find it in his heart to see what I’d become and not shirk away. Not stare at me with eyes full of blame and disdain. I had hoped for compassion. For understanding. For acceptance. He had declared his love for me. And now once he knew, that was all gone? As irrational as it was, I felt betrayed. I felt hurt. I felt angry.
The emotions rolled over me like a wave. I could feel a red-hot madness rising within me. Now he’ll see how much of a monster I really am. I heard a howl on the wind. Blurry shapes formed, whizzing in the air around me.
Dean’s head whipped around, his expression morphing from surprised curiosity to concern.
“I’m a monster, isn’t that right? Do you see what I can do?” An all-empowering rage fueled my words. It raced through my blood. It gave me strength. Suddenly all of the terrible things that had happened over the last few days were forgotten.
Only the anger existed.
Dean spun around, flinching back as my spirit pack formed out of thin air, circling both of us.
I stood, feet planted, heart pounding, arms raised in the air. Anger pumped through my veins. It filled my mind, and it warmed my soul. I could feel the energy of my pack vibrating against my skin. They don’t care what I’ve done—they’re here for me unconditionally. They’re willing to give their lives to protect me—
“Colina—enough!”
His words were like a physical slap. I reeled back, dropped my arms, and shook my head, bringing my surroundings back into focus.
Dean stood before me, blood dripping from claw marks running down his forearm.
What have I done? My whirlwind of emotion vanished and my spirit pack faded away. I’d wanted to give him a reason to leave, but I’d let my emotions run wild. I hurried forward. “I didn’t mean to hurt—”
He moved away from me, stumbling back. “I’m all right.”
His expression was clouded, one of disbelief. Disbelief and fear.
He’s scared of me, I realized in a moment of shock. Even though it’s what I’d wanted, a part of me wished desperately I could take it all back.
“Dean, I didn’t mean it.” My words stumbled out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.” The excitement and desire that had once shone from Dean’s eyes when he looked at me was gone, replaced by fear.
You wanted him to see who you really are, said a nasty voice in my head. And now he does.
I raised a trembling hand to my chest and a sob escaped my lips. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered before turning and running from the room.
I ran down the hallway and into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me and coming to a halt in the middle of the room. My breath came out in ragged sobs, my heart pounding in my chest. I didn’t mean to hurt Dean. I would never hurt him on purpose, I told myself.
Yet, I had allowed my fury to run loose. In anger, I’d set my spirit pack on him. My pack swarmed Dean—they attacked him. They’d hurt him.
I could’ve killed him.
What have I done?
Dean knew what I was now. He knew about the monster I’d become. I brought all of this on myself. Approaching the dresser, I looked at my reflection in the mirror hanging above it. I reached out until my fingers touched the smooth glass. The gypsy from what felt like so long ago—at the very beginning of my journey down the dark path—warned me that the awakening was dangerous. It changed me. It filled me with black, roiling emotions. It gave me a dark power. I’d done so many things in the name of love, so many foolish things, things I couldn’t take back.
That darkness was something that I’d never been afraid to show Luke. He’d embraced that part of me just as much as he had accepted all of me. I was sure of it now—that was the difference between Luke and Dean. Dean would always be the happy-go-lucky boy who brought me wildflowers and wiped my tears, trying to understand, but Luke…Luke wouldn’t need to try. Luke knew who I was, knew the terrible things I had done, and despite it all, he loved me.
And now he’s gone.
I pulled my hand back and smashed my fist into the mirror. Shards of glass cut into my skin, but I didn’t care.
I deserved the pain.
I slumped down onto the floor, holding my injured hand against my chest. Dean’s words slid across my mind: Gage is a con man. He lured Mildred into working with him by making her empty promises. Gage was someone without any scruples, someone who would do anything to get what he wanted. He had shown himself to be a ruthless killer.
Why did I believe he’ll bring back Luke? Dean didn’t.
If Gage had the ability to bring Mildred’s daughter back, why hadn’t he? I argued with myself internally, trying to justify my faith in Gage. Gage was someone who cultivated power. He had access to spells and magic from hundreds of years ago. He found powerful lost magic.
If a demon could be brought into the physical world, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibility that a soul could be brought back from the depths of hell.
And look what I’d done. A healer had become a death dealer. Anything was possible. Gage can and will bring back Luke. I wanted to believe it with all my heart.
