Tears threatened and Lexi fought them viciously; unwilling to allow her mother to see her cry. "Isn't there anyone who can take me?"
Her mother's eyes narrowed and then she suddenly laughed unpleasantly. "My mother always wanted you. If she's still alive maybe she'll take you in."
Lexi had grown up believing she had no living relatives, but she was scrabbling for a lifeline and until she was a little more secure, any handhold would do. "What's her phone number?"
"Hell, I don't know. She lives up north in Edgewater. Her name is Dorothy Archer." With that her mother slammed her phone down and left without a backward glance.
Lexi asked her lawyer to locate and call her grandmother. She would have done it herself, but she couldn't bear to be rejected twice in one day. To her relief and apprehension, her grandmother swore she'd be there before day's end. With her plastic bags and cardboard box shoved under a bench she waited at Child Protective Services for a grandmother she had neither seen nor known about.
With 45 minutes left before closing, Lexi saw a wiry older woman whose red hair was going gray run into the lobby and begin searching faces. Knowing in her gut that this woman was looking for her, Lexi slowly got to her feet just as the woman caught sight of her and broke into a tearful smile. She held her ground nervously as the woman approached, hoping a hug wasn't expected; but also hoping that she wouldn't have a choice.
"Oh, Lexi," her grandmother said as she briefly enclosed her in her arms. "I've been looking forward to this for 14 years. I would know you anywhere." She reached into her pocket for a photograph and said, "Look!"
Lexi took the old, worn picture and studied it. A younger version of the woman before her stood in a hospital holding a newborn with curly red hair. "Is that me?"
"Taken the day you were born," her grandmother said proudly. "That was the last time I saw you."
"What happened?"
Her grandmother laughed. "What say we take care of business and then I'll tell you anything you want to know over dinner."
They were required to appear before a judge the next day so Lexi and her grandmother stayed in a motel and spent most of the evening talking and getting to know one another. Lexi found herself hoping that the judge would let her go to live in Edgewater.
The next day was a whirlwind of activity. Her grandmother had a knack for making people speak plainly and do now what didn't need to be put off till tomorrow. Lexi was included in every discussion and her grandmother made sure she knew what was going on. By late afternoon her mother had signed over her parental rights to her grandmother, the judge agreed to let Lexi go with her grandmother, school records were sent to Edgewater, her scant medical records were sent to a physician up north and she was given a chance to say goodbye to her best friend.
When everything had been taken care of and they got in the car to make the five hour drive, her grandmother turned to her and said, "I don't know what your life has been like, Lexi, but I promise that it will be better from now on. When we get home we'll negotiate house rules so we'll know what we can expect of each other. Think about what you want and we'll work it out. Deal?"
"Okay." She still had doubts; after all, this was the woman who had raised her own mother, but if it turned out half as good as it sounded she would be better off than she had been.
Time had proven to Lexi that her grandmother had been telling the truth. Rules were negotiated and they lived together very easily after a brief adjustment period. Her mother had remained in prison until Lexi was a young adult, but she had never tried to contact Lexi upon her release. Lexi was pleased with that.
~***~
Lexi sat on her bed amongst her high school memorabilia and remembered how quickly she had blended in with her classmates and her community. She had made numerous friends, attended parties and participated in sports.
That first summer she had asked about getting a job and her grandmother had convinced her own boss to hire Lexi as a dishwasher. The work had been hard, especially as small as she had been, but the paychecks were very rewarding. She used the money to buy her school clothes, school pictures and a tennis racket.
Looking at the pictures of her old friends, most of whom were still in the area but were now involved with their families, brought back fond memories. It wasn't until she reached her senior yearbook that she found Zoe's picture in the freshman roster.
With the aid of a magnifying glass she studied the brown-haired, pudgy face. It was impossible to reconcile the tall, strong, blond woman she knew now with this nondescript teenager. Maybe the mouth looked the same but she was otherwise unrecognizable. Lexi certainly couldn't remember her as anyone she had ever seen during tennis practice.
Under Zoe's name it said 'Junior Varsity Swim Team'. She flipped through the pages and found the team photos. Zoe stood with a grim face, her arms crossed over her breasts, in the front row. She was, by far, the smallest swimmer on the team and Lexi was surprised to see another photo of Zoe on the same page accepting a trophy. The caption stated that she had set a regional Junior Varsity record in the 400-meter freestyle, taking nearly 6 seconds off the old record.
"I'll be damned!" Lexi shook her head in amazement.
Chapter Six
Lexi arrived at the restaurant early and waited anxiously for Miriam to arrive. She hated what she was about to do and selfishly hoped that it was what Miriam wanted, too. They had only been dating a couple of weeks so she couldn't be all that attached as yet. Lexi ordered herbal tea in hopes that it would calm her stomach and Miriam arrived at the same time.
"Hi!" Miriam said as she slid into the booth. "You look great. How was the concert last night? I wish I could have gone with you. I still haven't met your grandmother and you speak so highly of her, but I had already promised to watch the kid across the hall while his mother…"
Lexi sat there with her mouth open as Miriam rambled on. It was some time before she stopped for a breath. "The concert was nice, my grandmother is doing well and I'm glad you had so much fun with little Billy," she quickly squeezed into the breech.
