She trailed off as fresh tears filled her eyes and she covered her mouth with a shaky hand.
“He’d be proud of you for following orders,” Malcolm finished for her. “I get it.”
After all his years in the military and then the CIA, he knew the comfort of following orders all too well. Some people wouldn’t understand it. They’d see them as mindless sheep but they didn’t know the reassurance of having a direct purpose in times of crisis. It made it easier to fight back the panic and fear. There was no time for them when you had a mission to complete.
“You and me, we’re good, alright?”
She nodded, using the heel of her hand to wipe away her tears. “I swear there’s nothing else I’m keeping from you. It’s all out there now. No more secrets.”
He believed her. She was ready to let go of that final familiar piece of the old world and accept her place in this new world. They still had a ways to go to heal the wounds that had been inflicted on the group today but this was a good first step.
“At the risk of ruining this nice moment we’re having, there isn’t going to be any bad blood with Veronica, right?”
Her smile disappeared as she pressed her lips together in a tight line, her red rimmed eyes darkening. “No, but I have some very real concerns about her. She was out of control today.”
Malcolm frowned at that. “You spent enough time talking to her before all this. In your professional opinion, do you believe she’s a danger?”
“I believe that she will do whatever it takes to protect the people she cares about. I don’t think she’s a danger to you or any of your group,” she told him, her voice taking on that professional tone he was familiar with from his sessions with her in the loft, “But anyone else? I think she poses a very big danger to them.”
He weighed those words. In the old world it would be a worry but it might be an advantage now. If she could be focused against an enemy. That was useful in this world.
“I’d normally recommend that I have more sessions with her but I doubt that would go over well,” Angela added. “She’s unlikely to trust me now and you need to trust your psychologist.”
“I’ll talk to her,” he said. “I’m familiar with combat soldiers’ issues.”
He’d seen more than a few of his friends lose themselves after they had served. He'd even stood at that the edge himself. Yes, it was familiar territory for him.
“You might want to avoid her though for the next few days,” he added. “I’m not exactly up to your calibre when it comes to mental health.”
“Don’t worry, I don’t have any plans of us becoming friends any time soon,” Angela said. “The gun-pointed-at-each-other isn’t really a scenario that makes for BFFs.”
Malcolm managed a small smile. “I don’t know, that’s how Veronica and Jackson met. You might do okay with her.”
Angela laughed. “We’ll see about that. Now you should get to watch or you’ll be late.”
He glanced at his watch and saw she was right. He had five minutes before he was due out at the boathouse. Still, looking at Angela’s blotchy face and drying tears, he felt bad leaving her alone. She seemed to read his thoughts as she touched his shoulder.
“I’m okay, really. You are right about hope. I’m not going to lose it.” Malcolm still hesitated and nudged him. “Get going. You’re supposed to relieve my girlfriend. She can’t come here until you get out there.”
He smiled and nodded. “Gotcha. Have a good night.”
“I will.”
Malcolm let the screen door slap closed behind him and he felt lighter leaving than he had coming to the cabin. The secrets were out in the open and they were all on the same page.
It was like he had said out at the dock. They had a clean slate now and he would make sure they worked together from here on out.
Subject File #743:
Administrator: So, how are you dealing with our newest arrivals?
Subject: I’m beyond happy to have Travis back, of course, and meeting the Reyes has been wonderful.
Administrator: But...
Subject: But it’s made Alan’s death fresh again. I thought I’d moved past the mourning and accepted his death but I’m starting to realize I might never move past losing him.
Jenny faced the cabin, her arms full of neatly folded sheets and her feet too scared to move.
She felt like an idiot. She didn’t even have to be here. No one had asked her to do this.
She’d been the one to think of bringing fresh sheets to the cabin that Travis and the Reyes family had taken. There was just something about fresh clean sheets and Jenny thought it would be a nice welcoming gift for them.
And maybe she had been looking for a reason to come out to the cabin. She had talked plenty with Travis at the lodge. They had shared stories of their time on the road but they hadn’t talked about what really mattered.
Alan.
She knew she owed it to him to tell him the whole story of what happened to his brother. So here she was, ready to bring up that painful story, the sheets in her hands just an excuse.
At least she thought she had been ready. Now that she was here, she couldn’t force herself to climb the steps and knock on the door. She might owe him the truth but the idea of reliving it terrified her.
She took a deep breath and forced her fear back down, absentmindedly rubbing a hand over her belly as she felt the baby move. She had been particularly active today, the kicking and squirming reassuring to Jenny. It told her the baby was healthy and that was something she had relied on for comfort since Alan had died. The baby was the last of her family, or so she thought. Travis might not be her blood but he was still family.
The reminder of the life inside her gave her the strength to climb the steps to the door. One day she would have to tell her child about her father and how he died. She needed to get used to telling the story. The whole truth of the story.
She confidently knocked on the door, not giving herself a chance to second guess herself.
