“Thank you for dining with us,” Simon said as he cleared off our plates.
“Everything was great. Thank you,” Ty responded as he left the tip on the table and put on his suit jacket.
Coming around the table, Ty helped me out of my chair and held the curtain open for me to exit our private cove. Although we could hear through the curtain, we certainly couldn’t see how packed the restaurant had become during our meal. I wanted to tell him about Emanuel. I wanted to be upfront with him. But after the food came, Simon told a joke which lightened the mood. Once Simon left, Ty started asking me questions about my life in Bakersfield. I asked him about business and Boston and I soaked in everything he wanted to tell me. It felt good to converse and reconnect with him. And because there was never a lull in the conversation, the timing was never right for my confession.
Once we exited the restaurant, I stood by the door and watched Ty as he gave his ticket to the valet. Taking in my surroundings, I noticed a couple of women who stood nearby throwing appreciative glances his way. I know right, I thought as my eyes returned to his muscular form draped in a designer suit. He truly is a beautiful man. And he’s mine.
As if hearing my thoughts, Ty turned and looked at me as he continued his conversation with the valet. His eyes slowly scanned my body. The late September breeze whipped around me and I wasn’t sure if the chill that traveled down my spine was from the wind or from the look he gave me. Each step he took toward me caused a fluttering deep in my belly. His eyes didn’t stray from mine and when he reached me, he stopped.
“I don’t think I told you how beautiful you look tonight,” Ty whispered as he walked around me as if he were stalking his prey. As his thumb touched the leather strap down the center of my back, his fingers just barely grazed my skin.
“You’re shivering,” he said from behind me, his breath on my neck. He trailed his hands down my arms over the goose bumps that covered them. Slipping his jacket off, he put it on me. Continuing his walk around me, he fixed the collar of the jacket and then pulled me closer. My breathing faltered as I was pressed against his hard body. “Is that better?” he asked quietly.
He’s so close, I thought as my eyes dropped to his lips and I nodded. I can’t read his expression. I don’t know what he wants. But I want to kiss him. I can’t tell him the truth without kissing him one last time.
Meeting his eyes again, I let out a breathy puff of air. Although his face was calm and unmoving, his eyes burned with longing. He wants to kiss me too, I realized as his eyes danced between my eyes and my lips. His chest was rising and falling in time with mine. We were mere inches apart. His hand came up and moved the stray hairs that had blown onto my face. Everywhere he touched ignited my skin. My lips inadvertently parted when he licked his.
“Sir? Your car is here,” the valet announced from the curb, ripping us from our moment.
Breaking eye contact, I looked around Ty to the man holding the keys to the blue Mercedes. Ty’s body visibly deflated as he let out a deep breath before flashing me his trademark sexy smile. Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he walked me to the already opened passenger side door and helped me in. After he closed the door, I heard ‘Fall For Your Type’ playing through his speakers as he tipped the valet attendant. I took a deep breath and my gut twisted. He must have been listening to this when he got out of the car. Is this how he feels? I wondered as I reflected on the lyrics. My eyes followed him around the front of the car until he was seated next to me.
“I’m sorry to eat and run,” Ty started as he pulled away from the curb and headed in the direction of my apartment building. “But I need to get on the road in order to make the meeting I called.”
“Don’t be sorry. I know you have things to take care of. I’m just glad that you were able to stop by and talk in person.” I rested my head back on the leather headrest and stare at his profile.
Glancing over at me, Ty’s eyebrows drew together briefly, “Why are you staring at me like that?” His eyes returned to the road as the car smoothly accelerated.
“You could be a model, you know that?”
Shaking his head, he laughed, “Is that right?”
“Absolutely. You’re perfect,” I affirmed with a smile. And not just physically, I acknowledged silently as I turned my head and looked out the window. He’s a really good man. He’s driven. He’s successful. He’s kind. He’s everything a woman could ever want. He’s perfect for me. Absolutely… “Perfect,” I whispered.
“I’m not perfect, Sahara,” Ty responded. His hand found mine and squeezed.