"Sorry," Miriam laughed. "I think I had a little too much coffee this morning."
The waitress came and they placed their orders, then caught up on what they had done during the week. Lexi felt worse with each passing minute. She picked at her lunch and tried to act as though nothing was wrong.
Miriam finally stopped with a French fry between her fingers. "You seem kind of…antsy. Is something the matter?"
Lexi put down her fork and tried to relax. "I need to talk to you about something."
"What is it?"
Lexi hunted for a place to start. "If I were to write down the things I most want in a companion, you would meet more of them than anyone I've met in a long time."
Miriam froze uncertainly. "Why doesn't that make you look happy?"
"I've been trying to understand how you can seem so perfect and yet I haven't developed any romantic feelings for you."
Miriam picked up a napkin and wiped her mouth before speaking. "Are you dumping me?"
Lexi wrung her hands under the table. "I'm redefining the direction of our relationship."
"You're dumping me." Miriam's voice was flat and her expression cold.
"I like you, Miriam. You're smart and fun and I like hanging out with you. I hope we can be friends, but as much as I've wanted it, I just don't feel a spark."
A hint of desperation shone out of Miriam's eyes. "Was it something I said or something I did?"
Lexi's heart went out to her. "No, Miriam. It wasn't you."
"I can't believe this." Miriam looked ready to cry. "Is it someone else and you just don't want to hurt my feelings?"
"You're a good woman and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I think I knew right away that I wasn't going to fall in love with you."
"Why did you kiss me?"
"You're everything I thought I was looking for and I wanted to be in love. I hoped kissing you would kick start my emotions. I'm sorry."
"You never answered my question," Miriam eventually said. "Is there someone else?"
"No," Lexi said slowly. Mindful of future complications if she sidestepped the truth, she took a deep breath and chose her words carefully. "There's an awareness of someone else, but I don't know if it will develop into anything. I'm not even sure I want to find out for sure."
"Who is she?"
Lexi kept her face expressionless and her gaze open, but waited in silence for a long moment. "I really hope we can be friends, Miriam. If you need time…"
"Don't patronize me," Miriam said harshly.
"I'm just trying to be considerate," Lexi said. "I'm trying not to hurt you."
Miriam leaned over the table intently, tears in the corners of her eyes. "Then why did you pick such a public place for this little scene?"
Lexi understood in a blink that Miriam needed her to be the bad guy. The least she could do was to fit the part. "Because it's easier on me."
Miriam wiped away a tear with a short laugh. "I didn't expect you to tell the truth." Shaking her head sharply, Miriam gathered her things. "I have feelings for you, Lexi, and I don't know if I want to be just friends. I feel a little angry and hurt and I don't think I want to stay and talk about it."
"I'm sorry, Miriam."
Miriam nodded without meeting her eyes. "I'm going to stomp out now and stick you with the bill."
Wanting to introduce some levity, Lexi grinned. "Do you want to order anything to go first?"
A ghost of a smile flickered across Miriam's face and Lexi watched her gracefully leave before dropping her head into her hands with a sigh. "I hope I did the right thing," she whispered to herself.
~***~
Lexi was keenly aware of the time as she settled her grandmother back into her room after their walk on Wednesday evening. She knew that if she left now she would arrive at the Hide Out with a few minutes to spare before Zoe started playing, but she fought her rising anticipation. Cricket lay curled up on the bed pillows but his eyes never left her. Her grandmother was talking about the flowers they had seen on their walk and gardens she'd had in years past, but Lexi was only vaguely aware. She wondered if Zoe were looking around the bar for her and if she would be disappointed that she wasn't there.
"What's gotten into you, girl?"
"Huh?" Lexi turned to see her grandmother's smile. "I'm sorry, Nana. I'm just a little excited, but I was listening. You were talking about violets as ground cover."
"That was ten minutes ago. What's got you in such a dither?"
Lexi pulled a chair over and sat down. "I'm going to watch Zoe play pool later."
Her grandmother looked over at the clock. "I thought she said it started at 7:30?"
"It does."
"Then what are you still doing here?"
Lexi crossed her legs and sat back. "Didn't you ever make Grandpa wait for you so you wouldn't appear too eager?"
After a moment's pause, Nana started to laugh. "It's like that, is it?"
"I mean, I've seen her around for years and never had any feelings for her, but all of a sudden she makes me weak in the knees. I don't understand it."
"No one understands love, honey. You either feel it or you don't."
"She's totally wrong for me, Nana."
Her grandmother looked genuinely surprised. "Why?"
"She's so…tall. And she's butch." Lexi pulled the scrunchy out of her hair and began to rearrange her curls. "It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud."
"It should. I thought you knew better than to judge people by their appearances. The face people show the world isn't the one they hide inside."
"I know, Nana."
"She didn't look butch to me," her grandmother said thoughtfully. "She looked strong."
"She is strong." Lexi remembered the muscles in Zoe's forearms dancing as she changed the solenoid in her car.