Mateo answered the door, his dark hair flopping across his forehead and he pushed it out of his eyes.
“Hello, Mrs. Wakefield,” he greeted her and swung the door open wide to invite her inside.
The cabin was like the others, the main room with a big couch done in dark colours and matching arm chairs. A table and chairs sat near the small kitchenette, Javier occupying one of the chairs as he unpacked the bags on the table. Travis came through one of the bedroom doors at the back of the cabin, his eyebrows knit together with concern.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I figured you’d want some of the clean sheets,” she said, gesturing to the load in her arms. “I know there were ones packaged in the closet but they can be scratchy until they’ve had a wash or two.”
“You shouldn’t be doing this.” Travis crossed the room and took the sheets from her arms. “You should be resting.”
“They aren’t that heavy,” Jenny replied, “And I like taking a walk at night when it’s cooler.”
Raquel emerged from the bathroom, a smile on her face. “Travis, leave her be. Pregnant women aren’t fragile. If we’re strong enough to create a human life, we’re strong enough to carry some sheets.”
Raquel took the sheets from Travis, leaning down and inhaling deeply before smiling. “They smell like summer.”
“We have a dryer at the clinic but we prefer to leave them out on the line,” Jenny said.
“Thank you very much,” Raquel said. “I thought it was going to be paradise just sleeping on a mattress again. Freshly laundered sheets means I’ll be in heaven. I’ll go put them on the beds.”
“Let me help,” Jenny said but Raquel waved her off.
“No need. Javier can help me and the boys can make their own,” Raquel said, looking pointedly at the men in her family. It must have been a familiar look for them because they all got up without protest. “You and Travis should go out, enjoy the night air. It’s good for t
he baby.”
Jenny was thankful for Raquel picking up on her need to speak to Travis alone. Travis politely offered his good arm to her, helping her down the front steps of the cabin and onto the path.
He looked up at the clear sky and she did the same, her breath catching in her throat as she took in the spray of stars there. Here, without the lights of cities, the stars were blinding. Though she supposed that even in the heart of New York City the stars looked like this now.
She kept her hand in the crook of the arm he offered, wanting to enjoy the connection with him. He was the only piece of her old life that she had and she didn’t want to let go just yet. She knew that what she had to tell Travis would change things between them. She wanted to take advantage of what time she had left before it happened.
Not that it would last much longer.
“You okay, Jen?”
She looked up at him, recognizing the familiar features that he shared with his brother. The same curve of jaw, the dimple in the chin, their father’s eyebrows...but the eyes beneath them were different. Those weren’t her husband’s eyes staring back at her.
“I have to tell you about what happened with Alan.”
“You want to sit down?”
She shook her head. “I’d rather walk.”
It gave her body something to do. She knew she couldn’t stay still while she did this.
She turned them towards the cove on the north side of the island. She liked to walk along the beach at night, watching the flashes of silver as fish leapt from the water. There was always a nice breeze and the lap of water against the sand was calming. She needed that now.
He didn’t push her to speak as they walked down the path, letting the silence between them be filled with the sounds of the night insects. The branches of the trees that hung over the path felt oppressive to her and it was only when the trees gave way to the open beach that she felt at ease again. Now she could talk.
She took a deep breath and plunged into it, knowing there was no easy way to say it.
“When we were heading north, the group went to find gas and some more cars. Alan went with them but then things went wrong and he ended up leaving them behind.”
She heard Travis curse under his breath.
“They made it back, obviously, but everyone was mad at Alan, even me.”
Her breath caught as tears filled her eyes, remembering that night and the things she had said to him as she railed against his cowardice.
She had rarely raised her voice with Alan in all the years they were together but that night she had forced him into one of the cars where she could yell at him in privacy. She regretted that now. If she had known how little time she had left with him, she would have bit her tongue. Whatever her husband had been, she had loved him.
“I said things to him. I was just so mad. He was supposed to be better than that and I couldn’t see past what I wanted him to be to see that he was scared.”
“When he went out with the others again, I know he kept those words in his mind. He risked his life for someone else and he paid the price for it.”
She dissolved into tears, her voice gone as her throat tightened with emotion. Travis put an arm around her, pulling her against him as she cried.
“Jenny, that’s not your fault,” he told her. “You know Alan. He only ever did exactly what he wanted. He never let anyone else call the shots for him.”
“That’s not all of it,” she admitted. “When we found out he was infected, some of the others considered putting him out of his misery. I kept insisting that he could get better. I pretended that I thought he could be the exception, that he’d fight it off, but that wasn’t the real reason. I wanted the chance to apologize, to say goodbye. I was selfish and I put him through so much pain.”
The tears became uncontrollable, falling from her eyes to track down her cheeks and drip off her chin. She couldn’t speak anymore, her throat tight enough that she could barely draw through a breath.