With our fingers interlocked, I stroked the side of his hand with my thumb. “I think you are.”
“I think you’ve had too much to drink.”
I laughed loudly as I turned my head back to face him. “I’m not drunk. I’m serious!”
Ty gave me a look as if to say ‘yeah right’ which only made me laugh harder.
Glancing at me, Ty smiled, “I love that sound.”
“What sound?” I asked, still winded from the bout of laughter.
“Your laugh. I can’t get enough of it.”
“I don’t know what to say to that,” I responded softly, looking down at our joined hands in my lap. My heart fluttered and I was overcome with familiar feelings of love and contentment. How is it that he can render me speechless with very few words? I wondered as I smiled to myself. Absolutely perfect.
“You don’t have to say anything baby girl,” he said.
Cutting the music up, we rode the rest of the way to my apartment in silence. When we pulled up in front of One38, I gathered the nerve to ask him what I’d been nervous to ask him all night. I had hoped he’d bring it up, but since he didn’t, I guess I have to suck it up and ask. Inhale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Exhale 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, I thought as he put the car in park and got out. He walked around the car and opened my door. He took my hand and helped me out of the car. As soon as he closed the door behind me and turned back to face me, I blurted out, “What happened to you in the accident, Ty?”
Clearly not expecting the question, Ty froze briefly before rubbing the back of his neck and reclining against his car. His body looked both deflated and tense at the same time. He answered shortly, “It was a five car pileup. I told you that.”
“No, I know that,” I said quietly, looking down. Taking a step closer to him, I met his eyes again. “What happened to you? When you were in the hospital, Bennett wouldn’t tell me anything specific. And he prohibited any hospital staff from speaking to me.”
Ty looked past me to the front door of the building. I stared at him and just waited. He swallowed hard before he met my eyes again and shrugged. “Back sprain and collapsed lung.”
I gasped and covered my mouth with my right hand. Slowly removing my hand from my mouth, I placed it on his chest. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t…”
Cupping my face with his hands, he walked closer to me until our bodies were pressed together. Searching my eyes, he said, “You have nothing to be sorry about Sahara.”
“I just feel—”
“Stop,” Ty interrupted pleadingly. “Stop blaming yourself for things that you have no control over.”
My eyes filled with tears instantly as he continued, “The person in the car behind me was texting and the car in front of the car in front of me slammed on breaks suddenly. It happened fast and I don’t remember much about it. You didn’t have anything to do with any of that.”
I took a ragged breath before saying, “I hate the thought of you being hurt.”
“I hate the thought of being without you,” he whispered as he wiped a tear from my cheek, kissing the spot he just wiped.
My heart skipped a beat and I was forced to close my eyes because it was too much. The feelings, the emotions, the guilt, it was all too much. I have to tell him about Emanuel. I have to tell him, I thought fanatically as I struggled to get enough air into my lungs. The tears burned my throat and I fought to keep any more tears from esca
ping my tightly shut lids. I’m going to open my eyes and tell him on three. One. Two. Thr—
My thoughts were interrupted when I felt his soft lips press against mine. As soon as the kiss started, my mind went blank. He held my face steady between his hands, cradling my head. The kiss was painstakingly slow. His movements were purposeful and sweet. He savored me and I melted into him. My hands wrapped around him and fisted the back of his shirt, pressing us even closer together. The butterflies migrated from my heart to my belly. I moaned into his mouth and he took that opportunity to slip his tongue in. As soon as his tongue touched mine, everything inside me clenched. I moaned again.
He moved his hands underneath his jacket onto my bare back causing my skin to hum. The warmth of his hands against my back and the longing in his kiss broke me down. He pulled away and when I met his eyes, I saw the Tyree Barker I met in May. I saw the Tyree Barker who gave me strength. I saw the Tyree Barker who opened me up. I saw the Tyree Barker who brought me back to life.
Without thinking, I said, “I lo—”
“This is a loading zone. I need you to move your vehicle. We have a delivery coming,” the new One38 security officer interrupted, causing me to jump slightly.