I looked at the blood trickling down my arm and turned my thoughts to the more dangerous matter at hand. The demon was coming and wanted me to release the legion into our world, and demons would roam free just as they had
a hundred years ago. Somehow the demon killers used magic to destroy them back then.
But there are no more demon killers, I thought, frustrated. Then another thought came to me: That doesn’t mean their magic is lost. It has to be written down somewhere, sitting on a shelf in some old, forgotten book.
I forced myself off the floor and slowly got back to my feet. I would fight against the darkness. I would find a way to save my friends, and I would find the spell to bring Luke back. And once Gage gave me what I wanted—once he brought back Luke—I would fight against him. I would find a way to banish the demon. To free my brother’s and father’s spirits. I would stand and fight until I didn’t have one single breath left inside my body. I would not give up or give in—I would be strong this time.
* * *
I don’t know how much time passed, but after a while someone knocked on my door. I took a deep breath and opened it.
It was Caleb—not Dean, who I’d expected. “The boss wants to see you.” He did a double take at my hand, cut from where I’d smashed it into the mirror, and an alarmed look crossed his face. “What happened?”
I shrugged. “I had an accident.”
Caleb’s eyes swung from me to the broken mirror. “Stay here,” he growled, spinning on his heels and heading out the door.
I stared after him like an idiot. Where is he going?
Before I knew it, he was back with a bowl of soapy water and a towel. He put them on the dresser and then stormed up to me and shoved me down onto the bed.
I normally would have protested at being manhandled, but I was too surprised at Caleb’s behavior. What is he doing? Is he going to…take care of me?
He picked up the bowl and towel and knelt down in front of me. “Give me your hand,” he said.
With total shock, I realized—he is. He’s actually trying to take care of me.
When I didn’t react, he reached out and grabbed my hand.
And then he did something else totally shocking—he gently cleaned my wound with a reassuring and tender touch.
When he looked up from gently drying it off, he said, “It’s not too deep. I cleaned it out, so now we need to wrap it up.” Without another word, he got to his feet and walked over to the closet. He pulled out a nightgown and began to rip it.
I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. “What are you doing?”
He held two long strips of material in his hand. “Making you a bandage.”
I honestly didn’t know what to think. This guy swore to kill me the first chance he got. And now he’s bandaging a cut on my hand?
He wrapped the material tightly around my palm and tied the ends securely. “The healer has some ointments you can put on it to make sure it doesn’t get infected.”
“I’m sure he does… What is wrong with you?” I demanded incredulously.
He looked at me for a moment, then seemed to gather himself mentally. He let go of my hand and got to his feet. “The boss wouldn’t be happy if I let something happen to you.”
I didn’t believe him for a second. Normally he would revel in me being hurt. What the heck was going on?
He turned back toward me and gave me a hard look. “The boss wants to see you.” And with those words, he went out the bedroom door.
Gage wanted me. I was his lackey…his monster. I’d just proven that to Dean. The others would escape, but I would stay and do Gage’s bidding. I got up and followed Caleb resignedly.
Dean sat on the piano stool, ignoring us as we passed. He didn’t ask where I was going. He didn’t even blink. I’d clearly wiped away any feelings he had for me by telling him the truth. I felt a grim satisfaction at his reaction. I wanted to push him away, and it had worked. I knew how much he despised the girl who turned the world against his people. I knew he felt the girl should be held accountable for her actions. He had talked to me about it once, not realizing that I was the very girl. How could he look at me again with love in his heart?
And yet he was still here. Deep down I knew it wouldn’t take more than another hard shove to get him to walk away from me. When I got back, I would tell him I never had feelings for him. I would tell him I had only ever cared for Luke. If I did it with a wicked callousness, it would be enough to make him leave. I felt sick at the thought, because there was just one problem—I did have feelings for him. Every time he kissed me, I kissed him back. There had been moments when I desperately wanted him to take me into his arms. When I thought of him in danger or hurt, a deep panic swelled inside me. Dean said he loved me. I had done my best until recently to thwart his advances. But when I thought I’d lost Luke, I had gratefully stumbled into Dean’s arms. I could no longer deny whatever feelings I had for him; they were deeper than I wanted to admit.
I must have lagged behind or given Caleb some other sign that I wasn’t going to cooperate because once we were in the tunnels, he stopped and turned to look at me. “Are you okay?”
“Like you care,” I answered.