"Her clothes looked comfortable to me."
"I suppose so," Lexi agreed.
"Do you like crunchy foods?"
The shift in the conversation threw Lexi off for a moment, as she knew it was meant to. She wondered what point her grandmother was preparing to make. "Yes, I do."
"Some people don't."
Lexi played the game. "I wonder why?"
"Some folks are just too lazy to chew their food, but others have sensitive teeth. They may not even be aware that they have sensitive teeth, but over time they gradually eliminate crunchy foods from their diets."
"That's interesting."
"I wonder if folks who always dress for comfort are like the ones with sensitive teeth. Maybe their bodies are just more sensitive than most folks are. Now, it could be they're just lazy, but maybe not."
Lexi was surprised at the insight, especially in relation to Zoe. She also had to wonder if her grandmother was speaking with inside information gleaned from those talks years ago. "Hmm," she said thoughtfully. "That's fascinating." Lexi tried to fit this idea in with the rumor that Zoe was stone. They couldn't both be true, unless she had tired of 'crunchy' lovers. Lexi laughed out loud.
"I've got to go, Nana. If I make her wait too long she may not be there."
"Say hi to Zoe for me."
Lexi dropped a kiss on her forehead, called Cricket and ran for the car.
~***~
Lexi's heartbeat roared in her ears and she downed half of her drink in an effort to quiet it. The resulting loosening of her body was quite pleasurable and she smiled. Feeling reckless, she signaled for another drink and finished off the first.
Zoe walked slowly around the table, chalking her stick, and Lexi watched her closely. The table was studied carefully and when Zoe made her decisions she moved confidently into position. Lexi couldn't help but notice the grace and power in Zoe's hands and body. Each stroke was gently, but firmly executed. When she did finally miss a shot she appeared to be pleased with the placement of the cue ball and Lexi fathomed that it was what she intended.
The next woman to the table was sharp and bullish in the way she played. It looked as though she thought that if she hit the balls hard enough they would have to go in. Lexi smiled when the second one didn't. Zoe came back to the table and quickly ended the game. Lexi clapped with everyone else.
Listening to the chatter in the bar as the balls were gathered up and arranged, she learned that the first player to four wins would go on to the finals. She watched Zoe pick up a bottle of water and drink before slowly turning to survey the room. Knowing that Zoe would spot her soon, Lexi explored the feeling of excitement that flooded her and left her feeling defenseless. When Zoe's eyes found her she could feel a burning blush creeping up her throat and her vision narrowed to a tunnel that excluded the rest of the bar.
Yikes! I barely know this woman and one glance from her makes me feel happy. If I had ever felt even the tiniest part of this with Miriam… Zoe's attention was pulled away by the game and Lexi felt her vision snap back to normal. She clutched the bar until her balance returned.
Zoe's poise fragmented and she lost Game #5. Lexi saw her become indecisive and graceless and wondered if Zoe had seen something in her face that had upset her. As her opponent readied for the break in Game #6, Zoe caught her eye with a shrug and a smile. Lexi smiled back encouragingly as Zoe tapped a man for a cigarette. He offered a light and Zoe shook her head.
Lexi wondered what she was doing as she stuck it in her mouth and turned back to the game. She could see that Zoe was drawing air through it now and then and Lexi didn't think it offered the same effects if it wasn't lit, but her game immediately improved. She had to wor
k for it, but she took her fourth game and the bar cheered her.
Zoe tucked the unsmoked cigarette behind her ear and took her stick apart before putting it in a case. Lexi finished her third drink and considered before ordering another one. Two other women moved towards the table and Zoe picked up her things. Lexi waited anxiously as Zoe made her way through the room to her side.
"Congratulations."
"Thanks." Zoe set her case on the bar and asked the bartender for another bottle of water, then asked him to hold her case behind the bar. "So," she said as she turned back to Lexi, "I expected to see Miriam here with you."
"I don't recall you inviting me to bring her."
"I didn't, but I still expected to see her with you."
"We're not dating anymore." Lexi watched Zoe carefully and while her face didn't change, Lexi could feel her satisfaction.
"Whose idea was that?"
"Mine," Lexi admitted. Wanting to change the subject, she indicated the pool table with a nod of her head. "Will you be playing the winner of this game in the final?"
"Yes, and unless she breaks an arm, the one with the flowery vest is going to win."
"You sound pretty sure."
Zoe grinned. "I'm positive. And I predict she'll beat me, too."
"Well, that's no way to think. She'll beat you for sure if you believe she will."
Zoe laughed. "That's Elizabeth Flynn. She's the best player in this part of the state. She only plays in tournaments so this is a great opportunity for me to see how good I really am. If I can win two games off of her I'll be thrilled and if I only win one I'll still go home happy."
"She's that good?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Shouldn't you be studying her game or something?"
Zoe kept her eyes on Lexi as she took a drink of her water. "Or something sounds better. Do you want to take a short walk?"
Cricket came to mind and she suggested that they let him run around for a bit. They ended up slowly pacing the alley beside the bar while Cricket ran around sniffing everything.
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