Suddenly the Friday night flurry of activity came into focus. There were people milling about, heading to nearby restaurants and bars. The security officer looked annoyed as he grimaced at us until we untangled from one another.
“Okay, I’m leaving now,” Ty said gruffly before turning back to me. “What were you about to say?”
As if awakening from one of my nightmares, I felt panicked. He told me he wanted to take it slow and five minutes later I try to slip in a I love you! We hadn’t said it since he popped up at my apartment and we discussed my letter to him. I need to get my emotions in control. I don’t want to scare him off or make him reconsider his decision to try again. I want this to work. Ty is the perfect man and I’ve already wronged him once, I don’t want to give him any reason to not want this to work, I thought as I struggled to keep the smile on my face. The heart was racing from the kiss and from the panic attack that was bubbling under the surface.
“I can’t remember,” I said with a forced laugh, glancing at the security guard who was watching us impatiently. “Will I see you again soon?”
Ty planted three small pecks on my lips before he said, “What do you think?”
I don’t know, I thought with uncertainty as I tried to smile and nod.
Seeing through my facade, he looked deeply into my eyes before kissing me softly. “It’ll only be a few days before I’m back up here.”
“Okay.” My voice was barely above a whisper. I reached up and kissed him again.
“Sir, the truck is a few minutes out. I need you to relocate or I will have to write you a ticket,” the security officer barked.
Ty gave the officer a threatening look before I touched his face and brought him back to me. “You can’t be late for your meeting and I don’t want you to have to rush. Call me to let me know you made it please. I need to know you make it there okay.” My eyes welled up with tears as I pleaded with him.
“I will call you as soon as I park, baby girl,” Ty promised, kissing me one last time before getting into his car and pulling away from the curb.
I watched the back of his car until I could no longer see it anymore. Moments later, a large delivery truck pulled into the spot he had just vacated. I let out a sigh before turning to head back into the apartment building. Once inside the confines of my apartment, I immediately pulled my phone out of my clutch to call Emily.
“Hey!” Emily answered on the first ring. “I was seriously just about to call you!”
“That’s funny! What are you doing?” I asked as I walked into the bedroom to take off my shoes.
“I am drinking wine to drown out the sound of my students screaming. Teaching and then pulling a bunch of hours at the studio wore me out this week! I have some wedding stuff to ask you about, are you busy?”
“I’m all yours,” I proclaimed as I peeled off my dress to put on my yoga pants and T-shirt.
“So I’m doing all this wedding stuff and I need help! Help me,” Emily whined humorously.
Laughing, I responded, “What do you need? I’ve already planned your bachelorette party for the weekend of December 27th. Now you just have to let me know the names and addresses of everyone you want to be invited. Since that’s done, I can take over any other detail you need help with. Lay it on me.”
“There are three things that I want to ask you about and they are kind of huge and I want you to say yes but no pressure,” Emily started apprehensively.
“I’m not going to lie, that just made me nervous,” I joked as I got comfortable in the bed.
Emily laugh was forced. “Don’t be nervous. Just keep an open mind.”
My stomach sank. “What’s going on Em?”
“Well I found my dress! It’s a black silk and organza Vera Wang mermaid gown. It. Is. Perfection,” Emily squealed.
“It sounds beautiful! Send me a picture.” I relaxed a little as I climbed out of bed to find my laptop. It was on the coffee table in the living room so I set up shop there.
“Already sent. Now here comes what I need to talk to you about. I know what dress I want you to wear. It’s a form fitting knee length color blocked dress. The top is white satin and the bottom is black satin. It looks like a sexy tuxedo.”
I laughed, “Sounds good. Why do you sound so sketched out about it?”
“Well… I haven’t been able to find it anywhere. So it’ll have to get made. And I talked with a designer and it’ll cost almost $1000. And I know you aren’t hurting for cash or anything, but that’s $1000 for one dress.”
“Are you serious Em? You’re giving me an anxiety attack over a dress?! Of course I’ll pay whatever I need to pay in order for you to have your perfect day.”