“Hey, it’s not selfish,” he told her. “I know my brother. He wouldn’t want mercy. He would have wanted to fight every step of the way. I know that’s why he abandoned the others. Alan wanted to live as long as he could no matter what.”
She swallowed several times, trying to catch her breath and clear her throat. She had started this and she needed to finish it. This would be the last thing she needed to tell him before he could decide if the way he saw her had changed.
“I was the one who did it. When the virus changed him, I was the one who ended it for him,” she confessed.
Travis stared at her for a moment, his features blank, and his eyes scanning her face. Whatever he read there had his eyes flashing with sadness.
“I should have been there to do it. You shouldn’t have had to.”
“Malcolm wanted to but he was my husband.”
She kept her head down, no longer able to look him in the eye. He reached out and lifted her chin with a single finger. When their eyes met, she saw the same caring eyes she had known for years staring back at her.
“You are a very strong woman, Jenny Wakefield.”
He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and she could hear his sharp intake of breath, inhaling the scent of her hair. She sensed a change in him and something she had always tried to ignore came out of her mind’s woodwork to face her.
She wasn’t blind, though she had been late in realizing his feelings for her. She had probably always known deep down, but it had taken seeing him on the day of her wedding to acknowledge it.
He had come to her in the bridal suite at the church as she was getting ready. Alan had sent him there, obeying the tradition of not seeing her before she was walking down the aisle. Travis had carried a jewellery box in his hands, a pair of pearl earrings from Alan, but his eyes had been focused on her. The look he had given her when he saw her in her dress had taken her breath away. There was love there and not the sweet kind a man has for his brother’s wife.
But all he had done was hand over the gift and tell her it was from Alan and that he couldn’t wait to see his bride. He had said nothing of his own feelings and she had been happy to follow his lead and never acknowledge it.
Now wasn’t the time either.
She extracted herself from his arms, wiping her tears away. “I just wanted you to know all of it and I wanted to say that I’m glad you are here.”
Her hand slipped down to her round tummy, caressing it. “And I’m glad that if Alan’s child can’t know him, he can know you. You can tell her all about Alan and your family.”
“Her?” Travis looked at her wide eyed. “Do you...”
Jenny shook her head with a rueful smile. “I don’t know for sure. I’ve just taken to calling the baby ‘her.’ I should stop, I’m probably wrong.”
Travis smiled at her. “You keep doing what makes you happy. You deserve to be happy.”
She hoped she could be. She hadn’t felt truly happy since before all this happened. She wanted to be happy. She wanted her child to have a happy mother, one who could laugh and smile and not look at the world as a death trap.
Travis turned to face the water, his hands on his hips. “It is a beautiful place here.”
“It is,” she said.
This place was beautiful and it existed even with the world the way it was now. Travis had come back to them, alive and whole. She carried a new life inside her. There was happiness in this world and she would show that to her child.
Subject File #744
Subject: I’m worried about all these conflicts in the group and what it might do to us.
Administrator: Well, Malcolm did offer everyone clean slates. It might help.
Subject: You know just as well as I do that it’s one thing to say you’ll forgive and forget and another to actually do it. I just don’t want us to be fighting amongst ourselves. There are too many enemies out there for us to be fighting with each other.
“Hell of a way to wake up.”
Ki
m let out a breathy chuckle at Malcolm’s smug, satisfied tone, running a hand over his sweaty chest. She had woken up that morning hungry for him and she had taken advantage of the fact that Trey had spent the night in Craig’s cabin. It had been easy to wake Malcolm up with open mouthed kisses over his body and she had no qualms about mounting him so that they would both start the morning happy.
She rolled off him, enjoying the feeling of the cool sheets on her damp skin. Though she wouldn’t trade their first night together in that tent out on the road for anything, there was something to be said for making love in an actual bed.
“I wish we could stay like this all day,” she sighed as she curled herself next to him, an idle hand running up and down his arm.
“We could,” he said, cupping a hand around her breast.
“Someone would come looking for us eventually.”
“We’ll lock the door.”
He nuzzled her neck, his soft lips teasing the sensitive spot there. It was tempting to agree but she knew they didn’t have the luxury of staying in bed all day. Maybe one day in the future but not now.
“You really think they’d let a locked door stop them?”
“Come on, they’d be fine with us taking some time to ourselves.”
She raised a single eyebrow. “With all the work we have to do today?”
He considered it for a beat and grinned. “Yeah, they’d smoke us out if they had to.”
“Better get moving then,” she said with a pat on his chest before she climbed out of bed. She heard him sigh behind her as she went to the dresser to get fresh clothes and the bed springs creaked as he got up.
She took a moment to admire the clean lines of his strong back, his dark skin rippling over his muscles. God, he was beautiful. She turned away, not wanting to be tempted to give in and end up late for breakfast.
“How do you think things will be today?” she asked.
The Complex (The Omega Protocol Chronicles Book 3) Page 5