“Stop talking to me like that.” He sounds angry. Why does he sound angry? My dumbfounded look must have irked him, because he said, “I’m not your enemy.”
Did those words really just come out of his mouth? I thought incredulously. “You want me dead.”
“Not anymore.”
I almost laughed at his answer. What game is he playing? “Really? You’ve suddenly had a change of heart?”
“Maybe I have,” he replied softly.
This time I couldn’t hold back a harsh laugh. “I don’t believe you.”
My answer made him angrier and his face darkened, looking threatening and angry. “You don’t think someone can change?”
I stood my ground, my eyes meeting his. “Not someone who works for a man like Gage.”
We stood there glaring at each other until he finally said, “Not everyone has a choice.”
“Is that how you sleep at night? Telling yourself that you have no choice but to blindly follow a man who kills people for pleasure?” As the words left my mouth, my stomach dropped. I’d been doing the very thing I was accusing him of—blindly following Gage. Doing whatever the madman wanted.
Caleb’s eyes narrowed. “You need to be careful what you say about him.”
I laughed again.
Caleb hesitated, seeming to consider his words carefully. He stood poised between anger and concern. “You don’t want to make Gage mad.”
“Gage won’t hurt me—he needs me.” In the back of my mind, I wondered how long the words would stay true.
Caleb put up his hands as if in surrender. “He’s not someone who’s always in control. I’ve seen him snap. If you push him too far, he may do something he’ll regret later.”
I blinked at him, my mouth hanging open in confusion. “You’re…worried he’s going to hurt me?” The world just turned upside down. What is going on? Dean—who said he loved me—couldn’t care less about my well-being. And now a sworn enemy was standing in front of me, telling me to be careful.
“I’m worried you’ll provoke him into killing you,” Caleb answered.
“Why do you care?” What is he playing at? What advantage does he gain from acting like this? Is he trying to lower my guard so when he does finally attack, I won’t expect it? “You told me yourself you want me to die for killing your family.”
“Colina…” He stopped and looked over my shoulder, his mouth snapping shut.
“There you are,” sang a familiar voice from behind me. It was Sonja, sauntering down the tunnel toward us. “You sure took your time. He’s not in a good mood. I wouldn’t make him wait much longer.”
Caleb seemed to shut down with Sonja’s arrival, withdrawing from the conversation. He turned and started walking away down the tunnel, leaving me to stare after him in confusion. For a long moment I just stood there, trying to decide whether his change of attitude was a trick or some strange new form of torture—but if I stayed where I was, I would have to deal with Sonja’s snide derision, and it would be unwise to keep Gage w
aiting if I was going to secure his help. I followed Caleb meekly as he led me back into the presence of the devil I needed.
Soon enough, we wound up back in the large cavern. Empty tables and a couple dozen chairs partially filled the space.
Gage stood in the middle of the room looking annoyed, and the expression on his face was not one of welcome when he greeted us. “Twenty-four hours to get everything ready. Our friend isn’t one to give much warning. I just found out about the visit last night.”
I couldn’t help but ask, “Why is it coming?”
“To see you, of course.” Gage gave me a wide smile. “You are the main attraction.”
“What does it want from me?” I whispered, hating the way his eyes lingered on my face.
Gage ignored my question. With a wave of his hand, Caleb was dismissed and we were alone, a fact I was uncomfortably aware of. Gage sat down in the closest chair and motioned to the seat next to him.
After a moment of inner turmoil, I reluctantly sat.
Sonja brought a large glass pitcher of orange liquid and put it on the table next to us. Gage gestured toward it, saying, “It’s not alcoholic. It’s my own concoction and it’s very refreshing. I insist you try some.”
When I didn’t react, he reached over, filled a glass, and handed it to me expectantly. Just keep entertaining him, Colina, I told myself. I braced myself and took a sip.
A grin spread over his face. “Good, isn’t it?”
It was. It tasted like citrus juice and sparkling water. I sighed with unexpected pleasure.
“I knew you would like it.” Gage leaned back in his chair. “We need to go over a few things before tomorrow night.” His eyes lingered on my bandaged hand for a moment. “I know you might not be up for it, but I’m afraid I’ve moved our schedule up. I wanted to wait until the drying period was over for the mummies, but now that we’ve got company coming, certain expectations must be met.”
“You want me to make more zombies,” I guessed. When I lowered the glass onto the table, my hands were shaking. When will this nightmare be over?
Revenant Page 22