Exhaling loudly into the receiver, Emily shrieked again. “Oh my God! Sahara, you are amazing! I know $1000 is a lot for a bridesmaid dress but I promise you’ll be able to wear it again and again. It’s going to be fabulous. Promise!”
“I believe you and it is not a problem at all. I’d do anything for you girl! Now what’s the second and third thing you wanted to talk to me about?” I logged into my email account and Emily’s email was the only one in my inbox. Granted, she is the only person who has my personal email address, I thought as I clicked on the attachment. A beautiful black gown that was both classy and sexy popped onto my screen. “Oh Emily… this is beautiful. You are going to be the most beautiful bride anyone has ever seen.”
“Thank you! And I changed my mind about the theme. Instead of winter wonderland, I am going with Phantom of the Opera. I want it dramatic and I’m having it at The Smoke Room. Depending on the weather, I might utilize the roof top. It’s going to be incredible.”
“Sounds like it!”
“So the second thing is that I’m going to need my best friend to help get everything prepared so I wanted to know if instead of you coming down on December 27th, would you be able to come a couple days earlier?”
“Like on December 25th?” I asked slowly.
“Yes. Please,” Emily begged.
I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to say yes but nothing came out. I wanted to say yes. I wanted to be there for her. But I’m scared, I thought as I closed my mouth and let the silence settle over the phone. I don’t celebrate the holidays with anyone anymore. Dad and I would spend Christmas Eve together just the two of us and then on Christmas Day, we’d have dinner with the Mills family, I reminisced. So since Dad died, I’ve always spent Christmas alone. I don’t know if I’m ready to change that now.
“Sahara?”
I cleared my throat. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“Will you think about it?”
“Yes. I’ll think about it.” I shut down my laptop and curled my feet under me. “Now you had one more thing I believe?” I asked, hoping to change the s
ubject.
“Yes, the last thing is…,” she paused nervously, causing me to tense up. If going to Thomasville for Christmas was her second request, I can’t imagine what this is going to be, I thought, fearing the worst. “I want you to sing at the reception. For our first dance.”
“I’d love to!” I exclaimed, feeling the tension being chased away from my body by excitement. “It would be an honor! Do you know what song?”
“I believe so but I need to finalize it before I let you guys know. They’re all songs you know though.”
“Sounds good, Em. I can’t wait!” I enthused with genuine excitement.
“Good! There’s just one tiny thing...”
“What’s that?”
She cleared her throat before she said, “You’ll be singing with Manny.”
Chapter 22
Sucking in a deep breath of air, I startled awake violently. I thrashed around as if I were drowning, kicking the comforter off of my body. When I opened my eyes, I was suddenly overcome with dizziness. My heart pounded in my chest and a thin layer of sweat coated my skin. My mouth was dry and my head throbbed. Loud, rasping cries escaped my lips and I choked on my tears. When the realization of being at home in bed settled in, I tried to calm myself but I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs. Remembering what Dr. Summers said, I didn’t fight it. I let myself fall into the panic attack.
I haven’t had that dream since I started therapy, I thought as the majority of the symptoms of my attack subsided. What could’ve made it resurface? Looking at the clock, I pulled myself out of bed and made my way to the living room. Rubbing my eyes, I opened the laptop. When the internet search box popped up, I typed in Emanuel Mills and hesitated to hit the search button.
Ty called when he was pulling into his parking space at Jimmy’s. He called again when he made it back to Libby Lofts. But I hadn’t spoken to Emanuel since Emily’s driveway. I avoided his calls and I deleted his voicemails until he just stopped calling altogether, but I needed to know that he’s alright. The last time I had that nightmare was right after Ty’s accident. For weeks, I woke up in my new apartment shattered and fatigued from the panic attacks. Every night I would go through the nightmarish scenario, watching them die right in front of me. Every day I would relive the real-life scenario of almost losing them in car accidents. Fortunately, soon after therapy started, the nightmares stopped. The fact that the nightmare had returned made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
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